Title: Simply Irresistible, Or 5 Times Jeff Wore A Suit On Halloween And 1 Time He Didn't
Spoilers:
N/A
Rating:
PG for language
Word Count:
3124
Disclaimer:
I don't own Community, nor any other of the pop-culture references you may or may not recognize.
Summary:
A 5 and 1 fic. 5 times Jeff wore a suit on Halloween and 1 time he didn't. Inspired by the fact that I've been watching Twin Peaks and wanted to do a bit with Jeff and Annie as Cooper and Audrey (#3), as well as the music video for Robert Palmer's "Simply Irresistible" (#4, also where the title comes from). Regarding timing, #1-3 are at Greendale (and I guess replace Halloweens 2-4), #4-6 are post-Greendale. Hope you enjoy! As always, constructive feedback and comments are welcome :).


5 Times Jeff Wore A Suit On Halloween…

1. "Bond. James Bond."

"So you're a chipmunk this year. You know, I can't tell if that's a step up or down from squirrel," Jeff said, approaching Britta with a cup of punch in his hand.

"At least I'm wearing a costume," Britta defended. "I see you, on the other hand, decided to simply throw on a suit and call it a day. Definitely a step down from cowboy."

"Come on. I look awesome. I'm like James Bond crossed with Danny Ocean."

Britta rolled her eyes. "Whatever your ego tells you."

Before he could respond, Annie literally skipped up to them, which Jeff had to find quite impressive given the pink sundress and white high-heeled shoes she was wearing. "Hey guys! Having fun?"

"Hey, Baby," Jeff said. "How were the Catskills?"

Annie blushed and straightened her dress. "You like the costume?"

"Yeah, sure," he shrugged. "Always been a fan of Jennifer Gray."

Britta frowned. "She's only been in, like, three things."

Annie ignored Britta as her smile brightened. "Thanks! Abed and I watched 'Dirty Dancing' last week. We decided it was perfect for the Couple's Costume Contest."

"Don't you actually need to be a couple to enter?" Jeff questioned, his grip on the plastic cup tightening.

"No, I don't think so. The Poetry Club is in charge of the contest, so I think they just went with the best alliteration. Best pair or group costume wins!"

"So Abed's your Johnny, huh?" Britta asked, cutting in before Jeff could comment. "Well, good luck! Given the level of competition, I don't think you'll have a problem," she finished, directing the last part towards Jeff.

"Please," he scoffed.

"What are you, Jeff?" Annie asks.

"I'm awesome," he answered. Annie stared at him, confused. "Oh, you mean for Halloween. Not sure. I don't really do the whole costume thing."

"So you're not entering the contest?"

"Nope."

"Are you sure? It's gonna be fu-un," she sang.

"Annie, not only do I not have a partner, even if I did, the whole dressing up and pretending to be movie characters? That's Abed's shtick, not mine. If you want to join him and play make believe, go for it. Just don't drag me into it."

Annie's face fell, but she quickly recovered. "Well, at least Abed knows how to have a good time." She said, before turning and quickly marching off.

"Don't let anyone put you in a corner!" He called out after her. He glanced over at Britta and was met by her icy stare. "What?"

"Do you have to be such a jackass all the time? I mean, would it literally kill you to loosen up and have fun every once in a while?"

"Britta, I'm not going to humiliate myself just to win a stupid contest," he responded.

"You are so full of shit, Winger," she said, walking off. He just scowled and knocked back the rest of his punch.


2. "Once A Man Admits He's Wrong, He's Automatically Forgiven For That Wrongdoing"

"Mia," Jeff said, walking up to Annie who was helping herself to a glass of punch.

"Nice suit," she jabbed.

"Thanks," he smiled, missing the sarcasm in her voice. Taking a second look at her, he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Isn't that the wig Britta wore to Abed's party?"

"Oh. Yeah," she responded. "I borrowed it. Abed and I were going to do 'Pulp Fiction' for the contest this year. He was supposed to be Vega."

"Ah." Jeff took a sip of punch, feeling a pinch of anger. "So where is Abed? Shouldn't you two be getting ready?"

