Characters: Momo Hinamori, Shinji Hirako, Aizen Sōsuke
Summary: Hinamori reflects on her time under Aizen and her new captain.
Of Illusion and Inversion
"Hinamori-kun, are all the documents there?"
She fumbled through the numerous scrolls she was cradling in her arms and counted them according to the ones they needed.
"Yes! They're all here." She replied back to her captain.
Her captain smiled in satisfaction, which in turn gave her satisfaction. It was always a good thing whenever she could be useful to him especially now. However, his satisfied smile gave way to a look of worry. "Are you okay, HInamori-kun? Perhaps, I should carry those instead."
"No, it's okay!" she replied hastily. "I can carry this-AH!"
As if to undercut her statement, she tripped over a pebble in that moment sending the scrolls flying out of her hand. She let out an exclamation of surprise and closed her eyes as she prepared for her impact to the floor.
Instead, she felt a hand catch her by her arms followed by strong clothed arms almost envelop her. She opened her eyes to see the white cloth of her captain's robes holding her up from the ground. Her eyes followed the white cloth all the way up to his face, whose worried eyes was visible behind his spectacles.
"Are you okay, Hinamori-kun?"
She immediately realized how close he was to her and reflexively pushed away and stood up. "I-I'm sorry, Captain Aizen!" She straightened up her uniform and looked down in embarrassment as she felt her face heat up. As she looked down, she saw the scrolls that were now in disarray on the floor.
"Ah, the scrolls!" she proclaimed in a panic. Hinamori berated herself for clumsily falling. She dared not look at her captain in case he was disappointed. "I'm sorry, Captain Aizen! I'll pick them up." She crept to the floor and picked up the few closest to her and was about to pick up another when her captain beat her to it and picked it up himself. Hinamori looked up to see that he already had the rest of the scrolls on his arms.
"Ah, Captain Aizen! I can carry those. You don't have to worry-"
"Enough, Hinamori-kun." he spoke.
She felt her heart shrivel up the moment she heard those words. Captain Aizen was someone who rarely got angry and to his credit he wasn't exactly angry now, but his voice was sterner than she had ever heard it before. She looked up to see his face full of exasperation and quickly faced down again.
It was all because of that incident a few days ago. She kept repeating it in her head and wishing she had done something different; if only she had not been walking by when some of her fellow division members had been talking about her, if only she hadn't heard her name being mentioned, and if only she had decided to walk away nonetheless.
But she hadn't; she had stayed and eavesdropped on them and now their words were all she could hear.
"Man, Vice-Captain Hinamori's such a suck-up."
"I know, right? She's always putting herself in Captain Aizen's face. It's like her life revolves around him."
"Hahaha she's like a dog following her master around."
"Puppy's more like it. The captain's probably fed up with her by now."
"Hell, I'm a guy and I think she's attractive but even I would be sick of her with the way she's acting."
"Maybe she's doing other favors for him, if you know what I mean."
"Pfft, yeah right. Captain Aizen's too uptight for that. He's probably just tolerating her presence."
"Yeah, Aizen's a good captain but that Hinamori, my god."
They had went on and on after that point, not knowing that she was listening to them. When they had moved on, she had returned to her quarters and cried herself to sleep. Since then, the thought that she was merely being tolerated has been in her mind and weighing her down. She had started to question herself and her worth as a shinigami and now, she couldn't even help her captain carry some scrolls. She looked down on the floor and felt her tears starting to pool when she felt a hand pat her on the head.
"I wouldn't be a proper captain if I allowed my subordinates to do all my work for me."
She looked up at her captain, who was now smiling at her. Immediately, she felt all her worries dissipate as the smile seemed to pierce through the darkness she had felt. It seemed to entrance her that she followed along as his hand lifted her by the arm back to standing.
"HInamori-kun." he spoke again in a gentle voice. "Please do not overburden yourself for my sake. I know I'm your captain, but that doesn't mean you are my servant. If you are worried over anything, please don't hesitate to tell me."
Momo looked at her captain in awe as his kindness seemed to radiate from his being. "Okay." she replied softly to him.
Her captain seemed to be satisfied with her reply. "I'll carry these ones while you carry the rest, is that fine?"
