Hagane Kotetsu had always known his little sister, Mika, was flighty. She had failed the Genin exam EIGHT TIMES, and run away with a washout ninja after her eighth failure, only to be seen on her annual check collecting visit since then. Her taste in clothes was almost as bad as her taste in men, and her men were about as short lived as her hair color. She was utterly a parasite upon Kotetsu's life, which had not, if you excluded the hordes of countless Genin he had tortured, been deserving of such a bratty little sister.
But he had never known that she could be this bad.
He shut the front door and walked backwards to where he'd been sitting at the breakfast table. Then he sat down and stared at the door as if it might swing open at any moment and unleash upon him Gai with a $1,000 gift card to SpandexWorld. What was actually behind it was, in his opinion, much, much worse.
"Give me the paper, please" Izumo asked blearily from the stove, where he was cooking breakfast. "I think there's a sale today."
"Didn't get it. "
"What? Tetsu-chan, you KNOW I'm not a morning person. Give it to me."
"I'm serious. I didn't get it."
"But… you JUST. WENT. TO. THE. DOOR. TO. GET. IT. Don't screw with me" Izumo growled. "I saw you pick it up."
"No. You saw me pick up something else."
"What else?"
"A piece of trash"
"And you didn't get the paper then, why?"
"There's something… vile… by it"
"What, did you piss off Kakashi and he had Pakkun shit all over the doorway again?"
"No… it was… something… viler…."
"Goddamnit. You are so dead. Go pick it up!"
"NEVER!" Kotetsu ran back into their bedroom. Izumo swallowed a scream of frustration and then went to openthe door.
He stopped. It was much worse than… well… ANYTHING Kakashi could ever think of. No wonder Kotetsu had run away screaming.
"You- YOU WHORE! YOU FILTHY MAN SLUT! YOU CHEATED ON ME AND KNOCKED SOME GIRL UP AND NOW HER BABY IS ON A BASKET ON OUR DOORSTEP! GET OUT!" Izumo screamed.
"NO! YOU DON'T GET IT! IT'S MIKA'S!"
"WHO THE HELL IS MIKA?"
"MY DAMN SISTER!"
"W-…" Izumo lowered the vase he had been about to throw at his lover's head. He remembered her…
X
X
X
"Oi, faggy, get me another beer" Mika glared at Izumo and threw her bottle at him.
… Izumo took deep breaths to remind himself that killing your boyfriend's evil little sister was a no-no.
"Whoa. You have a large and rather impressive vein sticking out of your neck." Mika pointed out cheerfully.
"…No kidding?" he replied in a strained voice.
X
X
X
"…I… That… Yes…" Izumo said calmly. Then he leapt at Kotetsu and hugged him. "Aw… I knew it wasn't you, Tetsu-chan. I love you…"
"I love you too, Momo-chan." Kotetsu mentally gave himself a high-five. A bang before breakfast- awesome. He amazed himself sometimes.
"…so what are we going to do about it?" Izumo asked in his back-to-business voice.
"About what?" Kotetsu asked lazily.
"About the baby, duh" Izumo said.
"Um… I dunno…"
"Baka. I'll go get it." Izumo sighed and walked out of their bedroom to retrieve the basket that had been left on their doorstep.
"Um… Tetsu-chan… There's something… Um…" Izumo walked back in their room with the basket. He started over "Um… was there a note?"
"Yeah." Kotetsu pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket.
"Dear Aniki,
Remember me, your darlin' little sister? You know how I didn't pick up my check in person this year? Well… That's cause I got pregnant, and I didn't want you to know. I thought I could handle motherhood, and I wanted to prove how mature I could be. But I only liked it for about a week. The birthday was exactly one week ago, on April 1. I delivered by myself, so there's no birth certificate. You'll want to get that taken care of. And I never picked out any names, so have fun with that too. I've done my part in increasing the population, and you better raise the fruit of my womb good. I went through eighteen fuckin' hours of labor for this. Don't screw this up. And I don't want you raising no queers, either.
Thanks!
Mika" He read aloud.
"Ungrateful brat. How the hell did you live with her?" Izumo asked, as he put down the basket. "And she didn't even use plurals…"
Kotetsu raised an eyebrow. "Why should she?"
"Oh, you might as well ask." Izumo said in a pained voice. He shoved the basket towards him.
What had escaped both of them the first time they saw the basket was that the baby… was babies. Mika had delivered twins.
"No. Fucking. Way" Kotetsu let his mouth drop open.
"Don't curse in front of them!" Izumo said shrilly.
"What's wrong with you? You can't tell me you actually wanted to keep them!"
