A/N: FIRST FIC I'VE EVER WRITTEN IN THE UNIVERSE OF SEASON 3! Read on.
Kurt loved hanging out in Blaine's room. Love is the Drug was playing from the stereo on the bureau, Blaine was dancing around like a goof in front of the bed, and Kurt was lying on his stomach on the green, white, and red checkered bedspread, feet up in the air, watching him dance. The lamps on the beside table, the bureau, and by the red leather chair in the corner (where Kurt's bag was resting) illuminated the dark green room nicely. Kurt was perfectly content.
"God, Roxy Music makes me want to build a time machine, just so I can go back to the '70s and give Brian Ferry a high five." Blaine had been extolling the virtues of Roxy Music for about half an hour, but Kurt didn't care. He had been musing over a little incident earlier that day. Finn had been laughing at him when his dad had no qualms about letting him go over to Blaine's house for the afternoon, even though his parents weren't there. It brought to mind all the things they could theoretically be doing in Blaine's room, all alone in the house, right where Kurt was lying at the moment. The things they could have been doing all summer, when they were in this position a hundred times. Needless to say, Kurt had blushed the entire drive to Blaine's house.
"Do you think I'm boring?" Kurt asked, trying not to wring his hands. Finn had complained so much about Rachel being a prude, Kurt wondered if he was doing the exact same thing he had mocked Rachel for so many times.
"Are you crazy?" Blaine answered with a little laugh, still dancing around. "You are the single most interesting kid in all of Ohio." Well, that was sweet, but now what he meant.
"I mean, like... sexually." Kurt sat up on Blaine's bed. "I mean, we are playing it very safe by not granting our hands visas to travel south of the equator." Nothing Kurt said phased Blaine, but he looked a little confused... and a little hurt.
"I thought that's what..." Blain gestured between them, "we wanted." Was 'we' really the word he meant? Or was Kurt's the only opinion that mattered here? Oh dear GaGa, he was acting like Rachel.
"It is," Kurt said. "I'm just wondering..." Blaine looked more and more concerned with every word he spoke. "Have you ever had the urge just to rip off each other's clothes and get dirty?" Kurt asked, and he knew the yellow lighting from the lamps well hid his blush.
"Uh, yeah," Blaine said with another little laugh. "But that's why they invented masturbation." Geez, did he really have to say that? And what was with the little gesture?
"It's so hot in this room. Could we... could we open up a window?" His sweater was starting to feel a little suffocating. Everything about his multi-layered outfit, really. Blaine had gone smart, in a short-sleeve white Henley and maroon skinny jeans. It was early October, but it was still pretty warm, especially on the top floor of Blaine's huge house.
Blaine looked far too entertained. "Hey, I'm serious." Blaine finally stopped dancing, climbing over the other side of the bed to kneel in the center. The music continued to play in the background. "We're young. We're in high school. Yeah, we have urges, but... whatever we do, I want to make sure that... you're comfortable." Blaine ran a gentle hand down Kurt's back, which was nice and comforting. "So I can be comfortable," he said, gesturing to himself, and Kurt knew he really meant it. Blaine wasn't Finn, he didn't spend all of his time talking to his friends about how much of a prude Kurt was. He loved him, and he had promised he would wait. Kurt just had to trust that he meant it. "And besides," Blaine continued, his voice kind of low, "tearing off all of your clothes is sort of a tall order."
"Because of the layers?" Kurt asked, shrugging demurely.
"Because of the layers," Blaine joked with a grin, giving Kurt a soft kiss and then hopping off the bed. And that was that.
"Why are you such a prude with Finn?" Kurt asked Rachel the next day, watching the tail end of My Fair Lady in the Hummel-Hudson living room and still thinking about his conversation with Blaine. Finn had invited Rachel over and then bailed to do something with Puck,and Kurt had invited Rachel to a movie marathon out of pity. They weren't up in his room, gossiping and doing Rachel's nails as usual, but they had managed to be polite thus far. Kurt knew he was pushing it.
"Kurt!" Rachel shrieked in protest, hurting Kurt's ear. For Pete's sake, he was right next to her!
"I didn't mean for that to be offensive," Kurt promised. "I just meant... you love him, I know that for certain. Why haven't you two...?"
Rachel sighed. "Well, ignoring the events of the past week," Kurt didn't ask purely because he didn't want to know, "my relationship with Finn, while amazing, isn't strong or deep enough to justify intimacy with him. I'm not mature enough to make that choice, and neither is he, as he has proved by the choices he's already made. Yes, I love Finn, and I do want to be intimate with him some day, but I feel no need to rush."
"I suppose you have a point. What if... you wanted to share that sort of intimacy with Finn? How do you know when you're... ready?" Kurt asked, trying not to flush.
"Why do I get the feeling we're not actually talking about Finn and I?" Rachel asked, eyeing him with curiosity. "Has Blaine been... pressuring you since our conversation with Artie?"
"What conversation with Artie?" Kurt asked, ignoring the question.
"Artie asked us both about the state of our virginity because West Side Story is about sexual awakening, and he thinks we cannot accurately portray Tony and Maria if we haven't had our own sexual awakenings." Kurt shifted at the awkward term.
"No, it's not about that. Blaine hasn't said anything, because Blaine is a perfect gentleman. I was just wondering."
"Well, I'm not sure," Rachel answered. "I have to admit I'm not incredibly sexually awakened-"
"Spare me the lecture, Rachel," Kurt interrupted. "I get it."
"Well, why are you thinking about moving forward with him?" Rachel asked, crossing her legs demurely. Kurt eyed her knee-high socks with distaste.
"Because I'm afraid he's getting bored with me," Kurt answered honestly. "Our relationship is so tame that my father, my overprotective, loving, extremely scary when he wants to be father, trusts me to spend the night at his house."
"Are you sure it's because he thinks you won't do anything?" Rachel asked.
"Pardon?"
"Maybe your father is allowing you to spend the night at Blaine's house not because he thinks you'll remain... chaste, but because he trusts you and likes Blaine enough to let the two of you make your own decisions regarding sexual activity." Kurt shifted, a little uncomfortable discussing this. Rachel, for all her bizarre qualities, could discuss almost anything and be perfectly relaxed. Kurt envied her in that respect. "The fact that you're chosen to remain chaste shows that he made the right choice."
