The Life of a Lion
By: FaLLeN AnGeL
Disclaimer: You all know how it goes. Squaresoft own these wonderful characters, not me. And don't sue me for stealing Squaresoft's plot for the game. I'm not! I'm just rewriting it showing a bit more of Squall's personality. Honest!
Author's Note: This is my second fanfic. It's kind of like Squall's life story. It's kind of explaining exactly how Squall turned out the way he is. Sort of a rewrite of Final Fantasy VIII with just a little more in there. In this version, you get to see into the mind of the taciturn hero, go behind the scenes and discover what he's thinking about that's not shown in the game. ^_^ Please read and review! Your comments mean so much to me! Oh and words bracketed off like so: 'blah blah blah', are thoughts and words bracketed off like that in parentheses are Squall's thoughts in the "Dream World". I know you're probably tired of my incessant babbling (I would be too if I were in your shoes), so I'll cut it and start the story. Enjoy!
Chapter One: A Lion Is Born (Disc I, Part I)
He looked out of the window at the dark, colorless sky framed by mystical and foreboding clouds. They hung across the border of the horizon, shading all that lies behind it. Swirling over the mountains and shadowing dense forests in its dusky shelter, there was no escape from its cover of darkness. As he stared out at the shifting clouds, he felt as if they were one. The depressing and menacing colors of the cumulonimbus matched his stoic and dark demeanor; restless and constantly waged in a war with itself, doomed to struggle against its own conflicting problems.
The clouds slithered closer and closer in its contemptuous battle. A streak of blinding light struck out into the sky, a jagged slash against its sullen, but calm façade. Yes, the sky was just like him; calm and reserved until a moment of eruptive emotions. He felt a strange and new sense of tranquility wash over him as he gazed out into its tenebrous mass, seeing a tangible replica of his feelings.
But whom was this young man staring out at the incoming storm clouds? His story is a long one, full of pain and despair, but also awash with love and passion. The battles he had to fight with others and the ones waged inside his own tortured mind sculpted him into the man that he is today. But what could have happened to turn his world into an emotional entrapment, pain and suffering guarding the key? It all started 21 years ago…
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
Raine stared out at the dark stormy sky through the little window in the whitewashed room as she inhaled deeply through her throat. She was sweating profusely and the pains resonating from her lower body were almost unbearable. She snapped her eyes shut as a jolt of pain shot out of the back of her spine, sending her body into a frenzy of suffering.
'Laguna… where are you?'
The thought quickly escaped her mind as the pain flowed freely through her again. She was on the brink of childbirth and her husband, the child's father, was off somewhere trying to save a little girl, of whom they both loved, while his wife and baby were at home enduring the torture by themselves. Besides her stood the worried doctor trying her best to coax the panicking woman. She cried out once more as the unseen force knocked the wind out of her.
"Calm down Raine. Inhale and exhale slowly. Panicking is not going to help you at all."
She couldn't help it. Her husband was gone and she had never experienced this much pain in her life. Her hot tears were streaming down her face and she felt like her body was being ripped open. She screamed in anguish as her nerves stood on end when her body seemed to rip in half.
The room was silent, deathly silent.
Then the cries of a newborn life rang out into the claps of thunder and patters of rain. The doctor held the child as Raine closed her eyes in exhaustion.
"Raine… boy… beautiful…"
Raine didn't hear half of the words that the doctor was saying. She could barely breathe and lay limp on the bed as the voice continued. She felt the air draining from her lungs and the feeling of light freedom pass through her. She felt hands grasping at her, attaching who knows what to her dying body. She knew that she wouldn't make it. She knew that she was leaving her child all alone to fend on his own in this strange new world… Born on a stormy night all alone. A storm… a squall… a violent tossing rainstorm… squall…
"…Squall…" she whispered though chapped lips.
"What Raine?" The doctor's voice was faint as if she were miles away, talking to her through a sea of echoes.