Izumo looked down. "About that…"
"Hell no"
"But I always wanted to be a dad…. I want to see my line continued! I want cute little kids to call me Otto-san and to take to the park! I want people to take care of me after you're dead!"
"Who the hell said I would die first?"
"But you're stupid and reckless! And one day you'll yell at Hokage-sama too much and she'll squish you like a bug! And I'll be all alone" Izumo sobbed.
"NEVER! We're taking the damn gaki (brats) to the orphanage, and that is final!" Kotetsu said.
And none of Izumo's foot stomping, pleading, dire predictions, or lamentations could get Kotetsu to change his mind. So it was a very angry Kotetsu who escorted a weeping Izumo and the sleeping twins out the front doors and to the edge of town to Konoha's only orphanage.
"Yeah, these are twins, and they need a place to stay" Kotetsu said forcefully to the head of the orphanage. Izumo was babbling nonsensically to the babies in a corner, or, as he preferred to call it, "Saying goodbye"
"Alright, dearie. Let me just go get the paperwork." The old woman said with a sigh.
It took entirely too long for the old woman to get the paperwork, and Kotetsu was forced to sit by a miserable Izumo and watch the orphans playing. There were flies everywhere, and the place was a dump. (What Kotetsu never realized was that there were several Aburame children staying here). All the orphans had runny noses or were sick or were complaining about being hungry. He watched kids being bullied mercilessly, and he heard babies crying…
Guilt began to gnaw at him. Was he really going to leave his flesh and blood at this horrible place? He heard Izumo whimper and looked over at him.
"Just promise me that you won't become like Uzumaki Naruto…" Izumo was saying, holding onto one baby's tiny hand.
Oh Jesus. It couldn't be that hard. If you could run the Chunin exams, then you could take care of a baby. No baby could be worse than the Hokage. And it would get Izumo's parents off their backs.
The old woman came out holding the paperwork, which amounted to just about the amount that the Hokage had to deal with on a daily basis. Kotetsu, Izumo, and the babies were gone. The old woman smiled and said "Kai"
A genjutsu was released and everything suddenly everything looked cleaner and less poor. The old woman herself turned into Suzume. "Heh heh. Works every time."
X
X
X
"Thank you thank you thank you! I love you so much, Tetsu!" Izumo was cuddling the babies up to his chest happily.
"If this doesn't work out, we have to take them back." Kotetsu reminded him for the twenty-first time.
"It WILL work out" Izumo replied. He hugged the babies again.
They didn't talk the rest of the way to their apartment. Once they got back inside, they sat down, to think about what they would do next.
And that's when one of the babies started to cry. And damn did it have lungs. Then the other one, not wanting to be undone, started.
After ten minutes of passing the babies back and forth between each other saying "Are they wet? They must be wet. Nope, not wet. Maybe they need to be burped. Oh, nope, not that. Maybe they're sleepy. But they were just asleep" they finally figured it out.
"THEY'RE HUNGRY!" they exclaimed in unison.
"Yeah. So you feed them" Kotetsu said.
"What the hell?"
"Hey, you're the woman in this relationship! You cook, you clean, and you go on bottom!"
"Screw you! I don't exactly have tits!"
"Argh! Well, what are we gonna do?"
"I don't know!"
"-Wait. I know what to do!" Kotetsu said triumphantly.
They lived in what Tsunade called her greatest idea. She bought five blocks of apartments that were essentially really big tin and cardboard shacks, had the Genin make the buildings a bit more stable and attractive looking, and offered them as housing for Jonin and Chunin. The one Kotetsu and Izumo lived in was for Jonin. Their next door neighbors were Uzuki Yugao on the right and Kakashi on the left. Anko (who had been their teammate once upon a time) lived directly across from them, with Genma and Raido on either side of her. Gai lived exactly one floor below them, and Asuma and Kurenai a floor above.
Anko opened her door sleepily. Today was supposed to be her day off, and she'd planned on sleeping in until noon. Instead, she'd had to drag herself out of bed to answer the door, and had crying, screaming, squalling BABIES shoved at her.
"FEED THEM! YOU HAVE HUGE TITS!" Izumo and Kotetsu pleaded with her.
"Izumo's a bigger woman than me" Anko replied before slamming the door in their faces.
"FIRE! FIRE! ANKO, FIRE!" she heard Kotetsu shout.
"I am not that dumb!"
She could barely hear whispering above the screams. "KATON: GOKAKYU NO JUTSU!"
"FIRE, ANKO, FIRE!"
"DID YOU JUST SET THE HALL ON FIRE?" Anko screamed as she slammed open the door to no fire. There was nothing except for Izumo holding the babies. Kotetsu blocked her doorway. She glared daggers at him. "I am going to kill you"
"Feed them" he demanded.
