"What Would Happen If....?"
Parts 1-5

**Author's Note: I combined this mini-series into 2 parts, since it originally had 10. So 5 in Part 1, 5 in Part 2** -Shirl

Almost everyone has seen the episode "Look Before You Leap" (aka Laverne thinks she's pregnant). Well everything ended happily, Laverne wasn't "in trouble". Then I wrote a script where it happened to Shirley and everything turned up alright. Well what would happen if it didn't turn out alright? Yeah, you read it. She was "in trouble" Let's take it up 4 months after the episode "Look Before You Leap" ended. The test was positive: Laverne is gonna have a baby. Everyone is in Laverne and Shirley's apartment just talking about the event, since the kid's gonna be born in about 4 months. Frank already knows, and him & Edna are kinda happy. But Laverne, Shirley, Carmine, Lenny, and Squiggy are worried. Actually, Lenny's geniunely worried, Squiggy's drifting off into space. This should be a happy time, but it's not. Laverne's worried because she always thought she would be married. Now she's kinda fat, but not really, and that's a lucky thing for her. Shirley's a little excited, because Laverne said her and Carmine could be the godparents, but then at the same time this is putting a strain on them. One of Edna's daughter's is giving them a crib, and the Angora Debs are planning a baby shower. In spite of these events, every body's realized something: We're all getting older. Lenny's been thinking if maybe he should propose to Laverne again, because now he realizes he truly loves her and can't live without her. He doesn't wanna pressure her now, so he's thinking about waiting. Squiggy's thinking about Heckle & Jeckle. Boy, wasn't that episode funny? Next person. Carmine, what's he thinking about? He's thinking that he's getting older and not really going anywhere in his career though he's doing something he loves. Then he's thinking about proposing to Shirley. He's loved her all these years, and he totally knows he can't live a day without her in his life. He can't do that now, do you know how miserable that would make Laverne? They've been sitting around for an hour just thinking. Shirley, Laverne and Edna are sitting on the couch with Carmine and Lenny on the arms. Why isn't anyone talking? Who can talk at a time like this? It's a crisis! Laverne decided to break the ice. God knows how long they'll sit there in silence.

Laverne: Anyone see this week's "Sea Hunt"?

Shirley: Oh yes, yes, with the...... shark!

Laverne: The BIG shark. He chewed up that diver like a tootise roll, heh?

Shirley: C'mon everybody, snap out of it. It's not that bad about Laverne. We'll manage.

Laverne: Yeah, I mean, we're gonna be alright.

Lenny: Ya sure? 'Cause a kid's a big responsibilty and all.

Edna: You're telling me. I have 5.

Shirley: And it's not like we're not going to have you away from us. Mrs. Babish you live a few apartments away, Mr. DeFazio you live around the corner, and you guys live a few floors up.

Laverne: Yeah, only a hop, skip, and a jump away.

Carmine: What are you gonna name the baby, Laverne?

Laverne: I was thinkin' for a boy.....

Shirley: Fabian! Fabian DeFazio!

Lenny: That's got possibilities.

Laverne: And for a girl....

Shirley: Shirley!

Laverne: Would ys stop it Shirl? I like the names, but I ain't naming the baby Shirley. I was thinkin' Amanda or somethin' like that.

Edna: Those are really nice names Laverne.

(everybody's relaxed now and making jokes and laughing and having a good time.


Part 2

Last time we left the gang they were all thinking how life if gonna be different with a little baby around. Especially Laverne. She can't believe that she can't date for 9 months, well, actually, only 4 now. Luckily, she can still fit into her clothes so no one thinks anything suspicious. It's about 3 weeks since the last we left them (part 1) and Laverne, Shirley, Carmine, and Lenny are sorting through all the stuff the Angora Debs gave them at the baby shower. Shoes, jumpsuits, aww, it's all so cute! Let's see what they're talking about......

Shirley: Oh, Laverne, look at these shoes! Look how little they are!

Laverne: I know, and did you see these socks? I wonder how the baby can walk in them.