"Yes." She replied enthusiastically.
With the matter settled, her captain turned back from her and walked again. As she followed behind him, she looked at his figure from the back; the way he walked with authority yet gentleness, the way his haori trailed after him, and the kanji '5' written on the back signifying his authority as the 5th Division's Captain.
It was an image she had seen many times, but it never failed to amaze her nonetheless. It reminded her of how perfect he was. Captain Aizen was powerful and capable, yet reserved and humble; all the things that made him the model of a perfect Shinigami. She had always strived to follow his example, although she rarely succeeded but that was okay, because he was her captain.
'That's right.' Hinamori reaffirmed in her mind as she looked forward towards her captain again. It didn't matter what anyone else thought; she knew who Captain Aizen was and trusted in his strength. He was her Captain, her role model, her source of strength.
He was perfect…
...
..
.
Momo Hinamori slowly opened her eyes to the wooden ceiling of her quarters. It took a few seconds before she registered what had happened. Slowly, she pushed herself up to a sitting position and got her feet out of her blanket.
'A dream.' More accurately, it was a memory; one of her time under Aizen's command.
She sighed in resignation. It was now almost a year and a half since Aizen's defeat yet time and time again the memories would resurface; memories that were once of comfort to her but now a source of sorrow. She supposed it was inevitable, considering how many years she had spent under Aizen's command, years she had spent chasing after his perfection only to find out the truth when it came in the form a blade piercing her chest.
Her hand reflexively went to her chest at the memory. She looked down her robe between her breasts and touched the spot where two scars remained; one from Aizen's sword, the other one, a little bit higher, was from Tōshirō's when he stabbed her under the influence of Aizen. The 4th Division healers and 12th Division doctors had done their best to heal those injuries but the scars remained as a constant reminder of her foolishness. She thought of the memory again and how happy she had been when he had showed concern for her. These scars, both courtesy of him, reminded her of the truth.
His perfection had been a lie. The kind Captain Aizen who listened to her worries, cared for her, and made her feel safe was a facade. The real Sōsuke Aizen was a cold-hearted monster who never cared for anyone but himself.
She sighed again and immediately covered the scars with her robe and got herself up. There was no time to feel bad about herself; she had already done that in the weeks following Aizen's betrayal and defeat. Those had been the toughest time of her life and she had no intention of returning to them. Right now, she needed to get ready for her duties.
Hinamori got up from her futon and set off with her morning routine. First, she went to her bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. With that done, she opened her closet where her white undergarment and black kimono was neatly folded waiting for her. The standard issue shinigami uniform made up most of her clothes, with a few differences being her sleeping robes, a festive kimono and a few clothes from the Human World that Rangiku had bought for her (though she didn't think there was an occasion in Soul Society where wearing them would be appropriate). She disrobed herself and put on the white robe carefully before the black kimono, making sure to not crease them as she did. Afterwards, she folded her sleeping robes and put them back.
With her uniform done, she put on her Vice-Captain's badge. Afterwards, she checked herself on the mirror to see if she had missed anything. Seeing nothing wrong with her uniform, she combed her hair to straighten it up, a relatively simple task now that she had cut her hair short. She was just putting on her hair clip when a knock sounded on her door.
"Please come in!" she shouted.
The door immediately slid open and a shinigami sat by the door and bowed. Hinamori quickly recognized her as the current 4th seat officer Ritsuko Yamanami.
"Good morning, Vice-Captain Hinamori."
"Good morning, Yamanami-san." she greeted back as she attached her Zanpakutō to her belt. "Do you need something?"
"Well, I wanted to see if you were awake yet." The officer raised her head but then turned to the side.
Hinamori noticed the sudden change in her demeanor and immediately became worried. "Is something wrong?"
Yamanami turned to her again. "Well, it's the Captain…"
.
.
.
Hinamori stomped all the way to the 5th Division Captain's quarters, shaking the wooden floor with each step and earning her the attention of nearby shinigamis. However, she was currently too angry to care about that. Instead, she focused on her goal as she finally reached the Captain's quarters. With her head still fuming, she loudly slid open the door.
