A/N: This probably isn't a one-shot, I'll decide if i'm going to keep writing based on reviews - so tell me what you think. Disclaimer to Stephanie Meyer.


A Lost Futures

When Edward left in New Moon, he had a reason – Bella's future, her safety. In this story Alice never sees Bella jump off that cliff and Edward doesn't come back for years. In this story see it from Edward's POV and Bella's as they see each other for the first time again.


Edward's POV

She was nineteen now. An adult, a woman. Not the girl I left behind. Maybe things were different. Maybe she'd found love. Surely she couldn't have spent the nearly two years it had been since I left, alone. She was too beautiful, too smart, too observant, too perfect. It was her flaws that made her perfect, the way her bottom lip was slightly fuller than the top, the endearing habit she had of biting that lip, the way her heart would race when I touched that lip...

I hadn't even begun to get over her, if anything I was more obsessed with her now than ever.

She was my drug, I would drink in her presence until I was addicted and then I'd punish myself for it by leaving. I didn't – could never – deserve to be in her company. How could I make so many assumptions now, deciding to come back? How dare I let myself come after everything back to the very place I had left her?

I had run for days, finally ending up here, in the forest I deserted her in. I was a coward, too scared to completely let her go and too scared to stay with her. What could she possibly see in me?

Well, after all this time she's probably realised how awful a person I am, how I lack humanity...

Nineteen months and twenty-eight days of pure hell, torture, agony but nothing compared to what I would feel if I'd killed her, If Jasper had killed her...The visions of that night always haunted me, whispering of what could have happened, what would happen if I didn't do something...

Bella was so close now... I could hear her heart beating.

I'd have to go see her, even if she didn't see me; I had to know how she was now, what she was doing... How she'd changed in my absence. These were the years she'd change the most, physically and mentally, Carlisle had worried he'd changed me too soon at seventeen. But Bella wasn't going to be Bella the clumsy young girl who blushed almost permanently and was very unaware of herself and her beauty. I had to keep telling myself that if I wanted to have any chance at keeping my self-control when I saw her.

Bella, my love, I had to talk to her...

I couldn't just come without saying anything to her, what if I left it longer and she really did forget me? Of course that would be the best option but the thought still stung deep in my cold heart.

What would I say to her? What if she was upset at me?

I had to try though, if she was happy I would just say 'have a nice life, Bella, best wishes' and leave without letting on that I still loved her but if she wasn't... I didn't dare contemplate that. To think that she might still want me was too wishful. I needed to be realistic. I needed to walk over to her house and make her aware of my presence. Then I would see if she was happy or... not and decide what to do. Maybe she would be in her room and I could talk to her without Charlie knowing or maybe she was cooking in the kitchen and I'd knock on the door and she'd open it, hair dishevelled and smelling of delicious (to humans, but I had absolute faith that they were delicious) foods...

No. I couldn't let myself think like that. If she was happy I had to let her go, again.

I just had to talk to her first; find out what she had been doing, what she wanted to be in the future, If she was happy. Then I'd have to detach myself again and hopefully not inflict more pain on her. But it might already be too late once she sees me... I had no idea how she'd coped after I left.

My thoughts were interrupted by a soft, musical laugh. Bella's laugh. It drifted through the woods as if carried to me by a magical force. Her beautiful, rich laugh that I loved so much, like rolling bells.

She was happy. It hit me like the blow of a tree falling on my stomach. Pinning me there enchanted and leaving me for dead.

"Bella..." I whispered to myself and stood there motionless.

Bella was happy. She didn't need me the way I needed her.

Bella's POV

I sat in the semi-darkness of my room; the sun was just about to sink under the horizon. The lamp was on beside my bed and I sat there, incredibly sad and alone. Not a day had gone past when I hadn't missed him, missed them all. I still dreamed of him, his golden, topaz eyes. His bronze hair, perpetually messy but beautiful, so easy to pick out in a crowd. Which I had tried to do in every crowd I'd been in since that day. But I hadn't once seen him.

I pulled the notebook out of my desk drawer; I had scribbled thoughts, letters, notes about him, in it for a while now. Jake had said it would be helpful to tell someone about it, I had disagreed and ended the argument but he had given me the notebook the next day.

I opened up to a new page and begun to write,

Edward,

When will I be over you? Because this is too much to take for the rest of my life. I don't know what I'll do with my life when every thought I have is of you. When I think of my future, I don't see a career, I see myself searching the globe, looking for you.

