Disclaimer: If I write stories on I obviously do not own
Rurouni Kenshin. DUH.
It was a lazy summer night, the kind where the air seems thick like molasses and you just want to sit forever on the porch, watching the fireflies light up the yard momentarily, then fade out as swiftly as they began, leaving no trace. A cool breeze drifted past, almost lazily, stirring fire red and ebony hair alike.
Yes, two figures where not pausing enjoying the peace of the night. They stood alone in the middle of the dojo yard, visible to any eyes that should happen to glance their way. Even the watchful gaze of a certain street fighter at the shoji could not distract these people from their current activity, which demanded all of their physical and mental strength.
Kenshin and Saitou stood three yards apart, amber eyes locked onto purple, searching for a weakness, a sign that his prey was about to make a move.
Kenshin was ready. His muscles were taught, his sakabato glinting in the moonlight. He and Saitou knew they had to finish this now, lest their feud keep eating away at them from the inside, an mutual itch where they could only scratch the other's, and only with very sharp metal objects. That basically described the rivalry between the ex-Hitokiri and ex- Shinsengumi captain.
Saitou moved in a flash, aiming his Gattoutsu [A/N: Spelling?] strait for Kenshin's chest. Moving even more swiftly, Kenshin dodged to the right. Saitou lost balance and stumbled forward, having put all his weight behind the thrust. Taking advantage of the opportunity, Kenshin swung his sword downwards at Saitou's head with enough force to concuss the chain-smoker into the next era.
But Saitou's imbalance had been a sham, and he rolled forward, Kenshin's sword hitting the dust harmlessly and causing a small puff of smoke to rise. Saitou got to his feet quickly, and spun around, sinking low into the Gattoutsu stance. They were now right back where they had started, three yards from each other, and they customary began the act of hurling insults and morals as though they were deadly weapons.
Then Kenshin declared, quite unexpectedly, "Before I attack you again, Saitou, I need to remove my gi so that we can please the female fans. If you would give me a moment?'
"Aa."
Kenshin quickly slipped one arm out of his unconventional pink gi, allowing it to hang roguishly off one shoulder, across his chest and then be intercepted as it tucked into his pants. "That should give the viewers enough eye candy to keep them tuned in, that it should."
"You've forgotten just one thing, Battousai. What about the viewers who watch the show for its deep morals, intriguing plot lines, and historical accuracy?" Saitou's observation cut into Kenshin's chest like the sharpest katana.
"Yeah, all three of them. And if we wanted to be historically accurate, I'd be dead."
"Well then I shall kill you and make not only my day, but the day of those historical nerds out there watching the show."
"You've forgotten just one thing, Saitou." Kenshin said this with the drama that you only hear when the good guy is revealing the one flaw in the evil villain's plan, the one, often insignificant, thing that made him[the bad guy] screw it all up. "It's NIGHTTIME!!!"
Simultaneously, they lunged at each other, teeth bared and swords raised. They found themselves locked at the hilt of their blades, mere inches from each other, and thus began the fight to push each other to the ground.
Needless to say, Kenshin was in trouble. His opponent was nearly twice his size, and though his body was definitely well toned (As measured in fan-girl drool), he just couldn't stand up to Saitou's weight. He felt his strength failing, his muscles screaming in protest. This was the end, he knew. Just when he was about to collapse, a glimmer of an idea hit him. Maybe, just maybe, he could surprise the cop enough to get him to drop his katana...
Kenshin took his hands off the sakabato, causing the cop to fall forwards in a jumble of swords, right into Kenshin's arms.
'That worked well,' thought Kenshin. 'And I didn't even get hurt by my sakabato, which should technically have fell blade-first right at me. Time for stage two: getting him so weirded out he will never challenge me to a fight again.'
"And now, Saitou," proclaimed Kenshin with all the drama his tiny body could muster. Seizing Saitou's left hand in his right, he jutted their hands rigidly out in front of them like an absurd lance, and wrapped his other hand around Saitou's waist. "We tango."
Kenshin strutted around the yard leading Saitou, who strangely enough didn't protest. Sano, seeing the chance to help a friend, pulled out his accordion [you SO do not want to know where he keeps it] and began playing a screechy, terrible tune that was perfectly suited to this occasion. It was an odd sight, a red-haired rurouni in pink and a tall cop who was a head and shoulders taller than the former parading around the dojo yard to a dance they shouldn't even know.
After about two minutes of this, Kenshin was getting really worried. The fighter who had been out for his blood only minutes before made no move of protest as they engaged in possibly the most embarrassing act that Kenshin could think of.