"I suppose that could be true, but that's not really the issue. What if I am boring Blaine?" Rachel sighed in response, surprising Kurt by taking time to think through her answer.
"Blaine's a sweet guy, a gentleman. He loves you. He's not going to throw that all away on teenage urges and hormones. There are ways of... releasing tension. Alone. I wouldn't worry too much about it. I know what Finn says about my lack of sex drive behind my back," Rachel said, surprising him, "and I happen to know that Blaine says no such thing, and I seriously doubt that's just because the boys would be uncomfortable. They have become so much more accepting now that Blaine is 'one of the guys'." Kurt could hear the air quotes in her voice. "Blaine's willing to wait for you. Consider yourself lucky."Rachel looked sad, and Kurt could have punched Finn right about then.
"Rachel, I swear to any mythical beings above me, if Finn tries to pressure you one more time, I will punch him in the face and use my sai swords to render him incapable of the activities he so desires." Rachel laughed at that, kissing Kurt on the cheek.
"It's not that. I guess this week is just a week for romantic issues." Kurt didn't ask her to elaborate, he just hugged her and sang along to I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face.
Blaine was standing by his locker, looking typically adorable in a gray sweater with a red, white, and blue border, a red shirt, and a blue bow tie with white polka dots and his brown messenger bag slung over his shoulder, as the bell rang for Kurt's free period. Kurt approached as he was putting a red book (which looked oddly like a McKinley yearbook) in his locker, settling far enough away (about two lockers down) that he could see his boyfriend's face past Blaine's greenish locker door.
"If you see any of Rachel's campaign posters, feel free to tear them down." Kurt rolled his eyes, having directed that statement to the pink poster with Rachel's face on it between Blaine's section of lockers and the next. He knew Rachel would sink low to get into NYADA, but this low?
"Do you think we're too sheltered as artists?" Kurt looked at his boyfriend, a little confused but mostly disbelieving. Blaine really didn't want to talk about his issues with Rachel? "I'm serious," he said in reply to Kurt's look. "West Side Story as all about living outside of your safe little world. Don't you want to wake up every morning and be adventurous?" Kurt barely noticed as he shut his locker, too busy looking at Blaine quizzically. Where was all of this coming from. "Experience everything in life you can?" Blaine asked, leaning against his now closed locker. Kurt waited a moment to make sure he was done before answering.
"Of course. It's why I made a bucket list." Kurt pulled out his phone, ready to get rid of Blaine's philosophical musings. "Okay, you ready for this?"
"Okay," Blaine said softly, glancing at the screen as Kurt pulled up the note entitled 'Kurt's bucket list'. There were a few on screen, but Kurt decided to read off number eighty-seven. It was the only one that didn't sound crazy.
"Number 87: Become CEO of Logo," Kurt read off, ignoring number 85 (get into Julliard, which obviously wasn't even worthy of being on his bucket list anymore) and 86 (arrive at school in a hot air balloon). He decided to skip around, ignoring number 88 (find the right combination of colognes to match my unique body chemistry).
"Of course," Blaine said easily, staring at Kurt rather intensely instead of looking at Kurt's phone like he normally did when Kurt was showing him something.
"Oh, number 63: Lay a rose at the birthplace of Noel Coward. And... okay, number five. All right, this one's really embarrassing," he admitted, looking upon at Blaine. "I wrote this before I met you." Now Blaine was looking at the screen, but Kurt read it out loud anyway, might as well get it over with. "Have relations on a dewy meadow of lilac with Taylor Lautner before he gets fat." Kurt blushed, and Blaine raised his eyebrows. Kurt chuckled a bit, embarrassed. "Oh, yeah, I know, it's stupid, it's stupid.
"No, it's not..." Blaine said, surprising him. "It's hot." Kurt blushed darker, opening his mouth and then closing it again, a little at a loss for words.
"Well, anyway," he said, deciding not to comment on that, "we're-we;re young, so we've got all the time in the world to.. be adventurous."
"Don't you think now is the time to be adventurous?" Blaine asked. "While we're still young?" Blaine walked away while Kurt was still thinking it over, and Kurt watched him go (appropriately). It was only when Blaine was no longer within his line of vision that he realized he had crushed his iPhone to his chest and was stroking one hand with the other absentmindedly. What was going on with Blaine?
Kurt spotted Blaine before Blaine spotted him. It was very unusual that Kurt was at the Lima Bean without him (or vice versa), but Kurt needed coffee and Blaine seemed to be involved in conversation with a guy in the oh-so-familiar Dalton uniform. Of course, this wasn't someone he recognized (but he assumed that the mystery guy was a Warbler), and the smug bastard was smirking... if Kurt didn't know better, he would have thought they were flirting... but, it was Blaine.
"...with him in any way. He's really great," Blaine was saying, and the Warbler looked rather disappointed.
"Who's really great?" Kurt asked, mock enthusiastically. Blaine practically jumped, and yes, he looked happy to see Kurt, but he also looked a little nervous, and almost guilty.
"You!" Blaine said, a little too happy. Kurt glared at Sebastian, who was still smirking. "Sebastian, this is Kurt," the look in Sebastian's eyes said 'go away,' "my... boyfriend," Kurt tried to ignore how he hesitated as Blaine touched his arm gently, "who I was just..."
"Got it," Sebastian said, smiling falsely at Kurt, who smiled as equally falsely back. Two could play at that game, and Blaine was the only one who looked genuinely happy.
"Wow. Wow," Blaine said, obviously thinking something along the lines of 'what a crazy coincidence.' As if. They came to this coffee shop almost every day. It wasn't like Kurt was checking up on him, though he was beginning to wonder if he should. Kurt reached out a hand of shake across the table.
Sebastian shook his hand tentatively. "Pleasure," Kurt said, trying for Blaine's sake to not be too obviously sarcastic. Blaine was oblivious to any sort of advance, he probably had no idea what this snake was trying to do. Sebastian just nodded in reply. "And how do we know Sebastian?" Kurt asked his boyfriend, who just shook his head, acting oddly disbelieving.
