I sat patiently in the waiting area. Having not heard anything about his condition or what could be done, I decided to walk out of the silent room. The brisk cold hit me the minute I stepped through the automatic doors from the emergency room. I was aware that my jacket was on the coat rack just inside the door, but felt that this cool air would be better than to return into that horrid room.

Why had I been so stupid?

Why did I have to take it this far?

These questions kept repeating through my head, and no matter what I did or what I told myself, I could not get rid of these questions, for I had no answers to them. I always took it to a point that I could get a little carried away, but never enough to actually hurt someone. Standing in the cool air, I was able to calm down slightly, but not enough to bring myself to go back in to face what I had done. I began to shiver, but still did not return to the vacant seat in the hospital waiting room.

By this time, I had found a bench near the doorway and had sat to remember what had happened, but it all blurred together in a way that made me not want to look back on it. About 20 minutes later, the door behind me slid open quickly; however I did not turn to see who it was. The minute the girl began to speak, I knew exactly who it was. I could not believe that she could get this angry over something like this, but I guess it was imminent considering my actions.

"What the hell were you thinking?! Do you even realize what you've done?!" she screamed. "Do you realize that he could have died because of this?!"

Died…

Before this it had never occurred to me how serious this actually was. I could not bring myself to look at the girl, for no matter what I said; I would never be forgiven for this. She stormed away to her car, which was parked in the parking garage directly across the street. She sped out of the garage, almost hitting a trashcan, but missed. I finally concluded that it was useless to try to run away from this, and that it must be faced. I walked back into the waiting room and sat in that vacant seat in the corner. I began to doze off, but the sound of the large swinging doors immediately woke me up.

The doctor explained that he had administered some heavy pain medication, and therefore he would most likely not be awake tonight. I still walked to his assigned room, for I knew that if I turned back now, I would never forgive myself. I entered the room to see him hooked up to an IV and sound asleep. Other than the IV in his arm, he looked completely normal. However, I had already known what was wrong when I set foot in the room.

"I am sorry to tell you this, but your friend will never walk again. He has been paralyzed from the waist down." The doctor said in a cold, even tone. He then walked away, leaving me in the empty hallway. I was shocked by this.

I paralyzed him. This is my fault.

There was a chair in the corner of the room; one of those chairs that may not be comfy, but will do if you are staying with someone for the night. I chose to stay with him. As I lay down, I began to cry; and the words that had been yelled and told to me tonight ran through my head once again.

What the hell were you thinking?!

Do you even realize what you've done?!

Do you realize that he could have died because of this?!

He has been paralyzed from the waist down.

I am careful not to let people see me cry, mainly for the fact that I fear they will think I am weak for it. That night I cried myself to sleep, knowing that I had stolen so much in one night of my recklessness. He probably would never forgive me for this. He will yell at me to get out of the room, or even say that he can't even stand the sight of me anymore. He will hate me, and I will deserve all of it, because it's my fault and I can never take it back.