A/N Hello there everybody. This is a crazy story written by three, yes count them three, writers. The writing styles may change slightly in different scenes depending on who wrote them but you'll just have to deal with that. This is our first story, and yes there will be more, so please be kind. No flaming or we'll be meanie heads. So like the summary says the Yu Yu Gang is in Texas and they wind up having crazy crazy neighbors. Hiei can't speak english, and Yusuke is as much of a perv as ever...Did we mention that all the females in the Yu Yu Hakusho series conveniently don't exist? Well there we just did. This isn't a huge romance fic but there might be a teeny bit of that. Mostly this a random story. Enjoy.

"…This is it?"

"It's…huge!"

"That's what she said!"

"Shut up Urameshi!"

Kurama glared at his human friends, shaking his head at the utter idiocracy of the not-so-closet pervert.

"Why is this so goddamn cheerful?" Hiei growled, staring upwards at the happy yellow two story abode they were to make a living in for the next few months. A, 'rewarding vacation for a job well done,' Koenma had called it. "Hn."

"How did you even get him here?" The black haired spirit detective motioned toward the disgruntled koorime. Kurama's emerald eyes darkened slightly.

"…You really don't want to know."

Was it just the detective's imagination or did Hiei look…slightly less malicious?

"Well seeing as Koenma conveniently moved all of our stuff in for us, I propose we take a look around the neighborhood." Kurama piped up, all too cheerily for Hiei's taste.

"Let's not and say we did." Kuwabara edged toward the door, longing to just pass out on the couch for the remainder of the months. Jet-lag is a bitch and it has puppies.

"Now, now, don't be a party pooper Kuwa--"

"AHHH!!"

A chorus of blood curdling screams echoed around the group. "Damsels in distress!" Yusuke cried victoriously, a deviant smirk spilling across his face. Quickly he threw up one arm and bounded across the freshly cut lawn. "I call the pretty one!"

"Human females being tortured. Shall we watch?" Kurama eyed his friend--Hiei showed a bit too much enthusiasm at such prospects from time to time.

"…Maybe we should just help them." The fox demon suggested, striding in time with his smallish friend. Hiei rolled his crimson eyes with a short, "Hn."

The two demons walked to the neighbor's house, the place they were certain they'd heard the screech emit from. (Yusuke and Kuwabara, however, were quite certain the cry had been from the house across the street…Poor souls.) For a moment Kurama stood in the driveway, Hiei perched on top of the broken-down van in the trees near it. The house was, in a word, creepy. There was practically a miniature forest surrounding the stout one-story home. (Of course the town they were in was nicknamed, 'The Livable Forest,' so nearly every house including the one they were staying at had a forest, but this was different. It was dark and foreboding.) Darkened windows peeked out from overgrown bushes, the bricks were stained and crumbling slightly. Animals were everywhere. Squirrels munched on bricks of corn nailed to the towering trees and a beat up looking Tom Cat laid in the driveway. ("Is that thing dead?" "Don't look in its eyes.")

Rusted and deteriorating bikes sat nestled between the trees, immobile. A wooden water wheel was collapsed into itself, only adding to the abandoned appearance of the place.

"No one lives here." Kurama puzzled; scratching his head in wondered.

"You may be right…" Hiei leapt down from his perch, glaring in concentration at the small building.

Kurama sauntered to the walkway that lead to the front door. "Perhaps the home is simply in such disarray because they have left it unkempt. It still smells human…And like penguin…"

Hiei, nodding, passed Kurama up, instantaneously standing in front of the door. And array of cobwebs graced the walkway, two broken guide lights had been placed on either side of the mahogany passage.

"Hm, maybe we should--" Kurama was cut off as Hiei pushed the door open with his small foot.

"…It's unlocked." Hiei stepped into the darkened hallway.

" Breaking and entering. I wonder what the sentence for that is in America…"

"Oh god, oh god! Crap! It's him! Kill it, kill it!" A shrill female voice bellowed, a dull thump sounding shortly after.

"You throw that remote at my face one more time and god help you--" A threatening screech responded, followed by another thunk.

"Guys! Hey! Guys! SKANKS BE QUIET!" Kurama and Hiei halted, they were at the end of the hallway. "There's someone here." Light footsteps neared the pair of demons.

"Hello." A head poked out from behind the brick wall that sealed off the majority of the living room.

"Um…"

The little girl's electric blue shoulder length hair was streaked with a darker cerulean, her matching eyes narrowed and locked on the two males. "Tasha, c'mere." The blond stepped out from behind the wall.

