Notes: I've never written PR fic before, though I used to read it a long time ago before I kind of grew out of the series. I barely write fic at all these days. But a chance encounter led me to PRLG a few weeks ago, and I was struck by this plot that Would. Not. Go. Away. I know even less about the PriS characters than I do about the PRLG ones, so I apologize for any eyebrow-raising characterizations. This takes place during "The Power of Pink," obviously.
This was written in just a few hours and not beta read, so any mistakes are mine. The characters are also obviously not mine, and the thought that I would ever make any sort of financial gain from this is laughable. The title is from Green Day's "Wake Me Up When September Ends.'
The bridge was quiet as the Astro Megaship flew home, most of its passengers having scattered to the far corners of the ship.
Andros was quietly piloting with Carlos alongside him to co-pilot, the two talking just enough in low voices to keep the ride smooth. Alpha, T.J. and Damon were surveying the damage the ship took in the battle against Psycho Pink's monster form, cataloging what repairs needed to be made after she returned to Terra Venture.
Kai and Maya were, Leo thought, helping out with Cassie down in the medical bay. Cassie's powers had returned and her morpher been repaired after the Savage Sword was destroyed by... and she had been able to stand and watch those final, heart-wrenching moments. But after she picked up her morpher, she collapsed in a ball of grief and sheer exhaustion, needing to be supported by her teammates all the way back to the ship.
And Leo, he was in the corner of the bridge, staring blankly at the tablet in front of him as he tried to make a list of everything that needed to be done when they got back home. Because Kendrix...
Kendrix was gone.
Leo blinked hard and shook his head, chasing the thought away. When Mike had, when he first thought he had lost Mike forever, he had hidden away from the world for the next four days, only coming out long enough to formally meet with Commander Stanton as Kai introduced the Power Rangers' presence on Terra Venture, to explain what had happened to Mike. A cover story had been developed for the officers, something about an accident in the final training session on the moon that had been well hidden by the GSA, and he had returned to Mike's room to grieve alone until Kendrix and Maya coaxed him out with the promise of homemade food.
He couldn't afford to disappear the way he wanted now, though. Not with the pain he'd seen in Kai's eyes, the way Maya's voice had broken every time she tried to talk since.
Leo had to be the leader, the person they could look to and lean on to get them through this. He had to bury his own grief so he could help his teammates with theirs. Even Mike, who had once again become his rock after returning, would need him. He'd known Kendrix for longer than Leo, after all.
Mike, that was something he could do at least. His older brother had sent him a transmission via DECA's secure messaging system after the energy cyclone had enveloped Terra Venture, asking what the hell was going on. He'd seen the Astro Megaship leave the docking bay – he knew they were already responding. If his skills hadn't been needed on the command deck to hold Terra Venture together, he would have been on the way himself.
But he couldn't, and worse, now he didn't know. And Leo was going to have to be the one to tell him.
Blinking hard, Leo wrote a brief message to his brother, telling him about the fight, telling him that Kendrix had sacrificed herself to save Cassie. To save everyone. Telling him that he would be there in uniform shortly to inform Stanton himself.
It was what Kendrix deserved.
He felt eyes on the back of his head and turned, catching Andros and Carlos staring at him in concern. Carlos had the decency to give him a sad smile and look away, but Andros' eyes stayed on him, like he was being studied. Leo glared with as much emotion as he could manage, which wasn't much as it didn't even phase the other Red Ranger, then turned back to his list.
It wasn't Andros' fault, Leo reminded himself. Andros had managed to get his team back from the mission intact, had managed it every time he dealt with the Psycho Rangers. It wasn't Andros' fault this had happened.
It wasn't Andros' fault at all.
The Ranger suits usually gave Leo a feeling of invincibility. Hell, morphing gave you a temporary refrain from physical injuries after all. It was how he'd managed to join so many battles despite broken ribs and bruised lungs. Alpha lectured him after each incident, and Damon had even used some sort of override to lock him in his quarters after the incident with Treacheron, telling Leo he was going to get some rest or it would be his own actions, not Trakeena or Scorpius, that would kill him.
He still hadn't found the right way to get Damon back for that.
Damon, who was standing here beside him in the commander's office, also morphed as they waited for Stanton to arrive. Leo had pulled him aside quietly once they'd returned to Terra Venture, asking if he'd come along for this. He didn't want to be alone, wanted to show the true magnitude of Kendrix' sacrifice, but he also didn't want to make Kai or Maya have to relive it again.
