Rahne

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "We're young, rich and full of sugar, what do we do now?" "Let's go crazy, Broadway style!"

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And Broadway crazy we will go, with, oh yes, another re-written parody from the Todd Fan company! Only this and Wild Wild West left to update into non-script format. This time around, we're hacking up a treasured musical, Annie. This is, incidentally, the Disney version (with Kathy Bates in), just in case you were wondering, on with the show!

"This parody still isn't being done at Christmastime", says Pietro.

…..And you're still the director, so some things never change.

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ACT 1 - A New York orphanage

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As seen as certain songs make it impossible to set in Bayville, we start to move through 1930's New York. We finally zoom in on a girls annex orphanage, where Rahne is looking through the window at the falling snow sadly

"I get tae star in a parody, go me!", grins Rahne.

Suddenly, we hear the voice of our smallest orphan...

"I hate this fic already", mutters Dani, "Mama! Mommy!"

"Shut her up", snaps X23, "so I can sleep!"

"Dani, wake up and shut up!", says Wanda

"Leave Dani alone", says Jubilee, narrowing her eyes.

"You wanna make something out of it, Jubes?", growls X23, popping out her claws.

"….Do we really want a volatile Logan-clone on set?", ponders Pietro, "oh well!"

"Come on, Jubes, beat her up!", says Amara

"Get her, X23!", cheers Rogue.

Rahne sighs, getting off the windowsill and heading into the fray before an all out war breaks out between the girls. It is shown they are in a single bedroom, lined with many beds.

"Stop it!", snaps Rahne, pushing everyone off Jubilee, "Lay off Jubes! If Darkholme wakes up, she'll get sore".

That done, Rahne goes over to Dani to comfort her

"It's okay, Dani", she says, "ye were just having another nightmare"

"There's an irony!", chuckles Pietro.

"I'll give you a nightmare, Pietro!", growls Dani.

Rahne rescues Dani from the group and puts her on a bed

"The things I do for money", sighs Dani, "I want my mommy and daddy"

"Uh, Dani, we ain't got mommies and daddies", says X23, then sniffs, "I was genetically created in a lab…..I need a hug"

She gives a sob, breaking into tears as she is prone to do from time to time.

"…..Okay then", blinks Pietro, then sighs, "X, we'd appreciate it if you got on with your part, now"

"Sorry", X23 sniffs, "And we ain't never gonna have 'em. That's why we're called orphans"

Rahne growls and gives X23 a shove

"I'm nae an orphan!", she snaps, "My parents are alive, and they're comin' to get me someday"

"Yeah, and Rahne's got a note that proves it!", says Dani, "Will you read it to me, Rahne? Please?"

"Brother, here we go again", mutters X23, rolling her eyes.

Rahne ignores X23's comment and gets out an old, dusty paper from her dress and begins to read it to Dani

"'Please take good care of our little darling", she reads, "Her name is Rahne. She was born..."

Rahne is cut off as Wanda, Amara, Jubilee, Rogue and X23 chime in

"Was born on October 28. We will be back to get her soon. We have left half of a silver locket around her neck and kept the other half, so that when we come back for her, you will know that she's our baby!".

The others laugh at her and Rahne pushes up her sleeves, glaring at X23

"Do you wanna sleep with your teeth inside ye mouth or out?", she threatens.

X23 merely growls at her, before Rahne turns to address the others

"Now, get to sleep!", she orders, "I know these don't mean anything tae ye, but they're everything tae me. They're proof I got parents"

"Do you really think they're out there, Rahne?", asks Dani, "…not that I give a rats ass"

"Yep", nods Rahne, "And I'm gunnae meet 'em someday"

"Can you at least try a New York accent?", sighs Pietro.

"I'm from Scotland", says Rahne, "I'm doin' the best I can Captain!"

"…..I deserved that", sighs Pietro.

Rahne sighs, sitting down in her bed next to Dani, as seen as there are only six beds to seven girls

"Talk about bad set design", mutters Rahne.

Maybe far away

Or maybe real nearby

He may be pouring her coffee

She may be straightening his tie

Maybe in a house

All hidden by a hill

She's sittin' playin' piano

He's sittin' payin' a bill

"More than likely", nods Pietro, "if they dump their kid in a..."

"Ye a useless director, ye know that?", asks Rahne, "I did better than ye, and I was directing animals!"

"SHAMELESS PLUG!", screams Pietro, "and so soon, too!"

Rahne shakes her head at him, going back to trying to sing in a New York accent.

Betcha they're young

Betcha they're smart

Bet they collect thing like ashtrays and art

Betcha they're good

Why shouldn't they be?

Their one mistake

Was giving up me

So maybe now it's time

And maybe when I wake

They'll be there calling me baby

Maybe

She notices Dani has fallen asleep, has as everyone else. She tucks Dani in and walks among the beds, tucking everyone else in

Betcha he reads

Betcha she sews

Maybe she's made me a closet of clothes

Maybe they're strict as straight as a line

Don't really care

As long as they're mine

She sits down on the floor, looking at her paper again

So maybe now this prayer's

The last one of it's kind

Won't you please come get your baby?

Maybe

She pauses, hearing the clock chiming. She hides her locket and paper in her dress and crawls around on the floor, filling a bag full of bits and bobs, waking up X23 in the process

"Now what?", asks X23 sleepily.

"If my folks haven't found me", says Rahne determinedly, "I'm gunnae find them!"

"Again?", whines X23.

"X23, watch out for Dani!", says Rahne.

"No", replies X23, "I don't want to"

By now, they have woken up Amara

"But what if Miss Darkholme catches you?", asks Amara

"She won't", says Rahne

With that, Rahne bravely heads out of the dormitory, and out into the upper floor of the orphanage

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You may be wondering why I picked Rahne for Annie's role (if you didn't read the first time around). It's all the producers of Evo's fault! In Retreat, they mis-pronounced her name, I thought it sounded alot like 'Annie' (being' Rannie' and all), and so this is a tribute to a very funny bungle. Anyway, click onwards for more fun!