"We met at Dalton. Was dying to meet Blaine," Sebastian said, and he was very blatantly hitting on Blaine, right in front of him. Kurt could have killed the bastard. Blaine was looking away shyly, smiling like Sebastian was just complimenting him. "Those Warblers just won't shut up about him." So Kurt's assumption had been correct. Sebastian was a Warbler. "Didn't think he could live up to the hype, but as it turns out..." Sebastian chuckled and so did Blaine, once, nervously.
"Yes, he's even more impressive in the flesh." Okay, his plan to not sound obviously sarcastic wasn't really working, but he was honestly considering setting Sebastian on fire at this point. Kurt pulled a chair up to the table on Blaine's side, intentionally crashing their party, and grabbed Blaine's arm. He wasn't possessive, but Blaine was his, and he had been acting weird enough lately. Was Sebastian the cause of that weird, impassioned monologue about being sheltered? Kurt was happy to notice that Sebastian's eyes had zeroed in on where Kurt was holding Blaine's arm. At least he got the message.
"Hey, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?" Kurt didn't like where this was going.
"Well, we're rehearsing for the school musical." Kurt looked at Blaine, who was having some sort of staring competition with Sebastian and was paying zero attention to him. "And then, at bedtime, we do a rigorous skin-sloughing regimen over the phone together." Kurt was aware how pathetic that sounded the moment the words came out of his mouth, but he continued with the confident boyfriend act, smiling at Blaine, who smiled uncertainly. Great, Sebastian was winning.
"And as... sexy as that sounds," Kurt almost growled at the idiot. Of course he had found the one weak spot in their relationship with no trouble. That was exactly the kind of thing Kurt would expect him to be good at. "What do you say we shake things up? I get you guys a couple of fake IDs and we head over to Scandals in West Lima." Kurt tried not to act confused.
"Scandals?" Blaine looked surprised. "T-the-that's the gay bar," he said to Kurt, barely looking away from Sebastian, but at least Blaine was aware he still existed.
"The last time I was there, I met the man of my dreams on the dance floor." Kurt could guess exactly how that meeting had ended.
"That's so sweet," oh good, that didn't sound as sarcastic as it did in his head, "and are you two still together?"
"Sadly, no. We broke up about 20 minutes after we met." Kurt nodded slowly, because of course Sebastian would consider some hot guy who screwed him in the bathroom to be the man of his dreams. Kurt had met him probably three minutes ago and he already knew that much about him. "Come on, guys. Live a little."
"W-we would love to, Sebastian." Was Blaine seriously saying yes without asking him? "Thank you for the offer. That's very nice of you, but... I... t-that just isn't our-our kind of thing." Or not. Sebastian turned to look at Kurt, who was staring right back. Sebastian nodded, acknowledging Blaine's answer without the slightest change of expression.
"Let's do it," Kurt said, turning to his boyfriend wit a smile. What was the harm? Blaine would probably get hammered and sloppy, Kurt would have to keep Sebastian off of him all night, but it would fulfill Blaine's need to be less sheltered, and if he went with them he could at least keep an eye on his boyfriend, who he knew made stupid decisions while intoxicated. If he didn't say yes now, they might go together alone, and Kurt could easily find the potential harm there.
"What?" Blaine asked, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Yeah. I mean, we have a whole bunch of firsts to start crossing off our lists." Kurt put no emphasis and didn't look at Sebastian, but he knew the mongrel got his point. He wasn't actually planning to... well, but Sebastian didn't have to know that. "We're in," Kurt said, allowing his voice to go cold and sharp when he turned back to Sebastian.
"Great," Sebastian said with a grin.
"Great," Blaine repeated, and it was like Kurt didn't exist again. Blaine and Sebastian were smiling at each other, and Kurt was smiling at his boyfriend. This was not good. Not good at all. Where had his sweet, amazing, patient, faithful boyfriend gone, and who was this guy inhabiting his body?
"You're going where?" Finn practically shrieked in a way that was eerily reminiscent of his girlfriend when Kurt told him about his plans for the next night and asked his step-brother to cover for him.
"I'm going to the gay bar in West Lima," Kurt said calmly, ignoring Finn's antics. Spending too much time with Rachel really was bad for him.
"Why? How is a gay bar in Lima not burned down? Why?" Finn asked, getting up to stomp around. Kurt scanned the area for lamps that could be the subject of his clumsy wrath.
"Finn, I'm going to go have fun with a few friends. That's all." It was almost true. Sebastian wasn't technically his friend, but he hadn't killed the smug, home-wrecking Warbler yet. Close enough.
"Is this about Blaine? Is he being an idiot? I'll kill him." Kurt sighed. In some ways, it was nice that Finn got overprotective. After all, three years ago the idea of a gay bar would have been grounds for fake-retching. Now, Finn was juts concerned for Kurt's safety... and possibly his virginity.
"There's nothing going on with me and Blaine." That statement was far too true, especially after the week they'd had, but Kurt ignored it. Blaine loved him, he would never leave him to be with a cheap slut just because Sebastian would sleep with him. He was a romantic.
"Are you sure?" Finn asked, and had Blaine been giving random, impassioned speeches about how short life is to everyone? "Because Rachel's been acting weird lately, and maybe it has something to do with all the time they've been spending together."
"Blaine's acting weird too," Kurt admitted, "but as someone privy to the information that explains why Rachel is acting weird, I'm about sixty percent certain that Blaine's odd behavior is unrelated to Rachel's." That didn't sound very sure at all, when he said it, but in all honestly he wasn't. Was Blaine's sudden desire to 'experience everything in life you can' somehow related to Artie's ridiculous notions of 'sexual awakening'? Was Blaine pressuring him, in a roundabout, gentleman's kind of way?
"Well, Rachel's kind of pissing me off," Finn said, "and this is the last thing I need right before recruitment."
"So don't worry about it," Kurt suggested. "I'm sure Rachel will be back to her version of normal soon, and I'll make sure to take care of myself at Scandals. If our parents ask, just tell them I'm bowling with Mercedes or something." Kurt paused, a fleeting thought making him say, "I might be staying over at her house anyway." He always could, if the opportunity presented itself, but he couldn't bring himself to say to Finn that he might be staying over at Blaine's. Finn was often a bit oblivious, yes, but he wasn't stupid. Spending the night with someone after a night of drinking and dancing was kind of an obvious euphemism. God, he sounded like the crazy pastor from Footloose.