Carmine: Laverne, the baby ain't gonna be walking for a while.

Laverne: Good thing, or else he woulda been tripping like I was with those shoes that were too small for me, remember?

Shirley: Yeah that was funny. Oh, look at this. Look!

(Shirley holds up a little jumpsuit with a little black cat on it like Boo Boo Kitty and she turns it around to face her)

Shirley: Laverne, can I keep this?

Laverne: Shirl, which one of us is having a baby?

Shirley: I could have one......

Carmine: Did anyone see this rattle and this little photo album?

(as you can see, he's trying to change the subject, very weakly I might add)

Lenny: Carmine, don't you wanna have kids, like ever?

Carmine: Well yeah, but not now.

Shirley: (she holds his hand and looks at him) I know not now, but eventually, right?

Carmine: Of course.

(he kisses her forehead and goes to back to flipping through the ton of books that people sent Laverne)

Lenny: Laverne, you actually gonna read all these books people sent?

Laverne: Each and every one of them. I wanna be a good parent.

Shirley: You know Vernie, this crib is really big. I wonder, when the baby gets older and needs a real bed maybe I could sleep here and the kid can have my bed.

Laverne: Shirl, don't be ridiculous. You can't sleep in there.

Shirley: Yes I can, Carmine, roll the crib over here.

Carmine: I don't know Shirl, this crib isn't as big as you think.

(he reluctantly rolls the crib over. Shirley stands on the couch and gets in the crib, sitting down on the bottom. Since [duh] she's too tall for it, she lies on her back with her legs like sticking out of the crib. Laverne starts laughing at her and so does Lenny. Shirley grabs the bars at the side and tries to pull herself out.)

Laverne: I told ya you'd be stuck in there Shirl!

Shirley: It's not funny, get me outta here! I don't wanna be in this crib forever!

Carmine: Calm down angelface, I'll get you out.

(he stands over the crib on the couch and grabs her arms trying to pull her out)

Carmine: Shirl, you're stuck in there.

Shirley: No! Get me outta here!

(Carmine tries to pull her out again and then Laverne grabs his jacket and pulls him back. Lenny grabs Laverne around the waist and tries to pull as hard as he can. Laverne turns around and looks deeply into his eyes and suddenly, just as Carmine has Shirley almost out, Laverne and Lenny let go and start kissing. Carmine falls off the couch and the crib flips on it's side with Shirley still inside. Carmine pulls the crib off of her and Shirley lays sprawled on the floor)

Shirley: Laverne! I'm gonna kill you! I was almost out of there and you let go! Laverne!

(she looks at Laverne and Lenny and her jaw drops open)

Shirley: Laverne?

(Carmine helps her up and they walk out the door leaving Lenny and Laverne in privacy because Lenny had told Carmine to get Shirley out because he had something real important to ask Laverne.)


Part 3

Last time we left the gang, Lenny had a real important question to ask Laverne. What was that very important life changing question? Let's take a look. If we didn't, there would be no point in this, now would there?

::In Laverne & Shirley's apartment Lenny & Laverne are sitting on the couch, where Lenny has something really important to ask Laverne.::

Laverne: What ya gotta ask me Len?

Lenny: Well, see, we've known each other a real long time right? And I know you don't really like me alot....

Laverne: I don't like you a lot? Lenny, I love you.....

::Shirley's scream is heard from the hallway. Lenny walks to the door and opens it, finding Shirley and Carmine with their ears pressed against the door. They smile awkwardly and walk up the stairs so they don't interrupt again::

Laverne: I meant as a friend Len.

Lenny: Yeah, I know, but you know, Kosnowski's a pretty good name....

Laverne: You gonna ask me to marry you again, Lenny?

Lenny: ::his secret has been found out! He has to cover this up..... but how?:: I really love ya Laverne, and I understand that you don't wanna marry me. It's okay.

Laverne: ::she looks down at the floor:: You know Len, if you had asked me, I woulda said yes. I mean, Shirl told me I was crazy if I did, but now I know that I really like ya a lot.

Lenny: Really?