Have you changed at all since you left? Have you missed me?

Where are you?

I haven't changed at all, I'm still plain and clumsy – I can see why you left. I remember Rosalie's supermodel body, so compared to mine, why would you stay?

Mike is still as persistent as ever, like that would change, but other than that and Jake, nobody else is after me. Not that I would care really, you were the only guy I ever bothered with.

Tears leaked out of my eyes and stained the page, but I continued the twisted letter to him,

I see why you left me, why you didn't love me, but you broke your promise! You said it would be as if you never existed but it's not.

Couldn't this be any easier?

Because now I have to go downstairs, fake smiles at Charlie while I make dinner, hide the truth from Jacob and let the world pretend you never existed. But I know you did, I remember you.

With that I closed the notebook and went to make Charlie dinner.

I searched the fridge, finding the ingredients I needed and starting to cook things slowly over the stove.

The phone rang and I picked it up on the second ring,

"Hello?"

"Hey Bells!"Jake greeted enthusiastically.

"Hi Jake, what's up?" I asked while stirring the pot that was currently on the stove.

"The guys are having a lunch at Emily's next week; Quil and Embry are forcing me to invite you, you know how they get jealous of the alone time we have without them." He said happily.

"Really? They still have that, uh, crush thing going on?" I asked.

"Yeah, duh, Bella, who wouldn't? You're gorgeous." He said laughing.

I laughed too, perhaps a bit too loudly for the joke but it was an uncomfortable subject between us, he had had a crush on me after all.

"So, I don't know the details yet, but I'll ask Sam tomorrow and tell you then. If you want to come that is..." he trailed off, jokingly, as if I had a choice.

"What you mean is, if I don't want to come then you'll come here and drag me back to Emily's?" I teased.

"Exactly. So, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see you, Jake." I said sadly, already missing his voice.

"Bye Bells! Be happy!" He said before hanging up.

I sighed and went back to the food, watching it simmer for a minute and then chopping up the vegetables.

When it was ready I called Charlie and we sat at the table, eating quietly.

"So, that was Jacob?" He asked after a moment.

"Yeah, his friend's are having this lunch thing and he invited me..." I said, twirling my fork around and biting my lip.

"Oh, that's good. You guys get along well. I like Jake." He stated and went back to eating.

Yes, you like Jacob unlike Edward, who you had never been fond of but now despised.

Another constant reminder of how little people knew about the pain I was in.

Edward's POV

She was happy; she didn't need to see me.

But I needed to see her. If she was happy, it wouldn't hurt her if I came by to say have a nice life.

Would it?

This was so confusing, I had never been so unsure of myself, at least my family wasn't here to see me or they'd be laughing at my uncertainty.

I had to do this, for Alice, for Esme and Carlisle. For myself. I knew that they all missed her, how much it hurt Alice to lose her best friend. I had caught Esme and Carlisle's thoughts – it was like losing a daughter to them and they constantly worried about her. If I could tell them how she was it might give them closure.

I took a few deep, unnecessary breaths out of habit and walked towards the house.

From Charlie's thoughts, they were having dinner. I had no right to interrupt their happy, family dinner.

I had no right to interrupt her life but I had to.

Still, I could wait for her to finish dinner. I listened to Charlie's thoughts – food, baseball, the Black's, gossiping to Billy about Jacob and Bella – wait. Jacob and Bella...? He was thinking of how close they were. So she had moved on... But they weren't together. Billy had told him Jacob wanted to be more than friends but Bella didn't want to. I instantly hated this Jacob.

Through Billy's thoughts I saw the food he was eating, that Bella had made. But he didn't look at Bella.

I waited through the torturous minutes, needing Bella more than she could ever need me.

Finally Charlie put the plates in the sink and told Bella he'd do the washing up. She went to her room.

Without even thinking I was by the side of the house, climbing the wall towards her window. I knew it was wrong to scare her like this, climbing in her window, but I couldn't help myself.

I listened for a moment as she sat down on the bed, picking up her book and flipping to the bookmarked page. Then I knocked softly on the window frame, pulling myself through the window and into her room.

Where I froze.

She was so beautiful... She was a woman now.

She appeared to be frozen too.

"Hello, Bella." I said quietly, regaining composure as I watched her.

She stood up, pulling her tank top straight self consciously and then froze again, meeting my eyes.

Finally, as more seconds passed she whispered, "Ed-edward?"

"Yes." I said, looking her over carefully.

