G. Reaper here with a new piece for laughs. Got to playing Lufia 2 again after several years without touching it and found myself really taken with Dekar. He makes for an interesting parody hero, kinda like Captain Hammer from "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog" but not obviously a scumbag. I've bashed out a first chapter to see what it's like to write with such a character; not an anti-hero, nor an unlikely hero, but a simple and stupid one with nothing but great strength and a vaguely-good moral compass. Of course, in Lufia 2 Dekar is much more selfless and "hero-like", so I've taken some liberties with his character for this piece.
Lufia 2 and everything contained within is the copyright of Natsume and Taito. The author denies any ownership of the intellectual property used herein, and in subsequent entries produced in this fanfiction story.
10 years ago, a group of four heroes stood against impossible odds to save this world.
Believing in the powers of compassion, wisdom, courage, and hope, they battled for the fate of time itself atop a cursed island set in the clouds. By the struggle's end, only two of the company remained alive to escape the downfall of that island, to tell a story of bravery, sacrifice, and tragedy, which brought tears to the eyes of the people.
Their destinies fulfilled, the living heroes retreated to quiet lives of solitude and contemplation. Though their memories may fade with age, and their bodies will one day expire, their legacy and legend will never die. In both deed and demeanor, they are true champions of the earth.
Few recall that, for a time, those four heroes were accompanied by a fifth. This fifth was never meant to set foot on the dread island that threatened the existence of so many, but still he played a vital role, defeating countless foes that stood in the path of the heroes. Unity defeated the mad gods that held the world hostage, but it was upon the strength of a single sword that it sat, if only for a time.
Now forgotten by the world he helped to save, cheated of glory by fate, destiny has seen fit to present one last chance for great deeds to this neglected warrior, this champion of the weak and disenfranchised, this mighty and valorous hero without peer; the strongest man in the world.
The people of Earth hold their breath in anxiety, that the same man who defended this world will not now carelessly let it fall…
As the afternoon faded to the golden hour of an early autumn day, the little boy played in the wheat with his dog. At times, he would throw the small leather chew-rag for his dog to retrieve, but mostly, the boy would run through the field while his dog chased after him. Squeals of happy laughter and barking brought small smiles to the faces of weary peasants nearby as they tended to their gardens and prepared to retire for the day.
The preparations for the evening gained sudden urgency as the sounds of hoof beats slowly, but irresistibly, drowned out the little boy's play. Animals were rudely hurried into pens, children were plucked from the ground and whisked into homes, and tools were thrown into sheds rather than neatly put away. When the Wild Boar gang came riding, every town became a ruin, every rural village a still prairie.
Peeking out of windows, the people of the village waited for their tormentors to pass them by, or at least leave enough to survive the coming winter. The little boy, oblivious of his peril, continued his play as a score of horsemen rode into the village. Their colors were red and gold, and they carried a flag of a menacing, bristling boar surrounded by six shattered spears. The villagers prayed for the boy's safety, but none left their homes to save the child. No human action save mercy could protect him now, and mercy had not yet saved anyone, man or beast, from the Wild Boar gang.
One of the twenty riders, a young man with a straggly black beard and wild long hair, dismounted his restless steed and sauntered to the largest home in the village, where the elder and her children and grandchildren all lived. The young man brandished a spiked club with his right hand and, turning to his comrades with a mirthful grin, knocked three times on the door with the weapon. The others laughed and jeered, some crying out that 'Jeb outta knock on their heads instead!'
'Oi, old lady!' Jeb said, hitting the door with his club hard enough to rattle the frame, 'it's that time again, and I don't see any food for me and my boys! Real rude of you to leave hungry guests out in th' cold!'
'Yeah, let us in so we can warm up, I hear you've got a couple'a daughters that'll do the trick!' one of the man added.
No response came from the house. 'C'mon ya bitch, I know you're in there!' Jeb said, kicking the door with his heavy booted foot. 'You're gonna piss me off if you don't tell me why there ain't any jerky an' potatoes an' beer for us!'
Again, there was no response. The gang's good cheer abruptly vanished as Jeb tensed up.
'Fuckin' say something!' Jeb said as he smashed his club into the door, splintering the cheap wood and eliciting a roar of approval from his mates. Jeb wrenched his club from the door and struck it again, widening the hole enough for a fist.
'I can see you ya' cowards!' Jeb said as he peeked through the hole into the dim house. 'If the old cunt doesn't come out right now, me and my mates are gonna burn this whole damn village, starting with you! Get out here!'
Trembling, yet defiant, the matriarch of the village emerged from her home, assisted by two of her adult grandchildren.
'You nasty young men have come back too late,' the elder said. 'We have nothing to give you without starving ourselves. Go harass some other village, or better yet, go join the King's army and get yourselves killed doing something useful for a change!'
'Hear that, guys?' Jeb said, chuckling, 'the lady's talkin' tough now! She says we outta get outta town! Ain't that a bitch?'
The gang laughed mockingly, a few of the members offering up jeers and catcalls.
'It really hurts my feelings when you say, "go get killed". You know why? Do ya know why that is, babe?' Jeb said, leaning in close to the elder's hard-set face.