She scoffed and nodded to the middle of the room, where Abed and Troy were wearing bathing suits and carrying surfboards. "Apparently, he and Troy watched 'Point Break' last night and decided to do Bodhi and Utah instead, without telling me. I don't have anything to change into and it's too late to go home."

"That blows."

"Tell me about it. So now I'm stuck here wearing this dumb wig and I have no partner, so I can't even enter the stupid contest." She stared at the red liquid in front of her, pouting. "This night sucks."

They sat in silence for a moment, Jeff watching her as she gazed longingly out onto the dance floor where the competition was set to begin. "So, you need someone to be your Vincent," he began.

"Right."

"Someone who doesn't already have a partner."

"Where are you going with this?"

"Someone who looks just as good, if not better, than John Travolta in a suit. And preferably already wearing one." She eyed him, warily. "So," he said, putting down his punch. "Do you know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?"

She looked at him, confused. "I thought you didn't do costume contests?"

He shrugged. "You looked like you had fun last year. Wouldn't want you to miss out this year just because Abed decided he'd rather play surfer with Troy. Besides," he smirked, "I'm behind any costume idea that puts me in a suit."

She grinned brightly and threw her arms around his waist, pulling him into a tight hug. "Thanks, Jeff," he heard her mumble into his chest. He smiled and wrapped his arms around her.

"You know," he said as he extracted himself from her bear-like grip. "I'm a little insulted you didn't ask me first. Everyone knows I look way better in a suit than Abed." She blushed and turned her eyes away from his as the sound of Chuck Berry's guitar began to filter through the speakers. "Come on," he said, pulling her onto the dance floor. "They're playing our song."


3. "Diane, I'm Holding In My Hands A Small Box Of Chocolate Bunnies."

"Ms. Horne," Jeff said, approaching Annie. "It's lovely to see you. As always."

"Hello, Special Agent Cooper," she responded in a dreamy voice. "Punch?" She handed him a glass with a sultry smile on her face.

"Thank you, Audrey." He held up his hand and took a sip and smiled widely. "Ah. Now that is one damn fine cup of punch." The two stared at each other for a brief moment before bursting out in laughter. "Please tell me no one saw that," Jeff said, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Hey, you went along with this willingly," she replied, still chuckling.

"I told you, I'm on board for any costume that puts me in a suit. Though I'm still not sure how you tricked me into actually playing along with the character."

"I didn't trick you into anything. All I had to do was give you one of these," she hit him full force with the Disney eyes, "and you were happy to do it."

He smiled and shook his head. "You are evil." She giggled. "So how does the competition look this year?"

Annie turned to the dance floor and began pointing out the couples. "Well, I'm pretty sure the woman with Pierce is an escort, so I wouldn't worry about them. Shirley, Andre, and the boys did the 'Cosby Show.' Or at least, I think they did. Andre doesn't really fit the part and it kind of messes everything up. Britta and Troy won't be a problem. Britta's a raccoon, Troy's a bear, and it looks awful. The only real competition will be Abed and Rachel. They went with a 'Ghost' theme, and Rachel does a surprisingly accurate Demi Moore."

Jeff sighed. "We really need to talk to Abed about watching Patrick Swayze movies the week before Halloween."

Annie laughed and turned to him. "So, what do you think? Do we have a chance?"

Jeff took another gulp of punch and looked her up and down. "More than a chance. You look exactly like Sherilyn Fenn. Seriously, spitting image."

She blushed and smiled at him. "Thanks. I'd say you look Kyle MacLachlan, but we both know you look way better in a suit."

"That we do," he said, bending down to press a kiss on her lips, which lasted several moments longer than he had originally planned, as Annie's arms somehow found their way behind his head while his snaked around her waist.

"You know," she said, finally breaking the kiss, but keeping her arms around his neck. "Dale Cooper never ended up with Audrey Horne."

"No," he responded, smiling at her. "But he did fall in love with Annie." She blushed even harder and dipped her head so she was staring at his shoes. "Hey, if you're worried about the contest, I think I know a way we guarantee our victory." He smirked and plucked a cherry out of his glass.

A sly grin formed on her face as she took the small fruit and put it on the table. She stood on her tiptoes, leaned in close, and whispered in his ear. "Maybe later. If you're a good boy." He gulped as she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "Now come on," she said, excitedly taking his hand and pulling him into the middle of the room. "We have a contest to win!"