He must have flinched, because he felt Damon's hand on his shoulder, giving a brief, reassuring squeeze as the doors slid open and admitted Stanton.
Stanton's eyes' widened just a hair as he regarded the two Rangers in his presence before raising his chin just slightly. He knew who they were, obviously, and they'd even discussed Ranger business when it pertained to the safety of Terra Venture, but they'd never had a conversation morphed. "Gentlemen, to what do I owe this pleasure?"
Leo cringed a little inside his helmet. "I'm afraid it's no pleasure, commander."
He gestured toward the desk for Stanton to sit down, but the commander declined with a slight tilt of his head. Leo took a deep breath and continued, keeping his language deliberately formal. "I regret to inform you, Commander Stanton, than Kendrix Morgan was..."
His voice broke just slightly and he stopped, watching the commander's eyes widen and his face drop. Damon stepped forward and squeezed his shoulder again in support.
Leo swallowed hard and continued. "Kendrix was a casualty of a battle this afternoon with the Psycho Pink Ranger. She... sacrificed her own life to save that of a friend. To save Terra Venture. We..."
He had to stop again and was so grateful that Stanton simply waited for him to regain his composure enough to continue, though his voice was softer now as he struggled to stay in control. "I couldn't get to her in time to help. I am so sorry for your loss, commander."
Stanton's eyes weren't wet, but he hadn't expected them to be. The commander was a decorated military veteran, after all, a man who had seen many fall in the defense of the Earth just a few short years before.
But he was surprised at the depth of the sorrow in the man's eyes, and it was enough to make him thankful for the helmet yet again. If he'd been unmorphed, he didn't know if he could have held on to the weak grip he had on his emotions.
Stanton nodded slightly. "I am extremely sorry to hear that, gentlemen. Miss Morgan was an excellent officer, but more than that, she was a good person and loyal friend to many."
Leo curled his toes to hold tight to the floor. He felt like might fall over if he didn't.
Stanton continued. "I will inform the rest of the crew of the loss." He paused, one of the first times Leo had seen Stanton look unsure about anything. "Do you need me to prepare the communication home for her parents as well? As her commanding officer, it would usually be my responsibility, but..."
Leo felt like he'd been punched in the gut, flinching involuntarily. He felt Damon twitch as well. Her parents. He hadn't even thought of the family Kendrix had left behind on Earth, still happy at home thinking their daughter was out in the adventure of her life. How could he even start to tell them?
Still, he knew what he had to do even as he cleared his throat to reply.
"No sir," he said, his voice ringing hollow in his own ears. "I will send them the message. Is there a, uh, procedure to follow?"
Stanton nodded. "Yes, there is. I will make sure the instructions find their way to your quarters."
Stanton paused again, his eyes shifting from sadness to pity. It made Leo want to punch something as well as run back to his brother's room and never come out again. "I am sorry for your loss as well. I will arrange for some time off until the memorial service for everyone involved, no questions asked."
Leo appreciated the commander at least pretending this was an impersonal briefing. "Thank you. I wish... just, thank you." He started to reach out to shake the commander's hand, then dropped it to his side, suddenly feeling like he would crawl out of his skin if this conversation went on any longer, like he needed out of his helmet right this second. He felt Damon tense behind him again, as if reading Leo's shift in emotion. "If there's not anything else, we should get back to our teammates."
He nodded at Stanton and turned to go, Damon pausing a half-second before following. He was almost at the door before Stanton's quiet voice made them both turn around.
"Leo, Damon," and yes, that was definitely pity he saw in Stanton's eyes, what he heard in the soft tone of his voice. "If you all need anything, anything at all, please let me know."
Damon was the one who responded this time, his voice not catching where Leo's had. "Yes sir. We will."
The two Rangers left the room, and after they left the command deck and demorphed, Damon tried to get Leo to come back to their room to rest, but Leo shook his head and declined.
They parted in silence.
The communication for the Morgan family had been harder than the talk with Stanton, if such a thing were possible. Leo thought he had deleted 15 or 20 tries using DECA's secure messaging system before finally getting one where his voice didn't crack, where he didn't say anything unintentionally regrettable in the middle.
He settled on short and to the point, telling her family that Kendrix had been a casualty of a conflict with a powerful monster, that she had made a selfless sacrifice to save her friends and her ship, that it was a terrible situation that no one could stop once it was in motion. That he was so very, very sorry the Rangers weren't there to protect her.
