This is such a painful thing to write.
Disclaimer: I do not own Snk but this scene is original
Levi walked over to the covered sheet corpses that were once his valet squad. He went to each body and moved the sheet out of the way over their heart and ripped off their patches as a momentum of them to keep with him. He walked over to the last body and ripped off her patch. Though he couldn't simply have that be her good-bye.
It was a secret that he had feelings for her. He had pushed them away for his duty as Captain. He wanted to keep a professional relationship because it would lead to them acting on feelings and not out of order. Though he was selfish enough to put duty before the only people he cared for. Petra was the woman he loved.
He moved the thin sheet off her face, her eyes still staring at him without her caring joy in their warm gold color. Her face didn't seem complete without its smile planted on her face.
Levi never regretted anything more than going along with his duty to Smith. Levi knew once he saw the destruction of the female titan that when he left, there would be no longer a squad. Though in the back of his mind he hoped that at least Petra would make it back alive. Make it back to him alive.
He knew that she loved him. The man could tell that she was sweeter to him than she should've been, what with the way he treated her, and yet she would still give him a smile. He bit his knuckle at all the horrible things he would bark at her. Never. He never gave her a moment of compassion. He was always his cold self and never showed any sign of feelings for her. She'd never know that he would return her feelings.
In the back of Levi's head, he had planned on telling her when they both got out of the scouting legion, retired or moved up to a higher position. A safer place, than being with her and then having one of them die. If they had children, they'd never have to wait at the gate for the return of their parents, only to find devastation. Though Levi never realized that he would've taken a few moments of happiness with Petra over never having them at all.
Levi would give everything to have this woman to be breathing again and not staring back him with this blank stare; it was an empty shell, void of the woman he loved. This woman had been through so much pain and sorrow, though Levi was never there to comfort her, only to tell her to push on. She was always smiling, so carefree, and to Levi she was the sunshine of his existence. As annoying as he thought it was sometimes, her over cheeriness made him feel human and made this hell of an existence normal. She was on his squad, she was under him and he never would admit that he would order her more than the other member because he just wanted an excuse to talk to her.
She was beautiful with her dirty blonde hair and warm topaz eyes, her flawless skin and hourglass figure. Every man was head over heels for her in the Scouting Legion, especially Auruo. He would hear the stories around about how cowardly they were when it came to making their move. As for the courageous idiots, they were always turned down. The fact always made Levi happy, because he knew the reason was that she loved him and it always made him smug. Though he felt like a coward to not tell her his own feelings, he would argue that it's improper for a Captain to be with a member of his squad. Though the fact was that he was just as cowardly, terrified that if he let Petra in he would become soft and incapable of doing his job. Unable to follow the orders of Commander Smith, he would act on emotions and not on common sense.
Though if would have listened to his heart on this one, Petra and the rest of his beloved squad would be alive. Why didn't I have to stop Eren?If he turned into a titan, we could have gotten away though the mission would have failed. But she would be alive dammit! The one person in this world who didn't deserve to die. The person who had done nothing in this life but good. The single light in the eternal darkness.
Levi gripped his chest and sank to his knees in front of Petra's body, inching his face closer to hers. He looked into her empty eyes and muttered "I'm sorry" as a single tear tracked down his face and dripped onto her lips. Levi touched his eye, shocked to have the tear duct actually work as it is suppose to. He moved his hand off his face it balled into a fist as the emotion of anger hit him. Anger meant for Erwin, who called the order he'd so obediently followed like the dog he was, for Petra not getting out alive, for Eren not trusting his instincts and turning into a titan, even if it had meant messing up the plan, and for himself not being brave enough to tell this woman how he felt. He took a deep breath through his nose then his hand relaxed and his arm went limp at his side. He closed his eyes and more tears rolled down his face like the first water after a desert's long drought, dripping onto Petra's lips like rain moistening them making them appear to be their rosy color. Levi moved his hand to her hair and combed the soft strands untainted by blood and caressed her cold cheek. In his mind's eye he imagined she was warm and not cold and that her eyes were looking to him with that look she would only give him and no one else giving him that smile that lit up his world for one last time. He moved down to her face, brushing his lips against hers. Letting all his feelings go with that one peck on the lips. He moved back up looking to his sleeping beauty as more tears flowed down, as true love's kiss wasn't enough to break this spell. In this world there was no fairytale endings only grim and sorrow.
"I love you Petra Ral" Levi whispered, his good-bye to her as he moved the sheet back over her face and got to his feet. Levi's face became the emotionless rock it always was; there was no evidence of his crying or his sadness for his dead squad, nor the look of a heartbroken man who just lost the love of his life and light of his cold existence. There was now only going to be darkness to him, and nothing would sooth this melancholy.
Author notes:
I have never posted anything on this account and I want to start because I write so often and read so much.
Please review if you've read this and tell me what you think.