Her hips had widened, her face had slimmed, her hair had been cut to shoulder length and was flowing around her face. Her chocolate brown eyes were the same, beautiful and intuitive. It was wrong and un-gentlemanly of me to notice but her chest had grown too. She looked so much older, she was an adult. She had graduated school without me. She was doing something in the world that I didn't know about. And I wanted to know.

She was standing there staring at me still, with this amazingly sad look in her eyes, this twisted grimace pulling up the corners of her mouth as if she was trying to smile or not to cry – I couldn't tell.

"You look the same." She said suddenly, to herself.

"And you look amazing and beautiful." I stated, giving her a half-smile.

She shook her head slightly, so she must still be unaware of her beauty.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you and barge in like this, I... Well, I didn't want to disturb Charlie too and..." I trailed off, wondering what exactly I was doing here. It was obviously hurting her.

She sounded small and unsure, "Um... It's okay... Did you, uh, want to come in?"

I nodded and stepped away from the window, standing beside her. She sat down on the bed and I copied her.

"So... How are you?" I asked, revelling in her proximity.

"I'm fine," she said defensively and I gathered she got asked this a lot now, "How are you?"

"I... Let's not go into that." I said quietly, she didn't need to know how much I was suffering, "What have you been doing?"

"I um... I go to college part time in Seattle and work at this book shop, I don't know. It's just a temporary thing, I guess." She said biting her lip.

"What are you studying?" I asked curiously.

"Classical literature." She stated, still self-conscious.

I smiled a little at that, "I should have known. What do you want to do after that?"

She kept staring at me, "I want to... I don't know... Sorry but I just have to do this, I'm not sure about this..." She poked my arm and I stared at her hand for a moment before meeting her eyes confused, she finished her sentence, "...being real."

She looked embarrassed and blushed, staring at her lap.

"Bella?" I asked, trying to get her to look up.

"I've just... I thought maybe I was um, imagining you. It's just..." She kept looking at her lap and whispered so quietly a human wouldn't have been able to hear, "I've just missed you so much."

"Oh, Bella." I whispered, gently moving her hair out of her face and putting a finger under her chin, forcing her to meet my gaze, "I love you."

She looked baffled, "But you left... You said..." She stopped, getting choked up.

"I know, I know," I cooed, "I lied. I'm so so sorry. I was trying to protect you from my kind. But I couldn't keep away, it hurt too much."

Bella's POV

I started at him shocked, part of me was furious with his stupid logic – as if it would ever work out well when I wasn't with him, but the greater part was so deeply in love with him it didn't care. It wanted me to throw my arms around him and forgive him.

"Really?" I asked uncertainly.

"I truly and forever will love you Isabella Swan." He murmured.

"Are you sure?" I asked blushing.

"Of course I am, you silly, beautiful woman." He said giving me his crooked grin.

"Okay." I whispered.

"So... what have you done these past 19 months?" He asked.

"I graduated school... I've been working to get an apartment in Seattle. I don't know what I'll do after that, I've been distracted..." I coughed, "But I could probably teach classical literature at a university or get another degree."

He listened with interest, following each word.

"What have you um... been up to?" I asked him.

"Nothing, really. I missed you." He stated.

"Oh." I said.

"So, who's Jacob?" He asked suddenly.

"What? How did you know about Jacob..?" I asked.

"Charlie's thoughts." He said smiling.

"Oh, Jake's just a friend. We were never... a thing. He's supported me and we're close..." I wasn't going to say 'he's a werewolf' just yet.

"What's his last name?" Edward asked intently, I could tell he was doing his normal worrying, over-protective thing again.

"Black... Jacob Black." I declared.

"What?" He said, trying to be quiet for Charlie's sake.

"Uh... that's his name?" I said confused.

"You're friends with a werewolf?" He said angrily.

"Um..." I started, wasn't this supposed to be a secret?

"Bella..." he sighed, "you are a danger magnet."

"True." I said, looking out the window.

We were silent for a few moments and I continued to look out the window, when suddenly he was pulling me into a hug, taking a deep breath, smelling my hair.

"I've missed you so very much." He said sincerely.

"Me too." I said putting my arms around his neck.

"You have to come see Alice too, she's missed you too. Esme and Carlisle were worried about you, too. They all missed you. They don't know I'm here... I haven't been with them for a while..." He said.

"What? Where have you been?" I asked shocked again, he left the Cullens?