Kurama craned down, holding his hand next to his mouth and Hiei's ear. "Hiei--she's shorter than--"

"Don't finish that sentence." The spiky haired demon hissed in response under his breath.

"What is it Kat?" A tousled looking brunette rounded the corner, her constantly color changing eyes closed.

"Do you know them?" The blond jerked her head towards Kurama and Hiei, the later of the two desperately wishing for a katana of some sort.

"…Hold on…" The lanky brunette pushed her way past a seething Hiei and down the hallway, opening a door on the left. She emerged a moment later, blinking rapidly.

"You were playing without your contacts?" Kat's eyes turned half-mass.

"Of course. Why else would I keep running into the walls like that." Her, currently, bright green eyes flickered over to the red-head. "You're pretty." She announced with a grin, sticking out her hand. "My name is Natasha. Grumpy Butt over there is Kathryn." She paused.

"Why are you in my house?" Natasha smiled again, and Kathryn promptly elbowed her in the stomach.

"Dipshit, they could be murderers!" She hissed.

"Naw. They're too pretty." Tasha beamed another smile, "Besides, we have mace."

"The hell guys! Don't leave me alone with this thing! He's got knives! He'll kill me! Oh god!"

"Samara would you kindly shut the fuck up?" Kat retorted, rubbing the side of her head.

"And there's our damsel." Kurama muttered with a sigh, following Hiei around the corner.

"Holy hell! Where did that come from! Help! Hey hold up! That's cheating! You can't--oh no, you can! Shrimp!"

The girl was standing before a large plasma screen in the center of the room, just in front of a dark oak coffee table. She was fairly tall, not quite as tall as Natasha but still had more altitude than little Kathryn. Long chestnut colored hair came to a halt around her mid back, which was turned, and thus they had no clue what her eye color was. But there was, however, one thing that was obvious.

Rather than a shirt, she instead wore a flamboyantly purple sports bra. Sure it covered. Sure the outside temperature was equivalent to a thousand burning white hot suns. Sure she wasn't obese. Still, for Kurama, it was awkward. Especially when she turned to reveal her chest in all it's oversized glory.

She focused on the two boys, fear in her eyes from the contraption she was working on the screen (Perhaps it's a séance? Hiei wondered)

Kurama misread this fear as her thinking them intruders. But, just as he began to utter an apology for coming in unannounced, she threw the remote in her hand full force at Hiei's head (who, naturally, dodged it swiftly) and fell into the fetal position. "Kill it, kill it!" She cried, manically giggling in a cold panic.

Not questioning, Hiei took a flying leap into the TV screen.

In a manner very much resembling that of Chuck Norris, the television was decimated.

"Who are you people!?" Natasha screeched (she and Kat had run into the living room to locate the source of the chaos, only to be met with a forlorn looking dead plasma.)

"We're… er… your new neighbors." Kurama chuckled nervously as Natasha reached for the mace.

"We can fix it."

"Hey! You guys are Chinese!"

Natasha threw the can of mace at her voluptuous friend.

"He said they can fix it. And they're Japanese, numbnuts." Natasha clarified (learning languages in her spare time was a special indulgence- she's a total geek.) Kat nodded sagely in agreement. (She just watched far too much anime.)

"We are going to walk out of this room for five minutes. When we come back the TV is fixed." Natasha grinned evilly, grabbing Kurama by the scruff of his neck, Kat grabbed the most well endowed of the three by the strap of her bra.

"Why are you taking me too?" Kurama glanced back over his shoulder at a quite appalled looking Hiei. In the background one could hear Samara growling. "Lemme go Kat! I know how to- ouch!" Evidently, her knowing how to walk included hitting tables.

"Because you're pretty and we're bored." Sam answered simply, rubbing her injured femur. Kurama visibly paled.

"C'mon, let's watch guys getting nailed in the nuts on you tube." Kat's blue eyes held a disturbingly evil glint. Sam tossed her hands up victoriously, much in the same manner Yusuke had not too long ago. "Yay! Ball smacking!" Tasha promptly whacked her head. "Loudness down!"

The foursome turned the corner of the hallway and left Hiei to his own (devious) devices.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"You know what?"

"What Sam?"

"We don't even know their names!" Sam nodded, crossing her arms in a 'dignified' manner.

Kurama was confused, he was in a un-air conditioned room (probably the only one in the state of Texas) with various mementos of the Asian culture littered about the (disgustingly clean) room. Two large windows reached up to the ceiling, which came to a point high above their heads. A computer desk (yes, with a computer on it) was the only part of the room that was seemingly disorganized. Papers, sodas, and other such things were sprawled across the table. An ornate red, black, and cream futon straggled alongside a four-level bookcase, brimming with sappy manga.