With her last once of strength and intake of breath, she whispered the name that would christen her new child. "…Baby…Squall…" With that, her eyes closed shut, never to open again.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
He sat at the back of the garden, his back against the tree and his head resting in his arms as his light brown hair toppled over the small limbs. A small sniffle escaped from the hunched figure and it did not go unnoticed by the lovely woman sitting on the stairs. She got up, her long black dress and hair swaying in the gentle sea breeze. She stepped lightly over the grass and proceeded towards the maple tree that she knew the little boy was hiding behind. She walked around its base and kneeled down in front of the curled up child who sobbing quietly into his arms.
"Honey, what's the matter?"
Instead of looking up at her, the four-year-old boy just buried his head further into his arms as if trying to hide himself from her kind touch.
The woman extended her arm and wrapped it around the boy's shoulder, bringing him into her gentle hug. He tried to resist it, but she held him closer. She knew that he wanted it, but he just wouldn't admit that he needed a caring shoulder to lean on.
"Matron…" his small shaky voice called out her name. She was their Matron. She took care of all of them, each and every one of them that lived on her orphanage. Even though they were not her biological children, she still raised them as if they were her own, caring for all of them and attending to their special needs. Never did one of her children go ignored for more than a minute. She was always there for them.
"Yes, sweetie?"
"…I miss Sis…" The little boy sniffled once more and finally decided to lay his head on her shoulder.
"I know you do. We all do."
"But why did she have to go away? Doesn't she love us anymore…?"
"Of course she does. Just because she isn't here right next to us at the moment, it doesn't mean that she doesn't love us anymore."
The little boy finally looked up at her with his puffy red eyes and his tear-streaked face. It pained her to see him suffering so much. "If she still likes us, then why did she go away?"
Matron just looked at the poor child. His heart was so young and fragile… the pain of the loss must be tormenting him dearly.
"Squall… you will understand when you are older."
She held onto the boy like a mother protecting her child from danger. He clung onto her long sleeves and kept on mumbling "Why?" into the bodice of her gown. She couldn't tell him though, and it hurt her to know that she couldn't make it all better this time like she always did.
'My poor child… one day you will understand…'* ~ * ~ * ~ *
The boy lifted up his gunblade and swung it down onto the head of the Grat assaulting him, pulling the trigger exactly when it came into contact with the monster's head. It flailed its leafy tentacles around in the air in pain before it dropped dead to the ground. He pulled out a black handkerchief and wiped the green slime off of his prized possession and walked back towards the stunned group.
Squall was fourteen now. Handsome, intelligent, and already stoic. But besides all of that, he had already learned how to master his gunblade quite well and the group stared at him astonished that he had taken out the poisonous monster with one blow. He avoided their looks and quietly walked to the back of the bunch.
The gunblade was a particularly difficult weapon to master and took of lot of skill and patience. That was one of the main reasons why he had chosen that as his weapon. He liked a challenge, and the harder it was, the harder he strived to overcome it. But also, he just wanted to outdo his rival.
Seifer… They had grown up together, taken care of by the beloved Matron. Even just as young children, a rivalry had already grown between the two. Even though Squall tried, Seifer would most of the time outdo him. Maybe it was that fact that Seifer was taller and stronger than the weak little Squall. But he was growing now, already reaching the height of 5'4, which is really quite small but considering the fact that Squall was a small child, that was quite a lot.
As he walked along behind everyone else in the Training Center of Balamb Garden, the famous military academy that he attended, he heard a familiar high-pitched and maturing voice of a male call out to him.
"Squall thinks he's SO cool that he beat a measly Grat with just one weak hit. You're a chicken-wuss Leonheart! I could take out an army of Grats in minutes! Ha! Let's see if you could do that!"
Squall's blood was boiling inside of his veins. Seifer, even though already fifteen and at a startling height of 5'10, acted like a little three-year old. He stuck his tongue out at Squall, glaring at him with his wild blue eyes. Squall ignored him and looked away, crossing his arms in front of him, a position which he will be famous for in just a couple of years. Seifer, outraged by Squall's ignorance, clenched his fists and made his way over to the boy standing alone, as far away as he could be from the group.
