A/N: NOT PART OF "Changes!" Brain's acting a little funny so I'm posting another stream-of-consciousness multi-part Crack extravaganza. Japan's wearing a cosplay-like nurse's outfit. Don't judge me. Total AU and OOC! Duck and cover!

TRANSLATIONS CHANGE!- Decided to halt the lingual carnage. From now on using all English, except for common known foreign words and endearments. Папа = Russian for Daddy

Fandom: Hetalia

Summary: A Day in the Life of Doctor Yao.

Pairings: (For now) Ivan/Yao, Heracles/Kiku, Alfred/Matthew, Frances/Arthur

Warnings: AU, Shonen-Ai, Rampant OOC, Mpreg, Angst, Cursing

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fan fiction. In certain cases incidents, characters and timelines have been changed for dramatic purposes. Certain characters may be composites, or entirely fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Doctor Yao. Here for You, Aru. Pt. I

XXX

"Aru, aru, aru, aruuuuu. Aruuuu, aru, aru, aruuuuuu." Doctor Yao sang with a smile as he watered the various herbs growing around the small office. Life always seemed more pleasant in the morning.

Executing a fast turn, the brunet smacked his lurking husband in the eye with the water pot, spilling nary a drop.

Ivan reeled with a low chortle. "Ah, so lovely!"

The petite figure danced lithely away from the large man's advances, opening the blinds to allow in more sunshine. "How many times must I say? Work during work. Play at lunchtime, aru!"

The fair-haired man smiled while strong hands went for a swaying body yet only grasped perfumed air left behind. "But I do good already, Yao. I personally walk two little sunflowers to Katyusha's preschool. They grow safe and sound under Big Sister's care."

Yao halted in place. Thus allowing Ivan to manhandle him for a bit. "Yes. Education is paramount. Preschool merely beginning. No future without first-class degree, aru."

Picking the limp body up, Ivan rubbed the petite form against his own like a bar of soap. "Da. Da. Education for little ones. I want more sunflowers with Yao. A whole field."

Yao immediately began squirming when his ears picked up the familiar tune. "Idiot bear of a man! How can husband plant one seed where another grows already? Until this flower bloom, leave my field alone, aru!"

Ivan took the opportunity to grab for more land. "So cruel. Папа simply wishes to say hello to new baby."

Yao huffed with indignation. "Stupid Baba say hello plenty times last night and this morning. Aiyah! Let go! Brother Kiku has arrived. Time to drive away stray cat, aru."

With a heart-dropping sigh of regret, Ivan lightly set the love of his life down. "Yao stress too much on little brother's unemployed friend. Introduce me to the boy. I set him up with steady job. Good job. Bring more stability to Kiku's household, da."

Yao answered his mate with a swift clang of a previously hidden wok to the head.

Ivan nearly fell to his knees in ecstasy. "Such love from my Yao!"

The Chinese man slipped the wok back into his sleeve. "You wish less stress for me? Go to work! Make more money for babies, aru!"

Nodding his head, Ivan bent down for a goodbye kiss. "Da. Da. More money for Sunflower and little sunflowers. Will husband be rewarded at lunchtime?"

Yao's blush simply heightened the Russian's lust. "Silliness. Return at lunchtime and find out, aru."

With hope for the future secure, Ivan left his spouse with a deep kiss and wave farewell.

Yao took a moment to recover from a near-swoon. "Aiyah. I take pity on sad bear and end up with sore hips and babies. Shameful, aru."

XXX

Kiku frantically attempted to pull the outfit's white skirt back down. "Don't. People can see us from here."

Heracles firmly pushed the coarse material back up to caress the uncovered pale skin underneath. "Can't help it, Kiku. It's the uniform. Office doesn't open for another fifteen minutes. Plenty of time to do it again."

Kiku hid heated cheeks against a well-defined chest. "No. You're too big. I could barely walk this morning. If we do it, I'll be limping for the rest of the day. Big Brother dislikes you so much already. I don't want to make the situation worse. Sorry."

The sleepy-eyed male cradled the slight form closer. "I understand, but you have to tell me when I'm going too far. Most of my old partners wouldn't take all of me. You never say no. It's not enjoyable if I'm hurting you. Sex is meant to be fun not painful."

Ignoring all common sense, Kiku added flame to the fire by coyly unzipping tight pants and unleashing the adored beast within. "I would never refuse my Heracles. I want every inch of him. Every single Greek inch."

The small figure was barely saved from a hard public ravishing by Big Brother's screeching yell. "Indecent! Embarrassment! Our ancestors weep from the Heavens, aru!"

