Wishing is wrong. Zhuyuan had grown up with this as a repeated fact. To wish was to be weak and he could not afford to be weak. He was going to be the heir to the Lee family. He had to make the torturous training worth something or else his father would have wasted precious time on a child that would be worthless to him. He couldn't stand the thought of being worthless, so he refused to be. To be worthless to his father was like being a lost one and he would not accept it. He would accept nothing less than perfection.

Wishing is wrong. Every morning he wakes with this simple fact repeated in his head. Zhuyuan is comforted by the reminder. It keeps him planted firmly on the ground, an anchor he can rely on. He values the consistency of it above all else. Consistency will lead to perfection, perfection is his one and only goal.

Dreams are wishes. He keeps himself from dreaming. He will not fall prey to the beings who feed off of a weak hearts wishing and dreaming. Wishing is wrong and he does not wish. There isn't anything wishing could give to him that he can't get on his own. Wishing, he says, will not make her love me. That is something I have to do for myself.

...

Wishing can't hurt anything. Wishing is just wishing, nothing happens because you wish for it. So wishing is okay. Yuri thinks this to himself while he chops celery and spring onions for a stew. It's the one thing he can do right with his current state. It calms him down and keeps him from feeling like a complete failure as a person. He knows that as a man, he's a failure, but if he's at least an okay person it make things better. He's already caused his parents enough trouble. He needs to at least try to be a good person.

I wish I was a real man. He repeats the wish again and dumps the contents of the cutting board into the stew. If he had been born like a normal boy they would still be together. His brother wouldn't hate him. His parents would be able to feel proud of himself. He wouldn't have to act like a delinquent and get into fights he couldn't handle to prove a point. He would be able to be himself in front of everybody.

Nothing will happen because you wish for it, he says again. Nobody gets hurt. Wishing is okay.

...

If I want to be free, I can't just wish for it. Clifford leans back in his chair and closes his eyes. Shuang told him to leave her alone. It was always just her feeling pity for him and nothing else. He should have known better than to think she had loved someone like him. Still, she had been right about him. He was lonely and too pathetic to do anything about it. He needed to change but he didn't know how to. He was truly pathetic.

But wishing is okay. He picks up the book on the arm of the chair. There's nothing that ever went wrong with wishing. To Clifford, it was a thought like any other. Wishes came across people's minds every day but nothing happened just because of them. It was actions, not wishes, that made things happen. So if he was going to be free he'd have to work for it. Being free from pain and emotion wasn't going to be the easiest wish for him to fulfill on his own but he could try. He had to try.

If I'm free then I can try again.

...

Wish and wish

Weak little heart

Wish and give to us

The strength to make your dreams real

In ways you can not

For we love you

We are you

We will always be loyal

Only to you

Dream on

Dear weak hearts

Let us take you away

And never return

We will make you free

Foolish and weak human

So do not struggle

Just give in