To say the captain's room was a mess was an understatement; it looked like a typhoon had hit. Random objects were scattered on the floor, a combination of items from Soul Society and the Human World. The captain's attire, both the shinigami robes and the haori, had been lazily cast aside on the floor alongside a sheathed Zanpakutō. In the epicenter of the disaster was the subject of her anger and her commanding officer, snoring loudly while sprawled out on his messy futon with one foot sticking out from under a tangle of covers.
Captain Hirako!" she called out angrily.
Hirako stirred a bit and then went back to sleep, unaffected by her entrance.
"Captain Hirako!" she repeated again with more force.
This time it was enough to pierce his consciousness. Hirako choked up on his snore and his eyes slowly opened up. With a tired moan, he put his hand over his head and looked to where she stood with her arms crossed looking at him angrily.
"What the hell, Momo?! Don't yell so early in the mornin'!"
His words further fueled her rage. "Captain Hirako, it's already late into the morning! You have a full day's duties ahead of you today!"
"Mmmmhh." Hirako muttered lazily and made a waving gesture with his hand. "Can ya gimme some more time? I told Yamanami already I'll be up soon."
"That's not what she told me." Hinamori disputed angrily. "She told me you got angry when she tried to wake you and then you scared her away with your Hollow mask!"
Hirako looked away from her and scratched his chin. "Yeah, I guess goin' Hollow on her was a bit much. I'll apologize to her. Look, just gimme some more time. I was out late drinkin' with Shunsui last night so I'm still a little hung over."
"That is not an excuse, Captain. You should've drunk responsibly and remembered your duties."
Hirako sighed tiredly. "I know I know. Gimme a few more minutes."
"Captain Hirako-" Hinamori began.
"Captain's orders." he cut her off before going back to slumber.
Hinamori sighed. It was always something or the other with her captain. Captain Hirako wasn't necessarily a troublemaker or even a lazy captain, but his erratic behavior meant that he could be troublesome at times, as was the case right now. Those in her Division who had served under him before he was exiled from Gotei 13 had warned her that he was eccentric, but even they claimed that he wasn't as bad as he was now. Hinamori often wondered if his time away from Soul Society had an effect on his current behavior.
However, that was now of no consequence. He was currently a captain of the Gotei 13 and she would have him behave as befitting of a captain.
Even if it meant doing that against his will.
Taking a deep breath, she pushed back her sleeves and outstretched her right hand towards him with a finger pointed at his face. As she had on the days of her training, she gathered her reiryoku on the tip of her finger while making sure to keep her aim steady.
"Hadō #1. Shō!"
The energy she had gathered shot forth from her finger and reached it's intended target; Hirako's forehead. The Kidō spell exploded in a burst of kinetic energy, sending Hirako's head slightly backwards. He reacted immediately and yelled out in pain as he covered the spot where the spell had struck.
"Ow! What the hell?!"
Hinamori was unsympathetic to his pain. "I don't' have any other choice, Captain. You need to fulfill your duties."
Hirako rubbed his forehead where a bit of skin was now reddened from the impact. "Sheesh! That hurt! Look, just gimme a few more minutes and-"
He didn't get a chance to finish as Hinamori fired again from her finger, this time striking several targets from his foot, his leg, and his arms. He reacted to each attack, almost dancing in sync to the timing of each strike.
"ALRIGHT! I GET IT!" he yelled out, prompting Hinamori to stop her assault. He caught his breath as she stopped.
"Alright." he spoke while panting. That attack had been too much for his hungover body. "I'll go get ready and we'll do whatever it is we have to do today, ya happy?!"
"Okay!" Hinamori smiled, although she wished she didn't have to go to such drastic measures.
She was so caught up in her satisfaction that she didn't realize that Hirako was looking at her strangely until she caught his eyes.
"What is it, Captain Hirako?" she asked uncertainly.
"Ya gonna stand there the whole time while I'm changin'?"
She immediately became embarrassed and felt her face heat up. "Ah, I-I'm sorry. I'll be waiting outside, then." She exited the room and had slid the door back to an almost shut position when she peeked her head back in.
"Please don't sleep again." she pleaded.
