Hey, everyone. Welcome to the second installment of Dipshits & Dumbasses. I'm not sure yet how many installments there will be, but keep in mind that all of them that I upload are real campaigns that my friends and I played. This one happened later, so I remember more of it. I hope you enjoy part 2, The War of the Fair Folk.


Dipshits & Dumbasses II: The War of the Fair Folk

Ch. 1

"Hey," said Wayne. "I didn't expect you here this soon."

"Well, I thought I'd help get things set up," said Adam.

"Cool, cool," said Wayne. "Well here, help me peel these potatoes. I'm making homemade French fries." Adam took a potato peeler and set to work.

"I talked to John, by the way," he said as they peeled. "He said he has to work until ten, but he'll be here after he gets off. He's got to run by his house and get his things but then he'll be right over."

"That's fine," said Wayne. "I also did some talking. Tom and Zip said they'd be here, and so did Daniel."

"God dammit," said Adam. "I hate when he plays with us."

"I know," said Wayne, "but I felt bad for him. Besides, there'll be enough people that hopefully he can't fuck things up in the game too bad."


By the time they got the fries made and everything set up for the game, pretty much everyone had arrived. They sat around the table, got their things arranged the way they wanted, and then Wayne pulled his uncle's recliner up to the end of the table.

"Son of a bitch…" sighed Vernon, before Wayne could say anything, as he had just noticed what Joe was doing.

"Hey, Wayne," said Joe after a moment, "where can I set this?"

"Set wha-, Jesus, Joe…" He averted his gaze when he saw Joe brandishing a dry-erase board bearing the image of a great, veiny penis.

"It's the honorary penis," said Joe, clearly pleased with himself and his drawing.

"I know what it is, now put it away," Wayne demanded. "Sorry, you guys," he said, addressing the additions to their adventuring party. "He does this every time."

"Right," he said, after Joe had put away the drawing. "So some of you haven't played with us before. Before we start, I thought we'd do introductions like we did before."

Blake, Joe, Allen, Doug, and Vernon introduced their characters: Flin, the human cleric; Himo Augustus, the high-elven druid; Lukrain Evergreen, the human barbarian; Hrothgar, the dwarven fighter; and Naïlo, the half-elven ranger. Wayne then introduced his character which he would play as an NPC: Exq, the half-elven monk.

"I'm actually using a different character than last time," said Adam. "Now I'm Laucian Galanodel, Wood Elf Bard."

"Right on." Wayne turned to address the newcomers. "Now you know us," he said. "Now it's your turn to introduce your characters. Matt, how about you go first."

"Alright," said Tom. "I am Glim, a Gnome, and a Rogue."

"And now Daniel?" Wayne prompted.

"Ok," said Daniel, "I'm Thanor, a dwarven Cleric."

"And Zip," said Wayne.

"Dibo, Halfling Wizard," said Zip.

"You know what would be cool," said Adam to Daniel, "if you spelled your character's name with a thorn."

"A what?" Daniel asked incredulously.

"Here, let me see your character sheet." Daniel slid his sheet over to Adam, who then edited Austin's character name to read "Þanor".

"That does look pretty cool," said Daniel. "Alright, whatever, I'll leave it like that."

"Alright then," said Wayne, surveying the group. "Are we all ready?" They all answered in the affirmative. "Ok, let's get started." He opened his Dungeon Master's Guide, and the room was plunged into darkness.