Sunrise
This is assuming that Edward never returns after Bella saves him and Bella, ridden with pain at the memories that returned to her, turns to Jake for comfort.
Ch.1 Holes
Jake has been way nicer to me than I deserve. He has stayed with me through all of it, all the terrorized screaming, all the tears, all the pain. He would sit in the garage calming me for hours while I screamed my heart out. My madness scared Charlie so much I ended up spending a lot of time at La Push.
It was so much easier when I hadn't seen him. When I first saw him for the first time in months, standing in the alley in Italy, my hole had disappeared. Then, when he left again, the hole did not come back. Instead I could feel part of myself tearing away, pulling towards him. What I got was half a Bella.
It wasn't missing him that was the problem; I had perfected that during my long months of suffering. It was the flashbacks. It was the out of body experiences where I would be watching him play the piano that day, lying with him in the meadow, standing with him in Italy. I cried not because I missed him, but because I would never again experience that. The bleak knowledge of that was enough to pour salt on the half-Bella I had left.
Most days Jake would come in, like Edward, through my window and sit with me. Seeing him come in would bring me to tears again, but it was also happier with him there. Not enough to ease my pain completely, but enough to make it seem a little healthier.
Tonight was one of those days, and I was screaming silently in Jake's arms, not entirely there. Not a complete Bella.
"I hate him, Bells." Jake said suddenly. I looked up at him. He didn't usually talk at night, just hold me and let me cry.
"W-What, Jake?" I asked. He gritted his teeth.
"I hate him for making you scream at night. For turning me into the only doctor you will see. For making you hurt!" he said the last word with such acid it was as if he was talking about people committing murder. While it was true I refused to see a doctor, I was slightly taken aback that Jake considered himself my doctor.
"It's not that he makes me hurt, it's just like he left holes." I tried to explain. "Parts of me that j-just can't function without him. H-holes in my memories, too. Like… I can't think about certain stuff without thinking of h-h-him." I shuddered and Jake gripped me to keep me from collapsing.
"Like what?" he probed. I attempted to glare at him but all I could manage was a grimace.
"Meadows, p-pianos, b-biology, R-Romeo and J-J-Juliet, static c-charges, the list goes on and on!" I sobbed and coughed. Jake frowned.
"Then…" he pondered something for a minute. "What if I gave you happy memories? Memories that would erase the bad. Would that make it easier for you?" I paused. I was surprised he would suggest it, but it seemed, oddly, like a good idea.
"Maybe, Jake… I don't really know… it might just bring me more pain." Jake grimaced at that thought.
"It's worth a decent try, Bells. Anything's better than having you sob on the floor every time you hear his name."
I nodded. He hugged me tighter and we sat together in silence.
"Jake?" I asked. He looked at me. "You can check on off the list." He looked at me, confused. "Edw- he used to climb into my window and talk to me. That was one of the memories." Jake frowned.
"So… you can check it off now, than?" I nodded. Then he smiled a big, wolfish smile and I fell back on the bed. I didn't dream about Edward that night.
