Disclaimer: No, I do not own Harry Potter but I do own a picture I drew of Albus Severus Potter.


Is this right?

I asked myself this every day, every time I see his face, his young unblemished face (of course dismissing the famous scar).

The pain in his eyes is almost too much to bear. Almost. For I am still the leader, the man in control, I must watch the ones I suffer for the greater good an in return they too must suffer. (Or do they really?)

He is too good for what I'm doing to him.

I am of course speaking of Harry Potter.

It all started when he came out of the maze clutching Cedric Diggory's body, crying telling me He is back.

I knew whom he was speaking of immediately; the signs have been turning up everywhere all year. Disappearances, the World Cup, the dark mark becoming once again visible on the arms of His followers, Harry's unexpected entrance to the tournament, and the chill in the air, that forbidding feeling one can only feel when danger approaches.

Voldemort is back.

It was too soon, Harry wasn't supposed to have to deal with Tom Riddle until he was older and wiser.

He is just a boy merely a child who had little childhood. (Is he really?)

As Harry retold me what happened later in my office, the dreaded words of the prophecy replayed in my head, "The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches...Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not...and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives..." Sybill's deepened voice echoing through the boy's broken story.

I kept repeating to myself he is too young. Even though I know he has faced more things than many other wizards have ever even dreamed of in his short life, I know this better than anyone.

But it does not matter because he is but a boy who has witnessed something that would break a stronger person than himself.

Then later in the hospital wing, (where he has spent way too much time for a fourteen year old) Fudge wouldn't believe Lord Voldemort has resurrected himself using dark magic. Of course he didn't it seemed as if Corneluis had been sent here to simply make my life more difficult.

I knew there would be a challenge to gain members for the Order of the Phoenix, people would of course remain very ignorant to Voldemort and try to feign normalcy as the dark approaches.

When I sent Harry back to the Dursley's my heart clenched, when I looked into his eyes, for it would be the last time in a very long while that I would be seeing him, his usual bright and happy green eyes were dull and lifeless.

There was little I could ever do to take away such troubles. (Wasn't there anything I could do?)

I couldn't risk Harry or the World I knew too much, you must make sacrifices to be a leader; I needed to distance myself from him, less temptation for Tom if he thought I thought of Harry as just a regular student.

I could lie to Tom, I could lie to Harry, I could lie to my students and the professors, I could even lie to the wizarding world, but I could not lie to myself.

I could not deny that I have grown to love Harry. I saw myself in him. I, too, saw Ariana.

A child trapped from the world. Their pain forever bottled up. Never knowing where they belonged.

It may be unethical, but I couldn't help it, that boy wormed his way into my heart unintentionally.

I remember telling Miss. Hermione Granger and Mr. Ronald Weasley that they must promise not to tell anything to Harry about what they heard in Headquarters. Or tell him where they are, their few letters must contain the bare minimum, you must have as Alastor likes to say 'Constant Vigilance'.

It was agonizing to look into their young faces, and see the utter confusion and dread.

It hurt worse when young Ronald said, "But sir, how can you not tell Harry? He was there he fought you-know-who, and he watched Diggory die. It'll kill him, not knowing what's going on."

The look on his face, hit me like a punch in the stomach.

I knew Harry would react even worse. The boy had a temper brought out only in extreme instances, I fear to know how his teenage psyche affects his temper.

I explained why again, until Ronald was avoiding my gaze, eyes trained on his pair of beat-up trainers and Miss. Granger, she was in tears, no doubt thinking of her dearest friend's pain.

At first the two kept refusing, but when I told them it would help Harry in the long run that's when they gave in and conceded. Like me, they knew his safety was more important (or was sacrificing the child's happiness worth it?)

Dementors showing up at Privet Drive were only the tip of the iceberg in the mess that came up.

Before I could get to Grimmauld Place and strangle Mundungus Fletcher, I sent the Howler to Petunia Dursley, reminding her of what she promised to do, to keep the future savior of the wizarding world safe.

I got to the ministry and was able to get Harry a trial, the weight on my shoulders lessened a little. (Or did it get a bit heavier?)

I made it to Headquarters and let my anger out on the person who was supposed to be watching my favorite student.

As I spoke, never was I one to raise my voice, and let my magic flow around the room, I could see the terrified expressions on their pale faces as I glared at Mundungus.

I could hear Ronald saying how Harry was right, I am scary when I'm mad, young Harry must have told them of what happened with Barty Crouch JR when he impersonated one of my closest friends.

Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were just as mad, they were about to curse him when I simply waved a hand at them and told Fletcher that he would simply report to Severus for the remainder of the year. His terrified expression gave little satisfaction.

When I was done with him I left without another word, I could feel the stares on my back as I walked to the Floo, but it didn't matter, he is in many ways to blame for this utter mess. (Was I perhaps the main one at fault?)

He was lucky the boy knew how to repel the monsters or we would not even have a wizard to go and rescue.

Almost everyone in the Order wanted to be there to get Harry, I wanted to be there, but I couldn't I must stay away from him. (Did I really have to be?)

When I heard Harry got their safely, I was ever so relieved, I was worried that they would get hurt. Never underestimate the enemy, especially Tom.

The night before Harry's disciplinary hearing, I went into his room when he and his friend were asleep, tuckered out from a long day a seemingly endless day.

His dark unruly hair lay across his pillow, he looked restless, he would murmur names as he twisted and turned. I could tell this has been going on all summer, from the dark shadows under his eyes.

Quietly he would cry out names, Mum… Dad… Cedric… Ron… Hermione… Sirius…the Weasley family…

He then uttered one name in which wanted to make me cry out and comfort the boy, Professor Dumbledore, was choked out from the suffering child. (Couldn't I have woken him?)

Soon he would realize I was ignoring him, and he would spite me just as he does Tom Riddle.

It would get worse as Voldemort got stronger, I knew.

The next morning I showed up at the ministry extra early knowing Fudge would try and make sure I couldn't help Harry.

When I came in as witness to the defense I saw Harry's entire face brighten, and his shoulders sag in relief. (How did I garner so much trust from the lad?)

Oh, how I wanted to tell him that I would make sure everything will go away, from the horrid papers dragging both of our names through the mud to Tom Riddle and his quest to conquer the Wizarding world and ultimately killing him.

But I couldn't, all I could do was keep him safe from one thing and that was I. (Was that truly necessary?)

After Harry said he could do the patronus charm, I knew Madam Bones was impressed and that was his ticket to freedom. If he could show he was capable in their eyes, impress them…

When he won his trial I rushed it out of there ignoring Arthur and Harry's voice calling me out. (Should I have turned around?)

The day I received the visit from Cornelius telling me about the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, which he wanted and would have placed in Hogwarts, shook the world.

Dolores Umbridge was a vile woman.

Even at the young age of eleven, and was sorted into Slytherin, I could see the greed and hunger for power in her toad-like gaze, but I knew she would never join the Death Eaters, she was to above getting her hands dirty in the ministry to do such a thing.

The students, I knew would hate her and learn nothing. Very little can be done without practical work in the lessons, I have a feeling that though shall be remedied.

The professors would find her as annoying as they did when she was a girl and distrust would be maximized.

The ministry would be trying to get rid of me and discredit Harry in the middle of all this.

Oh, I knew Fudges little plan to sack me and he would most likely succeed but those whom are loyal to me would never be alone. I always have a plan. (Do I truly?)

So I knew I must act, and quickly at that, I may not have long, a bit past the New Year maybe more but I knew I must pick out the students who believed Harry and I from those who didn't and remained completely loyal to the Ministry.

It would be tedious but if it helped the cause than I was all for it.

The next time I would see Harry would be at the welcoming feast.

I looked out upon the crowd and noticed the trio, the Weasley twins, Ginerva Weasley and Neville Longbottom, sitting by themselves a bit further down, with a noticeable gap between their group and the rest of the Gryffindors. They seemed to be hesitant in the presence of the boy who sat by their sides throughout the years, helping and leading them.

Even his housemates didn't believe him, it seemed few from the other houses agreed with their erroneous decision.

I had noticed he was looking at me and I looked away to hide the fact I was watching him myself.

I never did see his hurt look, when I turned to talk to Severus, who was as always scowling, looking mildly disgusted at the pink monstrosity next to him.

When I stood and was making my speech, Dolores interrupted and I knew this was just the start. (But did I truly?)

Not many of the students knew what she was talking about but I did and so did Miss. Grangerno no doubt, she was saying the Ministry was interfering at Hogwarts.

Wouldn't they like to truly believe that?


Ok, so wow it has been a seriously long time since I even looked at this, like a really long time, years and I'm really sorry but I lost interest and I think I grew up a bit author wise. But I have decided I'll finish this, but first I had to redo the first chapter. It was rather bad but I think I'll write the next chapter next week.

I want to thank everyone for the amount of review for this simple silly story that invaded my head. I know it has been disappointing that I haven't written the next chapter and posted it but I will. I refuse to abandon this again.

Ta,

Britt