Author Notes: There's not much to say, really, so I'll keep it short. This is a chaptered fic that will run over the course of the summer. Perhaps, after the summer is over, I will start a school fic. (And by summer, I mean my summer right now, which runs until August 5th.)

Please review at the end!

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The WonderFab Summer Confessions

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June 7th, 12:46 am
Sink of Blood and Doom and such

Note to self: Never feed Angus dry tuna sprinkled with graham crackers, he might just eat your hand off.

Of course, I imagine he liked my little kitty feast I prepared for him—he better, it took me a long time. (Seven minutes I will never get back.) And so here I am, washing off a sickly mixture of Scottish wildcat spit and Georgia blood off of my hand. Angy has got some pincers.

Vati has just come in.

He laughed a bit. "You look like you just stuck your hand down a meat grinder!"

Thanks lots.

Then he told me to get to bed.

I think we should invest in training for Angus. It wouldn't work, but atleast I'd get a good laugh and Angus wouldn't be here to terrorize us too much. I'll pop the idea to the fam tomorrow morning, but I doubt the mad kluxes will go for it.

Wonderful Georgia Impersonation of Vati: Eunieu…! No, Georgia, it costs money, and it all goes to my alternative lifestyle… er. Cooking.

Wonderful Georgia Impersonation of Mutti: What's that?

Wonderful Georgia Impersonation of… er, Georgia: Eunieu?

Wonderful Georgia Impersonation of Vati: It's a word in Sweden.

Wonderful Georgia Impersonation of Georgia: We don't live in Sweden, my dearest Vati. Perhaps you should invest all of your alternative lifestyle money in a world atlas or geography class.

Wonderful Georgia Impersonation of Vati: Shut it, you.

I feel so loved in this house.

Well, I've gotten most of the green color to go away, so I think I'll go to sleep.

Oh, yuck.

Angus has just barfed up my kitty treat. Pleasant.

Oh, well. I'll leave it out. Perhaps Vati will slip in it tomorrow morning.

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8:00 am
Bedroom of Boredom

Triumph, my liege!

I can hear the terrorized screams as I awake from my doleful slumber.

Vati has stepped into the Mixture of Angus and is barking up a riot. He tried throwing Angus out of the window, but somehow, Vati is in Mr. and Mrs. Next Door's birdy fountain. It's quite hilarious, actually. Angus is playing with his shoes in the garden.

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8:11 am
Kitchen of Mixture of Angus

"Morning, my exotic mother…"

"What do you want, Georgia?"
"Love."

"Too bad."

"I see how it is. Perhaps I'll go down to an orphanage and put myself up for adoption."

"No one will adopt you; your elbows are too sticky-outy."

I'm just going to go kill myself, now.

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8:14 am

Vati plowed through the kitchen as if all of his aprons were on fire and the speed of his large legs could save them. I doubt it. The aprons probably lit themselves.

"Georgia, control that bloody cat."

"That would never work, Vati-wati, you know that."
"Then he will just have to go."
I laughed. "Good luck with that, Da."

I went upstairs to get dressed. I passed Libby. She had Angus in her shirt and Vati's shoes tied to her head.

And I'm the one who won't get adopted? I digress.

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9:12 am

I called Jas.

"Jas speaking."

"Jas, my old friend!"
"What do you want, Georgia?"

"Well, I can clearly see my love and affection are not wasted on you."
She didn't reply, so I just kept on going.

"I think we should do something tonight."

"I'm going out with Tom, tonight."
Looking at more vegetables? I wanted to say, but I couldn't, then she'd never go out.

"Oh, that sounds… interesting. What are you doing with him?"

That seemed invitation for the Talking Olympics. She never shut up. They were going to a forest. They were going to watch birds. She was probably going to wear some excitingly large knickers and bottoms that went up to her neck. He would wear the same.

"…And Tom says that if we're lucky, we might see the rare—"

"That's wonderful. Blow him off."
She was appalled by that idea. "Georgia! I have been planning this education trip through nature for weeks! Just because you were excited on a whim to go and be a nun or something does not mean I have to drop what I'm doing so I can entertain you—"

"You've given me a great idea."

"What?"

"I'll be a nun."
"What?"
Honestly, it's like I'm speaking with a parrot. An annoying parrot.

"Jas, I'm afraid I can't talk with you any longer. You are not of the nunnage appreciation and breed, and it's bad for my skin."

"How can that be bad for you skin?! And you aren't even a real nun—"

"Goodbye, non-believer."

I hung up on her.

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10:11 am

So, here I am, walking through a pub with proper nun attire on. I hope I look the part, it took some hard work. I had to make sure Mutti and Vati never noticed me rifling through their wardrobe—they would never approve of My Calling.

I thought I'd be funny by walking up to the bar and asking for a drink. He looked at me ruefully.

Then he poured me a Bloody Mary.

"Really?" I asked unbelievingly. He laughed to himself and walked off.

So, here I am, a nun, drinking.

I'm going to hell.

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10:47 am

All is right with the world, once more! I've had a few more drinks, and I feel fine. I spilled a bit on my clothes, but nothing a little Baby Jesus cannot fix.

A woman came over.

"Excuse me, sister—"She called me sister! "Are you feeling alright?" the woman asked me. She tilted her head to the side and crossed her arms.