"I won't." Hirako replied while waving her off. "I'm too awake now to be goin' back to sleep anyways."
Satisified with his answer, she smiled and shut the door, leaving Hirako in his room.
"Man, what a hassle…" he muttered under his breath.
.
.
.
Hirako emerged from his room around fifteen minutes later. Immediately, Hinamori inspected his appearance. He was fully dressed in his shinigami uniform and captain robes. His hair had no trace of it's messy bedhead but was neatly combed down, which was expected; one thing she had learned quickly after Hirako became captain was that he was very particular about his hair, although his sense of hairstyle remains a mystery to her. One thing that couldn't be completely erased was the hangover look on his face especially his dark sunken eyes, but she knew that wouldn't disappear immediately. It wasn't perfect but all things considered it wasn't that bad.
"That's better." she commented. "You look very proper now, Captain Hirako."
"Whatever." Shinji waved off the compliment. "What's so important that ya got me dressin' up this early anyways?"
Hinamori smiled and took out a clipboard where she had listed the various duties of the day. "Well, you haven't submitted your monthly report yet; the Captain-Commander wants it on his desk by this afternoon or you will get a penalty. There's also other paperwork you're falling behind on. After that, Captain Ōtoribashi wants to talk about having a joint training exercise with the 3rd Divi-"
"Geez, one thing at a time. I'll finish the report first; at least it'll get the old man off my back. C'mon, Momo."
Hinamori looked at him crossly. "Captain Hirako, please stop calling me Momo already when we're on duty."
"Hmmm." Hirako pondered. "So that means I can call ya Momo off-duty?"
The question took her by surprise and she felt her face heat up. "T-That's not what I mean-"
Hirako let out a chuckle. "I'm messin' with ya, Momo. C'mon, let's go to the office."
"Wait, Captain-"
She couldn't finish as Hirako had already walked off towards his office. Hinamori pouted and gave chase. Her captain always found a way to get on her nerves. Even so, she was thankful that at least she got him to do his duties and she was determined to keep it that way. She caught up with her captain and continued to list all his responsibilities for the day until they had finally reached the office. When they entered, Hirako immediately looked at his desk, which looked clean and tidy.
"I tidied it up yesterday." Hinamori spoke, answering the unsaid question.
"Oh, right. Nice work there, Momo." Hirako replied.
Hinamori wasn't pleased with the compliment. "I would be happier if you didn't mess it up in the first place."
Hirako shrugged his shoulders. "Can't be helped. I work better in chaos."
"Captain…" Hinamori protested.
"Let's get to work, shall we?" Hirako approached his desk and began rummaging through the cabinet behind it. "Now, where'd I put that-"
"Captain Hirako, please don't mess up the files again." Hinamori reprimanded. "I just got them organized."
"Oh right, sorry. Where's the updated squad members' list?"
Hinamori sighed. "It's on the bottom drawer. Please remember the filing system already, Captain Hirako."
"I'll get around to it." He reassured her emptily.
Hinamori wasn't convinced. It's nearing two years now since she served under Captain Hirako and he still hadn't learned the proper filing system. It was mind-boggling considering she had went over it the first time they had met-
The thought brought back another memory. 'That's right. It was right here in this room…
...
She didn't know what to make of him.
Certainly, he didn't fit with what she thought a captain would look like. The human clothes were a part of it. She'd certainly never seen a shinigami where those peculiar clothes. Rangiku had said they were formal attire in the Human World but it certainly didn't give off that feeling right now. Perhaps it was also because he was holding his Zanpakutō by it's scabbard on his left hand instead of attaching it to his belt.
But what gave her the feeling was the overall feeling of his character; from his weirdly cut hair to his open-mouthed scowl it was hard to tell what she should make of him. It just didn't fit her idea of what a captain should be.
Then again, what did she know about that either?
"Yer' just gonna stand there gawkin' at me all day?" he asked in confusion.
His voice brought her back to reality. "Oh, sorry I didn't mean to..." she trailed off, afraid of offending her new captain.
"No no. I apologize. I get it; this whole thing's pretty awkward. Don't worry, I ain't gonna start acting like I'm in charge around here. Let's start with introductions." He removed his hat and bowed slightly to her. "My name's Hirako Shinji."
