Harry Potter and the Chamber of Obviousness

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Obviousness

Chapter 1

No offense meant to anyone. I wrote this for fun because I was bored one day. Thanks to my betas, Varietygirl9143 and Guard of Gondor. More should be coming soon!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or for that matter, just about anything I might happen to parody in this fanfic. The only things I own in this are my ideas.

One afternoon, Harry was contentedly standing on his head in his bedroom in the Dursley's house on Privet Drive. All summer long he had been writing to his friends, asking for news of the outside world, custard recipes, and exotic knock-knock jokes. What was annoying was that he hadn't received a single response yet, and his reservoir of knock-knock jokes was rapidly being depleted. Uncle Vernon interrupted Harry's meditation by sticking his fat head in the doorway and saying,

"Oy, Harry, there's a big highly trained monkey from my company coming over here for dinner tonight, so no magic or any of that jiggery pokery or heads will roll!"

Harry sighed, rolled over, sat down on his bed, and promptly got a blood rush.

As soon as Uncle Vernon shut the door, there was a crack like a peanut shell being stepped on and a strange looking figure appeared. It had a nose ten inches long and ears double that. It came about to Harry's hip and appeared to be wearing a stylish potato sack. On its grubby head, there was a baseball cap (turned sideways for added effect), and some gold chains around its neck.

After a little bit it spoke up.

"Yo wassup Harry Pottah mah homey? My name is Dobby, and I be off da hizzle fo' shizzle! And this place seriously sucks, man…."

"Tell me about it," Harry said dryly.

"Well, the curtains-"

"That was sarcastic." Harry said, rolling his eyes.

After looking somewhat bewildered for a few seconds, the creature said, "Right on, homey."

"Anyway, strange creature called Dobby that just appeared half naked in my room, what on earth are you?"

The strange creature called Dobby that had just appeared half naked in Harry's room responded, "I be a house-elf, fool! A GANGSTA house-elf!"

"Ooookaaay…." Harry said to the strange creature called Dobby that… never mind.

"And don'tcha be goin' to Hogwartz dis year, or y'all gonna die! FO' SHIZZLE!" said Dobby.

"Riiight," Harry said, now thoroughly disturbed by the conversation and looking for possible ways to exit the room.

"Now let me go mess up yo house and ruin yo life, homey!" the house-elf said.

"How about not?" Harry said, but it was too late; the house-elf had already disappeared, making the peanut-shell-crunching noise again, and leaving a faint smell of chili in the air.

Again, no offense meant to anyone here. Now review, please. It's not that hard, just press the little purple button and type a few words. Thanks.