Already Dead

Dean Winchester:

Journal Entry #1:

Life isn't full of rainbows and lollipops, I know that.

It's supposed to be hard. Some peoples are just harder then other's.

Mine, unfortunately, seems to be in the top 5 worst.

But, apparently, it's who I'm ment to be. I've tried to escape hunting many times but it just catches me like a fish and reels me in.

What about Sam I mean, it's not like it's his fault the monsters seem to always pick him for there midnight snack.

And who else is going to save him but lucky ole me?

I mean when he died a few months ago when psychic kid Jake stabbed him in the back, what else was I suppose to do but try to get him back.

That's how 'The Deal' came along.

Selling my soul for my brother's life... I don't regret it.

But that doesn't mean I'm not afraid.

And I am, I admit it.

Can you blame me?

I sold my soul to a demon, the worst kind to deal with, and now when my years up the hellhounds will come and tear me to shreds until I choke on my own life.

And then to Hell we go.

So now, I've got a limit.

Now, I've got an alarm on me and the time's ticking away by the second.

But all the while this goes on I have to keep my game face on for my little brother.

Make sure he thinks I'm not the slightest bit scared.

So he won't worry more then he already is. And I can't really blame him for worrying, I mean, his big brother is being sent to Hell for him.

I can only imagine the guilt clawing at his aching soul.

His only family still breathing and kicking, is going to die at an exact time, exact destination.

Only, truth is, he's wasting his efforts. Because, really,

I'm already dead.