A/N: Alright! I finally over came my writer's block, and took the time to write a story about John's past! This story starts right off the bat with one of John's memories (represented by the italics). This fic focuses mostly on the relationship he had with his mother... All memories will be written in italics, while the regular story will happen in regular font. I want to say I've set this story somewhere after John's father's funeral. In this chapter, I say he's 37, since we actually don't know what age he is, I know the actor, Joe Flanigan, is over forty, but hey, a girl can dream. So, hope you enjoy. There is bits of Sheyla, and it will be suggested. Don't forget to review after reading! Reviews make me happy. :)


Memory

John ran as fast as he could away from the house. Their house in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by woods that he was all too familiar with. Tears were streaming down the seven-year-old's cheeks. He didn't hear his father calling for him to come back, he didn't expect to. His father didn't care. Neither did David. What kind of brother told their little brother that his mother was dying? She wasn't dying. She couldn't be. She was all John had, really.

He stopped running, taking a moment to look around. He was almost there, to the secret spot in the woods that only he and his best friend Andrew knew about. He picked up the pace again, after wiping some of the tears away. Almost there, he told himself.

It was beginning to get dark when John reached the secret place. It was a large rock formation in the middle of the woods, where he and Andrew played since they were five. He sat on one of the large boulders, bringing his knees up to his chest, and began to cry even harder. The sun was setting above him, but he didn't care. He wasn't scared of the dark.

-oo0oo-

Katherine Sheppard carefully walked down the stairs, and into the foyer of the house. She found her husband, Patrick, sitting in the living room, with her step-son, David. She began to enter the room, when Patrick saw her and stood up, rushing over to her. He helped her to a chair.

"Katherine, you really shouldn't be up... You should be resting." Patrick said.

"Pat, I'm fine. Really. I can't stay up in our room all day." Katherine smiled weakly. "Where's John?" Patrick looked at David, who looked away. Patrick looked back at his sick wife, and frowned.

"Patrick, where is he?" Katherine began to sound panicked.

"He and David got into an argument, and David told John that you were dying." Patrick said. "He came to me, and asked me if it was true, and I couldn't answer him... Katherine, I'm sure he'll come home soon..."

"He ran away? Pat, how could you let this happen!? He's only seven!" Katherine stood quickly, and began making her way back upstairs. Patrick began to follow her, but stopped.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"I need to go out to find him." Katherine said, now half-way up the stairs.

"No, you don't. He'll come home sooner or later." Patrick seemed to be calm about the whole situation.

"It's already nine o'clock! What if he got hurt, or something?" Katherine disappeared into their room, only to come back out fully dressed. She made her way back down the stairs, grabbed her jacket, and was about to head out the front door of their estate, when Patrick stood in front of her.

"Let David go out, Katherine. You're sick. You can't possibly have enough energy to go out and find him." Patrick seemed to plead.

"Let me find my son." Katherine said, her eyes clearly determined. She pushed past Patrick, and out the front door, immediately calling for her little boy. Patrick watched from the door as his wife disappeared into the dark, carrying nothing but a flashlight.

-oo0oo-

John didn't know if he wanted to go home or not. It was getting pretty boring out here alone, and a little scary. He stood up from where he sat on the boulder, and began the mile long walk home. He kicked at rocks along the side of the street, not caring about the cars passing him. Half way home, he spotted a white light ahead of him. He could hear his name being called, and recognized the voice immediately. His walk quickly turned into a run, as he raced toward the light.

"Mom!" he shouted, as he drew closer.

"John?" the figure in front of him said. "John!"

"Mom..." John began to cry, as he hugged his mother tightly. He felt her arms wrap around him as well, as she kneeled down to his level. He put his head on her shoulder, and continued to cry. They stayed that way for what seemed like hours, both of them crying. Finally, Katherine held John in front of her, her hands on his shoulders. She wiped away the tears from his eyes, and looked at him.

"Don't you ever do that again, you hear me?" she said. "You scared me to death." That was when John began to cry again, more softly this time. "Sweet heart, what's the matter?"

"David said you're dying... I don't want you to die mommy, I don't want you to die." John rubbed his eyes with his sleeve. Katherine looked at her son, and hugged him again.

"I'm not going anywhere, baby." Katherine said. She wasn't planning on leaving her son alone, she would fight with all she had to stop that from happening. She wasn't about to allow the fact she had only months to live stop her from trying to survive, people with leukemia had done it before. "I'm not going anywhere." she repeated.

The two of them reached the house, where Patrick stood, waiting for their return. He ran outside, and took his wife's hand, leading her inside. When John tried to follow, Patrick told him to wait outside, clearly angry. John obeyed, not wanting to anger his father any further. He watched as his father led his mother back upstairs to bed. He waited patiently for his father to return outside. His father closed the front door behind him as he returned. He walked up to John very quickly, and grabbed him by his shoulders tightly.

"Ow, dad, you're hurting me..." John said, trying to pull away from him, but he was too strong.

"Do you know what you're doing to her!?" Patrick shouted. "Dammit John! You're killing her!" John didn't know what to say. He wasn't killing her, was he? He didn't understand. His father began to shake him harshly. "She should've been resting, but she was out looking for you! Not everything is about you, John! We're all loosing her! Not just you!"

"She's not dying, she told me she wasn't!" John shouted.

"Of course she is! She just thinks you're too young to understand!" Patrick let go of his son, allowing him to collapse to the walkway in tears. "When are you going to grow up, John?" he said, as he walked back into the house, slamming the door behind him.

-oo0oo-

John looked at himself in the mirror. It had been thirty years, but it still felt like yesterday. He shook his head, not wanting to remember anymore. He walked away from the mirror, and back into his room. He looked around, unsure of what to do. He wasn't scheduled to go off-world today. Truthfully, he needed a break, and was glad to finally have one. This time of year was always toughest on him, no one knew that but him.

John finally laid down on his bed, and stared up at the ceiling. Maybe he'd just do nothing today. He turned onto his side, memories still running through his head. He shut his eyes tightly, trying to get them out, but it didn't work. Ever since he had attended that damned funeral for his father, he couldn't keep the memories of her out of his head.

There was a soft knock on his door, followed by 'John, it's Teyla.'. John sat up slowly, and got off the bed, walking to over to answer the door. He reluctantly waved his hand across the control board, and the door slid open. He smiled as he saw Teyla standing on the other side, she smiled back.

"What's up?" he asked cheerfully, faking every bit of it.

"I was on my way down to lunch, and wondered if you wanted to join me..." Teyla said. John thought about it for a second. He did skip breakfast, sleeping in late, and he was getting sort of hungry. Maybe having lunch with Teyla would get his mind off of everything that had been bothering him.

"Sure. I'd love to." John nodded. Teyla smiled again, happy that her invitation had been accepted. John walked out into the hall, and began following Teyla. He looked back at his door, making sure it had closed behind him. Maybe, he wouldn't just do nothing today, after all.


A/N: Don't forget to review! :) Hope you enjoyed it too!