Unexpectedly, Saitou pressed his body suggestively up against Kenshin's and growled passionately, "I'm impressed. How did you know that my most secret desire dancing under the moonlight with you to sweet, soft music?" He pressed even harder and grinned wickedly. "I suppose this means you want me too? I'll warn you, I'm very good with swords of all types, if you catch my drift."
Kenshin stared up at the cop, and he could think of only one thing to say. "...Oro?"
The following segment is for people who would prefer to not think that Saitou is gay. I'm among them; I'm not anti-gay, but he is MARRIED after all, and Tokio is, as far as I know, a girl's name
Later, the cop sat back at his office, smoking profusely, as usual. He found himself going over his battle with the Battousai. Admittedly, he had used underhanded tactics to scare the Battousai shitless, and he had needed a long, cold bath when he got home, but it was worth it just to see the look of complete astonishment, disgust, and fear on his enemy's face. Seeing the Battousai stutter wordlessly, then finally be able to only produce the word Oro –what kind of freak says 'oro' anyway?— before fleeing faster than he had ever moved in all his life was a definite highlight in the cop's existence. Saitou proclaimed himself victor, Kenshin having fled, and, technically, surrendered
Yes, this was definitely a story to tell his sons. The day he finally defeated the Battousai. The look on that runt's face...Saitou found himself laughing aloud.
Needless to say, the underling who had opened the door with a report was startled to see his normally emotionless, frigid commander laughing maniacally and smiling. So startled, in fact, that he was not the only one who had been literally "scared shitless" that night.
So, you like? I have more ideas, but my fragile ego needs more support so that I will feel safe enough to put them into text (sniffle followed by fake tears). Review, I beseech you, before I pull the puppy dog eyes trick. [does sad eyes on the cat in the window, who emits a howl of pain and dies]. Uhhhh...that was because it felt my pain so deeply that it died, NOT because my puppy eyes are the equivalent of others' 'I will rip out your intestines and consume them raw, and then sell your soul to my heathen god, at which point you will burn in a vat of boiling Jell-O for all eternity' expression.
My point is review. This story. So there will be more.
I owe a marginal amount of credit [as life insurance] to Shaolin 10, who used a gag "It was a hot summer night. Kenshin and Courtney were...DOING HOMEWORK", thereby subconsciously implanting it in my brain, where it morphed into a seriously different joke for use at a later date. I would have asked her first but she was away for approximately ninety bazillion days [two weeks] and this story could not wait so long.
It was a lazy summer night, the kind where the air seems thick like molasses and you just want to sit forever on the porch, watching the fireflies light up the yard momentarily, then fade out as swiftly as they began, leaving no trace. A cool breeze drifted past, almost lazily, stirring fire red and ebony hair alike.
Yes, two figures where not pausing enjoying the peace of the night. They stood alone in the middle of the dojo yard, visible to any eyes that should happen to glance their way. Even the watchful gaze of a certain street fighter at the shoji could not distract these people from their current activity, which demanded all of their physical and mental strength.
Kenshin and Saitou stood three yards apart, amber eyes locked onto purple, searching for a weakness, a sign that his prey was about to make a move.
Kenshin was ready. His muscles were taught, his sakabato glinting in the moonlight. He and Saitou knew they had to finish this now, lest their feud keep eating away at them from the inside, an mutual itch where they could only scratch the other's, and only with very sharp metal objects. That basically described the rivalry between the ex-Hitokiri and ex- Shinsengumi captain.
Saitou moved in a flash, aiming his Gattoutsu [A/N: Spelling?] strait for Kenshin's chest. Moving even more swiftly, Kenshin dodged to the right. Saitou lost balance and stumbled forward, having put all his weight behind the thrust. Taking advantage of the opportunity, Kenshin swung his sword downwards at Saitou's head with enough force to concuss the chain-smoker into the next era.
But Saitou's imbalance had been a sham, and he rolled forward, Kenshin's sword hitting the dust harmlessly and causing a small puff of smoke to rise. Saitou got to his feet quickly, and spun around, sinking low into the Gattoutsu stance. They were now right back where they had started, three yards from each other, and they customary began the act of hurling insults and morals as though they were deadly weapons.
Then Kenshin declared, quite unexpectedly, "Before I attack you again, Saitou, I need to remove my gi so that we can please the female fans. If you would give me a moment?'
"Aa."
Kenshin quickly slipped one arm out of his unconventional pink gi, allowing it to hang roguishly off one shoulder, across his chest and then be intercepted as it tucked into his pants. "That should give the viewers enough eye candy to keep them tuned in, that it should."
"You've forgotten just one thing, Battousai. What about the viewers who watch the show for its deep morals, intriguing plot lines, and historical accuracy?" Saitou's observation cut into Kenshin's chest like the sharpest katana.