'Because you ungrateful shits don't care how hard we work to keep your lousy damned village on the fuckin' map, that's why!' the gang roared their approval while Jeb back-handed the old woman, sending her sprawling onto the ground. Her grandchildren gasped in dismay and hastened to pick up their charge.
'Don't move a fuckin' muscle if you know what's good for ya,' Jeb said, holding his weapon between them and the elder. 'Not a twitch, or I bash her head in.'
The two young men stayed absolutely still, watching their grandmother agonizingly try to stand on her own.
Jeb grinned at them. 'Aw, it hurts your feelings to see grandma in the dirt, huh? Well maybe now you'll know how we feel when you say we're worthless and don't give us what we want!' Jeb kicked the old lady, knocking her to the ground again.
'Listen up fools!' Jeb shouted to every direction, 'you've got one day to give us our stuff, plus four-no-five good girls to show how SORRY you are for insulting us! We won't give 'em back for a while, but don't worry; we take care of our toys, don't we boys?'
'That's right Jeb, you tell 'em!' cried the gang.
'Tomorrow, at high noon, or I can't guarantee I can hold my boys back, 'cuz they're gonna be really sad if they don't get what they deserve, and when they get sad, they tend to break people's bones. Ya follow me?'
'Yeah!' the gang cheered.
Jeb spat on the old woman and turned his back on her and her grandchildren. As they scrambled to get her to her feet, Jeb got ready to remount amid the backslaps and approval of his gang. Just as Jeb had gotten his foot in the stirrup however, a small voice stopped him.
'You're just a bunch of bullies!'
Jeb turned to the sound, looking past the old lady and her caretakers to the edge of the wheatfield where the small boy had apparently hidden. He was standing at its edge now in plain view, hands balled into fists and face set in pure, childish anger.
Jeb got both feet back on the ground. 'You wanna say that again, twerp?'
'You're bullies, and I think you're cowards, too!' the boy said, taking a few steps forward. 'You hit an' kick great-grandma Lolo when she didn't do anything to you, and you always take too much food so me and Digger hav'ta go hungry! You're bullies and you're mean!'
Jeb clutched his breast in mock pain. 'Boys boys boys, today just ain't our day. First a dry old whore disrespects us, then this lil' bastard starts up! When are we gonna catch a break?'
Jeb began to walk toward the boy, ignoring the village elder Lolo as she was escorted back to her home. 'What's your name, kid?' Jeb said.
The boy hesitated for a moment, then said 'Tebow. But Dad said I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.'
'Tebow, huh? Your daddy sure didn't raise you too well, 'cuz you've been talkin' for a while now, and more than's good for ya.'
'Leave the boy alone!' Lolo gasped from the porch of her home. Her grandchildren tried to shush her and rush her back into the house even as she struggled to get free of them. 'He's only five!'
Jeb stopped for a moment and looked back at her, then at her restrainers. 'You should take some advice from your bastards' bastards and shut up. I'll be done in a sec.'
Jeb continued to walk toward Tebow. Tebow stood his ground, even when Jeb finally loomed over the child, his tall frame casting the boy into shadow as the sun sank into the red western sky.
'Show some smarts kid,' Jeb said, leering down at Tebow. 'Say you're sorry, and pledge to serve me for the rest of your life, and I might forgive you and your whole fuckin' village.'
Tebow met Jeb's gaze and did not move nor speak.
'Little brat!' Jeb said, pushing Tebow over onto his back roughly. He put a foot on Tebow's chest. 'Apologize or I'm gonna squash you like a bug!'
Tears sprang from Tebow's eyes as Jeb started to put weight on his foot. 'No, I'm not gonna! Dad said we don't have to do anything for jerks like you!'
'Your Dad's a fuckin' idiot who raised a retarded prick!' Jeb said, earnestly crushing the child under his boot now. 'I'm done bein' nice, and I'm gonna slaughter your whole stupid village because you're such a stubborn shit! Die!'
'Whoa, hey man, if you keep that up you're gonna kill that kid!' a cheerful voice called from Jeb's left.
'Who the fuck?' Jeb exclaimed, brandishing his club while keeping his foot on Tebow. 'You motherfuckin' villagers have got some kinda deathwish!'
'I'm not a villager though,' said the voice. The body belonging to the voice was a man almost six and a half feet tall, with a spiky head of thick royal-blue hair. He was dressed in thick padded armor, and carried a sack over one shoulder and what appeared to be a young oak tree, branches and leaves and all, on the other.
Jeb's face was wild with fury, disbelief, and a touch of honest fear. 'Who…who the fuck are you?'
The blue-haired man threw back his head and laughed. He kept doing so for a long time, until Jeb started to lower his club, with an eyebrow raised to replace it.
'Whew, that was fun! I love to laugh! Wait, what was I laughing about again?' The blue-haired man said to himself, then thoughtfully dropped his sack and tree and sat by them, apparently deeply pondering his own question.
Jeb took his foot off Tebow, and the boy, now forgotten by his tormentor, ran to the porch where Lolo and her grandchildren watched the spectacle.
Silence and the wind swept through the village for a while. Jeb gripped his club and pointed it at the blue-haired man.