He left the room before Finn could ask, or, even worse, try to keep talking about Rachel.
Kurt played with his fingers as Blaine pulled into the mostly-full parking lot of Scandals. The bar was just a dingy brick building with neon signs, and Kurt was full of nerves. Stupid Sebastian, challenging Kurt with his eyes so he would agree to this stupidity. Kurt sighed. Blaine wanted to do this, wanted to be spontaneous and fun, so he would do it. For Blaine. Almost as soon as they were parked, Blaine got out of the car, pulling out his wallet with the fake IDs Sebastian had gotten for them and given to Blaine that afternoon. Kurt ran to his side, pulling out his ID as well. The man on his idea was tanner than him, with curly-brown hair, and barely looked 21 himself.
"Chazz Donaldsworth?" That was exactly the kind of stupid name for this stupid plan that Sebastian would have come up with. "This doesn't even look like me." Blaine looked over at Kurt's ID and nodded.
"Don't worry," Blaine said with a sigh. "Mine says I'm thirty-eight. They'll work."
"Okay," Kurt practically whispered as they entered the bar.
Kurt's first impression of the inside was the same as his first impression of the outside: dingy. There were pool tables, a bar, people dancing. Tons of men were just hanging around, chatting. The bouncer looked incredibly bored and not particularly inspired to act intimidating. Poison Arrow by ABC was playing. Kurt handed his license to the man, who looked back and forth between them.
"Aloha!" Kurt said, and Blaine shot him a look. The bartender didn't react except for to reach for Blaine's license, looking between the smiling boy and his license.
"Enjoy," he said, his voice as bored as the look on his face. "It's Drag Queen Wednesday." Oh dear Gaga. What has Blaine gotten them into?
"Great," Blaine said, and Kurt couldn't tell if his enthusiasm was fake. They walked past the bartender and into the bar, Blaine ignoring the looks they were getting from the other customers and Kurt trying his hardest not to make eye contact. "It's not very scandalous..." Blaine commented, looking around at the wooden walls, the posters and pictures, and the sign next to them that said 'BOY' in stage lights. It seemed like an accusation.
"Au contraire," Kurt said, trying to remember that Blaine was looking for a sense of wonder. "Look at all the, uh, glamorous drag queens." One of the not-so-glamorous drag queens stared him down as he said it, making him feel distinctly uncomfortable. "Look, there's, uh, Cher and Tina Turner and, uh, uh... is that Lucy or Reba?" he asked, pointing to a man in a red wig and not wearing enough clothing for his taste.
"That... is... Ginger from Gilligan's Island," Blaine replied.
"Of course."
Kurt would have been more than happy to continue observing the bar, but then Blaine spotted Sebastian. The Warbler was at the bar, sitting next to a man significantly older than all of them, appearing to have just ended a conversation with him. He grinned when he spotted Blaine (Kurt wasn't stupid enough to think Sebastian was happy to see him) and waved them over, the man leaving. Blaine waved back.
"I really don't like that guy," Kurt said as they walked over, and there was no mistaking who he meant.
"He's harmless," Blaine said gently... and somehow that made Sebastian seem even more of a threat to their relationship. Blaine couldn't see that Sebastian was trying to separate them so that he could have Blaine. Kurt really couldn't blame him for wanting to be with Blaine, except for the fact that all Sebastian wanted was sex and he would leave Kurt's mildly-romantic boyfriend heartbroken.
"A beer for Blaine," Sebastian said, handing the bottle to Blaine off the bar, as if Blaine couldn't get it for himself. "And for Kurt, a Shirley Temple with extra cherries." Sebastian handed one to Kurt was a smug smile. "I heard you're the designated driver. Like, all the time." Kurt tried to fake a smile, but he had a feeling it looked as fake as it felt. "Cheers, boys. To the glamorous life." Blaine and Sebastian clinked glasses as Kurt looked around. How could Sebastian describe the bar as glamorous and keep a straight face? "How about we go investigate the dance floor?" the question was directed entirely towards Blaine.
"Awesome," Blaine said, and Kurt took a seat on the barstool Sebastian had vacated as they walked away. "Hey," Blaine called back, walking over to Kurt and leaving Sebastian looking annoyed. "Aren't you coming?"
"I'll come dance in a bit," Kurt promised, and Blaine smiled at him gently.
"Okay." Blaine glanced around before pressing a quick kiss to Kurt's lips, as if PDA was more acceptable if the people around them weren't likely to beat them up for it. Kurt allowed it simply to spite Sebastian.
For an hour, Blaine had been dancing with Sebastian, and every ten minutes or so, Sebastian would come over to get a new beer for Blaine, never getting any additional alcohol for himself. As if trying to get Blaine drunk would work when Kurt was twenty feet away from them. Every so often, Sebastian would turn to look at Kurt and smirk, and Blaine's gaze would follow Sebastian's, the tenor smiling at him before returning to their endless dance.
Kurt wasn't too concerned when someone sat next to him until they spoke. "You better watch your boyfriend." Kurt knew that voice, and he turned to look at David Karofsky, who looked perfectly comfortable at the bar in a flannel shirt and baseball cap. "Could I get another beer, please?" he asked the bartender.
Kurt attempted to say something, but all that came out was a stuttered noise. He swallowed and tried again as Don't Leave Me This Way by the Communards began to play. "So, how's life at your new school?"
"Fine," Karofsky said, and Kurt grimaced. This was awkward. "You know, I just wanted to have a normal senior year and play football without my teammates hearing rumors about me." Karofsky was handed his beer by the bartender.
"Just so that you know, I would have never told anyone," Kurt replied as Karofsky took a sip, insulted that the jock thought he would be spreading rumors. "It's not who I am." Kurt turned back to look at Blaine for a moment, but was quickly fed up with watching Blaine and Sebastian dance. Was Blaine not at all concerned that he wasn't with them? "So, you come here all the time?" Kurt asked, turning back to Karofsky and trying not to sound like a complete cliche, or worse, like he was hitting on his former bully.
"People like me here. I feel accepted," he answered, nodding, and Kurt smiled. As long as Karofsky was managing, he was okay. "I'm what they call a bear cub."