Laverne: Yeah, but not now. I mean, I need to be single for a while. But if you ever ask me again, I'll say yes, okay? Sort of your 'wife in waiting'. I wanna raise the baby by myself, with some help from Shirl and all these people, but you know, I'll be fine by myself, okay Len?

::Then, Shirley's scream is heard again, this time from the dumbwaiter. Laverne runs over and opens it to see Shirley crawled up in the dumbwaiter. She smiles at Laverne::

Shirley: Carmine, pull me back up! Bye Laverne, see ya!

::Laverne grabs Shirley's wrist and drags her into the kitchen.::

Laverne: A little privacy please?

Shirley: How could you agree to marry him?

Lenny: She didn't Shirl. She turned me down. ::smiles his big dopey smile:: but after that kid comes, I'll be around here a lot, okay?

Shirley: I guess, that's okay.

Laverne: Now what were you doing in the dumbwaiter?

Shirley: Well, me and Carmine weren't eaves dropping. We were playing.... coalminer!

Laverne: Sure you were. Anyway, go get Carmine, we still have a lot of stuff to sort from the baby shower and I need all the help I can get.

::Shirley walks out the door and Lenny holds Laverne's hand.::

Lenny: Why didn't you tell Shirley?

Laverne: Did you hear her scream in that dumbwaiter? ::he nods his head:: It woulda been 10 times worse.

::they start sorting the stuff, laughing and talking::


Part 4

Last time we left everyone, Lenny had proposed to Laverne and she had gracefully said... well... how do I explain this? She's his wife in waiting or something? Well, if you don't know what happened, just E-mail me to find out, k? Great. Now, it's a few weeks later and Laverne, Shirley, and Carmine are flipping through books looking for names for the baby. Let's see what they're picking.

Shirley: Laverne, by any chance, will you be sewing letters onto the baby's clothes?

Laverne: Yeah, why not? With letters everyone's gonna point and say "Look! There's Laverne DeFazio's kid!".

Shirley: True, no doubt about that.

Carmine: How about Antonio?

Laverne: ::glaring at Carmine:: Carmine, we have 5 Antonio DeFazios already, the only way we can tell them apart is looks and middle names.

Shirley: Alright, no Italian names either. How about some nice Irish names? Stanley, Patrick, Daniel....

Carmine: Stanley ain't Irish.

Shirley: I know, but I like it.

Laverne: Nah, how about Laverne Junior?

Carmine: Ain't that only for boys, Laverne?

Shirley: Yes, and anyway I've seen enough L's to last me a lifetime!

Carmine: Then start putting S's on your clothes, Shirl.

Laverne: Aww, be quiet. Alright, how about... Laura?

Shirley: Laverne, Vernie, you're my best friend and all, and it's none of my business what you name your child, but please, no more L's!!

Laverne: Alright, geez, okay Shirl, no L's.

Carmine: How about Robert?

Laverne: That sounds pretty nice. Robert DeFazio.... needs a middle name.

Carmine: No, wait, no Robert. The Robert I knew in Chicago was a scuzzburger.How about Ryan? Rolan?

Laverne: Oh, Carmine, Rolan? Why don't ya just put his middle name "Bromo". Rolan sounds like something you take after Shirl cooks.

Shirley: ::with a harsh look on her face:: You know, you're going to have to start cooking. How do you expect to keep a husband happy?

Laverne: Take the bus to Filthtown and find out.

Carmine: Your both good cooks, alright? How about Neil?

Shirley: Now that you mention Filthtown, you have to cut down on smut after the baby's born*. You don't want him or her to be scarred now, do you?

Laverne: My son or daughter ain't gonna be scarred. I've been living with you god knows how many years and you're still smut free**.

Carmine: No she ain't, how about Ashley?

Shirley: Who asked you?

Laverne: Just let me raise my own child, okay Shirl?

Shirley: Alright, fine, raise her to be a harlot, I don't care.

Laverne: ::stands up:: Listen Shirl, if you're gonna start telling me how to raise a kid when you don't even have one then you can just turn in your godmother rights!

