"I wanna be at my place, right now, with you." he said with so much courage in his eyes.
Deeks' plan of continuing to live an endless lie had failed, I could not stand to watch this happen right before my eyes anymore. This was not the first, the second nor the third time he had asked me to go get burgers and beers with him and we ended up in such a fancy place like this.
As I reflected on what he had said, I could sense my eyes were not hiding my desire to be with him as he wished. My impulses did not let me think of the consequences of this act and, before I could say anything, my feet were touching the ground and leading me to his car.
As we drove, I could hear his breath become faster and faster.
"Do you want to watch a movie?" I had finally broken the ice. We had to talk about something, otherwise it would be too awkward for anything to happen.
"Sure, something like 'American Hustler'?" Deeks asked me. He could not act normally, not now. I got it but I wanted it to be the same.
"I was thinking about 'The Conjuring' or a creepy movie like that."
"Oh, you mean a make out movie?"
Deeks was back. He smirked and glanced at me briefly before locking his eyes back on the road. I smiled and played along.
"I wasn't thinking with that idea in mind, but we could make it work."
During the rest of the journey we were mostly quiet but I was trying to make Deeks comfortable.
We got to his place soon and I have to say, it was a complete mess. Even more than my house. His table in front of the couch was still very dirty and messy but he managed to find a place for me to place my phone, which I put in silent mode, I did not want to be disturbed.
Deeks turned on the TV and sat down next to me in the couch. I got my shoes off and cuddled with his cat pillow right in the middle of the couch. Deeks sat down behind me, but not too close, almost by the edge of it. I could feel his hand by my thigh trembling while he held the remote and chose a 90's scary movie. Instead of facing the television, I turned around to look at him. His eyes were bright and he was blinking a lot. His breath was getting faster again, and he squeezed the remote, trying not to be nervous.
"So, what is it that you want to say?" I asked, "Like right now."
Deeks dropped the remote to the floor and, in a quick movement, touched my face lightly and locked our lips together. This was not the answer I was expecting, but that doesn't mean I did not enjoy such response. Our lips moved together, almost as in sync and our tongues slightly touched. He tangled his fingers around my hair and I tried not to let myself lay down on him.
When he was done, our eyes met.
"I think that pretty much sums up what I want to tell you." He said, without ever looking away from my eyes.
"Well I hate to be a spoiler but I think we need to talk about this first."
"Kensi Blye wishes to talk" Deeks joked, "Let's hear it, then."
My mind went blank but, as soon as I smelled the scent of his t-shirt again, it all came back.
"It's pretty clear there is something going on here and I don't want to get involved before knowing if it has any possibilities to work."
He looked down at the couch and smirked at me.
"You never know if it will work. We just have to make it happen. And, like you said, there is something going on. I cannot deny that every time you glance at me with those killer eyes I don't feel a shiver through my spine."
As he said that, I did. After it, I took a deep breath, looked up and looked back down. He was looking at me. Like the first time we actually kissed, his eyes were half opened and, even after I left, I could sense him still looking at me, still thinking about me.
It was hard for me to say these things, after what Jack had done to me and, even though I try not to think about that, those feelings start taking over in moments like this. I wanna say it, it is right there, but it won't come out.
"How about we just watch the movie?" Deeks asked, clearly noticing my issue, "For now."
I smiled, feeling happy he had noticed and understood it. We both sat back on the couch and enjoyed the movie… only for a few minutes, because, afterwards, things started to get more intimate.
When I noticed, his right arm was all around my waist and I was nearly sitting in his lap. If you asked me what the movie was about, I could not answer that question, because what I was paying attention to was how to get my lips on his again. And it didn't take a long time before I figured out how to. That night I learnt about Deeks' weakness.
His chest.
It is the sexiest thing about him and the thing he cannot take is when you slide your hand through it. When I dared to, he literally attacked me. He started kissing me so hard, and touching my back with his strong hands, taking my shirt off… and that was it. No more physical contact. Then, he stopped, realizing he was going way too fast.
"I'm sorry." He said, sitting back down.
"It's okay."
I put my shirt back on and sat down like I was before. He was staring at me and I decided to join his game. We exchanged looks until I pressed our bodies against each other. I was hugging him, not kissing him, and it felt almost better.
"I want us to work." He whispered in my ear, "And I'm not going to hurt you, not like he did."
I shut my eyes really tight and said,
"I know. I really want to stay with you right now." And, in that moment, I said exactly what was on my mind.
We pulled apart and I cuddled in the couch in front of him as we watched the movie. It was almost over when we actually started watching it. He wrapped his arms around me and I leaned my head against his chest and closed my eyes. I could feel his breath against my hair and it was the best thing I had ever felt in so many years.
"This is what he meant." I thought to myself. What an amazing feeling it was not to be able to say what you want and, yet, you have it.
As the credits rolled, I felt we were both almost sleepwalking, we were very exhausted. Suddenly, I felt Deeks' jaw going lower until it touched the top of my head, where he placed his lips for a few seconds and said,
"I think I am in love with you, Kensi."
And those were the words I fell asleep to, that night.
"I think I am in love with you, Kensi."
