My first Twilight Fan-Fic hope you like it!! Review!! I like reviews they fuel my writing
"You don't want me?" I whisper in a shaky voice.
"No"
My heart thumps loudly in my chest in a nauseating rhythm making me want to throw up, and then as he said that one tiny word that made my world come crashing down full force. I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces...
"NOOOOO EDWARD!!" I shot up out of my bed.
My whole body starts to shudder with broken sobs as they echo through my system. I curl myself back into my bed, hugging my pillow close to me and squeezing my eyes shut.
'Just a dream, just a dream…' I mutter to myself over and over again, even though I can't stop remembering how real it felt. How close to the truth my dream was, the only difference is that I didn't wake up when it actually happened.
I keep sobbing his name even when it hurt to say it.
"Edward where are you? Why did you leave, I Love you..!" I sob out not really caring if Charlie hears. Let him hear let the whole world hear!! Everyone already knows he left me in the forest never to return again.
It's only been a month since they left and even now I'm still sobbing out his name in my sleep. I must escape this insane pain stabbing me in the chest every time I breathe. 'He's gone Bella get it through your thick skull!!' I mentally scream to myself. The giant gaping hole in my chest is still burning from where he ripped my heart out when he left and I don't think that's going to change anytime soon.
They say that when you get your heart broke for the first time it feels like your whole world has come crashing down and believe me it does, but they say that you'll get over it in time and find new love. The problem is, is that my only true love, no my soul mate has left me and I will never forget or get over this even is I live 80 years he will always be in the back of my mind reminding me of his beautiful crooked smile only for me.
I lay in bed for the entire day thinking about how my life has ended up, reasons as to why he left me, and ways to end my pain. I know committing suicide is wrong and selfish, but it has crossed my mind more than once and if he really is gone forever than what other option do I have? I know Charlie and Renee would be very sad, but Charlie has Billy and other friends in Forks to support him, and Renee has Phil to be there for her I know they could survive without me.
It's about 3:30pm when I decide that I don't have to deal with all this pain anymore and all I have to do is end my own life. I plan to do it by jumping off the highest cliff I saw in La Push, when I was there with Jacob ages ago when he first told me about them.
I hop out of bed dressing in a classic T-shirt and jeans; I slink down the stairs to see a note from Charlie sitting on the counter.
Hey Bells I got called down to the station to help with some local problems, some leftovers are in the fridge if you get hungry. I will probably be home pretty late, because I got paper work to finish up at the station. Cheer up Bells! Love you!!
Hmmmm…well that's why it's been so quiet this Saturday, usually Charlie urges me to go into town with him or call one of my friends.
I sighed sadly when I saw his words 'cheer up' as if I could ever be happy again. Well I soon will be.
After lacing on my old tennis shoes, I grab my keys and walk silently towards me old classic red Chevy.
My heart aches when I see the new radio system Emmet installed for me for my 18th birthday. I automatically consider taking it out before I realize it just doesn't matter any more, nothing does.
The engine roars to life and in seconds I'm off heading towards La Push.
I pull up to the curb near First Beach. The waves are splashing with an iron force, fascinating me in every way. My eyes find the cliffs and I glide swiftly to the top of the highest one in an involuntary way, like my mind has planned this for a long time and is just now sharing it with the rest of me.
I stare out at the great vast sea soaking up the amazing mist that the ocean sprays at me as if teasing me to jump into it's waters and in do time I will.
The weather is rainy, like always, which only seams to be fueling the roaring waters below me.
No doubt Alice has already seen this happening or maybe not? Would she try and stop me if she did, or maybe tell Edward what I was planning to do?
Oh well it doesn't matter anymore It will all be over soon enough.
I move closer to the edge peering over its lip. The waters beneath look like a small hurricane is forming, perfect it will only help my death come faster.
As I think back to the memories of my life a song comes to my lips as if a prayer from God.
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
Charlie and Renee are holding my 3 year-old hands swinging me in-between them as we walk through the park on a rare sunny day in Forks.
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Renee and I taking silly picture of each other to fill the massive scrapbook Charlie bought me that Christmas.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.
Renee exclaiming to me that she's in love with her long time boyfriend Phil, and all I could think was how happy I was for her.
The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
Edward and I gazing into each others eyes as we lay side by side in the Meadow, his crooked smile making my heart swell.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
Alice dragging me to the mall and making me try on everything she can get her hands on.
When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.
Edward staring at me lovingly as he held my hand in the ballet studio telling me how much he loves me and that it's going to be alright.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see."
As I finish the song a small smile forms on my lips and I fling myself off the cliff.
My eyes close and Edwards face fills my vision, he's smiling and time seems to stand still.
I then feel cold waters surrounding me, pulling me further and further into its depths not willing to let go and I wasn't resisting.
I welcomed the cold darkness as it swept me up, the last thoughts I had before I died were
Goodbye, I love you
The last thing I saw was Edward's crooked smile and then the darkness consumed me.
