SLAM!! The sound of the door being crashed shut seemed to reverberate
throughout her head like a bomb going off. Debra winced, everything felt
amplified to her, like the volume was turned up to maximum. Why had Steve
had to shut the door with such force?
"Because he couldn't hit you because he thought you were asleep" a sly
voice in her head sounded
True, she had feigned even breaths and kept her eyes closed while he got
up, dressed and ate breakfast before leaving, had she done that to escape
his fisted rage? Maybe, maybe it was to escape his barbed comments that
stung her deeply. She tried to sit up in bed, not a good idea, pain
screamed out from her back, forcing her to lie back down again. That was
why she'd slept uncomfortably on her back all night, the pain. She touched
her back gently, it felt sore and tender. Carefully, she rolled over onto
her stomach and backed out till her feet touched the smooth wooden
floorboards below. The coldness of the air sent chills throughout her skin,
she shivered and straightened out, biting her lip to stop from shouting
from the pain. Pulling a towel robe on, she walked slowly through to the
kitchen, tying the robe around her waist as she did.
It was too light. She hurriedly pulled the blinds down over the large
sunny windows. That was better. She was sure she'd pulled the blinds down
last night but then Steve had come back late from the tavern and had
probably pulled them up knowing how it would affect her in the morning, she
was not a morning person. She loved this house, decorated with their bits
and pieces, made out in dark wood and paint to counter the sunshine, it was
her haven, a place to relax, it was her's. She made herself an iced water,
squeezing some lemon in to lighten the flavour and drank it down, relishing
the coldness of it down her throat. What had she drank last night to give
herself such a pounding headache? Oh yes, that was right, after Steve had
left her to go out, she'd got some of his beer out of the fridge and drank
them down before crawling into bed alone. How pathetic, it was like some
sort of film about someone growing old disgracefully, having to turn to
drink to make themselves happy and escape from reality. But she didn't, she
was trying to escape her husband.
Putting the glass down, she went to the bathroom for a shower to
freshen up. She didn't want to look in the mirror, to see the damage. She
lifted her head. Her reflection stared back wide-eyed. Her skin was pale,
especially against the white of the robe, her eyes dark by contrast,
especially because of the magnificent bruise around one of them. It was
deep purple like a ripe plum was, roughly circular and soft. She touched
it, ouch! She went back to the kitchen and grabbed the ice from the glass
she'd drunk from before going back to the bathroom. Applying the ice to it
felt good, very good, the bruise seemed to glow with inner heat beneath the
ice. She knew it would work, ice always brought bruising down, something
she'd learnt backstage. She turned to view her back in the mirror, dropping
the robe and pulled her nightwear up. It was like a trail down her back,
her skin punctuated by smudgy dark red marks ,some purple by now, no wonder
they hurt. No tears she told herself no tears. She was going to run a
shower and then run away. Simple as that. Simple? If only. So much had
happened, corporate meetings, being whisked away on a plane by Steve, and
then the beatings. Only she knew the reason. Some how it had leaked out to
the internet, people knew what he was doing to her and neither of them
would comment.
So much had happened in past few years and years before that even.
Before Steve and after. Maybe now, before she attempted to close the door
on this chapter of her life, she should review the rest of them. Explore
what had led to this. Maybe it would stop the drinking and bruising and the
pain, maybe it wouldn't.
"Right out off a talk show" her voice sounded off the tiled walls.
She knew she had to do this and she knew she had to leave. After her
shower, she would start, maybe write it down for Steve to read, if he
bothered, after he found her gone. Who knew. She just knew now was the time
to go back over the past instead of shoving it into a suitcase and packing
it away hoping never to see it again. Maybe that had got her to this place
in her life anyhow. It was time to release.
