Summary: The night was dark and stormy. And very random. R&R!

Disclaimer: Nothing. I own.

A/N: I got so totally bored in English, so I was writing down everything people said. No wonder this so random!

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It was a dark and stormy night. The trees were blowing in the wind (the wind blew the trees after, of course). It was very cold. So cold, in fact, that inside the Great Hall Hermione stood up and began to cheer a little cheer.

"Brr! It's cold outside. It must be something in the atmosphere!" she sat down again. No one said anything, because no one had any idea what went next in the cheer.

"Oh my god. That's so cool! It's Shipley, Fred—Shred!" said an extremely ditzy blond.

"Three cheers for Shred!" yelled Ron.

"HIP HIP HOORAY!" the entire hall shouted. Professor McGonagall seemed to think 'three cheers' meant 'CHEER CHEER CHEER!" so she proceeded to say this, and wound up looking very stupid. She then did a jig, and walked out of the hall. Dumbledore stood up.

"Announcement. I have a," he spoke in a weird form of Pig Latin, which he invented. It was called Sentence Pig Latin. "Classes. Tomorrow there will be no." Everyone in the hall groaned. They liked classes.

Ron stood up again. "Three cheers for classes!" Everyone cheered again.

"Squid. We will be giving free rides on the Giant," Dumbledore continued after he said the three cheers. "Cream. There will be ice. Carnival. In fact, it will be very like a Muggle!"

"Hey! That's my book!" a boy from the Hufflepuff table shouted. On the word book, his voice went crack! It didn't actually crack, though. Why do people say that? It squeaked. Like a mouse. "My voice cracked!" the boy said, as if no one knew. Then everyone laughed a little laugh.

Hermione stood up as well. She began to sing. "I had a little mommy, my mommy said to me!" But she didn't know the rest of the song, so she said "Meatballs, of yourself!" and sat down.

"Idol. It is time for Hogwarts!" Dumbledore announced, and sat down. It was time for the Hogwarts Idol. Ginny was first up to sing.

"I know we're gonna get, know we're gonna get, get...bombastic love, so fantastic. Where I'm completely yours and you are mine. And it's gonna be exactly like in a movie when we fall in love for the first time."

Over at the Slytherin table, Draco was having some problems. Some stupid person had spilled seltzer all over his pants, and it looked like he had an accident. It was wet. And very cold. Pansy giggled.

"A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants!" she laughed, taking a napkin and trying to wipe the wetness off his pants, but all she ended up doing was prodding and poking. Er, down there.

"OOOOH. MORE!" Draco suddenly yelled, and Ginny stopped singing. "Er. More singing!" Draco said hastily, and grabbed Pansy. He threw her into a nearby broom closet, and closed the door behind them.

It was time for the judge's comments.

"That was wonderful, Ginny. Very nicely enunciated. The only advice I would give is maybe you should dance a bit less," said Professor McGonagall.

"Uh, yeah, yo. You go some nice voice, yo," said Professor Binns.

"I've only got one word for you," said Professor Snape. "Simply awful."

That was two words.

"Turn. Harry, it is your," Professor Dumbledore said.

"I'm singing 'Drop It Like It's Hot'," he told everyone, and began.

"When the pimp's in the crib, ma. Drop it like it's hot. Drop it like it's hot. Drop it like it's hot. When the pigs try to get at ya. Park it like it's hot. Park it like it's hot. Park it like it's hot. And if a nigga get a attitude. Pop it like it's hot. Pop it like it's hot. Pop it like it's hot."

Pansy and Draco stumbled out of the closet again. "That was goood," Draco said into Pansy's neck. Draco was too busy being fixated with Pansy's neck, and when he went to sit down in his seat he fell in Millicent Bulstrode's lap.

"Oh, Draco! That feels yum!" she crowed, and with her incredible strength she picked him up and carried him back into the same broom closet that he had just come out of. Draco didn't mind. He was feeling horny anyway. But that didn't seem to matter, because a boy and girl already inhabited the broom closet. The girl had a huge ass and big boobs, and the boy was an extremely hot hunk of meat. They were going at it pretty hot and heavy, and Millicent and Draco didn't want to disrupt them.

Right then, Draco's horniness took over, and he jumped on top of Millicent. Right before he did so, he heard the girl inside the closet moan. She sounded like she said. "Oh, Jub!" but Draco didn't see how a person could be named 'Jub" and continued making out with Millicent.

"And we wish you a merry Christmas, and we wish you a merry Christmas, and we wish you we wish you a happy new year!" sang Ron. "Ha la la. Ha la la la. Ha la la la la la la la la la!"

And then an atomic bomb dropped on Hogwarts and everyone died.