So this story came to me out of the blue and I had to write it because it wouldn't leave me alone. It's Rollaro…one shot? I have no idea, I'm truly just a slave to my creative urges so we may get a multi or this might be all, who knows. Anyway, Dick wolf owns the SVU characters. Enjoy, or don't I don't know.


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"So what are we going to do now that all of this is behind us?" Amanda asked Nick as they sat in a corner booth in the back of the out of the way diner where they'd decided to meet for coffee

"I don't know, I'm just taking it one day at a time – and wait, "we"?"

"Well, yeah" she smiled, having slipped off her shoe and was now trailing her toes up his inner thigh. "I mean we are together now, I figure we outta be thinkin about our future accordingly?"

"Whoa!" he exclaimed, both from her statement and where her toes were now resting. He took hold of her petite foot and gingerly moved it away towards the floor. "Amanda…what we were doin; I think I may have given you the wrong idea and I apologize for not being clearer"

"Clearer on what? Nick what exactly are you sayin?" he could see the anger rising in her eyes and knew that he should choose his words carefully; but how do you carefully tell someone – a friend, that what she perceived as a budding relationship was to him, just a series of hookups?

"Look I care about you" he started as he touched her hand"

"Oh god!" She uttered as she pulled it away and tears filled her eyes.

"The last thing I want to do is hurt you"

"Spare me the rhetoric Nick; I get it!" she quickly swatted at the tears that were now rolling down her cheeks

"We both had a lot goin on and just needed a shoulder…I thought you understood that goin in"

"What I understand" she cried as she got up from the booth "Is that I let myself love you and you sit here and tell me that it was just sex?!"

"Amanda…"

"Here I was, thinking that I was special; and you were different!" she grabbed her purse and jacket and began walking away.

"Rollins, wait!"

"Fuck you!" she screamed without turning around, her vision blurred by the tears that wouldn't stop falling as she stepped out into the night air. She knew good and well what an upset like this would drive her to and she couldn't let that happen.

"I need a meeting" she admitted to herself and set off to find one.

...

Inside, Nick sat feeling terrible, hurting her wasn't what he wanted, but having gone through all of this nonsense with the Wilkes issue these last few weeks was a huge wakeup call to him; he had to get his life in order and sleeping with Amanda had been the wrong thing to do. He'd hurt her. And although he knew that she probably wanted nothing to do with him right now, he hoped that in the long run he wouldn't lose her as a friend.

...

Amanda walked in to the basement gymnasium of St. Anne's church just in time for the Gamblers anonymous meeting to start. Still visibly upset, she sat her purse and jacket down on one of the empty folding chairs that had been set up and walked over to the table on the other side of the space to pour herself a cup of coffee.

With a shaky hand, she picked up the coffeepot and slowly began to pour the steaming hot liquid into the Styrofoam cup she held in the other hand. when it was only halfway full, she returned the pot to its burner and forgoing and cream or sugar, she lifted the cup to her lips and took a sip, turning up her mouth at the too bitter, too burned taste. Was there any such thing as good coffee at these meetings? She wondered as she lowered the cup, her mind wandering back to just a half hour ago in the diner…

We both had a lot goin on and just needed a shoulder…I thought you understood that goin in.

Was he serious? After all they'd gone through, everything she did for him? I intimidate a fucking victim for get him out of prison, put my career in danger and this is what I get? 'I never meant to hurt you'? You are not getting away from me so easily Nick!

And then came the memories; the way he'd smile, the way he looked, his touch… god, his touch! She could get lost in it; she often did, when Nick was inside her, nothing else mattered – not family problems, or addiction, or the job; none of the outside world meant anything when she was lying beside him, beneath him; he would take her so relentlessly. Never in her whole life had she had a lover like Nick; he understood her, understood her body and knew how to pleasure it in ways she'd never experienced- just the things he'd do with his fingers…

"I said can you pass the sugar" she heard a male voice say, startling her from her reverie. She quickly wiped her eyes and picked up the sugar container, turning around to hand it off.

"I'm sorry I was just… Nate?!" she said, surprised to see her former flame standing there.

"Hey Amanda; it's been a long time." He smiled as he looked her over. "You look good"

"You don't look so bad yourself Nate" she said in a sigh "Not at all."

...

Later that night in Amanda's apartment, in her bedroom...

"Ah, fuck baby!" Nate groaned as Amanda straddled his hips, riding him for dear life "I'm gonna… AHHHHH!" he yelled as he came hard, his fingers digging into her waist while he held her still and gave her every drop.

"What the fuck are you doing?" she yelled, pushing his hands away and getting off of him, his semi-limp penis falling against his stomach once it pulled out of her.

"What?" he asked as she lay back against the pillows and reach for a cigarette

"What? You don't make me come and you put a fucking load in me that's what! ARGH!" she growled "Why did I think this was a good idea?"

"Because you missed me?" he smiled

"Fin was right, you are a douche!" she said as she lit it and took a drag.

"But you love it" he said as he took the cigarette from her lips and took a long pull. Before handing it back to her.

"Nate, do me a favor…get the fuck out!" she demanded, wiping the smile from his face.

...

No sooner than she heard the front door shut, she stubbed out her cigarette, rolled over and picked up the phone to call Nick.

"Amaro"

"Nick…hey, it's Amanda" he was silent on the other end, not having expected for her to call. "So listen, I'm sitting her home alone and I was wonderin if maybe you wanted some company…I could come over"

"Um… Amanda I don't think that's a good idea in light of our talk tonight"

"I know but I just… I miss you" Nick was silent again "Nick just tell me what I did wrong, tell me what I need to change and I'll do it"

"Amanda stop. It's not you, alright? We let this…thing between us get out of hand and it was a bad idea."

"Thing? Is that all I was to you? a thing?"

"No; Rollins, you know you mean more to me than that."

"Do I? Is someone there? Is that why you don't want me to come over, you're already fucking someone else, is that what this was about?"

"You know that's not who I am."

"Really Nick? Because you had no problem fucking me while you're married to Maria! Who is it?" she demanded, fresh tears falling.

"I'm not doing this"

"Just tell me!" She screamed through her tears "I deserve that much!"

"Amanda, listen to me; there is no one else. I just have to do what I need to do to get my life in order."

"Why can't I be a part of it?" she sobbed. It saddened him to know that he was the cause of her pain and he paused for a brief moment to collect himself.

"You sound tired. Get some sleep, we'll talk more tomorrow." He said and hung up before she could say another word.

"Nick wait!" and began to cry harder when she realized that he had hung up. she quickly dialed back only to be sent straight to voicemail and she hung up without leaving a message, screaming in frustration as she threw the phone across the room and fell back against her pillows sobbing.

"We are not over until I say we're over!" she declared to herself out loud!


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The end, or is it? K, bye!