She bowed back nervously. "I-I'm Hinamori Momo, Vice-Captain of the 5th Division." she stated before adding. "It's nice to meet you."
"Ya ain't gotta be so formal." Hirako replied as he put the hat back on. "I don't really mind. Besides, I ain't officially your captain yet. I just came here to have a look around." He looked at her silently for a moment as if something occurred to him. "So how are yer' injuries? They healed alright?"
"Oh, yes they're fine now. Thank you." Hinamori was surprised, but then she remembered hearing that he had been there during the final battle when she had been stabbed. All at once, the memory flooded in again and she clenched her chest tightly. Hirako approached her, perhaps worrying that she was about to collapse.
"I-It's okay." she stressed, stopping Hirako on his tracks. "The wounds are healed now. It's just…" she trailed off. What she was feeling was difficult to explain in words.
Hirako seemed to sense her hesitation and was unsure, but decided to back away. "Well, if you say so. That's good then."
He turned his attention to the interior of the office. His eyes surveyed the surroundings of the office from the entrance to the captain's desk. After giving a look around, he went inside the room and stood in it's center. Reflexively, she gave him a wide berth as he entered.
"It hasn't changed much."
She observed as he continued to look around the office. Now that she looked clearly, there was a somber look in his gaze, like he himself was unsure of what to feel about this room.
She had been briefed of his background, of course; Hirako Shinji had been appointed the Captain of the 5th Division 123 years ago, long before she even entered the academy. He and several other high-ranking shinigami had been sentenced to execution, but the former captains Shihoin Yoruichi, Urahara Kisuke, and Tsukabishi Tessai smuggled them to the Human World before the sentence could be carried. It was only recently revealed that he was a victim of Aizen's cruel experiments which ended up giving him the ability to become a Hollow. Due to this revelation and his role in the battle against Aizen, he had been offered his old position in the Gotei 13 back, which he accepted.
She recalled that long history and thought about how it must feel for him returning to the same Soul Society that condemned him to death after all this time and what else he could be thinking. He was, after all, Aizen's captain. That was the part that had intrigued her the most. What did he feel about Aizen's betrayal? Did he feel as she did right now? Why did he even want to return? She tried to find a read of what he was feeling with all that in mind, but only came to the conclusion it was too much her to comprehend.
The moment only lasted a few seconds but felt like it stretched forever. The two of them, victims of Aizen's treachery, stood there in silence as the tension between them hung. Eventually, Hirako broke his silence.
"So, what were ya doin' when I entered?"
"Ah." Hinamori was caught by surprise at the sudden prompt to converse. "I was just tidying up and organizing the files. Everything has been pretty disorganized around here since there was no captain and I was recovering in the 12th Division."
"I see." Hirako nodded and turned his attention to the cabinet behind the desk. "These the files ya were talkin' about?"
"Yes, the top drawer is for patrol reports. It stores the reports from squadrons of our Division. Expeditions to the Human World are in the blue file and patrols in the Rukongai area are in the brown file. Hollow encounters are marked red while criminal encounters are marked yellow. They're arranged chronologically by year. The middle drawer is the accounts for the Division. They're also arranged by year. The last drawer is for keeping track of squad personnel. It has the records of the current number of people in the 5th Division, which is organized alphabetically. Files on new recruits are put on the red file and also organized alphabetically."
Hinamori finished her explanations and looked at Hirako, who in turn was looking at her with a blank expression. She realized then that she had rambled on and he hadn't understood a word she said. "Um, that's about it."
"I see. Well, it's good that it's organized." He turned back and inspected the files.
"Yes." Hinamori nodded. "Captain Aizen-"
Hinamori instinctively covered her mouth and almost bit her lip as soon as she spoke Aizen's name with his title. She looked over at Hirako and saw that he had turned slightly to look at her. Taking a deep breat, she took her hand off her mouth and rephrased.
"The former captain Sōsuke Aizen liked to keep things organized so he made that filing system to make things easier."
"I see." Hirako replied and turned back towards the cabinet.