"You. Complete. Idiot. A woman has to be lactating to be able to feed children. I am not." Then she muttered something along the lines of "Who needs the Sharingan to copy this?". The next thing Kotetsu knew was that she was behind him. She shoved her fingers up his ass with enough force to throw him through the wall back into his apartment. Then she slammed her door.
"D-damnit. Time for plan B." Kotetsu said.
Much calmer this time, they knocked on Yugao's door. Then Izumo held up the babies as Kotetsu used chakra to stick to the ceiling and sprinkle feathers from the down comforter Izumo bought for them last year.
"Feed my starving children." He pleaded to Yugao, who was clearly trying to restrain her laughter.
"Um… That was really, really impressive, but… I don't know a thing about raising kids." Yugao admitted. "I never… got the chance"
A very gloomy atmosphere began to hang over the group. Even the babies seemed to sense it and got a little quieter.
"We're sorry to have bothered you" Izumo said in a miserable voice.
"Naw. Here, c'mon, I know who can handle this." Yugao said in a happier tone. She walked past the gaping hole in their wall, past their front door, and straight to Kakashi's room. "Oi! Kakashi!"
Iruka opened the door. "Yes? Oh, Yugao! Yeah, he'll be out in a sec, okay?"
"Thanks, Iruka" she replied.
Kakashi appeared a few minutes later. He opened the door shirtless and with his mask inside out. "What?"
"We need your help" Yugao said.
An hour and a half later, both babies were fed, changed, bathed, and almost asleep. Izumo and Kotetsu were amazed.
"So what are their names?" Kakashi asked after hearing the whole story.
They looked at each other blankly. "Well… we hadn't gotten around to it yet… I mean, it's been kinda hectic. Um… I always liked Mizuko for a girl… wait, what gender are they?" Kotetsu asked.
Yugao looked irritated at their stupidity. "You didn't check?"
"It was hectic!" Izumo said defensively.
"They're both boys." Kakashi said from where he was rocking one of them to sleep. Yugao was holding the other one.
"Well, I guess Mizuko is out then…" Izumo shrugged sheepishly.
"Why can't we just call them 'Ichi' and 'Ni'?" Kotetsu asked.
"You can't name them 'One' and 'Two'! That's horrible!" Yugao said.
"Okay, then, what do you suggest?" Kotetsu snapped.
"…I don't know. They're your kids" she replied.
"We're going to call them…" Izumo paused.
X
X
X
Hey all! I'm Trenchcoatgirl-Kyo. I'm writing a Shounen Ai. How disturbing… I like boy on boy, but I've never really read too much of it. And that I'm writing it… Well, it is very strange indeed. Ah well. Plus this is my first (posted) co-written fanfiction. Me and my dearest sister Aka are writing it. She's doing all the hardcore parts.
So this takes place the April after the Chunin exams. Just to clear that up. And I assumed that Anko was on Kotetsu and Izumo's team, as most teams are made with two guys and a girl, and she's the same age. I know that she was Orochimaru's lackey, but let's assume she was on their team as a Genin, after she came back to Konoha. She shares their sadistic sense of humor, too.
And one last note- The babies have no names yet! So you can submit your votes to name them! If there's a majority vote for a name, we'll use that, if not, we'll use the ones we like best. Review or PM me to submit what you think their names should be.
Aka:
Whoa…It's been a long time since posting, even if it's not on my own account. Just to clue you guys in, I didn't really write any of this, just edited. It's all Kyo, so throw the mpreg jokes on her. No this is not going to be an mpreg fic. I like my men because they are men, and while I like some of my men to be womanly, ovaries are a different thing. So hopefully I'll get to throw in some pretty steamy scenes, but I won't be writing a tome or anything! XD
I really love this couple and it's sad that there's not a lot out there. Most of them are cute little fluffy scenes, which is good but…Yeah…I've digressed so far to the point that I can't read any manga (excluding Naruto and Death Note) unless it's yaoi. We have a subscription to Shoujo Beat and I nearly vomited all over the new "colored pages issue". Vampire Knight…ugh…
It's okay I guess but the main girl character is oh so cliché, however there are some very pretty men! ZERO AND KANAME TOGETHER FOREVER! XD They are very pretty but also suffer from the series' overall clichéness. And the plot's…well…let's not even go into it…Oh…supposed to be talking about Naruto!
Whoa…I wrote quite a bit. Guess it's making up for my lack of writing in this chapter! n-n; See you guys later, Kyo and I may switch authors chapter to chapter, but I still don't know…I'll probably just be writing the sex scenes!
-Till Next Time Kiddies!
3 Aka
