Chimichanga Seduction

What people failed to understand about Wade Wilson was that he was a simple man, on weekdays he went to work, killed a few people and got paid for it. But on weekends he liked nothing more than to sit back at his favourite chimichanga restaurant and eat till he could no longer, then go home watch his shows, complain about his shows online on his vlog and sleep.

His routine was simple, he liked life that way.

As he continued in on his routine, Wade was currently munching down on some tasty chimichanga when a certain blonde sitting at the table across from him caught his eye and he found himself in a stare down.

Is she looking at me, I hope she's not looking at me. Mmmh chimichanga.

Focus Wade!

Shaking his head, Wade did his best to ignore the women staring at him. She was probably staring at his suit. His skin was marred and he preferred his black and red skin-tight suit to his own skin. It was easier all around this way.

Munching down on his food, the waitress who was used to seeing him brought out his twelfth plate. The staff here usually had bets to see how many plates he could finished.

His record so far is twenty two, it would have been twenty three but sadly he threw up the last plate on his walk home. He told no one but he knew inside, deep down he wasn't worthy of twenty three.

Twenty three was his goal, one day he would achieve it.

One day. Wade. One Day

"Mind If I join you"

Pausing in his bite Wade looked up to see the women before who had stared at him standing in front of him holding her plate.

What did she want, can't she see we're trying to eat here! Punch her in the throat!

"Well?" she inquired.

IN THE THROAT, DAMMIT!

Against his better judgement Wade gave only a nod and continued in his mission.

"I love a man with a healthy appetite"

"Okay" he nodded and took another bite, god he loved chimichangas.

"I'm Tiffany" she offered and wade merely grunted in response and continued humming his song to himself.

Chimichanga I do, chimichanga me to, chimichanga I love you!

"And you are?"

Seriously punch her in the throat, she's interrupting the song.

"Wade" he offered hoping that would shut her up. She smiled back.

Yes it worked. Now where were we? Ah yes, chimichanga I do, chimichanga me t-

"Do you come here often?"

"Yes, usually with my boyfriend but he's stuck at home at the moment, terrible case of diarrhoea"

He exaggerated, sadly having to put his hands down to do wild gestures.

"Oh!" Tiffany looked down right disappointed at his claim.

"Oh yes, in fact when I left him an hour ago it was coming out of both ends, I told him not to eat that leftover scrimp at our ten year anniversary party yesterday but did he listen. Girl no, he ate it, he loved it and now he surely regrets it. Poor thing."

"How sad" she commented looking ready to bolt as she once again clutched her plate.

"Peters probably exhausted by now, I would have stayed to care for him but the smell was everywhere, I couldn't breathe. It didn't smell like bad scrimp let me tell you, it smelt like death, five day old rotting corpse. It was awful. I can still smell it actually, I think a part of it has seeped into my clothing."

Leaning forward Wade held his sleeved arm up to her face "can you smell it? Smells just like death right?"

With a gag, tiffany bolted out of the place without another word.

Nice work, punching her in the throat also would have worked however.

With a shrug Wade picked up his beloved chimichanga and continued to hum.

Chimichanga I do, chimichanga me to, chimichanga I love you!