Flying to the car, Yao pulled the door open and yanked his little brother away from the glum man inside. "College! Nursing school! And you choose this jobless cat to mate with! Ungrateful! If Kiku catches fleas, I will not heal, aru!"

Heracles leaned a weary head back against the car's headrest. "Harshness. It's so tiring."

Glancing down, Yao received a wide-eyeful. The doctor sputtered with outrage. "Animal! Leaving such a monster out for all to see! No wonder Little Brother walks like old man. He has been broken by a beast, aru!"

Heracles's gaze moved slowly down. "Thought I felt a breeze. My bad."

Without a thought, the muscular athlete leisurely tucked himself back into his pants, readjusting his balls along the way. "See ya at lunch, Kiku."

The nurse ventured a small smile, while dragging the cursing professional back towards the office. "I left our lunches in the fridge. I made your favorite. Don't forget."

Heracles managed to get the car into gear before Yao launched his body at the vehicle once more. "Can't wait."

XXX

Fortunately, Kiku managed to calm his elder brother down prior to the day's first appointment. "Think on the baby and Ivan. Brother-in-Law will not be pleased if he finds you upset at lunchtime."

Yao repressed a slight shudder by drinking some relaxing tea.

The fearsome Russian would never harm a hair on his Sunflower's head, but he did not drag himself up from the gutter by being a saint. The warning chant of "KolKolKol" had sent many a hardened man running for his life.

The physician stood up when the first harried couple was shown in. "Ah, Mr. Jones and Mr. Williams. What brings you to my humble office, aru?"

Gesticulating wildly with his hands, Alfred urgently leaned forward in the chair. "That's the thing, Doc. Mattie won't tell me. We're playing a down-and-dirty game of hockey. He does a wicked hip-fake and goes for the goal. The next thing I see is him skating across the ice on his face with puke coming out of his helmet."

Yao looked over at the freshly washed cringing body. "I am afraid I need more information before any diagnosis can be made. Please elaborate on the illness, aru."

Matthew sunk further into his seat. "Doctor Yao? Could I maybe talk with you alone?"

Before the doctor could agree, Alfred jumped up. "Fuck no! Uh. Sorry, Doc. You puke all day and you never want to have sex anymore. It's true I'm coming home later and later, but the Boss keeps working me like a bitch. If you're sick, I need to know. You're my rock, Mattie. Without you, I'm dead inside."

The wavy-haired man broke down in tears.

Clutching his polar bear tote against his chest, Matthew gladly took the box of tissues Doctor Yao handed him. "This is why I wanted to drive myself! Whether the test was positive or negative, I didn't want you to find out!"

Alfred settled back down. "Why do ya need a test?"

Matthew dried his eyes on the top of the tote's fluffy head. His reply muffled but clearly heard. "I think I'm pregnant. You had us living the high life for five years and now our credit's in the toilet. The bills keep piling up day after day. We can't afford a baby."

Visibly shaken, Alfred gripped the handles of the chair. "What did you plan on doing if the test was positive? Were you going to kill my baby, Matt?"

Both Yao and Matthew jumped as the metal handles groaned and bent under Alfred's unconscious strength.

Matthew stared at the floor for an extremely long time. "Considering our situation, it would be the smartest thing to do. I thought I would be brave enough, but then we played hockey. When I regained consciousness, my insides felt awful. If something happened, it's all my fault."

Scootching his chair over, Alfred enveloped his spouse in a supportive hug. "If it's anyone's fault, it's mine. You didn't want to play. Remember? I'm the one who forced the issue."

Yao stood up to gain the couple's attention. "As you say, we know nothing until a thorough examination has been completed. Please follow me to the examination table, aru."

An hour later the physician returned with the results. "Such good fortune! Physical bruises are many but always fade with time. Strong bones protected little one well. Continue with clean living and Doctor will help Mr. Williams deliver a healthy baby. Guaranteed, aru!"

Matthew's facial reaction vacillated between relief and terror. "I'm so happy. But what will we do for money? The apartment's tiny. We never planned on having any children."

Alfred replied from his face's current location, buried in his mate's golden locks. "Mattie, Papa owns a winery the size of friggin' Napa Valley. The old goat's been bawling his eyes out non-stop since I 'stole' his little angel away. Here's the easiest solution. I make nice with the old people. The baby grows up in Grape Heaven and everyone's happy."

Doctor Yao made a small beckoning motion with a limp hand. "If I may ask, the description sounds familiar. Would the parents of Mr. Williams be Francis Bonnefoy and Arthur Kirkland, aru?"

