Crackfic, with yaoi warning.


New Year's Eve

10:14 p.m.

Nara Household

"Dude, your parents are gone all night, right?" Asked a blonde nin with eyes glinting prematurely.

"Yeah, they got a hotel over in-- Hey!" Shikamaru dodged back as he was more or less shoved out of the doorway. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?"

"This is gonna be soooo great! When are people getting here?" Naruto asked, setting a grocery bag down on the table.

"Choji is coming at ten-thirty and Kiba'll be here at eleven, he's supposed to do something or other for his sister's cousin's dog's something." The boy yawned lazily. "Jeez, bring enough food?" Of course Naruto would be the first one there, he didn't have any family he had to celebrate with, or a girlfriend to wait for. Bad planning on Shikamaru's part. Now he had to set up for a little New Year's party with a hyperactive moron.

Naruto grinned. "Well it's Choji, isn't it? And I figured everybody else would want at least something." He started unloading the brown paper bags onto the nearest flat surface, the coffee table, and was uncharacteristically silent for a moment... "Hey, I invited some other people, is that okay?"

It didn't sound like a question. It wasn't a question. It was a warning so his lazy friend wouldn't die of heart attack when people started to actually show up. "How many other people!?" 'God,' Shikamaru thought, 'I really should have seen this coming.'

"I don't know who is actually coming..." Naruto hedged, until he saw the look on Shikamaru's face. Something in it warned him to be very, very quick about an explaination. "Um, Shino and Hinata, Neji, Tenten, Fuzzbrows, Sasuke, Sakura, and Ino... I think that's it."

'That's it', as though it was a small list. "Naruto, you troublesome idiot..." Shikamaru sighed. He didn't want to have to deal with a huge group, much less the mess afterward, and then he'd specifically not invited Ino because she was possibly the most troublesome female in the world and thought parties were all for the sole purpose of her dressing up. And now she was going to ask why she wasn't invited in the first place... "Troublesome." He shook his head.

"Oh come on, it'll be great." Naruto argued. "Besides, I'm not kissing Akamaru when the ball drops. Not after last year." He muttered. "Won't it be nice to have actual girls this time, Shikamaru?" He looked pleadingly, as if Shikamaru could stop everything dead in its tracks. He couldn't even try.


"NARUTO WHAT THE HELL!?!"

Naruto came running out of the basement, missing his orange jacket, a sign that it was too hot and crowded downstairs already. "What!?" He yelled back at Shikamaru, with equal, though mock, anger. "Hey Kiba, you're early."

"Hey." The newest addition to the party grinned at the nin, but the smile was cut short by Shikamaru hassling him again.

"Naruto, what the hell were you thinking!? Tell him to get this shit out of here!" Shikamaru looked like he was going to pass out from sheer stress.

Kiba shrugged, not particularly caring if Shika was awake at midnight. He looked at Naruto. "You told me to bring the beer, I brought the beer. I didn't say I was gonna fight to get it in here." He informed him calmly, swinging a twenty-four pack into view for emphasis.

Naruto looked at the young Nara. "You've never had a problem with beer before Shikamaru." He noted, confused as to why it mattered now. "It was at Choji's birthday party last year and everything, remember?"

"That party wasn't at my house! If anything gets spilled and I can't get the stench out by tomorrow morning, my mom's gonna kick my ass, the troublesome woman, through next week!"

Naruto waved dismissively, taking one of the twenty-four packs (for now another was visible) from Kiba and effectively bypassing Shikamaru. "It'll be fine, we'll be careful." He and Kiba were at the table with the beer before Shikamaru could utter another argument, with both boys passing out said booze.

The only thing Shikamaru could do was yell, "If anyone pukes in my house they're in trouble!"


At 11:47, the beer was nearly gone, with all of Konoha's rookie nine and Team Gai moving on to the good stuff.

Naruto grinned as his teammate "Hey Sasuke, are you holding the table down or is it holding you up?" The nin didn't even respond. He continued to leaned heavily on the table, forgotten shot glass in one hand. "Hey, where's Fuzzbrows?" The nin hadn't been seen in almost a half hour, and, though time seemed to ripple and overlap and over all confuse them, it had been a while.

"Who has requested my presence?! haaaaaaa!!!" Lee paraded up from the basement with a giant grin, more than slightly flushed.

"I thought you were s'posed to stay sober?" Neji asked, looking at his teammate disgustedly, though he was far from innocent himself.

Lee glared at his rival. "Kidney punch, kidney punch..." He slurred, swinging at open air about a foot from Shikamaru's head. The young Nara took absolutely no notice.

