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She Hasn't Heard It Yet

I smiled as he came into the kitchen, turning to look in his eyes. He looked away, refusing to meet my gaze. I sighed and turned back to the pot of coffee I was working on. It was the third night in a row he'd been late coming home. If there's a reason for it, he hasn't offered, and I'm afraid to ask.

I warmed up his dinner, and sat down at the table, trying to start a conversation. I tried not to notice that he neither ate nor spoke. He simply shook his head at me, as if there were something I should've noticed that I'd missed completely. I simply couldn't fathom what that could be.

In the back of my mind, something nagged at me. I knew something was wrong, and if I thought about it, I knew exactly what that something was. I simply didn't want to admit what I knew. I went to bed still denying what I knew in my heart.

I woke just in time to watch him leave his ring on the night stand and move out into the hallway. He looked at himself in the mirror that hung just outside our door.

"Goodbye," he whispered just barely loud enough for me to hear. For a moment, I thought I was dreaming. Then it hit me-he was saying goodbye to himself, to me, to our home, to our life. He didn't want me anymore. And if I was truly honest with myself, he had never wanted me.

I buried my face in the pillow and sobbed. I knew I could have run after him, begged him not to leave me. I also knew it was pointless. As I lay there sobbing, I finally allowed myself to realize all the things I had been denying for so long.

He always called out for HER in his sleep. He always hung out with HER in the basement. He always compared me to HER, telling me that SHE was better than I was at nearly everything. I had chosen to ignore the signs, to disregard the obvious hints that he would rather be with HER than me. I had known from day one it was only a matter of time. He'd been telling me goodbye from the beginning, and I simply didn't want to hear it.

As I lay there, finally accepting of what I had always known, I allowed myself, just for a while, to wallow in self-pity and hatred. At that moment, I hated myself for refusing to see and for holding on to someone who had never wanted me, who had stayed with me only through a misguided sense of obligation. I hated him, hated Steven Hyde with a passion, for never wanting me, and for not being man enough to do what needed to be done at the very beginning. But most of all, I hated HER, hated Jackie Burkhart, for having his heart and being the one he wanted.

A/N: Soooo…ya…umm…don't ask. LOL I was listening to Jamie O'Neal's "She Hasn't Heard It Yet" and for some reason thought of Sam and Hyde. And here's the result. LOL I know it's not very long or good, but bare with me, people. LOL I promise to post something better soon! Probably at some point tonight. LOL ~Aideen Nicole