Truth in Therapy

by Trycee

Time-line: Season 4, between Elegy and Gethsemane

Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Files. This is written for fun not Profit.

FBI counselor, Dr. Kossoff had been assigned Agent Dana Scully's therapist as apart of her Determination of Well Being to see if she were Fit for Duty. Dana had occasionally come on her own and her visits had become more frequent since learning she had cancer. Dr. Kossoff felt that she needed to try and reach deep into Agent Scully's past to get her to recognize a few patterns she had that could possibly put her in danger.

Dr. Karen Kossoff looked over her notes as she waited for her next patient. She looked at her watch, it was lunchtime and right on time, Dana Scully opened the door, knocking a little as she held the door open. She was dressed in a gray suit and slacks, a few tissues were in her hands in case of nose bleeds. Scully had chosen the lunch hour to go to therapy so no one, especially Mulder would know she was seeking help.

"Glad you could make it Dana.", Dr. Kossoff smiled, ushering her a seat on the couch.

She sat in her armchair across from Dana, a small notebook in hand. "How are you feeling?"

Scully acknowledged the woman briefly, but kept her eyes down on her hands holding the tissue. "I'm fine," she said, a meek smile crossing her face.

"Any issues with the nose bleeds, lately?"

"No!" Scully answered. "No issues at all. I'm being monitored. I'm as healthy as could be expected."

"That's good.", Karen said, looking at her notes. "I wanted to try something a little different this time."

"Different how?"

"I wanted to discuss something we've touched on previously...your transference of your relationship with your father to other men in your life."

Scully nodded. "Yes. It's not unusual for women to look for men that remind them of their father."

"No, it's not unusual at all. Men tend to look for women with traits like they're mother. But for you, its a little different..."

Scully looked perplexed. "In what way?"

"You tended to...if I've understood you correctly, to date older men. Men of power, is that correct?"

"Yes, I'm consciously aware of that. My father was a Naval Captain. He was a strong man with strong qualities. I looked to him as an example of the men I want in my life. I've always known I was attracted to strong men!"

"Did either of your parents instilled in you the need to look for a strong man? Was the ideal of finding a man to be the head of the family instilled in you?"

Scully laughed a little.. "Dr. Kossoff, I was raised in a traditional Catholic home. An Irish Catholic family at that! And one heavily involved in the military!" She paused a moment so that Dr. Kossoff could consume what she was saying. "Of course strength was instilled in us! It's why both of my brothers are military men now but my parents still believed in a woman's equality!"

"You told me you're father didn't approve of you joining the FBI, is that correct?", she asked softly.

"No, he didn't. And no this was not what my parents envisioned for me. My parents were traditional."

"Explain, traditional," Dr. Kossoff insisted.

"They expected us all to marry, have lots of children, the whole Irish Catholic expectations. My family expected me and my sister Melissa as well as my two brothers to find a soul-mate, marry for life, like my parents. They encouraged me to have a career of my own, to be a doctor with a practice. My mother supports me even now and I do believe my father was indeed proud of me."

"Even though you didn't go into private practice but instead joined the FBI?"

Dr. Kossoff could see that Scully was slightly agitated but she continued with her questioning. "Do you believe your attraction to men of power stems from your need for attention from your father?"

Scully stiffened in her seat. "My father was a very attentive man! And his daughter's strengths were celebrated as much as his sons!", Scully said defensively. "My mother is also no shrinking violet! She's a strong determined woman!"

"Like yourself," Dr. Kossoff said. "I'm only trying to work on issues that may spring up in our present from our pasts, Dana. I'm just trying to work out your family dynamics, that's all. No need to be defensive."

Scully relaxed her shoulders a little and glanced back down to the tissue in her hands. She didn't want to get overworked because it might trigger another nose bleed. She didn't need anyone to see her bleed. She had already endured the stares from Mulder and Skinner and she didn't want any more sympathetic stares especially from her therapist.

"What position were you in the family?"

"Hunh? Oh? Well my brother Bill is the oldest, then my sister Melissa, than me and then my brother Charles. Why?"

"Middle children often feel they need to compete for their parents attention. Did you ever feel you needed to compete?"

Scully loosened her grip on the tissue. "Of course," she whispered. She then coughed and spoke stronger. "What child doesn't who has siblings?"