Kurt tried not to crease his brow, it made wrinkles. "Because you look like Yogi?" The resemblance wasn't striking, but it was there.
"I don't know, because I'm burly or something," Karofsky said with a laugh. The term sounded familiar in a way, but Kurt let it go, nodding and looking at the probably horrendously filthy bar. Why did Sebastian like this place? "What, so... so is this the point where you judge me?" Kurt jerked back a little, surprised.
"No," Kurt replied, shaking his head. "As long as you're not beating people up, I... am all for being whoever you have to be at your own speed." Kurt took one more glance at Blaine as he said this, and that whore he was dancing with was even flirting with other guys while he tried to seduce someone who was taken. How low could you go?
"Right now, I'm just trying to get through high school." Kurt almost replied, but he just smiled. There was no need to be bitter anymore, he and Karofsky could be on good terms. "Here's to baby steps," Karofsky said after a second, holding up his beer.
"Baby steps," Kurt agreed, clinking his glass against Karofsky's beer. Kurt turned back to look at Blaine, taking a sip of his second Shirley Temple as Karofsky's took a sip of his beer. Blaine caught his eye and smiled, completely oblivious and probably very tipsy, not even noticing who he was talking to. Kurt had had about enough.
Karofsky laughed as Kurt stalked over to Blaine and Sebastian, shimming and sliding right between the two, feeling Sebastian back off almost immediately. The sweet taste of victory, at least until Sebastian decided to try dancing up against Blaine's ass, which wasn't okay with him either. Kurt spun his boyfriend, knowing Sebastian wouldn't dare try something of the such with him.
That was how it went for the next hour and a half or so, Kurt trying to remain firmly between Sebastian and Blaine, Sebastian getting Blaine steadily drunker with beers, and Kurt hating his life. "Are you ready to go home?" he asked after a while, as midnight came near and Sebastian warned Kurt that anyone they thought was under twenty-five was about to get kicked out (which, out of the three of them, was only Kurt. The sneaky bastard).
"Yeah," Blaine said, and his eyes looked abnormally dark. Four times during their dance, Blaine had grabbed Kurt and kissed him completely inappropriately, and those were always the times Sebastian went to grab Blaine another drink. Blaine's didn't just get ridiculous when he was drunk, he got horny. Oh boy. Guess that explained Rachel.
"All right, come on," Kurt said, and he wrapped an arm around Blaine as he was more than a little tippy.
"Where are you guys going? The night is young," Sebastian said, blocking their way to the door. In normal circumstances, Kurt would have just walked around him, but Blaine was too dunk for that. "I'm sure I can convince the bouncer to let you stay, Kurt." Sebastian winked and Kurt almost gagged.
"No, thank you, Sebastian, we're going home," Kurt said firmly, pushing past Sebastian as best he could while supporting Blaine.
"Have fun dealing with Drunky here," Sebastian said with a laugh, and why was he still pretending to be civil when Blaine was probably too drunk to remember this? Regardless, Kurt just ignored him and led Blaine out of the club.
"This was the best night of my life," Blaine said happily as they walked down the stairs.
"Okay. All right," Kurt said, appeasing his boyfriend as he led him to the car.
"It's the best night of my life. I want to live here. I want to live here," he repeated, and Kurt couldn't help but laugh at him, he was pretty cute when he was more drunk than horny, "and I just want to make art," Kurt made a noise of acknowledgment, not that it probably mattered to Blaine at that point, rubbing a hand up and down Blaine's back. They were almost to the car, "and, you know, just help people," Blaine continued, turning to face Kurt while walking.
"Oh, my," he said with a laugh as he got a whiff of all the alcohol on Blaine's breath. "You could certainly help people make fires with your breath."
Blaine thankfully laughed and wasn't offended. He didn't think he could deal with Blaine if he was drunk, angry, and uncoordinated. "Hey, come on, I only had one beer."
"Sure you did," Kurt said as they reached the car, opening the door for Blaine. By his estimate, Blaine had consumed seven or eight beers, and he couldn't hold his alcohol to begin with.
"Hey," Blaine said, suddenly able to stand on his own two feet.
"What?" Kurt asked, prepared for more ridiculous speeches.
"Kiss me," Blaine said instead, wrapping his arm around Kurt's waist clumsily despite his initial protests. "Kiss me."
"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no," Kurt protested as Blaine pulled him close.
"Come on," Blaine asked, pulling Kurt close and leaning in to kiss his neck.
"Come on," Kurt repeated, pushing him away. "You're riding in the back. Come on, lay down."
"All right, all right." Blaine appeared to give up, allowing Kurt to push him into the backseat, trying to get him to lay down.
"You're less likely to throw up that way," Kurt explained. "Get in there." Blaine sat, but as he lied down, he grabbed a fistful of Kurt's shirt and pulled the countertenor on top of him. "W-w-woah, wait!" Kurt said, trying to get off him. "O... I..." Kurt stammered, but he had nothing articulate to say. Blaine was kissing at his neck and trying to slide his hands under the waistband of Kurt's pants, which probably wasn't that easy a task. "All right, Blaine, all right." Then Blaine succeeded. "Cold hand, cold hand!" he practically yelped, trying to sit up as Blaine's hand slide out of his waistband.
"Come on, come on," Blaine pleaded as he let go of Kurt for long enough for Kurt to make their position a little more... appropriate. "Hey, Kurt, let's just do it. I-I-I want you," Blaine said , pulling Kurt close and trying to kiss him again.
"No, no," Kurt said, trying to push a very persistent Blaine away.
"I want you so much," Blaine breathed, pulling him close and kissing at his neck again.
"No, Blaine, no, just..." he tried to say, but it appeared to have no effect on Blaine, who was either too drunk to care or really wanted this. "Stop it, stop it!" That got through.
"Hey, listen, I-I know that you wanted to do it in a field of lilacs with Sting playing in the background," when had he said that? "and all that, but who cares where we are?"
"I-I..." Kurt stammered, because yes, this was a stupid idea, and yes, Blaine was drunk, but Sebastian was still in there, and Blaine could go back in there and... he loved Blaine. He really did. Wasn't that enough?