"What's a matter chicken-wuss? Can't stand up and face me like a man?"
The words seared through Squall's conscience and he gritted his teeth, restraining himself from pelting the blond boy taunting him with a blow to his ugly face. Seeing the anger surge inside of his rival made Seifer feel overconfident, and he went against the rules of conduct of the Garden and swung his fist against the other's stomach using all of the force he could muster. The blow had hit Squall hard right in the solar plexus, causing him to double over, the wind knocked right out of him. He fell to the floor gasping for the air that would not come to his breath-deprived lungs as terrified students watched and his rival beamed.
He gasped in a sharp intake of air as he felt arms around him, helping him sit up from the position he had taken on the soft earth. He opened his watery eyes, the pain still lingering from the hit, and saw Seifer being held by the instructor. He watched slowly as he was forced out of the Training Center with the teacher yelling at him and holding his arms behind him. He began to breathe again and the arms around him slid slightly in its hold. He turned around and looked at the person that had helped him.
What Squall saw was a pretty girl with golden spun hair and pale blue eyes that looked kind and sweet. It was Quistis. She had lived with him in the orphanage like they all had. She touched the side of his cheek and smiled at him.
"You ok, Squall?"
Her voice was soft, a light sound that glided through the air. Her touched lingered for a moment before her long, graceful fingers ran along his jaw line, tracing the side of his face. Quistis was fond of Squall, even though he didn't return her feelings. She was almost fifteen, top of the class, and one of the most wanted girls in Garden. Even though she was so young, she had already developed gorgeous features and an air of power and grace. Most of the boys admired her, all except for Squall. Even though she was all of this, he still couldn't find her attractive. He just thought of her as a friend, even as a sort of surrogate sister.
He pulled back a bit from her stroke, a little startled by the emotion she was portraying towards him. He turned his head sideways, embarrassed by her touch, and murmured his answer into the collar of his uniform.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
He didn't want to tell her that it hurt and that he was still a little winded from the attack. He had to maintain face. What would Seifer do to him if he found out that he admitted that he was a weakling?
Quistis smiled incredulously at him and sighed. Then she leaned in closer to him and he tried to back away, but she held onto his shoulders and put her mouth close to his ear, her breath tickling the lobe as she whispered to him.
"Squall, you don't have to lie to me."
He pulled away from her and looked at her with what appeared to be a mixed look between a glare and a plea.
"Whatever." His voice was monotonous, showing just how much he cared for what was said to him.
She gave up and stood back on her feet, extending her arm to him. He ignored her and pushed himself up onto his own shaky knees. He would have liked to accept her help, but that would just mean that he was giving into Seifer's idea of him being frail. He walked back to the back of the group once more and waited for their instructor to return.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
Seventeen is such a volatile age. Nothing ever stays the same; always changing, always shifting. This is the last year as a teenager to enjoy untamed freedom before one embarks on the arduous and difficult journey known as adulthood. This is the year when his life forever changed.Squall, by now, was practically worshipped by all of the female population in Garden. It really was no wonder. He was strikingly handsome and had an aura of strength and courage, but also a hopelessly aloof attitude. He had piercing steel blue eyes, deep like a vast ocean of dark azure hues and a stern pout forever engraved on his lips. His tall and toned form was often clad behind a waist-length leather jacket with a white fur collar, black trousers, and his signature belts: two crossing over each other under the first, and three running down his right thigh, which carried healing potions and other remedies. His soft sandy brown hair was kind of long and choppy, always messy and tousled, carelessly flopping over onto his face and nearly covering up his newly achieved scar. The new fresh scar that still burned across the bottom of his forehead running down the bridge of his nose in a diagonal stroke.