Alfred raised his head with a grin. "Yeah. Technically, Francis is Mattie's Papa and Arthur's my Dad. We grew up as neighbors, but those two didn't get together until long after Matt's mom died. Joan was cool. Everybody loved her, except for my old man, but he hates everybody."

Matthew softly head-butted Alfred's chin. "Dad's insecure about Papa's feelings. That's all. Alfred, are you sure you can live with Dad? The first time was a disaster."

Alfred's face returned to its favorite hiding place. "For you and the baby? I'll do anything."

Releasing a blinding smile, Matthew almost broke ribs with his embrace. "Well, then. What are we waiting for?"

Walking arm-in-arm out of Doctor Yao's office, the happy couple nearly collided with their flustered parents.

Of course, Francis was the first to recover. "My little angel! Come hug your Papa!"

Matthew ran into his father's arms, delivering a heart-felt kiss to both cheeks. "I missed you, Papa! I missed you so much!"

Alfred and Arthur cringed on the sidelines. "My thanks. First time we've seen the both of you in five years and Matthew's covered head-to-toe in bruises. The excuse better be iron-clad or you will truly be dead to me."

Alfred counted a slow ten and reminded himself of the baby's future. "We played hockey and he slipped. If you don't believe me, ask Doctor Yao. By the way, you're going to be a grandfather and we're moving back to the Winery. Hip-fucking-hooray."

In disbelief, Francis pulled away to gaze into Mattie's eyes, so like his mother's. "Is this true? My little angel is to have a little angel of his own?"

Matthew smiled through happy tears. "Oui, Papa."

Pole-axed, to say the least, Arthur watched the pair dance a strange French jig of joy.

Clearing the gathering tears in his throat with a loud harrumph, the Englishman surprised Alfred with a strong hand to the shoulder. "Whatever happens in the future, promise not to leave us again without saying goodbye. The last time almost killed Francis."

Alfred clasped Arthur's shaking forearm with a supportive, firm grip. "Sure thing, Dad. Don't count on us leaving anytime soon. The kid needs to learn French, proper English, and the workings of a Winery. From what I hear, it takes forever."

Arthur refused to shame himself by raising his head and revealing the tears. "Good. Excellent. Ahem. Francis? Since the boys are returning home, we can speak to them later. Doctor Yao is waiting for us."

Alfred frowned with concern until he remembered the Doctor's specialty. Barking a laugh, he picked up Arthur like a baby. "Son-of-a-bitch! You too? What the fuck happened? Did the pharmacist accidentally switch Papa's heart medicine for Viagra?"

As a vain Francis preened and a traumatized Matthew blushed, Arthur brought the righteous fist of Britannia down on his beloved idiot son's head. The glancing blow failed to harm the guffawing man in the least. "False alarm! Purely a false alarm. I wouldn't even be here except for your Papa's meddling."

Holding his flailing father high, Alfred glanced over to his Papa. "Meddling? Is that what they call it these days?"

Francis answered with a telling smirk and shrug.

Arthur glared over with a snarl. "Cheeky virile bastard."

The proud bastard wiggled his eyebrows in return. "My love seems to have forgotten how we arrived at this situation. Another demonstration perhaps?"

Sensing impending parental grossness, Matthew hastily kissed Francis and a ranting Arthur farewell. Grabbing his hooting husband's arm, he ran to save whatever virginity his ears had left. "Packing! So much packing! See you guys later!"

Arthur furiously strode towards the office, uncaring whether his fool of a mate followed or not. "Death! Death, I say! Plenty of soil to bury a disease-ridden Frenchman in. As soon as this test returns negative, he's dead."

Francis went along with a light skip to his step. "Allow me to gaze upon our baby once and you may kill me as many times as you wish."

Arthur swerved and came close to poking Francis's black heart out with a sharp finger. "For the last time! There is no baby!"

Clasping the shaking hand to his chest, Francis silenced his worried spouse with a lusty kiss. "In my dreams, Joan said our sons would return to us soon. Today, it has come to pass. She told me months ago little angels would be sent to dry our tears. My tears are dry. It is time for yours."

Moving close, Arthur hid his fear in Francis's warmth. "Joan never liked me. She had a damned good reason too. I saw you every day. A faithful, happily married man, who I loved with my whole being. It was wrong, and sinful, but I didn't care. What I wished for in the past... May God have mercy on my soul."

Francis petted Arthur's back. "Joan's last wish was for my happiness. She told me I would find it with you. If the test returns positive, she will be correct three times in a row."

Arthur stopped at the office's threshold before taking a deep breath and entering. "Jackpot."