"So, your lives are a book?" Nick clarified, scanning the page. "Yep." Lucifer rested his arms against Nick's shoulders and looked down at the novel. "Where are we?"
"Chuck stopped writing them when Dean went to Hell." Sam explained. "So, you weren't even relevant yet." Lucifer looked disappointed. "Adam wasn't there either, and Gabriel was just the Trickster." Dean added. "So, basically everything that made your lives worth reading about never turned up?" Gabriel quipped. "Adam would have stolen all the fangirls." Dean said. "Fangirls?"
"To the internet, young Milligan."

Sam could see why Lucifer liked Nick. Because, upon learning of the slash fiction, they had collapsed to the ground together, cackling. "That's beautiful, that's the most beautiful thing ever!" Lucifer crowed, burying his face in Nick's shoulder. "I'm crying, I'm crying!" Nick shouted. Sam and Dean just sat at the table, waiting. Adam was standing stock-still, eyes wide. "Guys." He whispered. "If I showed up, what if they included me?" Dean had to go vomit in the sink after that and Adam had trouble meeting anyone's eyes. "Chuck swore he wasn't making any more books, we threatened him with gun violence otherwise."

TWO DAYS LATER

"Chuck I am going to kill you over and over again!" Dean screamed into the phone. "Sorry! Guys! They offered me so much money! You have no idea!"
"Do you know what the internet is going to do to Adam?! He's hiding in the bathroom! You sociopath!"
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to throw Adam to the digital wolves! They just offered me so much money!" Nick snatched the phone. "Hi Chuck."
"H-Hello Nick."
"Chuck, please. Listen to reason. I personally don't care one way or another, I'm pretty much numb to everything, but Adam is a pure and delicate flower and he's just so pretty. Those forums will eat him alive. You have fed him to drooling perverts for monetary gain. YOU'RE A SEX SLAVE TRADER, CHUCK. YOU'RE A PIMP!" Adam screamed in terror from another room, and they heard furiously keyboard clicking. "OH GOD THEY FOUND ME!" Sam grabbed the phone from Nick. "What the hell is wrong with you, Chuck?!"
"Good luck finding me!" Dial tone.