Tears, Tantrums and Tweethearts
Chapter One
I've made a mistake. A major fucking mistake and it's cost me everything.
Rachel checked her Twitter app to see if Finn had made any recent tweets. He hadn't but that nice guy from the bathroom had followed her.
You have one new follower
B_Weston Brody Weston
Im real and I hope some of my followers are too.
Followers 275 Following 215
She followed back pleased that she'd made her first potential friend but that thought didn't last long. Thinking of making new friends in New York only made her think of the friends she had made back in Lima. It made her think of Kurt. She would never admit it to anyone but Rachel Barbra Berry had made a mistake. She had always dreamed of moving to New York but the reality didn't exactly meet expectations. It didn't even come close. The accommodation, for one thing, left a lot to be desired. The room was simply decorated in neutral colours. She supposed it wasn't so bad but she was itching to put her own stamp on it. Maybe a splash of pink would make it feel more like home. The furniture was cheap and nasty; Rachel hated the pine effect wardrooms and the single beds with the cheap mattresses that were obviously designed to be a torture technique for those students that would otherwise sleep in. Sleep in, ha! The chance would be a fine thing. Rachel was lucky if she managed to get any sleep at all. When the springs in the mattress weren't digging into her, and it was a very rare occasion that they weren't, the roommate was busy knobbing every available man in the city. Rachel hated the sound of skin slapping against skin, the deep breathing of both parties, the passionate moans Chelsea pulled from the men and pleas of her roommate begging to be fucked harder. On nights like that she would lie awake, biting her lip to stem the flow of tears, and think of Finn.
She missed her high school sweetheart; sometimes so much that she'd send him a raunchy message even though they weren't together anymore. He hardly ever replied but she supposed he couldn't. Finn had joined the Army. It had been a decision that had broken Rachel's heart but she wasn't his wife or even his fiancé anymore, she wasn't even his girlfriend for god sake so her objections had carried little or no weight. Finn hadn't wanted to hear them. She thought about him all the time though. She wondered if he ever thought about her but, then again, he was probably too busy making friends and learning drills to be thinking about her. She was a burden. That's why he had ditched her; practically at the altar. Finn Hudson had humiliated and hurt Rachel Berry so badly and in front of everyone they knew but she still loved him. She still pined for him and every fibre of her being ached to be near him. It didn't matter if they weren't together; just to be in the same room as him would be something, it wouldn't be enough but it would be better than this; this vast pit of emptiness that consumed her every waking hour. There was nothing here that the young brunette wouldn't trade in a heartbeat to turn back time.
Rachel: Nailed my first public performance today! So thrilled! #NewYorkStateOfMind
She tweeted from Central Park, the only piece of green in an otherwise concrete jungle, hoping that Finn would respond. She'd spoken to him last week, they'd talked for a full uninterrupted ten minutes. He'd told her about the fitness regime and how the sergeant woke his platoon up at 2AM to do three laps around the field before going back to bed only to be woken three hours later to start the day's activities and in return she'd told him how amazing New York was because it was what he'd wanted to hear. She didn't want to worry him with her stupid problems. It was high time she grew up. She'd lied about her roommate claiming that Chelsea had become her new BFF and she'd told him that her dance teacher was a dream when in actual fact Cassandra was a nightmare. She had singled Rachel out on her very first day and for some unknown reason the teacher had taken an instant dislike to her. The brunette didn't mind much, years of torment at McKinley had made her thick skinned, but she had kind of hoped that her life in New York would be different. It was quickly becoming apparent that, here, she was just a small fish in a very large, extremely overcrowded pond. Finn was wrong about me, I'm nothing special at all. Less than a minute after her tweet she felt her phone vibrate in her hand and quickly opened her Twitter app. She was always on the edge of her seat lately, always waiting to hear from Finn.
KurtHummel: YAY! So proud of you! #thatsmygirl Rachel: Nailed my first public performance today! So thrilled! #NewYorkStateOfMind
I've made a mistake. A major fucking mistake and it's cost me everything
Army life was nothing like Finn had expected. The early mornings and late nights combined with the strenuous physical exercises and strict regime left utterly exhausted. There didn't seem to be enough hours in the day to complete all his tasks so more often than not his phone remained switched off in his locker. He'd rang his mom twice in the three weeks since he'd arrived at the base and he'd only spoken to Rachel once. The phone calls home were always differcult. Finn could tell his mom was finding it hard to let go, the strain in her voice was clear and it wounded him. He hated that he was putting her through hell and he hated the way Kurt had cried into the phone, actually fucking cried, because he worried about him although Finn knew some of the tears were for New York. Kurt was majorly disappointed about not getting accepting into NYADA. He hid it well but Finn wasn't stupid, his step brother was miserable. Finn felt bad for him, he'd always assumed he would be the one stuck in Lima attending community college because there were no other options available but then again, there had been options for him. He could have married Rachel and moved to New York. There was a chance it could have worked. Rachel would have made it work, he knew that but he also knew that it wouldn't have been easy. Rach would have had to made sacrifices and she would have made them, he knew that too but he didn't want her to have to do that. There wasn't an hour that passed by, no matter what he was doing, that she didn't cross his mind.