Hinamori cursed herself for saying his name like that again. It reminded her of how she had looked up to him, idolized him, admittedly even liked him, and it had all turned out to be a lie. Aizen had betrayed Soul Society and almost killed her twice. Despite that, she still instinctively calls him by his title because he had been a big part of her shinigami life, perhaps even a strong reason why she stayed in the Gotei 13. If he had been a lie, didn't that mean her shinigami life was built on a lie? Aizen had said he had singled her out for her devotion. Perhaps that was the only reason she got the rank of vice-captain. Perhaps she actually had no worth as a shinigami.
Hinamori covered her face, aware of the tears that were threatening to fall. She held them back as best she could as she didn't want to break down in front of her new captain. These questions had plagued her ever since Aizen's defeat. Many times now she had considered retiring from the Gotei 13. It certainly didn't help her confidence that her last battle went terribly; she had gotten herself severely injured by the enemy twice. Since her recovery, she'd just been doing her duties as Vice-Captain out of habit more than anything but even the simple tasks were becoming increasingly difficult to do. Her naivety and fear of incapability followed her no matter what she did.
"Hey, Momo."
Hinamori was startled at the sudden proclamation of her name. She looked to the person who had just said it. It came to her mind that he might be angry after she had mentioned Aizen and she became frightened.
"Y-Yes?"
"Can I count on you to keep these files organized?"
Hinamori was surprised at the inquiry but felt a little relief that he wasn't mad. "O-Of course. How do you want them organized?"
"Just do it the way you've been doin' it."
"Eh?" It was an answer that she had not expected. She thought he would insist on a new system as soon as she had mentioned Aizen was the one who came up with it. In fact, she thought he would be mad at the mention of Aizen, but seemed as calm as ever now as he turned to her and leaned on the cabinet.
"Man, that Aizen may've been a murderin', treacherous psychopath." he spoke with clear vitriol before relaxing to a more conversational tone. "But he sure knew how to keep things organized. He was always prattlin' on about it back then to me, ya know, back when he was my vice-captain."
He chuckled as he looked up in reminiscence. "I kept him around cuz I was suspicious of him but he was actually a decent vice-captain. He did all his duties right and kept the squad runnin' when I couldn't. Sure it was for his own twisted needs but he did his job well and a lot of people looked up to him back then."
"I don't understand." Hinamori replied. She couldn't fathom why he of all people was praising Aizen.
Hirako stop leaning from the cabinet and walked his way back to where Hinamori now stood, stopping a few steps away from her.
"Tell me, do you think Aizen was a good captain?"
Hinamori looked at him dumbfounded. "W-What?"
"Yeah, you know. Puttin' aside the betrayal stuff, was he a good captain?"
The question struck her. It was something she hadn't anticipated. No one had certainly asked her anything like it after Aizen's betrayal. They had told her it wasn't her fault, that he had fooled everyone, not just her. As true as it was, it didn't make her feel any better. Even so, no one had asked her if Aizen was good. Even so, she sensed that her new captain had something in mind, so she considered the question given to her seriously. If it were her old deluded self, she would no doubt have answered yes, but now…
"Yes."
The answer slipped out of her mouth before she even thought about it. She covered her lips instinctively in shock of what she had said, but it was too late. She knew as soon as she said it that it was the truth; her answer hadn't changed.
And she hated herself for it.
Hirako, however, didn't look fazed at all by her answer. "Why's that?" he inquired further.
Hinamori thought back to the times she had spent with him; the days she trained alongside him, the day she was pulled to his division, the day she had been promoted to his vice-captain, among countless others.
"Well, he was a good leader. He knew each of our weaknesses and would help us improve on them. He also often knew how people felt and would give them encouragement when they needed it. He was organized and kept his work in order. He always did his obligations even if they were tedious. He was punctual and never late to an appointment."
The tears began to flow from her eyes as the memories piled up. "He-he spent a lot of time bonding with his subordinates so we grew closer to him. It's why a lot of us were devastated when he left. He showed compassion, more than a captain needed to at times. He was sophisticated and smart. He knew a lot about Soul Society and shinigami arts- he-"
Hinamori cut off as the memories began to shatter against the cold, hard truth. The weight of it all was too much too handle and she knelt down. Her tears, now rapidly flowing, fell to the wooden floor as the burden in her heart built up.