"Did you feel the need to compete with your brothers for your fathers attention?"

Scully thought carefully. "Occasionally but my father and I shared time together that the rest didn't. He made a point of it. He would read Moby Dick to me," she smiled. "He was Ahab and I was Starbuck. That story and that time spent with him meant so much to me."

"Your father would be deployed for long periods away from the family?"

"Yes..."

"What happened during that period?"

"My mother took over. I admire her greatly for being able to raise four rambunctious children while he was gone. We were disciplined, mannerable, and well-loved. She is a remarkable woman. One I hope to be like someday."

Karen looked over to Scully but she had masked her emotions so well that except for the darting of her eyes, it was hard to read her. "You admire both your parents greatly, don't you?"

"Yes, I do!"

"When you dated Dana, as an adult. Did you date men your own age originally or were you always drawn to older men?"

"I was drawn to older men. Highschool they were my age but college I was turned off by how childish men my age were. I didn't date much in college, not really until med school really, and like I said previously, I'm fully aware that they were men of power."

"What did you feel when you were with them?"

Scully stared down at the tissue in front of her. "Loved, taken care of, adored, wanted," she said, raising her eyes up to meet Dr. Kossoff's. "They made me feel special but sometimes..."

"Sometimes?"

Scully licked her lips. "I had to work for their attention, their praise. But when I got it, it felt, incredible."

Dr. Kossoff made notes in her pad.

"What happened in these relationships and how many were there?"

"Two serious relationships and two very brief ones. And to answer your question, they all failed."

"Why?"

"My relationship with Daniel...it was unhealthy now that I look back on it."

"Why is that?"

Scully shifted in her seat. "I gave up my power. I nearly lost myself in him. I was enamored of him, of his intellect, his position. He on the other hand only wanted the devotion of a young girl. He wanted someone he could control. Someone he could mold. He was a liar, a cheater and I was involved in an affair with my professor and the father of my roommate, my friend who I betrayed. I was so wrapped up in him that I didn't care. But, it was his constant belittling of me that got me to start rethinking things."

"How did it end?"

Scully sighed. "His wife found out, I think he told her. And in turn his daughter, my friend and roommate, found out. She dropped out of medical school because of me. I was recruited into the FBI and I decided that would be my escape. I wanted his approval, his acceptance to my leaving him but he never accepted my decision to join the FBI."

"Like your father..."

"My father accepted it eventually but Daniel did not."

"So he was married?"

"Yes. I didn't know he was at first and for a short time I told myself it didn't matter. But it did. It went against my upbringing. It forced me to look at myself for the first time and to make changes to my life."

"What was your ultimate reaction to his betrayal, Dana?"

"I felt the need to guard my heart.", she said, glancing at Karen for a moment.

"Did your dating pattern change?"

Scully thought back to the past. "I wasn't so quick to trust but I was still attracted to the same type of men. After him I dated an instructor at the Academy for a year."

"And what happened with that?"

"Nothing really. He was obsessed with his work. Jack and Daniel were alike in that way."

"Anyone after that?"

"I briefly dated a classmate, Tom. He was arrogant and that didn't last long and right before I was assigned to the X-Files, I dated a man named Ethan just a few short months."

"Why did you break up with him?"

Scully sighed. "My job was a problem for him too."

"Have you dated since joining the X-Files with your busy life and schedule?"

"Not really."

"Why is that?"

Scully shifted her weight. "We'll there's the cancer."

"You've worked on the X-Files for four years now. Any dates?"

"Two..."

"What happened?"

"One didn't hold my interest and the other tried to kill me."

Dr. Karen referred back to her notes."Oh yes, Ed Jerse. But what happened with the other guy?"

"We were not compatible. Halfway through the date I was bored to tears," she said, thinking back to that one date a few years before.

"Tell me about your relationship with your partner."

Karen noticed the sudden change in Scully's posture and the brightness in her eyes."Agent Mulder is an incredible investigator. He is passionate, dedicated," she sighed. "He treats me with respect, as an equal. He values my medical insight. I trust him completely. He is my best friend, my shoulder to lean on."

Dr. Karen scribbled in her notes. "Describe your role in your partnership?"

