I'm sorry in advance you guys!


"Killian," Emma sighed exasperatedly as she paced in his room at Granny's. "You can't come with us, it's too dangerous!"

"Swan, I'm not asking you permission," he almost sneered, crossing his arms like a petulant child. "I'm telling you that I'm accompanying you and Regina in this fight. I'm not arguing about this with you any longer."

"Killian! We have magic, they have magic-"

"And I have just one hand, is that what you're trying to say?" he shot back, standing toe-to-toe with her.

"Of course, that's not what I'm saying!" she threw her hands in the air, giving up. "I'm just worried," her voice softened.

His expression did too, as he pulled her down on the bed, "I'll be fine, love. I just got you back. I'm not-I can't-" he stammered, running his hand through his hair. "I don't want to lose you to that darkness ever again," he admitted, his eyes downcast.

Emma's entire demeanor deflated, her shoulders slumping as she realised how worried he was. She rested her hand on his arm, making him look up at her. "I love you, Killian. You won't ever lose me," she promised, her eyes soft and loving.

"I love you too, Swan. I'm just- afraid, I guess," he shrugged.

"Hey. Don't be," she smiled, leaning forward and kissing him. He sighed against her lips, his body relaxing considerably.

"I'm still coming with you," he added as he pulled back.

"Of course you are," she sighed, rolling her eyes.

-/-

Worst mistake ever. It was seriously the worst thing she could have done, letting him accompany them.

The moment Ursula saw him, she went into a rage, trying to get her tentacles around him, or shooting curses at him that she had to keep deflecting.

Ursula's gaze landed on her, making her glower and turn her attention towards her. Her focus was shifted for barely a minute before both Maleficent and Cruella disappeared in a cloud of smoke as Ursula grinned wickedly at her before flicking her wrist at Killian, her magic hitting him square in the chest.

Emma's heart stopped as she saw his eyes widen, his expression fraught with pain. Killian opened his mouth in a scream, but no sound came out. He clutched his throat, despair taking over as he fell to his knees, tears gathering behind his eyes.

His voice. It was gone.

Emma turned to him, her glaring eyes softening as she saw him, rushing over to assist him. Ursula laughed cruelly, vanishing in a cloud of smoke.

Emma went to her knees next time, trying to help him as he desperately clawed at his throat. His panicked eyes met hers, making her own throat close up.'Emma,' he mouthed, his eyes red and wide. 'Emma!' he strained, the tendons of his neck standing out prominently, but no sound came out.

"It's okay," she tried, prying his hand from his throat. "We'll figure this out, Killian."

But he barely heard her, the screaming in his head too much as he started to panic, tears threatening to fall. Emma felt helpless, unable to do anything but pull him into her arms, holding him and trying to soothe him as the panic got the best of him and he broke, his shoulders shaking violently as he cried soundlessly, his tears wetting her neck where he'd buried his face. His hands tangled in her hair, pulling almost painfully at them in his hurt, mouthing words at her neck, but she let him.

She held him, but she couldn't stop him from falling apart.

-/-

It'd been two days since Killian lost him voice. Two days since he locked himself in his room, refusing to come out. Emma felt helpless, her heart breaking every time she tried to see him and failed.

They'd tried spells, potions, everything. She had even tried True Love's Kiss, but according to Belle, he'd not been cursed, so it wouldn't have worked. That's when he left, storming out in a fit of rage, leaving Emma and David standing 'd tried giving him space, as much as she hated it, and tried to focus on defeating the Queens of Darkness and getting his voice back. But it was just one dead end after another.

It was on the third day that she truly go fed up. Making up her mind, she marched up the stairs, spare key clutched in her hand. If he wasn't going to let her in, she's going to have to let herself in.

Her shoulders were set, her hand raised to knock when the door was flung open, Killian's eyes showing his surprise at seeing froze, her eyes taking him in. His eyes were red and had dark circles, his hair was a complete mess and his clothes were all rumpled. He stared at her wordlessly, his jaw clenched, neither of them making any move.

After a long silence, he hung his head in defeat, pulling her into his arms, burying his face in her neck. She remained frozen for a moment longer but sighed, bringing her arms around him and pulling him closer.

"We should go inside," she whispered, pulling back. He nodded, somewhat hesitant. She sucked in a sharp breath when she saw the state of his room. Lamps broken, pictures torn out of frames, the entire place a mess.

"Killian..." she trailed off, her eyes widening and tearing up as she turned back to refused to meet her eyes, his hand reaching up to scratch behind his ear. Her face fell, her hand cupping his cheek, making him meet her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Killian," she whispered, moving closer, closing her eyes as a stray tear fell down her face.