"It's all about us, right?" Blaine asked, and Kurt felt the familiar butterflies in his stomach he always did when Blaine said something sweet. No, it wouldn't be the ideal first time, but he did want to cross off some firsts, and he did want to share himself with Blaine in that way. Why not tonight? Why not right now?
"Okay," Kurt said, ignoring all the potential answers he could think of to the questions he had posed to himself in his head.
"Okay?" Blaine asked, as though he were surprised to hear it, despite the fact he was already pulling Kurt back on top of him.
"Okay," Kurt agreed, leaning down to kiss Blaine.
It had been clumsy, and filthy, and awkward, but not terrible. Hot, yes, but a bit cramped. A bit sloppy. That might have just been Blaine though. This, Kurt was almost entirely certain after he had finished musing, was not how he was supposed to feel about losing his virginity to the man he loved. And he did love Blaine, he really did, but last night hadn't exactly been... enjoyable. Well, it had been, speaking strictly physically. He did... achieve climax. But something had been off. Wrong. The only part about last night he had mentally enjoyed was after, when they drove to Blaine's place and cuddled under Blaine's sheets, Blaine kissing everywhere on Kurt he could reach almost.. gratefully. That had been nice.
Now he was watching Blaine sleep, and a gnawing pit of doubt was growing in his stomach. No, last night hadn't been what he had imagined, but who has their ideal first time? Nobody. And... as horrible as it was to think it, he owned Blaine now, and there was nothing that creepy bastard Sebastian could do to take his boyfriend away. Right?
"Hey," Blaine muttered sleepily.
"How are you feeling?" Kurt whispered, aware Blaine probably had a killer hangover. What would happen if he had blacked out?
"Like I was run over by a truck," Blaine admitted, curling into Kurt. "I'm sorry I got so sloppy last nice. I was just trying to be spontaneous and fun, but it's more difficult than I thought." Kurt chuckled. "But last night was... wow," Blaine said, and Kurt knew he remembered.
"Yeah?" Kurt asked, but he wasn't feeling shy, or happy. Just kind of numb.
"Yeah," Blaine said, kissing Kurt gently. "And I know it wasn't your ideal-"
"Blaine, don't worry about it," Kurt lied. "I love you and I wanted to be with you. No, it wasn't a field of lilacs, but I have a feeling that would be extremely uncomfortable anyway." Blaine laughed, as if the back of Blaine's car hadn't bee uncomfortable, and Kurt tried to disperse the numb feeling.
"I love you too," Blaine said, kissing Kurt again. "How about breakfast? I think we worked up a little bit of an appetite last night." Blaine winked.
"I just need to stop in the bathroom," Kurt said, "but I'll meet you in the kitchen in a few." Kurt got up, ignoring the mutter of 'wow' from Blaine, and headed for Blaine's personal washroom. If last night had done anything productive, it had stripped him of his sense of shame around Blaine.
He gripped the edge of the marble counter and looked at himself in the mirror. He didn't look any different (minus the hickeys), which was fine, but he didn't feel any different either (except Blaine was right. He was hungry). No sense of revelation, or accomplishment, or connection, or love. Just... the same as he had been yesterday, but with a lot more regrets.
Kurt sighed, put on a bathrobe, and headed downstairs from breakfast, determined not to think too much about it.
"Hey, you okay?" Blaine asked as he whipped up breakfast like a professional. One of Blaine's qualities that made him the 'perfect boyfriend' (the girls had come up with a list of almost one hundred reasons) was that he was an excellent cook, even better than Kurt himself.
"Yeah," Kurt said, trying to believe it. "I'm fine." Blaine looked like he wanted to kiss Kurt (the look was familiar), but his hands were full with cooking and Kurt remained firmly on the other side of the Anderson's picturesque kitchen.
"You sure?" Blaine asked gently, putting down the pancake mixing bowl and a whisk to come over and pull Kurt close. "You look pale." Kurt let Blaine hug him for a moment, not answering. This was the Blaine that he loved, the sweet, gentle, caring man who did his best to make Kurt happy. He didn't know who Blaine had been lately, but that wasn't someone he liked very much. For some reason, he had a feeling it was the Blaine he didn't like that he had given himself to the previous night, and bile rose in his throat.
"Everything will be fine," Kurt replied, and he had meant to say 'everything is fine,' but even in his head those words didn't carry a ring of truth. "I love you." At least that sounded sincere.
"I love you too," Blaine vowed, kissing him softly and then returning to his pancake batter. "So, what happened last night, at the club? Things got a little fuzzy for a while."
You spent then entire time dancing with another man. Karofsky paid more attention to me than you did. I felt lonely, abandoned, unloved, and terrible about where our relationship was going, so I slept with you. I hope you remember at least that. Those were all things Kurt wanted to say, but couldn't bring himself to utter to his more-hungover-than-he's-willing-to-admit boyfriend.
"Nothing important," Kurt lied.
"Has Kurt been acting weird lately?" Finn asked the guys in the locker room after a West Side Story dress rehearsal followed by a Glee practice. Those who were doubling, including Blaine, had taken showers, and now they were having some bro time.
"You've noticed that too?" Blaine asked, kind of relieved Kurt wasn't just acting oddly around him. The countertenor had been withdrawn and distracted, and all his attempts to act like himself again, to act normal, had come off as ridiculously fake for someone who was a very good actor.
"Yeah, Kurt's been very distracted at rehearsals," Artie said disapprovingly, and Blaine resisted the urge to snap at him. Artie was much less sympathetic as a director than he was as a person.
"Dude, do you know what's going on with him?" Finn asked Blaine, and the tenor couldn't bring himself to tell his boyfriend's brother about his sneaking suspicion that Kurt's unusual attitude was related to what had happened on that night in the Scandals' parking lot. He wanted to live to be eighteen.
"Not the faintest clue," Blaine lied, and Finn looked uncomfortable for some reason.
"If you don't know, I have a feeling it's bad news for you." Blaine got nervous.
"Why would you say that?"
"Well, Kurt came home a few days ago early in the morning, limping and with some poorly-covered hickeys. It looked like... you know. And if it wasn't you..." Finn let the question 'who was it' hang in the air.
"Well, actually..." Blaine started to admit, seeing no alternative.
"Dude, you boned Kurt?" Pick asked, and when Blaine nodded, the jock offered him a fist bump, which he hesitantly accepted. "Major respect. Is that ass as tight as it looks?"