"I was brought in to debunk his work, as you know. My role is to use my medical and scientific background. Its my strengths."

"Would you describe Agent Mulder as a powerful man?"

Scully grew quiet. She looked at the Doctor for a few awkward moments, never answering her question. Dr. Karen continued. "Who compromises the most in this relationship, you or him?"

"I think I do. Mulder is passionate, he's uncompromising at times when he thinks he's right. His faith drives him. That's what makes me follow him."

"Do you follow him to the detriment of your own health?"

Scully glanced down at the piece of white tissue paper in her hands. "I don't think so."

"You once told me that you didn't want to disappoint him. You didn't want to show weakness."

Scully looked uncomfortable. "I don't."

"Do you feel he will treat you differently if you show weakness?"

"I don't want to show weakness. Its important to me."

"What are your feelings about Agent Mulder?"

Scully stared at Dr. Kossoff for a long moment before shifting in her seat and glancing at her wristwatch. "I've got to go."

"Agent Scully, you're time isn't up yet.", Dr. Karen said in a gentle voice. "I'm only asking a general question. Let me remind you that anything you tell me is kept confidentially. No one including your superiors has access to my files, only you."

"We're friends!", Scully answered, her eyes glued to Dr. Karen.

"Friends?"

Scully's jaw tightened. "Yes, friends. That's all!"

"Do you feel your relationship with Agent Mulder in anyway follows any of your typical patterns?"

"What pattern is that?"

"Do you feel obligated to follow Agent Mulder at times when you're feeling weak, feeling tired. Do you feel you are comprising your personal life to follow him? To work on the X-Files?"

Scully looked at the wall, she knew what Karen was trying to get at but she didn't want to hear it.

"Are you afraid he would reject you if you decided to stop working because of your condition?"

Scully had noticed that Mulder had been a little more agitated with her lately when she told him she couldn't go with him. She knew he wasn't really angry at her but at the cancer that was changing things between them. "No, I don't think he would," she lied.

"How would he react?"

"Agent Mulder is concerned for me. He respects my need to continue working. I think if I weren't able to work...", Scully's voice trailed off. She shifted her eyes back down to the tissue, a reminder of her condition.

"What would he do?", Karen pressed.

"He'd be devastated."

Karen scribbled more into her notes. "Is it loyalty that keeps you working or concern for Agent Mulder's welfare?"

"It's both but its not all about Mulder. I have selfish reasons to work."

"Its how you work through tragedies in your life. You throw yourself into your work."

"Yes."

"What do you think Mulder will do when you're gone, Dana?"

Scully's mouth gaped open. "I can't talk about that right now!"

"Can you try?"

Scully again stiffened, her lip thinned and her eyes narrowed. "I need to stay strong for myself and for Mulder. I can't leave him right now."

"Is that fair to you, Dana?"

Scully shook her head. "That's the way it is! Mulder has changed a lot lately. He barely laughs any more. He isn't himself. He's scared to show me he's afraid for me. But I know him. I know him like no other. Mulder needs me to be strong. I need me to be strong! We need each other!"

Dr. Karen leaned in closer to Scully. "Do you love him?"

"Why is that important?"

"I think it's very important Dana. Do you love him?"

Scully rubbed her fingers over the clean tissues, avoiding Dr. Kossoff's stare. "He's my best friend. He's my partner. I care a great deal for him. Yes,I love him. How can you face what we've faced and not love the person? Its a partnership. My life is in his hands and his are in mine. Its a love between friends."

"Does he love you?"

Scully fidgeted in her seat. "I believe he does. We've been through a lot together."

"Again, what you tell me is confidential. No one will ever know of what we speak."

"There's nothing to tell! Our partnership, our friendship is based on mutual love and respect as friends!"

"I understand", Karen said scribbling again in her notebook. "If you'd like, I think we should continue to talk about your feelings especially with what you're going through Dana. Will I see you next week?"

Scully stood up and shook Dr. Kossoff's hands. She turned to walk out the door but the Doctor called after her. "Next week, Dana?"

"Yes of course!", she said, closing the door behind her.

Dr. Kossoff stared at the door for a few moments, then collected her notes, placed them into her file. She made a few more scribbles into her notes and then pulled out the next patients file...Fox Mulder.

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