"Alright!" Choji yelled. "Ten minutes to go, shots all around!" He grabbed a new bottle, which no one bothered to really look at, much less read. "Where are the shot glasses?"

Naruto turned toward the counter, then to the table and back around, thoroughly confusing himself when he couldn't find the glasses. However, when he realized he made a complete circle, he grinned stupidly. "That was like a stripper pole turn! I deserve cash for that!!"

Choji, meanwhile, poured into every shot glass he could find, only missing one once. "Ev'body good?"

Ino grabbed the back of Shino's hood. "You missed one!"

"MY HOOD OF POWER!!" Shino yelled as the hood came down. He fell over onto the floor with the backward momentum and proceeded to sit there rather than drink any more.

"Another one over here!" Shikamaru prayed that Ino wasn't pointing at him. Troublesome bitch.

But of course she was. "I've had enough." He announced. Choji handed him a glass anyway. "I said no." He slurred. His best friend shoved it in his face, laughing, completely out of it.

"Lick it!" He yelled.

"You lick it!" Shikamaru countered, pushing it away and spilling half of it.

Naruto joined in the battle too. "You better get that down your throat, Shikamaru!"

"STAY BACK!! I'll poor it down the drain!" He threatened.

Ino grinned. "Shika, I brought that one, are you insulting me?" She glared.

Shikamaru was momentarily stuck, his mind trying to switch gears as he battled with each of his teammates. "Wait what?"

"You just insulted me." Ino informed him.

Shikamaru didn't want a fight, more importantly, he didn't want Ino to kick his lazy ass. "Well I take it back."

Ino grinned, feeling tricksy. "You take back what?" She asked, demanding a thorough apology she knew he couldn't give.

"...That... insult. I take it back." She waited... "If I knew what I said, I'd take it back." He argued finally.

"He's losing the argument and you've hardly said anything." Choji laughed.

"Prove it!" Ino giggled at her victory. "One shot and I'll forget all about it."

"One minute and you'll forget about it." Shikamaru rolled his eyes. But he judged the situation and dubbed the shot as the lesser of two evils, and slid it down his throat without hardly letting himself taste it.

Hinata came running up the basement stairs, where the T.V. was rapidly increasing in volume. "Five minutes 'till midnight!" She announced happily, more than likely the only semi-sober one there.

"Alright, everyone into the basement to watch the ball drop!" Shikamaru announced to the rest of the party.

Shino choked back a giggling fit at the choice of words, but every filed into said basement and sat around the television.

Naruto trooped down last, putting on a giant show of drunkenness as he (pretended?) to fall onto people and in front of the T.V. until Kiba finally kicked out his knees from the back and yelled "Down in front!"

And thus, the countdown started: Five… four… three… two…

"God, somebody get a bucket!" Sakura yelled, just as the cheers went up.

Sasuke popped. There was no warning aside from the Uchiha being pale, which was really no different than normal, and there was no giant show of getting sick and doubling over, there was simply a projectile vomit as the man stood and tried to get to the stairs.

"Get him to the bathroom!" Shikamaru yelled, climbing over the couch to try to move the sick boy out of the carpeted area.

They didn't get him quite so far, but Naruto was able to shove him into the kitchen sink before he did it again. Naruto made a face at the sink, silently swearing off pea soup for the rest of forever.

"WOW, you hurled A LOT!" Kiba said in shock, looking at the floor.

"Get him outta my house!" Shikamaru yelled. "Choji, get up here and help me! Ino, you know where the paper towel is. God, my mom's gonna kill me! Goddamn it Naruto!"

The blonde whipped around. "Me?" He asked. How the hell was everything his fault?

"You were the one with the booze idea!"

He quietly took the verbal abuse. Yeah, maybe he was, in part, to blame. But Sasuke should learn to hold his alcohol.

After a few minutes, the puke was off the floor and Shikamaru finally leaned against the fridge and sprayed Fabreeze over the entire path from the basement.

Kiba looked at him. "Does your sink have garbage disposal?"

"No, why?"

"'Cause it's clogged... a lot..."

"Get him OUT of my house!" Shikamaru yelled again, furious. Sasuke swallowed and started to move to the door, still looking extremely ill. "GET BACK IN THE SINK!" Shika panicked for a moment when neither he nor Sasuke was sure of whether he would throw up again. Then after a moment, the anger died, and he sighed. "Somebody take him home." He ordered.

"I got 'im." Naruto suggested, disappointed at the party's turnout.

Worst New Years Ever.


Lots of yaoi next chapter, I promise. Now they're going home together... mwahaha.