A/N: I know I've been on hiatus for a while and it's because I've been battling the worst writer's block of my entire life.

I feel like I've pretty much abandoned all of my wonderful reviewers and for that I would like to apologize.

I've been attempting to write all kinds of stories (even stories for different fandoms) and just nothing has worked.

This story was intended to be a 3,500-5,000 word one-shot but I decided to break it up into two parts.

I haven't posted anything in multiple months so I just wanted to post something.

This chapter is shorter than my typical chapter, but hopefully it's still enjoyable.

I'm praying that this story will cure my writer's block and get me out of my funk.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything associated with Stephenie Meyer's characters.


Second Time Around
Emmett's POV

I haven't had any contact with James in three and a half years; I didn't visit him in jail, he didn't call and neither of us wrote each other letters. We were having trouble in our relationship long before he got arrested so I'm not surprised at the way we drifted apart. James is getting released today and his sister Alice is throwing him a 'Welcome Home' party/BBQ. The only reason that I'm going is because Alice is an absolute doll and no one can say no to her. I can't explain why my hands are shaking as I park my car across the street from Alice's house. I hear music coming from the backyard and that's where I assume everyone is. Alice smiles at me and she jogs over to give me a hug.

"You made it! I'm so glad that you're here!" She shrieks.

"I wish I could say the feeling was mutual," I mumble.

"Look, I know that my brother wasn't very good to you, but he's going to be happy to see you," Alice tells me.

I look around and I'm going to ask Alice where he is, when suddenly I see him. He looks almost completely different than how I remember him. He still has soft features that are almost delicate, but he looks masculine at the same time. His once short dirty blonde hair is now just past his shoulders in a messy ponytail. He has more stubble than I'm used to seeing and he looks burlier, rougher. I watch him interact with his family and he looks genuinely happy. I almost feel like an intruder and I turn to leave, but Alice stops me just in time to see James walking in our direction.

"I can't thank you enough for doing this for me Ali," James expresses gratitude.

"You're my big brother; you know that I'd do anything for you," She replies with a bright smile.

He turns toward me. "Wow. I didn't expect to see you here."

"I um…well…your sister invited me and I couldn't disappoint her," I manage to get out.

"Regardless of why you came, I'm really glad that you showed up," James says as he envelops me in a hug.

"Uh…I…um…" I stutter stupidly.

"Do you think you can stay around for a while? I have something to give you when everyone leaves," He wonders.

"S-Sure," I answer shakily.

"Great," James responds with a smile as he walks away.

"Cat got your tongue, Em?" Alice teases.

"Shut up," I retort.


I forgot how much James' family used to feel like my relatives and it's really nice catching up with everyone. His mother Victoria adores me and she still views me like I'm a part of her family. I help James' dad Riley grill some meat and we talk about what we've both been up to since we last saw each other. Hours pass and everyone starts leaving because it's getting late. I say my goodbyes and I start helping Alice clean up the yard when James taps me on the shoulder.

"Can I talk to you inside?" He asks.

"Yes," I answer a bit reluctantly.

Alice gives me a thumbs up and a reassuring wink. I just roll my eyes and follow James into the house. My palms are sweaty and I chide myself because I don't know why the hell I'm so nervous. I've been down this road with James plenty of times; we break up, we make up, I trust him, he hurts me, I forgive him and then he does something to break my heart. I'd be a fool if I expected anything different. He goes straight toward the closet when we're in his room and he hands me a shoebox.

I raise a brow in confusion. "What's this?"

"All of the letters that I wrote you when I was in jail; I was too chicken shit to actually send them," James explains.

"You never were the best with words," I recall.

"Exactly and I'm not good at being vulnerable either," He adds.

"Vulnerable? I wasn't aware that you knew how that felt," I harshly state.

"I was in jail, Emmett. Do you think it was a walk in the park for a guy like me?" He rhetorically asks.

"I'm sure that you were kind of defenseless in there, but your heart is too cold to actually feel weak and exposed—"

"I guess some things never change, you're still trying to tell me how I feel. You don't know shit about what's going on with me," James snaps.

"That's the whole fucking point! You never let anyone know how you feel about anything!" I counter.

"I'm sorry that I'm not sensitive enough for you. Would you like me to cry? Maybe hold your hand and sing Kumbaya?" He mocks.

"I'm not asking that you grow a pussy all of a sudden, I just wish that you would show more emotion than a brick wall," I clarify.

He takes a deep breath. "Just take the box and leave. Read the letters or don't, I don't really give a shit."