"Well, I'm Suichi, my friend is Hiei. There's two more with us, but I'm not exactly sure where they ran off to…"

Sam stepped forward, her gray eyes deeply determined.

"I… am the great Samara!" she exclaimed, entirely serious one hang clenched over her chest, that was now clothed in a black tank top. Kat rolled her eyes in a typical display, though Kurama seemed oddly responsive to it.

"Yeah… that's Sam." The rumpled brunette scowled, shoving the girl down behind the futon she and Kurama were situated on. "Make yourself comfy." she ordered Samara, who stood up, face indignant. "I'm Natasha, and this little ball of fluff is Kathryn- hey! Kat! No biting!" As she yelled this, she began beating off a gnawing Kat.

America is a strange, strange place…

"So what are you doing in America?" Kat asked, wiping her mouth (Tasha's lotion tasted sooo nasty.) All three looked expectantly to the red-head, who, in turn, leaned further back into the couch.

"Vacation." Suichi answered plainly.

"For how long?" Sam leaned on the back of the futon he was sitting on, having finally righted herself. She leaned her face on her hands, peering down at Kurama. A silly grin was plastered on her face.

"Three months or so, I suppose." Natasha plopped down on the futon, stretching out so her legs pinned down the plant guru's thighs.

"Hey, why don't you guys stick with us? My parents are out of town till September…" Tasha sat up on her elbows; Kurama stared down at her legs. (If I head for the door now…) He contemplated any violent ramifications.

"Your parents are leaving you alone for that long? Why?" He attempted to stand, but succeeded only in dumping the wiry girl off his lap and onto the floor in a heap of twisted limbs. Samara giggled erratically, and Kat herself appeared deeply amused.

"Er… plot hole."

"What?"

"Nothing! Oh, hey, look, S'been five minutes, let's check on Hiei, huh?" Kat stared after her friend- she had absolutely no idea where the author was going with this nonsense.

Natasha led the group down the hallway (she was always in front because "If there's a mass murderer in this crazy ass dark hallway of yours , you will be the first to die." quote/unquote Samara) and into the living room.

There, in the center of the wall was the biggest plasma screen television they had ever seen. It was so big it took up almost half the wall! (The group's eyes widened. "These don't exist outside the author's fantasy world! Huzzah!")

"How did you do that!?" Kat was practically hugging the ginormous screen, Sam had taken to bowing before it, muttering something akin to 'I am not worthy, I am not worthy….' and sobbing in a ritualistic manner.

"Tell them that if the police come not to mention me." Sam stared blank faced toward the boy, spacey as usual. Kat was satisfied with her hugging (What?) Meanwhile, Tasha cracked up, shaking her head at the small boy.

"No worries Hiei. I'll say it was an extremely generous break in. They left stuff instead of taking it!"

Hiei looked to Tasha, shocked. "A native speaker?"

Natasha glared, all cheerfulness dissipated from her suddenly blue eyes. "What am I, some kind of American Indian? You're just lucky my friends DNA is already contaminating the screen to incriminate us, because believe me, we'd get a load of money for turning in your thieving ass."

Kurama peeked to Hiei, emerald eyes surprised. 'Lively bunch of ladies, no?'

He watched as the girls filed out of the room, mumbling amongst themselves then bursting into spontaneous laughter as they stepped down the hall.

Hiei made himself at home, flopping shamelessly onto the cream colored couch cushions, crossing his arms in frustration. 'Honestly, I could care less. Maybe we can just ignore them, find the oaf and his detective friend and teleport the twelve or so miles to El Paso. Seems like that place would be a little more tranquil than-'

The demons stopped their psychic communications as both sets of eyes shot up at the excruciatingly loud cries from the hallway, soon followed by a spraying noise , masculine shouts and some dull thuds, then banging and smacking sounds.

Hiei jumped to his feet. "Don't tell me…" Kurama trailed off.

The two rounded the corner and a shocking scene lay before them.

Tasha stood in front of the door, her trusty mace dripping from the nozzle in her hand, Kat and Sam stood over two baldy bruised, beaten, and bloody figures, stomping them mercilessly into the cold black stone. And the two on the ground? Well, here's a real shocker: Yusuke and Kuwabara, who, until a few moments before were sure that their 'Damsels in Distress' were distressed out of helplessness.

"Who knew pretty ladies could be so mean?"