I stood on the top of a tall block of apartments and just stared down at the world going on around me. People driving to work, people walking down the street – how was everyone else coping with life so well?
A couple walked down the street below me, holding hands, giggling and laughing. I watched, not feeling quite in sync with the world.
I was considering jumping, jumping to my death. No-one would really miss me would they? Sure the fans would be upset for a while but they would get over it. I just hold Phil back, always have. I was useless, completely useless. I couldn't even manage my YouTube job, I was always behind.
I thought back to my years in school, how I spent the entire time convincing myself the outside world would be easier – more open for me to be me. How I would grow into this amazing important person. School wasn't all bad, I had a couple of good friends. I wasn't bullied, in fact I was never really paid attention too. I felt like I was drowning, finding it hard to show people who I really am. Or maybe I was just scared too, what people thought of me mattered so much that I never really got to be me. Always itching to be one of those popular ones, going out to parties. It was all so superficial now that I think about it.
My life wasn't all bad, I met Phil just as I was in a vicious circle of being a regular person. I was going to university, doing homework, spending time on the internet – all normal stuff that just wasn't me. He convinced me to do things I never had the guts to do, he pushed me to make some of the best decisions of my life. Without Phil, I'd have been miserable. As much as it sounds cliché, meeting him was one of the best things to ever happen to me.
The cold air hit my face and caused my hair to be blown off my face. I had goosebumps, I probably should have brought a jacket. For the first time of being up on the roof I noticed I was shaking, my legs, my hands, I was jittering. The sky looked so dull, like it could rain any minute. Those people down their would probably whip out their umbrellas or jump in their cars. Not me, I would probably stand in it and catch a cold – I guess that was the difference between us.
My whole life felt like an out of body experience, like I was watching someone else do everything. Watching someone else work their way through life emotionless, doing everything because they thought that's what life was: going by the norm. Do you ever feel like your running, but going nowhere?
Would anyone miss me if I jumped? Would anyone miss me if I just got on a plane and went somewhere far away?
"I would miss you Dan" Said a voice behind me.
I turned around, it was Phil standing at the door that lead to the roof, holding my jacket. He walked towards me and chucked me my jacket, he didn't seem startled or scared, he kept his usual facial expression.
"Don't do it" He said, shoving his hands in his pockets.
I swallowed a lump in my throat and tried to speak.
"You think you have nothing to live for? Live for me, live for YouTube and your Danosaurs. I believed in you from the start Dan, always have always will" He said.
I stepped away from the edge, only just realizing now how high up I was. I felt dizzy. I walked towards Phil, he gave me his usual Phil glance. He wrapped his arms around me and I buried my head in his chest. Neither of us cried, maybe we were both too startled to show any real emotion. I pulled away and looked at him.
"And for future reference, as much as you think I saved you, it's the other way around: you saved me Daniel Howell" Phil said.
The end.