"Oh, I'm doing wonderful, sister! You know, these Bloody Mary's do a wonder for your brain! I can see a polar bear over in that corner!" I replied. I giggled a bit.

This only seemed to fuel her concern and whatnot for me. She sighed and grabbed me like she was going to hug me. "Come to my home, I'll fix you up a cheese bowl."
"Oh, that's quite alright, I'm fine—" I protested to no avail.
"Nonsense! Everyone likes cheese bowls!" Somehow I was now laying bridal style in her arms. Tasteful. "Oy, Gwendolyn! Help me pick this woman up, she isn't light!"

Pardon me?!

A girl with ridiculous blonde braids came over, sipping some awful green liquid. "Mother?" she asked uninterestingly.

"The nun seems a bit sick," she told Gwendolyn.

"The nun seems a bit drunk to me."

"Oh, Gwennie darling daughter dearest, don't be so harsh. Let's get her to the car so she can try my wonderful cheese bowl."

'Gwennie' gave her mother a look I couldn't quite describe—like she knew her mother was up to something. "Really, mother? Cheese bowls on the nun? Enough is enough."

"It isn't over until I say it's over!" she bit back. She nearly dropped me.

"Whatever you say," Gwendolyn grunted.

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11:15 am
My Death Car

Oh, my giddy goshing aunt.

I'm in a car with Lady Cheese Bowl and her annoying daughter Gwendolyn. They've lied me across the back seat, under the impression that I'm too drunk to understand what they're saying.

I am truly in trouble.

I blame Jas. This would have never happened if she'd just come along with me.

I hear them speaking. In whispers.

"Mother, be honest with yourself—the nun is not going to take your cheese bowls to the priest or rabbi or whoever and say, 'Blimey, this cheese bowl is good! It's a shame you didn't want them for your Annual Church Picnic!'" Gwendolyn told her mum in exasperated terms.

"She might. She's a 'frequent drinker', and those people are unpredictable."

"Nice, mother. She might hear you."

"Oh, she's knocked out cold."

Poo.

Poo poo poo poo poo.

Double thrice poo.

Cheese bowls?

I am going to die today.

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11:58 am
My Death House

These people are not kidding when they tell you they're going to feed you cheese bowls. I didn't even know there were this many types of cheese. It's a shame I'm not allergic.

All I can tell is that they live in the woods. Who would want to live in the woods? No wonder they drink so much. It's too bloody noisy—birds are everyone, chirping like Shamoo.

Shamoo chirps, right? Correct?

Well, he does now.

Gwendolyn, of course, is no help. She's leaning against a door frame, laughing her bones off. I must end her.

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12:31 pm

Too. Much. Cheese.

I do actually believe that cheese is all this family eats. That's probably why the husband isn't here. He didn't like cheese, and so—the wife killed him.

Oh, gosh.

I'm going to be killed.

"Oh, yes, I love these cheese bowls."

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12:47 pm

They've finally left. Gwendolyn went to get ready for something—who knows, what—and the mother—I can't keep calling her that, her new name is Bill—has gone to the loo.

My chance to escape has met me.

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1:12 pm
Woods

I hate the woods.

I think I've contracted something from a bumble bee.

Probably herpes.

Ewwwwers.

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1:40 pm

As luck would have it, I found Jas and Tom!

Bird watching, but still, they're technically alive.

Tom laughed himself silly for a bit before asking, "Georgia, why are you dressed like a nun?"

So I told him the awful, horrible truth. "Well, Jas didn't want to do anything, but she told me to dress up like a nun, right?"

Jas glared. Tom nodded.

"So I dress up like a nun, go to this pub, get a bit drunk, and then this woman and her nasty daughter come up, kidnap me, take me to their home, and make me eat twelve thousand cheese bowls. So I escaped, right? And now here I am.

Even Jas had to laugh and my misfortune. I bopped her on the nose like a disobedient dog.

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4:18 pm

Jas and Tom were nice enough to drop me off on their way home. Jas seemed a bit disgruntled by it, but Tom was happy enough. He's always happy. Kind of sad, really.

As I walked into the house, Angus promptly attacked me and started swatting at my mouth. He couldn't smell the cheese, could he?
No, of course not.

That's silly.

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4:20 pm

I have made Angus a cheese bowl.

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4:21 pm

Vati seems oddly interested in me for some reason.

"Why are dressed like a nun?"

"The evening was coming along too blandly, father."

"And you smell horrible—I'm trying to decide if you've been drinking or if you've just eaten an ocean full of cheese!"

Both, perhaps?

"Oh, Vati, you amuse me so! Cheese, of course."

This satisfied him. He laughed at me a bit more and said, "Who would give you a drink? You're too scrawny to even look like you're living!"
I hate my family.

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8:36 pm
Bedroom

Well, I smell like a decent, normal human being, now. That makes me feel good.

I was more than a bit surprised when I found that no one had pooed in my bedroom. I did find the severed remains of Vati's torn up shoes, compliments of Angus and Libby, but I tossed those.

Perhaps I'll go to bed early. It's been a long day.

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11:14 pm

Bloody Riley and his stupid corkscrew!

Angus is tangled up in my hair!

Bullocks.

Thus falls Georgia.