"Don't talk about my boyfriend like that," Blaine said immediately.
"Dude, that's my brother you're talking about!" Finn yelled at the same time.
"Cool your Jets, guys, I think he was kidding," Mike said, and they all grinned at the West Wide Story pun, except for Finn, who was still glaring at Puck.
"Relax, Finnessa, I don't roll that way," Puck said easily, and that seemed to appease Finn, "though Blaine gets major props for getting up on such a fine-"
"I'll murder you," Finn vowed.
"They will never find your body," Blaine tacked on. The demeaning was Puck was talking about his boyfriend was bothering him maybe more than it should have. Blaine respected Kurt. No, their first time wasn't as romantic as it should have been (wasn't romantic at all, really), but was that really what was bothering Kurt? What was going on in the countertenor's head?
"You're spacing, Blaine," Artie said while Blaine mused, and at least he dropped the attempts at ghetto slang when he was trying to be a respectable authority figure.
"Sorry," Blaine muttered absentmindedly. "And I doubt whatever's going on with Kurt has to do with what happened between the two of us. At least, I hope not."
"Me too," Finn said, and he was acting unusually accepting. Thank God Puck had been around to distract him from being angry at Blaine. "I'm worried, dude."
"I'll try to find out what's going on with him," Blaine vowed.
"So, how was Finnessa's brother in the sack?"
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong, or are we going to pretend that everything is okay?" Blaine finally asked mid-conversation in the auditorium, and Kurt's look of surprise was the most genuine expression the countertenor had made all week. Kurt had been helping him go over a dance move he had messed up opening night, sitting at the piano bench and analyzing his moves.
"Excuse me?" Kurt asked.
"You heard me," Blaine said softly. It wasn't an accusation, but Blaine knew if he said anything else Kurt would just try to deflect the conversation, and he was alarmingly good at it.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Kurt said, and somehow that just made everything worse. It was the first time he knew of that Kurt had lied to his face without blinking an eye. He wasn't angry, just sad. What had he done that Kurt would feel okay lying to him?
"Is this about what happened at Scandals?" Blaine asked, and Kurt blushed and looked down. Jackpot. "Kurt, please," he begged, kneeling beside Kurt where he was seated at the piano bench not caring, "tell me what's going on with you. I can't read your mind."
"I've noticed that," Kurt muttered.
"What do you mean?" Blaine asked. Kurt's sentence had sounded a little accusatory, but maybe Blaine was reading too much into it.
"If you could read my mind, you would know why I was upset," was all Kurt said. Blaine wasn't buying it.
"What else would I know, if I could read your mind?" he asked, and Kurt sighed, pressing a hand to the side of Blaine's face.
"Everything's fine, Blaine."
"Stop saying that!" Blaine said, suddenly standing up, getting angry with the way Kurt was patronizing him, had been patronizing him since that night. "I'm not your idiot friends or family! I know that something's upsetting you, but I can't fix it until you tell me what it is!"
"If it wasn't for Sebastian, there wouldn't be anything to fix in the first place!" Kurt yelled in reply, standing up, getting angry for long enough to let his guard down and then clamping a hand over his mouth.
"Is that what this is about?" Blaine asked, totally thrown by the new factor, lowering his voice back to normal. "Sebastian?" Kurt didn't say anything. "Kurt, talk to me." Blaine grabbed the hand Kurt was using to cover his mouth and removed it, holding it to his chest. "Please." Kurt's lips pressed tight together. "What about Sebastian?"
"He's an asshole, you know," Kurt said, and Blaine recognized his tone for deflection automatically.
"I know that," Blaine replied. "What does that have to do with us? This is all about us." Kurt suddenly laughed bitterly, pulling his hand away from Blaine.
"Is that your favorite line now?" he asked, and the memory clicked in Blaine's head.
"So this is about what happened in the parking lot at Scandals!" Blaine said. "What's wrong?"
"How about we analyze the things that are wrong with that sentence," Kurt said coldly. "Number one: the parking lot at a gay bar."
"You could have said 'no', Kurt," Blaine said. "It was one hundred percent your decision!"
"How could I have said no when there was a gay bar superstar waiting inside who was one hundred percent willing to say 'yes'!" Kurt exploded suddenly, and wait, what?
"Excuse me?" Kurt was tearing up, and all Blaine wanted to do was hold his boyfriend close and never have to talk about anything that caused him pain, but he needed to know what was wrong. Blaine reached out to take Kurt's hand
"I was afraid that you were going to leave me," Kurt said quietly. "For Sebastian and because..." Kurt trailed off. He didn't have to say it.
"You were... Kurt, I love you," Blaine said, suddenly feeling like the worst person in the world and pulling Kurt into a hug. "Sebastian means nothing to me, he's a jerk and a whore and I would never want to be with him, especially not like that. Why would you think that?"
"If Sebastian means nothing to you, where did all that 'sheltered' crap come from?" Kurt asked, and Blaine ignored the almost-swear for the moment.
"I... that had nothing to do with sex, Kurt," Blaine said, letting go of Kurt but keeping his arms around Kurt's waist. "That had nothing to do with us. I love you, and I would never want to pressure you. Did I-"
"No," Kurt said shaking his head, stroking Blaine's cheek gently, "but I thought that if I said no..."
"I would go to Sebastian," Blaine said, finishing his sentence. "Kurt, why didn't you say something?"
"Why couldn't you tell?" Kurt said, and suddenly he was angry again, pushing Blaine away. "Why couldn't you tell how much this meant to me? How much you mean to me? And of course I wanted to be with you in that way, Blaine, but I wasn't ready!" Kurt yelled, and then shrunk back. "I wasn't ready."
"Kurt," Blaine said, completely blind-sided. He had pressured Kurt to have sex before he was ready, and Kurt had gone along with it because he was afraid that Blaine would go looking for it somewhere else if he didn't. Wasn't that the definition of a complete asshole?
"No, Blaine," Kurt said, and he sounded resigned. "I can't do this right now." Blaine should have said something. Anything. Called Kurt back, declared his love, said how much of an idiot he had been, how drunk he was (even though that wasn't an excuse), anything. But he could do nothing but watch as Kurt walked away.
