In swept the majestic Ganondorf. Zelda coolly eyed his exotic features before asking, "What have you come to negotiate, Ganondorf?"
"Why, my dear princess, the end of the war," smirked the Gerudo king. "And I think you'll find my 'terms'...ahem...very agreeable."
"Spit it out, then."
Ganondorf deliberately took his time. "Marry me."
"Well, I -" It took all of one second for Zelda to process what he had just said, and it took her entire will to fight to keep composure. Her face formed into a snarl and reddened.
"Ah, you are reluctant," teased the Gerudo king. "Let me put it more succinctly: If you bind yourself to me by marriage, not only will my kingdom sign a peace treaty, but we will cede all captured lands back. And all prisoners will be returned unharmed."
"I'm afraid I will have to say no to your offer. NOw, if you'll excuse me..." As she got up to leave, one of her aides rushed into the room and whispered into her ear. Zelda's face now paled.
"I'm guessing you've just found out that our troops have broken through your lines, Princess. They'll be here," here meaning Zelda's castle, "in less than an hour." Ganondorf smirked. "And if my troops capture you, your highness, they won't be so...forthcoming."
---
The ceremony was held an hour later. The population of Hyrule and Ganondorf's Gerudo army were in attendance. In fact, many eligible young Hyrulean men met many eligible young Gerudo women, but that isn't really the point of this story.
Most of Hyrule's citizens were mourning the loss of their princess, as if she had died instead of gotten married. In fact, she did act as if she were merely a walking corpse. She showed no emotion whatsoever, partook in none of the festivities, and had to be led everywhere by hand.
Conversely, the Gerudo army was celebrating. The war was over, they could return home. Plus, their leader had gained a beautiful new bride. Ganondorf himself was in a highly festive mood. He danced, he sang, he ate, he played. As night drew, the Gerudo army, Ganondorf and Zelda at the head, departed.
After several days of travelling, they reached Ganondorf's fortress in the desert. Ganondorf strided into the foyer of the castle, Zelda quietly following behind.
"Now, my beautiful bride, shall we have a feast in honor of your arrival, or shall we adjourn to our bedchambers?"
Zelda could resist no longer.
Ganondorf heard one continuous ripping sound. He turned around to see with great surprise that Zelda had torn her one-piece dress down the middle. With greater surprise -- and not too little excitement -- he saw that she wore no underwear.
"Ever since your people started warring with ours, the leaders of the respective nations have been demonized by the populace of the other. I grew up believing that shit. But the first time I saw you -- a portrait stolen in a raid on Gerudo territory -- those feelings were instantly blown away. I knew then and there that I had to have you, in every way."
Ganondorf remained speechless as Zelda began pacing towards him.
"Do you know how much willpower it took not to scream 'YES!' at the top of my lungs when you offered your proposal? You probably never will. I had to retain my composure, or else my people would depose me, thinking I had gone mad." Zelda stopped short less than half a foot from the Gerudo king. "We can eat later. Your room is too far away." With that, Zelda took hold of Ganondorf's pants and tore them as she had her dress.
What followed was an intense sexual experience. Shortly after climaxing, they both collapsed on the rug, spent.
"I...I love you..." Zelda panted before passing out from exhaustion.