"He was the perfect captain!" she let out. All of the burden she had felt, all the happy memories, all of the sadness from the truth; all of it came out as she broke down on the floor of the captain's office. "But all of it was lie! I followed him for years but it was all a lie!"
She didn't know how long she spent wailing her heart out or when her pitiful cries finally became quiet sobs. Time seemed irrelevant; all she could feel was the bile that had collected in her heart finally spilling out. It felt disgusting; she was disgusting. Through her breakdown, she was slightly aware of Hirako's presence and felt more disgust at herself for groveling in sorrow in front of her new captain.
The sound of steps came to her ear and she saw Hirako's feet approaching and stopping a short distance away from her. Then his feet bent down until she realized he was now crouching at her level. Soon after, she felt a short tap on her head and looked up to see Hirako, who had tapped her on the head with his Zanpakutō's hilt.
"Those things you told me weren't bad, were they?"
"No, they weren't." She put her face back down and wiped her tears and snot on her sleeve. "But they were all lies."
"That's true." Hirako replied. "But just because they're lies doesn't mean there's no good in them."
The words surprised Hinamori as soon as they left his mouth. Slowly, she looked up at Hirako again, who was smiling at her. This time it didn't look peculiar. Rather, there was a sense of comfort in it.
"Don't take this the wrong way. I ain't saying that the good ol' Captain Aizen ya knew was actually real or that deep down he was good or somethin'. Ya shouldn't put hope in a lie." He stopped for a moment to search for the proper words to convey his message. "But much as I hate to admit it, Aizen did some good too in his time, both mine and yours. Even if they were lies, those good things don't have to be all false. Ya believed in him for good reasons, didn't ya?"
Hinamori replied softly through her sniffles. "Yes."
Hirako nodded. "Then keep'em. They're not his lies, they're yer' truth; how you define the good in people. Keep those reasons; use them to move forward away from the bad they came from. It ain't easy, I know, but once ya get through it you'll come out better than before."
Hinamori looked at him, stunned by his words, as the tears began flowing again. She clenched her hands together and brought them to her face as a wave of sadness came at her. However, with it came something she hadn't felt in a long time; relief. She had no idea how much she needed to hear those words until Hirako told her. She had been blaming herself all this time for building herself upon a lie, that she had been inherently false as well. To hear that she wasn't provided her with something to hold on to again.
It gave her hope.
Hirako stood up from his squatting position. "And if ya ever feel bad about yerself, just know ya ain't the idiot who knew he was a bastard and still fell for his tricks." He pointed his thumb towards himself. "That's me, in case ya didn't catch that."
She couldn't help but giggle at his sudden jab at himself. It was a small chuckle but it felt almost foreign to her ears; she couldn't remember when she had last laughed after that had happened.
"Well, whaddya know? You can laugh." He smiled and extended his hand to her. "Now then, there's a lot I'd like to catch up on before I come back officially. Will ya help me, 5th Division Vice-Captain?"
Hinamori wiped off the last of her tears and looked up with a smile. "Yes."
She took the hand offered with her own and pushed herself into a standing position. Now with both of them standing up, Hirako shook the hand that was connected to his.
"I'll be in your care from now on, Momo."
"Yes!" she replied with renewed vigor. She replied the handshake firmly both of them as both of them solidified their agreement before their hands separated.
"Now then, I'm gettin' hungry. Why don't we find some food? Ya can tell me more about how the Division's been doin' while we eat."
"Of course!" she said with a smile. She was feeling better than she had ever felt in a long time.
"Oh, one thing though." Hirako added.
Hinamori wiped off the remaining tears. "What is it?"
"I ain't got a lotta money, so it's yer' treat."
She looked at him for a moment, confused, before uttering out. "Eh?!"
"Yeah, I just moved back here from the Human World, like, a few days ago so I mostly got human money. I got some for expenses but it ain't enough and those cheapskates at Central 46 wouldn't gimme more until the ceremony."