'Hey, freak, what the fuck do you think you're doin'?'
The stranger made no reply, nor even indicated he had heard anything.
'Answer me!' Jeb cried, and charged the stranger. With the full force of his rush he swung the spiked club down on the unprotected skull beneath blue hair.
Abruptly Jeb's swing halted. 'What-' Jeb started, then stopped as the color was banished from his face. The stranger had extended the index finger of his left hand, and with it, had stopped Jeb's blow dead by merely touching the club between the spikes.
'Ssshh,' the stranger hissed, and Jeb remained quiet. Another few seconds went by. No one moved.
'Dekar,' the blue-haired man said.
'Huh?' Jeb said, blinking nervous sweat from his eyes and staring at the finger that continued to defy his attack.
'My name is Dekar. That's what you asked me, right? I couldn't remember why I was laughing so much, but now I do, because someone not hearing about me is really funny!'
Jeb did not say anything.
Dekar stood up, using his finger to effortlessly move Jeb's weapon out of the way. 'It's funny, because everyone's heard of the world's strongest man!' Dekar said, smiling expectantly.
'B-but I've never heard of you!' Jeb stammered, eyes wild and glassy with terror.
'No way, really?' Dekar said, putting his hands on his hips and looking over to the rest of the Wild Boar gang. 'What about you guys? It's me, you know, Dekar!'
The gang members shook their heads slowly. A few began to urge their horses to back up.
'Damn, this is unreal. Where have I gotten to this time?' Dekar said to no one in particular. 'Can anyone spare a room and some food? I'll pay you back I swear, like, if there are any monsters pestering you guys, I could totally get rid of them.'
No one spoke for a moment, until someone in a nearby cottage called from the window, 'those gangsters have been harassing us. Get rid of them and you can stay at my place."
'Huh, really?' Dekar said, 'I can't imagine they're that big a deal, I mean, they don't even have swords! Are you guys really gangsters?'
Jeb began to edge back to his gang, while one of them said 'No.'
'Oh, well ok then,' Dekar said, and shrugged at the cottage. 'Maybe you're being too harsh on them, right?'
'They tried to crush Tebow!' the cottage dweller replied.
'Tebow? Who's Tebow?" Dekar said. 'My name's Tebow, sir.' Tebow said from the porch of elder Lolo's house.
'Oh yeah! Yeah, that's right, I was pretty mad at that. I mean come on, grown men shouldn't pick on kids, y'know?' Dekar said, picking up his tree. The gangsters began to back their horses up as a unit, while Jed quickened his pace to a jog to get back to his horse.
'Guess I gotta teach you guys a lesson, huh? No hard feelings, but a job's a job, and you ARE pretty bad people for squishing children,' Dekar said, walking toward Jed and the Wild Boar gang. 'Don't worry, I won't kill you. That'd be too easy, and besides, I don't have a grudge against you.'
'St-stay back you m-monster!' Jed said, leaping onto his horse and turning it about. 'That guy's an ogre, let's book!' He cried, and urged his horse to gallop, with his gang following close behind.
'Unbelievable, what the fuck just happened?' Jed said to his nearby comrades as they sped away. 'He was carryin' a tree, a fuckin' TREE!'
'Holy shit guys, go faster! He's chasing us!' Someone in the back cried.
'WHAT!?' Jed said, looking behind him. Sure enough, Dekar was running after them, waving his ten-foot tall oak tree.
'He's gaining on us! No way, this is a nightmare!' another gangster said, his voice cracking. 'Oh shit oh shit oh shit!'
'Hey! Hey come back, I don't wanna hit your horses!' Dekar yelled. The horses were at a full gallop by now, but Dekar was keeping up and closing the distance.
'Kill him! For God's sake, kill him!' Jed screamed. His gang began throwing javelins and pikes; one of them launched a crossbow bolt.
The bolt whizzed through the air, flying true right for Dekar's head. The mighty warrior, unperturbed, swatted the bolt out of the air with his free hand as if it were a fly. 'Now I'm getting mad! You're trying to kill me, aren't you!?'
Relentlessly, Dekar continued his chase until he drew within range of the rearmost gangster. He swung his oak tree and swept the horseman into the air, screaming.
'Oh shiiiit!' another cried as he, too, was knocked off his steed and sent flying. The gangsters began to panic as Dekar advanced up the line, taking each and every gangster off his horse with a single mighty swing for each of them.
Jed, at the lead, felt his bladder let go and soak his trousers and saddle. 'Aieee! Don't kill me! Don't kill me!' he screamed as he rode harder than he ever had in his life. His horse panted and sweated beneath him, nearly flying across the plains, to no avail.
'All in a day's work buddy.' Jed whipped his head to his side to see Dekar running briskly beside him, smiling benignly.
'Wh-wh-why?' Jed whimpered.
'Because I'm hungry, you gotta work to eat you know! See ya!' Dekar said, and with a parting wave, swung his tree and sent Jed flying, end over end, like a stone fired from a sling.
'You can stop running horsies!' Dekar cried as he turned and began to run back to the village he had so casually, and unwittingly, saved.