4. "She Used To Look Good To Me, But Now I Find Her…"

"Hey guys, come on in," Jeff said holding the door open wide for Britta, Abed, and Troy. "Annie's just finishing up getting ready."

"Oh look, another suit," Britta groaned. "You know, I'd have thought that now you and Annie are living together, she'd be able to get you to go one year without a suit for Halloween."

"Psh, yeah right. Besides, Annie loves the suits," Jeff grinned, straightening his tie. "And I could say the same thing about you and Troy, Thumper." Britta scowled at him and smoothed out her rabbit costume.

"I'm with Jeff on this one," Abed explained. "The suits may be repetitive, but it fits his character. And at the very least, from an objective standpoint, he does look good."

"Thank you, Jed," Jeff nodded at the young man.

"Wolverines," Abed responded.

"So who are you actually supposed to be, Jeff?" asked Troy, who was dressed as a skunk.

Jeff smiled and stood up straight. "Robert Palmer. It was my turn to pick the couple's costume."

"Who's Robert Palmer?"

"Who's Rob… are you serious Troy?" Jeff strode over to where his iPod was sitting in the dock and pressed the play button. The opening chords of 'Bad Case of Loving You' started blaring through the speakers.

"Robert Palmer sucks," Britta said, grabbing the iPod, shutting off the music.

"This from the person who's been to a Backstreet Boy's concert," Jeff countered.

"Wait a minute," Abed interjected before the two could continue their banter. "If Jeff's Robert Palmer, that means that Annie's-"

"Jeff, is that ribbon out there?" Annie interrupted, emerging from the bedroom. Britta dropped the iPod. Everyone's mouth fell open as they stared wide-eyed at her. She was wearing a skin-tight, sleeveless black dress that left little to the imagination in terms of cleavage and fell to the midway point of her thighs. When combined with the six inch black heels, it showed off every inch of her creamy legs. Her hair was pulled back in a tight bun, and the dark mascara and bright red lipstick combined to make her look like a fashion model fresh off the runway. "Oh, hey guys. I didn't hear you come in. What's up?"

"Heeeeey, Annie," Britta said slowly, being the first one to find her voice. "You look-"

"Awesome," Troy breathed out. Britta elbowed him in the ribs.

"Um, hey hon. You look… Yeah. Wow. Yeah, the ribbon's here," Jeff stumbled, picking up the orange fabric from the couch. His mouth was suddenly very dry. "I'll be in in a moment to help you tie it."

"Thanks!" Annie said, turning to go back to the bedroom. "Hurry up, we don't want to be late!"

Jeff turned back to Britta, Abed, and Troy, the later two still gaping towards the bedroom. "So, Annie and I are going to be late," he said, opening the front door and quickly shooing them out.

"Wait, Jeff!" Britta began, as he pushed her through the threshold. "What are you-"

"Sorry guys," he said, closing the door and cutting her off. "We'll see you at Pierce's!" Through the wall, they could hear the heavy drumbeat of 'Addicted to Love' blasting on full volume.

"Ugh, Jeff! You asshole!" Britta shouted, pounding on the wood to no avail. "You're a pig." She turned to where Troy and Abed were still staring, dumbstruck, at the closed door. "And so are you two."


5. "Have You Forgotten Your Angel?"

"That better not be champagne."

Jeff turned towards Annie, who was marching up to him. Correction – a very pregnant, in a very bad mood, Annie. And it was more of a waddle than a march. He smiled and offered one of the two glasses he was holding. "Sparkling grape juice," he said. She continued to glare at him. "For both of us," he clarified with an eye roll.

"Thanks," she grumbled, taking the flute from him with her right hand, the left resting on her protruding belly.

He brushed a piece of lint off of his suit jacket and removed his plastic phantom mask before pulling her into a hug and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I know attending a masquerade ball for my firm is not how you wanted to spend the evening." She remained silent, so he carried on. "I just don't really have a choice. New partners are expected to make an appearance at these things."