Earlier that morning, Squall and Seifer were training on one-to-one combat with no magic allowed. While they were fighting, Seifer broke the rules and fired a cheap fira spell at him, knocking him to the floor in a blaze of flames. As he slowly got to his knees, shaking from the burns across his skin, he glanced up to catch sight of the 6'2" blond bring down his gunblade, the Hyperion, in a downward slash towards him. He felt the piercing pain of his flesh slicing open and searing blood streaming down across his face, blurring his vision into a haze of startling scarlet. Delusional and nearly blinded from the immense pain from his head, Squall pushed himself up and ran towards his rival swing his own weapon, the Revolver, at his face in an upward sweep, striking him and marking him with the exact shame that he had done unto him. Now they would both wear identical marks, different in only the fact that they slanted in different directions, signifying their hatred towards one another. All of their memories shared in the orphanage together were all gone.
In fact, all of his childhood memories were gone. He had been junctioning Guardian Forces, supernatural beings that can be summoned in battle to aid the fighter. Junctioning GFs also allowed one to junction different sorts of magic to boost their stats to their own advantage. But there is a terrible side effect of using the powerful allies. When junctioned, the GFs live in the warrior's mind, inside his brain in the area reserved to store his memories. As the GF grows within the junctioner, it grows into that memory pocket, slowly taking up the space and slowly erasing old memories. He had been junctioning GFs since he was thirteen, they all had except for one, and in return, they had all forgotten about their past. But who were "they"? He could not remember anymore, all that he could remember was the painful loss of a loved one.
All of his childhood memories had been lost. He couldn't remember whom he lived with in that little stone orphanage by the sea, or even who had raised him. He couldn't remember how it came to be that he and Seifer hated each other so much. All he knew was that he wanted to be a SeeD, and now he had accomplished just that.
SeeD was Balamb Garden's elite mercenary force. They worked as high paid mercenaries usually assigned to help aid resistance movements or protect citizens. To be admitted into SeeD, one has to be at least fifteen and no older than nineteen, for when you reach the age for twenty, whether you graduate or not, you must leave the Garden unless you have achieved SeeDship, then you were allowed to stay as long as you were a member. You must pass a written test then take part in a field exam, usually where the candidates are accompanying a group of SeeDs on a mission. It is very difficult to pass for the many regulations one is graded on makes it almost impossible to be admitted into the organization. Though the true reason why SeeD exists is still unknown. But he would find that out soon in a turbulent course of chain events in the near future.
His field exam was earlier that day in the afternoon. The mission: to free the country of Dollet being attacked by Galbadia. Galbadia was the superpower of the West. It had conquered many local countries and was now growing into a large all-powerful nation. But now it had its sight set on the old empire of Dollet. When they had assembled in the lobby for their team groupings Squall was bitterly disappointed. Much to his dismay, he was put on the team with the loud-mouthed and quick-tempered Zell Dincht, the martial arts expert. But even worse, the captain of his squad, Squad B, was none other than the man who had so generously given him the scar that would haunt him for the rest of his life… Seifer.
He had to bite his tongue and follow the orders of this arrogant and snotty blond that was one year his senior. When they arrived at their destination and followed orders as told, securing the Central Square, all was quiet. They waited and waited until finally Seifer ordered them to move out and abandon post. Knowing that this was his pig-faced captain's order, he followed, not wanting a bad grade on his exam, and also party because he wanted to wreak some havoc. So the team followed Seifer to the Communications Tower where they had heard gunfire. But as they neared it, they realized that it was a nesting ground for monsters. After fending off a couple of weak monsters such as caterchipillars and anacondurs, they reached the tower. As they watched some soldiers head on in, Seifer began to talk about his dreams, but Squall steered away from that subject, wanting to keep all of his information to himself. Then Seifer ran inside, leaving the two boys standing out on their own on the cliff overlooking it.
Then they heard someone calling out to Squad B. They turned around and saw a spunky and petite brunette run towards them then stumble down the rocks. It was the same transfer student from Trabia Garden that Squall had reluctantly showed around that morning. Her name was Selphie. She was a messenger and needed to talk to the squad captain. They ran on inside to find that the Galbadians were repairing the old obsolete mechanism. They took a lift up and when they reached the top, they were confronted by a captain and lieutenant of the Galbadian army names Biggs and Wedge. They would later turn out to be constant thorns in their side. They fought them, but in the middle of the battle, a large monster called Elvoret that had been nesting in the broken-down tower, flew down and swept away the two men. They fought the battle as well as they could and defeated the creature.