He didn't tell them that she was the Pink Ranger. He wasn't sure if they knew, and if they didn't, it wasn't his place to tell them. Leaving it out had hurt, though. Her family deserved to know exactly how much of a difference she had made since leaving Earth.
He sent the message to Stanton just a day after their meeting, crossing another thing off his list. Stanton's procedure had said the GSA would make sure the message got to her parents after a uniformed officer was there to inform them, ensuring the family wouldn't be alone. It was how the GSA took care of its own.
Leo was trying to take care of his own as well. Mike had been after him for the last two days, trying to get him to come to Mike's quarters to talk, but Leo had been avoiding it the way he used to avoid his mother when he was in trouble. If he sat down and talked to Mike, he knew everything about what had happened would come spilling out, and then he wouldn't be able to be there for his teammates when they needed him.
He'd already failed them once. He wasn't going to do it again.
The Space Rangers hadn't left Terra Venture yet, needing several days for Cassie to recover from exhaustion before she was ready to make the long journey home. Leo had used this time to find Carlos, T.J. and Ashley in quiet moments, thanking them for coming to the Galaxy Rangers' aid, wanting them to know no one blamed them for anything that happened.
All of the conversations had gone very much the same. Thank you for responding to Alpha's distress call. We all would have fallen to the Psycho Rangers if it weren't for you guys. No one could have changed anything about what had happened. And to his repeated annoyance, all had tried to give a similar message back – thank you for doing what you do all alone out here. It isn't your fault either.
It made Leo cringe a little inside every time one of the Space Rangers gave him a sympathetic hug. He was the Red Galaxy Ranger, the leader of his team. If it wasn't his fault, then whose was it? Every other Red Ranger he'd ever heard of had brought his team home safely.
But it only annoyed him a little. In fact, everything only affected a him a little. The longer the days went, the more numb he felt as he moved down his list, taking care of everything that needed to happen after...
Well, just after.
But now, as he stood outside a personal quarters on the Megaship, signaling its inhabitant that he was outside, he was a little glad of that fact. This was going to be hard.
"Come in," murmured Cassie's soft voice as the doors slid open.
Cassie certainly was looking better at least. She was still drawn and pale, still prone to protect her side with her left arm when moving, but there was at least some color in her face. She'd slept for more than a full day when the Rangers returned to Terra Venture, aided by painkillers and light sedatives. After another several hours in the infirmary, she'd asked to return to her old quarters to rest until the Space Rangers headed back. Her teammates and Leo's, especially Kai and Maya, had been staying with her so that she was never alone.
T.J. and Maya were there now, and from the looks of it T.J. had been trying to engage both girls in some sort of game to distract them, not particularly successfully though. Leo nodded briefly to both of them. "Hey guys. You mind if I have a word with Cassie?"
Maya looked like she wanted to protest, but T.J. took her arm as he stood up. He knew what Leo wanted. "Not at all. We'll just run and get some food from Terra Venture. I'm sure Maya can help me find the good stuff. The old offerings are a little stale after a year."
It was a weak attempt at a joke, but Leo smiled a bit nonetheless, if only for the girls' sake. As T.J. led Maya out the door, Leo settled himself on the sofa next to Cassie.
Before he could say anything, she was already going, babbling like she was in trouble, like he was there to yell at her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry Leo. I didn't... I couldn't... I tried to stop her."
"Hey hey hey, Cassie," Leo soothed, sliding off Mike's black leather jacket that he had been wearing since that day and draping it around her trembling shoulders. "It's okay. I'm not mad. You didn't do anything wrong."
She nodded weakly, during up a little under the jacket as he slipped and arm around her shoulders. This was exactly why he'd needed to talk to her. He kept his voice soft. "You guys saved us all, you know that right? We would have been... we could have never taken all the Psycho Rangers on our own."
Cassie nodded, still looking at her knees, still twisting her fingers together. Leo pulled her a little closer. "None of us would be here if you guys hadn't come. And once Psycho Pink figured out where the Savage Sword was, she put the whole planet at risk with that storm, put Terra Venture at risk. There was nothing any of use could have done differently."
He was lying, of course. If he'd been able to defeat the Stingwingers, hell, if he'd been smart enough to split the team right then and there so that half went after Cassie and Kendrix and the other half dealt with Trakeena's thugs, everything would have been different. But Cassie didn't need to know that.
He kept his voice soft as he continued, partially to keep his own emotions in check. "I may have only known Kendrix since we got our powers several months ago, but I know her well enough to know that that if there were any other way, she would have found it." He rubbed Cassie's shoulder as it started to shake. "And I know she wouldn't regret what she did for a minute. And she wouldn't want you to blame yourself either."