The phone call to Rachel had been the worst. It had only lasted ten minutes because he'd had a shit load of ironing to get through and the drill sergeant was doing his rounds but he'd needed to hear her voice. Finn had almost cried at the sweet sound of it but he knew that lads would have tormented him forever so instead he had swallowed the lump in his throat and acted as though she was just an old friend. She had been so happy and she was loving New York so that brought him some comfort. At least he knew he'd made the right decision by her even if it was his biggest regret. He missed her so much but he had to let her go. It was the letting go that was hard for both of them; sometimes she would text him raunchy messages like they had back in high school but he'd never been sure how to respond so he hadn't. She text him most nights and sometimes he replied but usually he was too tired and he'd fall asleep and wouldn't see them till the morning.
He'd been out on a training course all day and his feet were hurting like a bitch, the boots were rubbing against his ankle and he had blisters the size of Manhattan but he'd dare not complain and he wasn't exactly in the worst state. One of his pals, Private John Adams, had developed a severe case of trench foot due to the bad weather conditions and ill-fitting footwear but he lumbered on so if Finn were to complain he'd be the butt of all the jokes. He'd had a shower and now he was sitting on his bed, filling in the mandatory journal that would remain the property of the army. He was supposed to write about the day's activities and any feeling and emotions he was experiencing but he never told the truth. If he did they'd buy him plane tickets to New York and send him on his way. He wondered what Rachel was doing right now- Ha imagine if she's wondering what I'm doing- and smiled to himself. He climbed up, his legs aching all of a sudden and walked over to his locker to retrieve his phone. He took it back to his bed and switched it on.
He had Rachel's twitter and Facebook alerts sent directly to his mobile- not in a stalkerish way but in the ex boyfriend that is still madly in love with you kind of way- so he knew the instant he switched it on that she'd been twittering. He clicked on the alert and opened the Twitter app.
B_Weston: She was awesome! KurtHummel: YAY! So proud of you! #thatsmygirl Rachel: Nailed my first public performance today! So thrilled! #NewYorkStateOfMind
RachelBBerry: B_Weston Thankyou so much for your support today!
B_Weston: RachelBBerry Your very welcome and honestly, you were incredible. Carmen loves you!
TheNewRachel: We all love you! B_Weston: RachelBBerry Your very welcome and honestly, you were incredible. Carmen loves you!
RachelBBerry: haha whats with the name Tina? X TheNewRachel: We all love you! B_Weston: RachelBBerry Your very welcome and honestly, you were incredible. Carmen loves you!
BlaineAnderson: RachelBBerry Tina thinks shes the new you even though Artie agreed that I am
KurtHummel: pathetic much? #GROWUP BlaineAnderson: RachelBBerry Tina thinks shes the new you even though Artie agreed that I am
TheNewRachel: Pathetic is you still hanging round McKinley KurtHummel: pathetic much? BlaineAnderson: RachelBBerry Tina thinks shes the new you even though Artie agreed that I am
BlaineAnderson: I don't think that's pathetic at all actually. Pathetic is calling yourself the new Rachel when your clearly not. #wounded TheNewRachel: Pathetic is you still hanging round McKinley KurtHummel: pathetic much? #GROW UP BlaineAnderson: RachelBBerry Tina thinks shes the new you even though Artie agreed that I am
RachelBBerry: Loving the competition to be #TheNewRachel taking place in #TheNewDirections. YOUR ALL AMAZING!
KurtHummel: RachelBBerry don't encourage them!
BrittneySpierce: RT RachelBBerry: Loving the competition to be #TheNewRachel taking place in #TheNewDirections. YOUR ALL AMAZING!
Finn read the tweets and laughed to himself imagining the competition to be the new star. They would probably have sang some cheesy song together in the auditorium and tried to out dance each other. The very idea was hilarious. He wished he could have been there to see it. He missed the New Directions so much. He wasn't laughing for long when a tweet popped up.
B_Weston: I agree. There is only one Rachel Berry and she pretty damn awesome! KurtHummel: RachelBBerry don't encourage them!
He felt his heart constricting. He knew ofcourse that Rachel would meet someone in New York and move on eventually but he hadnt expected it to happen so quickly. Was he really that disposable? He knew he'd been the one to walk away but his intentions had been honorable, the ultimate act of love. He hadn't wanted her to be a war bride, constantly worrying about him and losing focus on her own goals. She had wanted to move to New York ever since Finn had known her and he knew Rachel was destined for greatness. She deserved someone far better than him but he had thought she'd loved him. They had been about to get married for crying out loud and yet here she was flaunting her new love interest in his face and It hurt. It hurt like holy fucking hell. He threw his phone down and biting his tongue, got back to writing in the shitty journal.
what d'yall think?