My grip tightens on the box as I turn to leave. My emotions are all over the place and I'm feeling so many things at once. It may seem a bit out of place, but I mainly feel relieved. For years I've wanted to get some kind of reaction out of James and I finally got one. Normally James was like a robot, I didn't think he was capable of showing any intense emotion. He never even expression anger when we were arguing. I tell Alice goodbye on my way out and I run to my car before she can track me down and interrogate me about the conversation that I just had with her brother.


I place the shoebox on the kitchen table, grab a beer out of the refrigerator and then walk into my living room. I turn the TV on to ESPN, take a few sips from my bottle, put my feet up on my ottoman and I just relax. I'm not really paying attention to the highlights and I get up to get a few more beers out of the fridge. My eyes land on the box and I'm curious so I take it with me back in the living room. When I take the lid off, I'm surprised that the box is overflowing with neatly folded letters. I'm not sure where to start so I just pick a random letter from the middle of the stack. It was dated about two years ago.

Dear Emmett,

This is literally the thirty-fifth time that I've written you and it's a shame that you'll never receive this one or the other thirty-four letters. You probably think that I'm fearless, but the thought of you reading this letter scares me shitless. Actually, it's your reaction to reading this that frightens me. I know that you love me, well I know that you loved me at one point in time. A lot has changed since then and you may no longer feel the same way.

It would be completely understandable if you decided to no longer care about me, but I admit that the thought of that hurts me. I bet you didn't think it was possible that I could feel emotional pain. I've never been good at expressing my feelings so I don't. I put on an unfeeling mask hoping that no one can see past the façade. Of course, you see through me as if I'm made out of glass.

Other than Alice, you're really the only person that truly loved me despite all of my faults. You're either crazy for ever loving me or you saw some kind of redeeming quality in me. There once was a block of ice in the cavity where my heart should be, but you changed that. Little by little, you melted the ice surrounding my heart and I began to feel. I wanted to give myself over to you completely, but I just couldn't.

I was terrified of being hurt and rejected by you. I was afraid that if I opened up to you… I'd get completely lost in you and that I'd need you too much. That's my biggest fear; needing you more than you need me. I know that you don't need me, but Emmett, I fucking need you. I want you too. I know that I never showed the depths of my feelings and for that I apologize. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong and secure enough to show you that your feelings were reciprocated.

I was always in denial about my feelings for you, but I'm not anymore. I'm being completely honest with myself and others from now on. It took losing you and being without you for me to realize how much you mean to me. I've never met anyone who has affected my life the way that you have. I've only said the "L" word to relatives so I'm very inexperienced when it comes to using the word. Hell, I'm not even sure I completely know what it is, but I definitely think that I have a good enough idea.

You taught me how to love simply by loving me. I love you Emmett Justin McCarty and I hope that I'll get the chance to tell you that to your face some day.

Love, James.

A few tears leak from my eyes and land on the letter. I don't even bother drying my eyes, I just let the tears fall. I'm in complete and utter shock. Truthfully, I never thought that James would come close to returning my feelings. Just for good measure, I pinch myself to make sure that I'm not dreaming. I can tell that this letter was really difficult for him to write because of all of the crossed out words and rips on the pages.

I finally stop crying and I can already feel the headache approaching. I read the letter again and it's even sweeter the second time around. I'll admit that I'm a little doubtful though. Part of me wonders if he wrote this letter on a whim and has changed his mind. James changes his mind more than some people change underwear so it's a very real possibility. I do believe that he is lonely without me and I fear that's where his love is stemming from.

I'm really just not sure that this love James claims he feels is coming from a pure and genuine place. I don't want to be heartbroken and disappointed, so I'm not letting myself feel hopeful just yet. I do applaud James for at least writing his feelings down. It took a lot of courage for him to finally be honest with himself. I'm praying that he won't get scared and go back to putting up his defenses.

I'm tempted to find a letter dated after the one I just read, but I can't. There might be a letter in that box where he recants every declaration in this letter and I can't handle that right now. I haven't felt a sliver of optimism about my relationship with James since it started and I'm not ready to let go yet. It feels good to not feel completely hopeless about James. I stuff all of the letters but one back into the box and close it. I roll onto my side and clutch the letter tightly to my chest. As much as the idea unnerves me, I know that I'll only get closure if I talk to James in person. I close my eyes and pray that I'll be strong enough to deal with another broken heart if he rejects me.


A/N: I don't know when I will have the second part posted, but I will do my best to not make all of you wait for like three months.

As far as my other stories go, I'm also not sure when I will have any of those chapters finished and posted.

I'll be starting college next month and I won't have as much time to write, but I'll probably want to write more, which means, I'll find some time to write.

I know everyone has already been patient with me and I'm forever grateful for that, but I just ask that you be a little more patient until I can get things worked out.

I look forward to reading all of your reviews and I want to thank all of you that have stuck by me for this long, it's very much appreciated.