"I know that," Annie moaned, lifting her head and meeting his eyes. "It's not that I don't want to be here, specifically, it's that I don't really want to be anywhere. I'm eight months pregnant, Jeff. My feet and ankles are swollen and ache, I spend twenty hours a day drenched in sweat, I look like a whale that swallowed an elephant that swallowed a hippo, and I have to pee every three minutes. I just want to go home, sit on the couch, eat a bowl of butterscotch pudding, and watch 'The Nightmare Before Christmas.' Is that too much to ask?"

Damage control, Winger! Jeff thought to himself, as he watched the droplets form in the corner of her eyes. "Tell you what," he said, drying her face with his thumb. "We've been here, what, forty-five minutes?"

"It feels like eight hours."

"Let's stay another fifteen minutes so I can fill the bare minimum obligation to the senior partners, and then we'll sneak out. We'll get you set up on that couch with a nice mug of green tea and honey to go with your butterscotch. We'll put Tim Burton on the television, and I'll even rub your feet for you."

She looked up at him with a small smile on her face, happy tears now clouding her vision. "Really?"

"Really," he said, smiling back. "And in return, all I want is one glass of scotch."

"Not happening," Annie responded, placing her head upon his chest, smiling. "If I can't drink at these things, you can't either."

"Yeah, yeah. Figured it was worth a shot," he grumbled.

The two of them stood in silence, observing the party-goers, arms wrapped around each other, gently swaying despite the lack of music. "I guess it could be worse," Annie said after a couple minutes. "We could be stuck at Abed's 'Road House' themed party."

"Yeah, I wasn't going near that thing, even if he paid me," Jeff said. "Knowing Abed, I'm still not convinced it won't end in a brawl. Gotta keep the clothes clean."

Annie snorted in laughter and sighed happily, looking up at him. "What do you think we'll be doing next year?"

Jeff finished his drink and brushed a lock of hair back behind her ear. "Not sure, but I can guarantee you I'll be wearing a suit."


And One Time He Didn't

"So, how is it I spend five years trying to get you to wear something other than a suit on Halloween, but Lizzy smiles at a commercial for a princess costume and you go all in with the regal theme?" Annie questioned.

"You're just jealous she does the Disney eyes better than you. On a related note, you're in charge of all discipline when she gets older," Jeff responded from the bedroom where he was putting the finishing touches on their daughter's costume.

"She's not even one, Jeff."

"Irrelevant. And immaterial," he said, walking into the living room, dressed from head to toe in purple king's robes, complete with crown and cloak.

"The crowns are a bit much, don't you think?" Annie asked, trying to keep hers on straight. She was wearing a full length, long-sleeved, sky-blue dress with fuzzy white frills on the wrists, neck, waste, and hem.

"Lizzy liked them," Jeff shrugged "Now, then, I present to you one Princess Elizabeth Winger, future ruler of the land Greendalia." He held out their eleven-month old daughter, who was wearing a bright, pink dress complete with matching cone-shaped princess hat.

"Awwwww, aren't you the cutest little princess!" Annie squealed, taking her from Jeff and blowing a raspberry on her cheek as Elizabeth shrieked with laughter. "Jeff, can you get the camera? I want to take some pictures before we go." They spent the next fifteen minutes snapping photos, their daughter smiling and cooing happily in each one.

"So, do you have any idea what Abed's going as this year? He's gotta be running out of Swayze movies," Jeff asked, putting on Elizabeth's coat and mittens.

"I… may have a hunch based on what Britta told me yesterday," Annie answered, smiling coyly.

"Oh my god, you do know. What is it? It's not 'The Beast,' right? Because that was a T.V. show, not a movie."

"You really think that matters? Besides, it's not 'The Beast.' Even Abed has some standards."

"Yeah, well, that's debatable. So? What did Britta say?"

"She might have mentioned that Troy and Abed have been watching nothing but 'To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar' every night for the past two weeks."

Jeff's eyes widened and his lips curved up into a huge grin. "What are we still doing here? Let's go!"

"Thought you'd like that," Annie chuckled. "You ready?"

He nodded and offered her his left arm, holding his daughter securely in his right. "Milady."

Annie smiled and linked her arm with his. "Milord."

Turning to the child in his right arm, he smiled. "My princess." Elizabeth gurgled happily and buried her head in Jeff's shoulder as the three of them walked out into the night.