Cassie started to cry softly into his shoulder, turning into him a little. It wasn't sobs – she was probably still too exhausted, both physically and emotionally – but little hitching, quiet noises that broke Leo's heart. He pulled her to him in a true hug and slid a hand under the jacket, rubbing her back. Eventually she settled, falling into a restless sleep against his shoulder.
He did his best to keep the nightmares away.
It had been three days now, almost four. Kendrix' memorial was tomorrow.
Well, Leo thought, technically today. He was sitting in her usual, well, her former science lab well after midnight trying to steel himself for the day ahead. While he wouldn't be speaking at the service – he was leaving that job to Kai, thank god – nor would they be attending morphed, as it would be too conspicuous for the four of them not to appear in person, he knew he had to be strong for his teammates, for Damon who was burying himself in repairing the Megaship so that he didn't have to think too much, for Kai and Maya who were finding comfort in each others presence where they used to go to Kendrix.
Hell, even Trakeena seemed to be leaving them alone for the moment. Sure, there had been a few bursts of Stingwinger attacks that he'd taken care of without telling the others, but it was almost like she respected mourning as much as she respected anything in the world. Almost like she understood it.
He better than anyone knew she understood the concept of revenge. He wasn't quite sure how he'd get it one day for taking Kendrix from them, but it would come.
A soft noise behind him made Leo whirl, dropping into a fighting stance, but it was only Andros, who held up his hands even as his body instinctively settled into a defensive pose.
"Hey, Leo. It's only me."
Leo forced a small smile and stood straight again. Andros and the Space Rangers would be heading home tomorrow. Cassie wasn't doing well yet – he wondered exactly how long that would take – but she was doing well enough to make the journey home safely. And being away from here, well, that was probably the best thing for her right now.
He nodded in acknowledgment, but he was simply too tired for small talk right now and didn't quite manage to keep the irritation out of his voice. "Andros. Something I can help you with?"
To his further annoyance, Andros didn't respond immediately, instead signaling for him to sit in one of the empty chairs. Leo wasn't inclined to talk to anyone, especially now, but he supposed he owed it to the leader of the team that had saved the Galaxy Rangers from the Psychos, so he flopped tiredly into a chair.
Or, at least, he had saved most of them.
Part of him had been so angry at Andros that he was the only Space Ranger Leo hadn't sought out to thank. After all, Andros was the Red Ranger on the team with the most experience with the Psychos, the one who should have known what a terrible idea it was to let two take on one all by themselves with no available backup. He should have known to split some of the team away from the Stingwingers, to go after Kendrix and Cassie immediately. Hell, he and his team had saved the Earth against much longer odds without losing anyone. He obviously knew what he was doing.
But then again, Kendrix wasn't his responsibility. Andros had gotten his whole team back safely once again. And that left only one person to blame.
"Leo!"
Leo's eyes suddenly refocused, aware that he'd been drifting. He wasn't sure if he'd ever heard Andros raise his voice before, even a little. He cleared his throat. "Sorry. What did you say?"
Andros' lips twitched in what might be the closest thing he'd seen to a smile from him in several days. "I was thanking you for talking to the other Space Rangers about what happened. I know it was not easy for you, but it helped them greatly. Especially Cassie."
Leo stared at the laser cutter on the desk. Kendrix had used that to try and cut open the stone they believed held the Lights of Orion. "No problem," he mumbled.
A pause hung in the air before Andros went on. "I do not believe she plans to attend the memorial service, but I would like to. As a Ranger. Any fallen Ranger deserves the respect of those she saved."
Leo flinched at that but nodded, eyes still fixed on the desk. He didn't want to be having this conversation. He didn't want to be having any conversation with Andros right now. He was too tired not to say something stupid, something other man didn't deserve. "Sure, fine. That'd be nice."
There was another long pause before Andros let out a sigh. "Leo, stop pretending you are fine."
That was rich. Leo finally raised his eyes to glare at Andros. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Irritatingly unflappable, Andros kept his even tone. "You have been comforting your own teammates and mine, but you have not let anyone help you. You have been handling all the notifications by the book, and by yourself for the most part, but you have not gone back to your quarters or Mike's for the last three days. If you are sleeping it is on the Megaship, but by the looks of you I am not sure if that is true."
Now he was angry, starting to square his shoulders for a fight, rising from his chair. "You been checking up on me?"