Finally Selphie could give her message. It was an order to withdraw at 1900 hours. That meant that they had half an hour to get to the shore before the ships that took them there left without them. Seifer, being the stubborn brat that he was, abandoned them and took the lift down once again leaving them. They followed after him to head back to the beach.
But as the trio stepped out of the door, they heard a screeching metal noise before the X-ATM092, a spider resembling killing unit nicknamed the "Black Widow" that never stopped until its target was destroyed, jumped down from the roof of the tower and landed in front of them, forcing them into a battle. It was a long and tough battle and they watched their precious minutes tick by. But finally they managed to damage it enough using thundara spells and the GF Quezacotl that it momentarily collapsed, giving them a moment to escape. They ran off but soon they heard the metal scrapes of its eight legs lumbering after them. They managed to escape it for a while but had to fight it once more as the minutes were down to the bare minimum.
Just as they reached the sand along the beach, it rose again and lumbered after them with more vigor than ever, determined to destroy its target. Squall had tripped and fallen over a ledge, left behind as the huge mechanical demon chased after him. Using all of his energy, he sprinted towards the leaving ship and leaped for the open door just as the monster neared the ship. It looked like he wasn't going to make it, but the amazing Quistis, SeeD at the astonishing age of fifteen and instructor to Squall and his classmates at seventeen, manned the ship's machine gun and pelted the metallic beast with bullets until it fell to the sand in a contorted, fiery heap, giving the ship a chance to escape.
Now he was standing all-alone in a corner of the ballroom on the second floor dressed in his new official SeeD uniform and leaning against the wall, quietly sipping his champagne at the Inauguration Ball, lazily looking about at the people milling around the crowded room enjoying themselves. The only four people to pass the exam were him, Zell, Selphie, and some other boy whom he couldn't remember the name of, or for a matter of fact, care. He had been pestered by Zell and Selphie just moments ago but shook them off when he ignored them and continued to take in the cool, sweet drink between his lips. Now alone once again with just his thoughts, he stared up at the velveteen night sky above the glass skylight, catching the sight of a lone shooting star streak against its dark stretch. As he looked down, his heart skipped a beat at the sight he saw.
There across the crowded dance floor was the most beautiful thing he had ever set his eyes on. His heart beat wildly at the sight of this lovely beauty staring up at the star dotted sky, mesmerized by same star that he had just looked upon. She pulled her eyes off of the night's dazzling artwork and turned around, just to catch sight of him staring at her. She smiled and pointed a dainty finger up at the sky where the star they had both admired had been. He cocked his head slightly to the side and watched as she lightly wandered over to him… into his heart.
'What is this I'm feeling?'He didn't know what it was. Was it love at first sight? His heart had nearly leapt out of his chest when he saw her smiling at him. Now she was gracefully making her way towards him, her raven, shoulder-length hair waving gently with her movements and her ivory dress shimmering in the soft chandelier light, tantalizingly brushing against her thin thighs. He tightened his grip on the glass of champagne in his hand as she reached him. He watched her curiously as she put her hands behind her back and leaned the top half of her body towards him, looking up at his face, studying his features. He felt his breath increasing as her angelic eyes studied his face.
"You're the best-looking guy here. Dance with me?" Her voice was sweet and melodic, a graceful and soft song that weaved skillfully through the air. The sound of her voice was alluring and bewitching, casting a spell over him. He could feel a knot grow in his throat and he tried to swallow it, but to no avail. So he lifted his glass and placed the rim to his lips, taking in the champagne in hopes that it would wash away the barrier blocking off his voice. But she mistook it as if he was trying to brush her away, which was the last thing that he wanted to do.
"Oh I get it. You'll only dance with someone you like, huh?" He looked away from her, hoping that she didn't see the look of nervousness spread across his face. He breathed deeply, trying to calm down his racing heart.
