Thank you to PDiane for your character and question.
Dear SiriousB1,
I have absolutely fallen for this guy. I am doing everything I can to get his attention; I am crushing on him left, right and center. I am making it quite clear that I love him, and yet he ignores my advances! Why? Am I doing something wrong? I am not ugly, so I know that's not the problem – please help me! I am very frustrated.
Sincerely,
A Lovelorn Shield Maiden
Dear Shield Maiden,
The problem of love is a very frequent topic, isn't it? Yes, well…moving on. I can think of two reasons why he continuously ignores you: 1) He already has a girl that you do not know about. This is the easiest explanation, but not always the correct one. If he doesn't have a girl, and still ignores you, then he just isn't interested or looking. 2) He dislikes forward girls. If the latter is the case, then I suggest backing off from your "crushing on him left, right and center." Let him breathe a little! Try should playing "hard-to-get" instead of "LOOK AT ME AND MY BEAUTIFUL BODY!!!" And, on the issue of assuming you are beautiful, are you so sure? That could be ego talking. Take a poll or skip right to plastic surgery…just make sure you don't come out looking like Michael Jackson! Another idea: You say that you are a shield maiden. Perhaps it is because of your tomboy-ish actions that make him back down. Not all guys like loud, outspoken girls. Try letting him be dominant for a while and see his reaction. If all of the above fails, then assume that my first assumption was correct and he already has a girl.
Sincerely,
SiriousB1
Dear SiriousB1,
I am really worried about Master Fro...er, a friend of mine. He goes out every night and doesn't come back until early the next morning. His eyes seem to be red a lot and he is always laughing psychotically when any of us trip or drop something. Once he came home with this guy named "Zeke." He wasn't even a hobbit! He was a human! They were both laughing and talking about the faculty turning into aliens and something cherry-flavored. How can I confront him about this without accusing him or anything?
Signed,
Worried Hobbit
Dear Worried Hobbit,
Well, before you do anything, I suggest that you take a trip to your local Blockbuster and rend the movie "The Faculty." That might clear up the questions about aliens and...um...that "cherry-flavored" something. I suggest that you ask your friend about his situation straight out. Chances are he'll be so high that he'll tell you what's going on without thinking.
Sincerely,
SiriousB1
P.S.
If you get a chance, ask your friends to send some "white powder" out to me. Just ask him; he'll know what it means...
A/N: Well, here I am, returning to writing these lame advice columns. If anyone has a character (repeats are fine) or a problem that they would like to see featured, write them in the review or go to my Bio and e-mail them to me. Hell, if you want, you can send me a question or something that you want answered and I'll answer it under whatever category you want. In the subject box in e-mail, type in "advice" or I won't open it. I warn you now that I shall not be held responsible for any rude, crude or sexual content in my response. My advice column, my rules.