It was that same, damn calm tone. "I am worried about you, Leo. Your teammates are worried. Even my teammates are worried. T.J. said if I was not planning on talking to you, he would. You have not been yourself."
"And of course you guys would know. You've known me for what, five days? Six?"
Andros didn't even flinch at the venom dripping from his tone now. "We know you well enough, and I know grief well enough, to know this is not like you."
Oh, and that was just about enough. "Not like me, huh? Cause of course I can't handle things like an adult, right? I can't take responsibility to doing the hard things like work through the proper channels? No, I let Mike and Kai handle that. Cause I can't do it myself, right Andros? I'm just a rookie Red Ranger who doesn't know what he's doing and let's everyone else figure things out for him. I run in head first and wait for everyone else to bail me out of the fire. I can't even keep my damn teammates safe and bring them home."
His voice cracked at the end, making him stop talking. He didn't want to do anything embarrassing like cry in front of this jerk who didn't know anything about him at all. He turned and punched the wall instead.
He wasn't even looking at Andros any more, expected Andros to come up behind him to try and physically calm him down, but the voice stayed far away, calm and almost monotone. "You told Cassie there was nothing anyone could have done differently. That goes for you too, Leo. We cannot control the actions or decisions of others."
Leo whirled again, eyes blazing and fists clinched. "I can control my decisions, and I made the wrong ones. I didn't send someone after them immediately. I made the stupid decision to stay fighting those Stingwingers and let them take on Psycho Pink by themselves. You didn't know how strong Trakeena's henchmen were, but I did, and we could have spared some people to go after them right away. Then everything would have been different. You always got everyone home, and you got them home again. I didn't."
He punched a support beam instead of Andros' smug, sad, understanding face, skin across his knuckles cracking and starting to bleed. "Kendrix was my responsibility! She was on my team! I failed her! I let her die!"
The word echoed around the room, hanging in the empty space, reverberating in the silence.
Leo stood there glaring at Andros, eyes aching and shoulders trembling as he held onto his control with everything he had. It was out there. He was sure Andros had already known, or at least already suspected, just how badly Leo had failed in his decision making, but now that he'd said it, he couldn't hide from it anymore by trying so hard to do everything else right.
He felt something slide down his cheek and swiped it away angrily, still itching for a fight.
Andros, infuriatingly, was still giving him just enough space that he couldn't lash out physically. His voice was still soft. "Leo, you did not fail Kendrix. You did not let her die. Of course there are things we could change in hindsight, but it does not matter. What happened has happened."
The trembling made its way down to Leo's knees, and he grabbed on to the back of the chair, holding his bleeding hand to his chest, listening to Andros continue.
"I do know how you feel. When Zhane sacrificed himself to save me, I blamed myself for years. I replayed the situation in training to find out what I could have done differently. I studied my own decisions and his, and I punished myself for everything I did wrong. None of that brought him back, and none of that made it better.
"We all knew when we joined the Rangers that there were risks involved. You told Cassie that Kendrix would not regret what she had done, that she would not want Cassie to blame herself. She would not want you to blame yourself either. Stop pretending that you do not hurt about her death. It is not doing you or your team any good. You have been there for them, but you need to let them be there for you as well."
An arm slipped around Leo's shoulder and he nearly jumped out of his skin, but Andros was still standing where he'd been since he began talking. A quick check to his left revealed Mike. Leo had no idea when he'd gotten there, but Mike's mere presence finally caused Leo's crumbling facade to crack for good. Tears started to roll in earnest down his face, and he turned into his older brother's body, wrapping both hands in his shirt and burying his face in his shoulder, trying to burrow away from the grief he finally let himself feel.
Over his head, while murmuring nothing words of comfort to his younger brother, Mike gave a small nod of thanks to Andros, who inclined his head in return and quietly let himself out.
Later that day, at the memorial service, Leo let Kai embrace him after Kai's speech, let Damon rub his shoulder when the GSA officers saluted, and and let Maya squeeze his hand as Kendrix's picture was wrapped in a GSA flag and loaded into a container that would later been launched into space for burial.
And as he went down the line of all five uniformed Space Rangers who were paying their respects, he let the tears roll slowly down his face as he gave each and every of them a hug, from the quick shoulder clap of understanding he shared with Andros to the long, shaky embrace he shared with a trembling Cassie.
A few hours later, the Space Rangers left to return Earth, and Leo meant every word when he told Andros that it has been an honor fighting with them.
It's what Kendrix would have wanted.