She put a perfectly manicured finger to her lips as she frowned, thinking. Then she clapped her hands together, a smirk on the corners of her lips. She reached over to him, and with her hand, turned his face toward her, startling him. Then she looked at him seductively and began to twirl her hand him front of his eyes as if attempting to hypnotize him while chanting.
"Look into my eyes… You're going to like me… You're going to like me…"
But she didn't need to try to hypnotize him. He was already enthralled by her sheer beauty and grace.
She stepped back and cocked her head at him teasingly. "Did it work?"
He breathed nervously and finally broke the shield between him and his voice. But when he used it, it was shaky and uncertain.
"…I… can't dance." This wasn't exactly true. He could dance, and he was quite good at it too. But he never had to dance with such a vision of beauty before and he was afraid of what his nervousness would do to his ability. It was better to not experience, rather than suffer the humiliation when you mess up. That was what he thought when he uttered those words.
She smiled at him playfully and shook her head.
"You'll be fine. I'm looking for someone. I can't be on the dance floor alone." With that she placed her delicate hand on his arm. He held his breath as she roughly tugged him out onto the center of the dance floor. He was clumsy, nervous and afraid of the new and strange feelings that he was experiencing. He swallowed the lump in his throat as she placed his shaking hand on her slim waist and took hold of his other in one of hers, while draping her free arm on his shoulder. He could feel his body quiver as she pulled him closer to her.
She began dancing and leading him along, but in his nervousness, he was extremely klutzy and was tripping over his own feet and almost on hers. They danced around a bit more until she pulled away from him in one of the dance steps and swung back. But he had forgotten the dance in his confusion of feelings and swung back a little too hard, stumbling onto her. Completely horrified and humiliated at what had happened, he let go of her delicate frame and shook his head, slowly walking away intending fully to go back to his little corner and hide in shame. But she ran after him and pulled him back towards her, resuming her graceful movements as he watched her twirling around him. As they waltzed around, she was like a little gentle flower blossoming in the shade of a growing tree. Her petite frame of barely 5'3" was shadowed in his lanky height of 5'8". Just as he was relaxing a bit, carefully watching his feet just to make sure he didn't tread on hers, they bumped into a couple dancing nearby. Abashed, Squall just backed away looking at the couple with a pleading look in his eyes. He was amazed when his partner wrinkled her nose and stuck her tongue out at them, as if chiding them for ruining their little moment together.
Soon, dancing came naturally to him and he felt like he could do anything by her side. Their bodies moved synchronized with each other as the ethereal waltz flowed through their ears. A strange feeling was coming over him… he wanted to trust her… he wanted to tell her about all of his dreams… he was falling in love with her. They pulled each other close and as if on cue, bright beautiful fireworks exploded above them dotting the calm night sky with flashes of vivid color. Squall was sure that he felt those fireworks explode in his heart first as it jerked inside of him. Unable to speak, he could only stare at the blast of light, dreaming of the stunning girl that he held in his arms. He looked down at her, an enchanted look glowing in his eyes. But it soon faded and all he could do was merely gaze after her as she flounced away from him, taking the shattered ribbons of his heart with her. He felt his heart sink to the bottom of his being. He didn't even get her name, and now he would never see her again, her pleasant memory being the only thing that he had left of her magnificent appearance into his cold and lonely life.
That night Squall returned to his new dorm assigned to him when he reached SeeDship. He hastily pulled off his uniform and slid into bed, pulling the covers over him, snuggling into their soft warmth. But all that he could think of was holding that beautiful girl he met that night in his arms and feeling her soft and warm body against his. He sighed and closed his eyes. He couldn't figure out the new feelings he felt, but he knew that they would never be satisfied. He scolded himself for not asking her what her name was. Maybe if he had, he could have had a chance to see her again. Just to see her once more… to see her pure and innocent features… to hear her soft and melodic voice… to feel her arms around him again… He tossed and turned as his mind filled with a new sort of agony, one he had never felt before. The agony of losing someone before you even had a chance to meet them.
Author's Note: Well, what do you think? If you like it, please review and I'll post up the next chapter as soon as I'm finished with it. Please no flames. I'm new, so be nice.