He was a complete asshole. That was for sure. And he was powerless, completely powerless, because what he had done wasn't something he could take back, and wasn't something he could apologize for. He had taken Kurt's virginity in the back of his car before his boyfriend was ready. He had practically r...
Blaine swallowed down bile and tried to think of something to even begin to fix what he had done. He was entirely romantically retarded, but even he knew that this was a completely private issue: he couldn't tell anyone and he couldn't do some big, romantic gesture like a serenade. He needed something better than that, and there was only one idea he could think of.
"Hey, Finn," Blaine said, approaching the tall boy at his locker, where he was staring into its depths blankly. "When's the next time your parents are out of town?" In hindsight, that sounded kind of... suggestive, and Finn turned to glare at him.
"Why?"
"I wanted to make Kurt dinner," Blaine said because it was the truth, forcing himself not to be intimidated by Finn. Just because he's huge... "Cheer him up a bit."
"Oh yeah, did you ever find out what was up with him?" Finn asked, concern for Kurt taking over any anger he'd had at Blaine.
"Yes, but it's his story to tell and I wouldn't feel comfortable telling you," Blaine said, mentally begging any heavenly entity that Kurt wouldn't decide to share that particular story with Kurt. He knew Kurt hadn't yet, because he would be dead if he had.
"Do I want to know?" Finn asked, eerily perceptive for once.
"No," Blaine admitted. "Not even a little bit."
"Burt and Mom will be out until Friday," Finn answered, still looking at Blaine a little warily. "If you hurt him, I'll kill you," Finn promised, and Blaine wasn't entirely sure he wasn't being literal.
"I know," was what Blaine decided was the best answer. Finn returned to searching his locker for the meaning of life, and Blaine mentally made a list of ingredients.
Kurt was ready to curl into a ball and sleep by the time he arrived at his house. He had to listen to Rachel go on and on about how perfect her first time with Finn had been following his failed recruitment earlier, and now he was feeling sick. His first time with Blaine had been anything but, and he didn't want to dwell on it. He wasn't angry with Blaine, he couldn't be, with the memory of how horrified Blaine had looked when he had told Blaine he wasn't ready. He just... couldn't be around his boyfriend right now... if he could still call him that.
He didn't bother to call out when he entered the house. His dad and Carole were still in Washington and Finn was on a date with Rachel, who had been practically floating around. He couldn't be happy for her. He wanted to be, but he couldn't.
Kurt froze when he entered his house. The table was set, with a white table cloth and candles and rose petals. The whole house smelled amazing. Blaine's voice singing Teenage Dream, slowed and acoustically, was floating around the living room. There were dishes in the counter, two of each, and there was something that looked like a cake next to the fridge. The only thing he didn't see was Blaine.
"Hi," Blaine said, and Kurt jumped. Blaine had been sitting on the stairs, just out of Kurt's line of sight. "I know you're not exactly happy with me right now, and I completely understand that. I just... wanted to apologize. SO, I thought I'd make you an Italian dinner."
"What, are you trying to make me fat so you won't want to have sex with me?" Kurt asked, trying to make light of the tension in the air, but Blaine looked down at the floor in shame and didn't answer. "Blaine," Blaine looked up at him, "it was a joke."
"Right," Blaine said standing up. Kurt took one look at him and hugged him. "What..." Blaine asked, confused, but he hugged Kurt tightly, like he didn't want to let go.
"I'm not angry with you," Kurt said, not bothering to wait for Blaine to finish his question. "This isn't your fault. It was my decision, an idiotic one based on complete stupidity and bad circumstances, but it was my decision. I said 'yes'."
"I shouldn't have made you feel that you needed to," Blaine said, burying his face in Kurt's shoulder and still not letting Kurt go.
"It wasn't you. It was Sebastian, and jealousy, and insecurity. I know that you love me, and that you would never cheat on me, and probably you wouldn't have even when you were drunk, but I doubted you, and I made a mistake."
"I guess no one's first time was perfect. Yours was a mistake and mine was practically," Blaine shivered and dint' finish his sentence, but he didn't need to. Kurt knew exactly what he was about to say.
"No," Kurt said firmly, pulling away only so he could look Blaine in the eye. "I said 'yes', Blaine, and no, it wasn't perfect, or romantic, or sober," Blaine didn't even chuckle, "but I don't regret that it was you. I wanted it to be you." Blaine didn't look comforted, looking down instead. "I still do," he said softly, pulling Blaine's chin up with a hand so he could kiss him. "I love you, Blaine."
"I love you too." Blaine looked completely relieved. "I thought I had lost you for a second there."
"Never," Kurt promised a little rashly, kissing Blaine again.
"This was nice," Kurt said, clinking his champagne glass with Blaine's.
"I know this kind of goes against my earlier promise never to drink again, but..." Kurt laughed.
"This doesn't count," Kurt said. "Just like that night at Scandals doesn't, and my first two kisses don't."
"Nothing with you will ever be right the first time, will it?" Blaine asked rhetorically, but he sounded kind of sad. Kurt reached over and took Blaine's hand.
"If everything in my life that doesn't go right the first time turns out as well as tonight did, it doesn't matter a bit." Blaine smiled at that, rubbing his thumb over the back of Kurt's hand.
"I love you," Blaine said gently, "so much."
"I love you too," Kurt said, "and thank you for the dinner."
"No problem." Blaine paused and cleared his throat. "So where do we go from here?" It was a good question, and not particularly one Kurt wanted to answer.
"I think we go back to square one," Kurt decided, and Blaine smiled.
"That doesn't sound like such a bad place to be."
A/N: A little (or not so little, about ten thousand words) fic idea that popped into my head while I was attempting to get some work done on my actual stories. It had been lounging in my 'Skiddles' idea page (don't ask), and then it clambered to be written. So, here it is. With Alternate Ending (AKA: ending I wrote but didn't like as much, but will post anyway).
Songs used/mentioned:
'Love is the Drug' by Roxy Music (mentioned)
'I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face' from My Fair Lady (mentioned)
'Poison Arrow' by ABC (mentioned)
'Don't Leave Me This Way' by the Communards (mentioned)
'Teenage Dream (Acoustic Version)' as arranged by the Glee people (mentioned)
Reviews are Love.