Shirley: I think I will! I don't want to be embarassed in public by that kid!

Carmine: I'll be leaving now...

Laverne: Stay here Carmine, you're the godfather!

Shirley: Leave here Carmine, you're the boyfriend!

Carmine: How about if I stand here? ::stands in the doorway between the living room and bedroom:: I'm here but I'm not here.

Laverne: You can't rule my life Shirl, and you can't rule my child's life either!

Shirley: Well there's gratitude for you! I try to be a good friend and give you advice, and what do I get?

Laverne: No godmother rights!

::Laverne shoves Carmine out of the doorway, walks into the bedroom and slams the door::

Is this the end of Laverne & Shirley? Stay tuned for the next parts!!

Author's notes:
*= Cut down on smut? Has she lost her mind?
**= Smut free Shirley, hah!

Part 5

Last time we left everyone, Laverne and Shirley had gotten into a huge fight. Right now Lenny's talking to Shirley and trying to convince her to apologize.

Shirley: I'm not going to apologize! I don't have to.

Lenny: Shirl, it ain't good for Laverne to be depressed or stressed or compressed like this!

Shirley: I only wanted my godchild to have good influences, but nooooo, she wanted a smut kid! Well she's gonna have one now!

Lenny: I know that Laverne would only trust you around her kid. And in this world of smut...

Shirley: A big part of that world of smut is right here.

Lenny: In this world of smut, that kid is gonna need someone smut free. So if it's a girl, she don't turn out actin' like Big Rosie Greenbaum.

Shirley: Lord knows we only need one more of her.

Lenny: So if you don't want another Rosie Greenbaum, especially one related to you sort of, then why don't you just put on your shoes and your coat and go say sorry to Laverne?

Shirley: What?! Why should I?

::Lenny is now realizing that Shirley is very proud (like pride, you know, 7 deadly sins) and stubborn on these matters.::

Lenny: But it was just a dumb fight, and these are the times when Laverne needs you the most, Shirl.

Shirley: Yeah...

Lenny: To tell her everything's gonna be okay....

Shirley: Yeah...

Lenny: Reassure her that she'll go out on dates again... eventually.

Shirley: Yeah...

Lenny: And a free babysitter.

Shirley: ::raises eyebrow, then grins.:: Yeah, I guess you're right.

Lenny: So you're gonna apologize??

Shirley: When she comes here to apologize then I will.

Lenny: No, you're gonna go over to her pop's house and apologize now!

Shirley: But I don't wanna!

Lenny: Shirl, you're sounding like a little kid again. Okay, let's try this again. Are you sorry?

Shirley: Yeah, I am Len.

Lenny: Then get over to her pop's house and apologize!

::he shoves her out the apartment door and closes it. He then realizes that it's not his apartment and opens the door to go back to his apartment when he sees Shirley sitting on the stairs::

Shirley: If she's sorry too then she'll come here.

Lenny: That's it.

::he grabs Shirley by the wrists and drags her up the stairs only to see Carmine trying to push Laverne through the door of the apartment building. No, she's not that big that she can't fit, she's holding on to the door frame because she doesn't want to move::

Lenny: Okay Shirl, here's Laverne. You got somethin' to say?

Shirley: Nice coat.

Carmine: Alright, since Shirl ain't gonna say it, Laverne, do you have something to say?

Laverne: Nice nightie. Did you take it from me?

::Shirley looks down and sees she's wearing a nightie and she screams and runs back to her apartment to get a robe or a towel or anything to cover herself up. Laverne walks down the stairs and into the apartment::

Shirley: ::closing up her bathrobe:: Hello Laverne.

Laverne: Shirl, I don't wanna apologize in front of Len and Carmine.

Shirley: Me either. Look Laverne, I'm real sorry I acted like a jerk like I knew everything about kids and stuff, 'cause I don't.

Laverne: And I'm sorry I took away your godmother rights. Will you still be little somebody's godmother?

Shirley: Of course! Now, what do you say we go pick some names, huh?

::they hug and then walk over to the couch where all the books are::