"I was just... roaming around the world by myself. I didn't want them to see me like that." He looked out the window this time.

"Oh?" I asked.

"I was a mess. They didn't need that. I didn't do anything... I ran a lot, hunted when I was passing through woods, avoided people, swan around the ocean a bit too." He said still looking out the window.

I laughed a little at the mental image of Edward swimming in the middle of the ocean. He looked sheepish when he finally met my eyes.

"I understand." I finally said.

"When do you have time off college and work? We could fly up and surprise them. Only if you wanted, if you've moved on then that's fine, of course." He said sadly.

"No! I want to come. Um... I have time off this weekend." I said.

"Well, I should go before Charlie notices..." He said standing up.

"No, it's still early!" I pleaded.

"How about I wait in your truck and you can tell Charlie that you're going to visit me and we can go back to my old house, I need a change of clothes." He said hopefully.

Only then did I notice that his clothes were dirty, with small rips in them. Charlie wouldn't be happy but I didn't care. Edward was finally back! I felt like rejoicing and screaming and dancing and doing other uncharacteristic, dangerous things.

Which is why I stood up and leaned into him, kissing him passionately on tip-toes before he grabbed my waist and leant down to make it easier. I was dizzy when he pulled back giving me a huge crooked smile and letting me breathe.

"God, I've missed you..." He growled in my ear. When did he get this... sexy?

I walked over to the closet, pulling a sweater over my tank top and grabbing a pair of skinny jeans Alice had bought for me once that I'd never worn.

"Turn around or leave." I ordered him. He chuckled and turned to look out the window.

I pulled off my sweatpants and stepped into the jeans, deep in thought. I knew I should be cautious; this was Edward, a vampire, who craved my blood. But I could help but want to jump into his arms and stay there forever when I looked into his eyes, which were bright and full of love.

He walked over to me with a mischievous glint in his eye, standing right in front of me.

"You forgot something..." He whispered.

"What-" I began to ask but stopped when he reached out to the top of the jeans and did up the top button slowly, teasingly.

When he was done he grinned at me, "Go tell Charlie, I'll wait in the car."

I nodded, still reeling from the contact. When he jumped out the window I gasped, it had been a while since anyone had left the room like that. Then I smiled, I had Edward back! I practically skipped down the stairs, stopping on my way through the lounge room where Charlie was watching a game to tell him I was going out.

He looked at his watch, "Where are you going?"

"I'm meeting up with Edward, at his house..." I said grinning like a little kid at Christmas.

"Edward?" Charlie said gruffly.

"Yeah, you know, Edward Cullen? He's back in town for a while..." My voice was light, free.

"I know who Edward is; he's the boy who broke my baby's heart. I don't like this. Does he think he can just waltz back here and you'll forgive him? Who does he think he is?" Charlie rambled on.

Well, he's beautiful, rich, intelligent, sparkly, amazing... I think he knows who he is. And yeah, he can just come back! That's what I've been wishing for, duh! I was feeling very un-Bella-ish tonight.

"Come on Dad..." I mumbled as he continued,

"That boy isn't welcome here, after what he did to you... no. I won't have it. You stay here. He's just bad news. Aren't you happy with Jake? How can he just come back? The nerve!"

"Dad..." I tried.

He finally stopped after saying, "You can watch the game with me, he's not a good person, you should steer clear of him."

"I'm going to see him." I stated bravely.

"No." He ordered.

I took a deep breath, "Falling out of love is hard."

"Bella..."

"It's practically impossible..." I said, thinking of how his face would light up when he thought of Renee.

"Bella, no," He argued.

"I'm sorry Dad, but I have to go. I love him – it's that simple." I said grabbing my coat.

"Fine. Be back by ten." He said as I turned the door knob.

"Thanks." I said opening the door and leaving.

Edward's POV

I screwed up...

I was waiting in the car, listening to Charlie's thoughts as they argued. I had caused them to fight. But that wasn't how I screwed up, I was seeing Charlie go through a mental slideshow of all the times he'd woken up to Bella's screaming, finding her in the forest, seen her struggle, seen her cry.

I sighed, no wonder he didn't want her leaving.

Bella slid into her seat grinning, as she started the car I whispered,

"I am so sorry for all the pain I've put you through. I will never be able to make it up to you."

She sighed, "It's in the past. We can discuss it another time, if you wish."

"I want to discuss it sometime." I said as she drove towards my house.

"We will." She promised.

"Okay." I agreed.