He fiercely shook his head, his brows pulled together in a frown as he reached out wipe it away. He took her hand, placing it flat on his chest, looking back up at her, his eyes meeting hers. They didn't need words for this.

He sighed, dropping his forehead to hers, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed thickly, struggling to try and say the words.

Emma felt her heart break, her hands clutched his shirt. "I know," she assured him. "I love you, too." she whispered, her voice breaking. She sniffled, "We'll fix this. We will, I promise."

-/-

"Don't get frustrated," Belle tried soothing him, huffing disapprovingly as he threw the book he was reading against the wall.

He raised his eyebrow, as if to ask, What else do you want me to do? his lips thinning.

She was about to answer, but thought better of it, walking to retrieve the book he threw away as the pirate shook his head in defeat, his hand clutching his hair.

"Ahoy, sailor," Emma called, entering the library with a flourish, her arms laden with Granny's takeout. "And Belle," she smiled, walking over to the table he sat at.

"How's the research going?" she asked, taking a seat.

The glare she received in return from her boyfriend made her sigh, "It's okay. You'll find something," she assured him, standing up so she could stand between his legs.

His arms encircled her waist, pulling her closer. Belle quietly moved to the front of the library, giving the couple their space."Hey," she hummed, her fingers running soothingly through his hair. "It's okay." She leaned down, her nose bumping his playfully, trying to cheer him up. She placed his hand over her heart, her head tilted in question.

He kissed her softly, his lips caressing hers slowly, bringing forth tears to her eyes. Pulling back, he nodded, bringing her hand to his chest, pressing it there.

-/-

The nights are the worst for him, waking up in a cold sweat, trying to call out to Emma and finding out he couldn't.

Emma's learnt to wake up with him, hold his hand as he calmed down, as his breathing slowed, her forehead pressed between his shoulder blades.

He'd most often than not turn around, pushing her gently on her back, his lips and hand roaming all over body, making sure she was there, she was real. She let him, her hands clutching his shoulder tight, her nails digging in. And she makes damn sure that he gets as good as he gives, until they are both a tangled, sweaty mess on their back, trying to breathe right.

She then curls herself closer, her head on his shoulder and hand against his heart. "I'm here," she pants and he nods shakily, fingers threaded in her locks, his heart racing under her palm.

This night in particular though...This night was worse than ever. He stood at the window, Swan slumbering on the bed, thoroughly worn out and sheets pooled till the small of her back. But he couldn't fall asleep, not when he would rather spend the time finding a cure for this infernal curse.

His jaw clenched, hand fisted around the bar of the window in a death grip, his hookless brace resting against the frosted glass. He jumped slightly when cold arms came around his waist, but soon relaxed as Emma sighed, melting into him, her lips pressed to his bare shoulder blade."I woke up and found my space heater missing," she complains, huddling closer, blankets wrapped tight around her. When he doesn't turn around to face her, she pulls back, her hand grabbing his arm and making him face her.

"You need to stop doing this," she whispered, her fingers brushing the dark circles under his eyes with worry. "You need to stop obsessing over this."

His eyes squinted in anger as he pulled back from her. 'Do you not care?' he gestured, using what little sign language he'd reluctantly learnt.

She narrowed her eyes, trying to understand for a second, her own anger replacing her worry momentarily. "Of course I care! I care that you take care of yourself. I care that you actually live. What I don't care for however is you being so- so consumed with finding a cure! No one's going to think any less of you if you can't talk!" she snapped, her eyes widening as she realised what she said, her hands coming up to cover her mouth in horror.

His jaw clenched at that, his face turning red, 'I do' he gestured, turning away from her, his shoulders almost shaking with his rage.

"Killian-I...I didn't mean that," she stammered, her hand reaching for his arm, but he shrugged her off, his hand clenching at her side. "Killian?" her voice trembled as he refused to even look at her.

After a long moment she sighed, turning around and heading to bed, pulling herself closer to his side, tears slipping down her face in a silent trail. She buried her face in his pillow, pulling the sheets up higher.

It was maybe an hour later when she felt the bed shift, rousing her from her sleep, her hand reaching forward. His calloused palm covers hers, placing an apologetic kiss on her knuckles as he slipped behind her, his arm drawing her closer by her breathed easy now, her legs tangling with his. He pressed his lips to her shoulder blade, much like she did, letting her snuggle and draw the heat from him she so so craved, barely flinching when her cold feet pressed against his calf.

-/-

I was going to finish this in one chapter, but it got too long and I'm not anywhere near the end, so here's chapter one