"Yeah, all three of them. And if we wanted to be historically accurate, I'd be dead."
"Well then I shall kill you and make not only my day, but the day of those historical nerds out there watching the show."
"You've forgotten just one thing, Saitou." Kenshin said this with the drama that you only hear when the good guy is revealing the one flaw in the evil villain's plan, the one, often insignificant, thing that made him[the bad guy] screw it all up. "It's NIGHTTIME!!!"
Simultaneously, they lunged at each other, teeth bared and swords raised. They found themselves locked at the hilt of their blades, mere inches from each other, and thus began the fight to push each other to the ground.
Needless to say, Kenshin was in trouble. His opponent was nearly twice his size, and though his body was definitely well toned (As measured in fan-girl drool), he just couldn't stand up to Saitou's weight. He felt his strength failing, his muscles screaming in protest. This was the end, he knew. Just when he was about to collapse, a glimmer of an idea hit him. Maybe, just maybe, he could surprise the cop enough to get him to drop his katana...
Kenshin took his hands off the sakabato, causing the cop to fall forwards in a jumble of swords, right into Kenshin's arms.
'That worked well,' thought Kenshin. 'And I didn't even get hurt by my sakabato, which should technically have fell blade-first right at me. Time for stage two: getting him so weirded out he will never challenge me to a fight again.'
"And now, Saitou," proclaimed Kenshin with all the drama his tiny body could muster. Seizing Saitou's left hand in his right, he jutted their hands rigidly out in front of them like an absurd lance, and wrapped his other hand around Saitou's waist. "We tango."
Kenshin strutted around the yard leading Saitou, who strangely enough didn't protest. Sano, seeing the chance to help a friend, pulled out his accordion [you SO do not want to know where he keeps it] and began playing a screechy, terrible tune that was perfectly suited to this occasion. It was an odd sight, a red-haired rurouni in pink and a tall cop who was a head and shoulders taller than the former parading around the dojo yard to a dance they shouldn't even know.
After about two minutes of this, Kenshin was getting really worried. The fighter who had been out for his blood only minutes before made no move of protest as they engaged in possibly the most embarrassing act that Kenshin could think of.
Unexpectedly, Saitou pressed his body suggestively up against Kenshin's and growled passionately, "I'm impressed. How did you know that my most secret desire dancing under the moonlight with you to sweet, soft music?" He pressed even harder and grinned wickedly. "I suppose this means you want me too? I'll warn you, I'm very good with swords of all types, if you catch my drift."
Kenshin stared up at the cop, and he could think of only one thing to say. "...Oro?"
The following segment is for people who would prefer to not think that Saitou is gay. I'm among them; I'm not anti-gay, but he is MARRIED after all, and Tokio is, as far as I know, a girl's name
Later, the cop sat back at his office, smoking profusely, as usual. He found himself going over his battle with the Battousai. Admittedly, he had used underhanded tactics to scare the Battousai shitless, and he had needed a long, cold bath when he got home, but it was worth it just to see the look of complete astonishment, disgust, and fear on his enemy's face. Seeing the Battousai stutter wordlessly, then finally be able to only produce the word Oro –what kind of freak says 'oro' anyway?— before fleeing faster than he had ever moved in all his life was a definite highlight in the cop's existence. Saitou proclaimed himself victor, Kenshin having fled, and, technically, surrendered
Yes, this was definitely a story to tell his sons. The day he finally defeated the Battousai. The look on that runt's face...Saitou found himself laughing aloud.
Needless to say, the underling who had opened the door with a report was startled to see his normally emotionless, frigid commander laughing maniacally and smiling. So startled, in fact, that he was not the only one who had been literally "scared shitless" that night.
So, you like? I have more ideas, but my fragile ego needs more support so that I will feel safe enough to put them into text (sniffle followed by fake tears). Review, I beseech you, before I pull the puppy dog eyes trick. [does sad eyes on the cat in the window, who emits a howl of pain and dies]. Uhhhh...that was because it felt my pain so deeply that it died, NOT because my puppy eyes are the equivalent of others' 'I will rip out your intestines and consume them raw, and then sell your soul to my heathen god, at which point you will burn in a vat of boiling Jell-O for all eternity' expression.
My point is review. This story. So there will be more.
I owe a marginal amount of credit [as life insurance] to Shaolin 10, who used a gag "It was a hot summer night. Kenshin and Courtney were...DOING HOMEWORK", thereby subconsciously implanting it in my brain, where it morphed into a seriously different joke for use at a later date. I would have asked her first but she was away for approximately ninety bazillion days [two weeks] and this story could not wait so long.