"Eh?!" Hinamori let out in shock. "T-That's too sudden! I don't know if I have enough -"
Hirako waved his hand in dismissal. "Don't worry. I ain't lookin' for anythin' fancy and I'll pay ya back when I get my paycheck."
"Pay what?"
"Oh don't mind it, it's a human term for pay. That's settled, then. C'mon, let's go. Yer' showin' me what's good around this place." Hirako said as he walked out of the office and out the building to the streets.
"Hey, wait!" She made to call him, but stopped suddenly. They had never really settled on what she should call him. After debating in her head, she chased after him and called out. The words still felt foreign to her, but she just couldn't bring herself to address him any other way.
'"Captain Hirako!"
…
…That's right.' she thought to herself. That had been their first meeting and the first time she had called him 'Captain'. In the months that followed, she slowly became used to her new captain as they worked hard to return the morale of the 5th Division, a long and arduous process for many reasons, but in the end they had picked up the pieces and managed to make something new of it.
But perhaps the most important part of that meeting was that it had been a catalyst for her own wounds to heal. She slowly got used again to life in the Gotei 13 and her role as a vice-captain and little by little, the pain of betrayal dulled away. The scars may remain, but the wounds that caused them had healed and she would never let them stop her again.
All thanks to him. The captain she hadn't asked for, who was certainly not the perfect image of a captain that she had held once before. He wasn't organized, he didn't always follow the rules, and he can get on her bad side sometimes, but underneath it he had the wisdom and intelligence. He was in no doubt a captain.
Her captain.
"Whatcha smillin' about all of a sudden?"
Hinamori snapped out of her thoughts to see her captain looking at her with perplexed look. She realized then that she must've looked strange smiling randomly.
'Ah, it's nothing Captain." she reassured cheerfully. "I was just thinking you can be unreliable sometimes."
Hirako's confusion was compounded. "Is that somethin' to be smilin' so happily about?" He turned back to drawer and pulled out several files. "Well, whatever. I got the files so let's get to work, shall we?"
"Yes!" she replied affirmatively.
The work had gone faster than she had expected. Both of them finished the report in a little more than an hour, which had also gave them time to catch up to the other paperwork that Hirako had been neglecting. This had put Hinamori in a good mood, and she hummed as she walked beside her captain carrying various scrolls of paperwork that they had finished to the 1st Division barracks.
"Yer' awfully cheerful today." Hirako commented.
"Of course I am! We finished all the immediate work we had. Now we can focus on more important work like training the new Division members."
"Tchh! New members!" Hirako spat angrily.
His annoyance did not escape her. "Is something wrong, Captain?" she asked worriedly.
"I went through all of'em just now, and there's hardly any girls!" He yelled out. "Can ya believe that?! The 5th Division used to be babes' central in the day! Now it's just guys all over!"
"Captain Hirako, that's not a real problem." she reprimanded, disappointed that her concern was wasted. Of course she knew the truth, but she didn't have the heart to tell him that those girls joined because of Aizen or that her captain wasn't very popular among the female shinigamis.
"Of course it is! I checked back and the number of girls joinin' the 5th Division started goin' down after I came back! Somethin's goin' on here!" He looked at her with serious enquiry. "Hey, Momo. Yer' a girl. Do ya know what's happenin'?"
"I think you should be worrying about more important matters, Captain!" she replied crossly. "Like improving your work ethic or speaking more properly. Maybe then you would be more appealing in the eyes of younger recruits."
"What?" Hirako protested. "Man, that's too much of a hassle. This is just who I am."
"Yes, it is." Hinamori agreed. She took a few steps forward, putting her in front of Hirako and stopped in her tracks to look back to him.
"But I don't think that's a bad thing." she added with a smile.
She looked at her captain, who looked surprised at her words and was unable to reply. Even so, she was confident her gratitude was conveyed.
It was then that the bell rang across Seireitei, signaling the passing of another hour. "Oh! Come on, Captain! We'd better hurry or we'll be late!" She ran ahead a few steps before realizing her captain hadn't followed.
"Come on, Captain!"
"Yeah, yeah!" she heard her captain reply back but as she ran again she missed her captain smiling at her.
"I'm right behind ya."
