HUSH-A-BYE SAMMY

Chapter 1: Hush little Sammy don't say a word:

Sam scuttles backwards as Dean steps into the room of his apartment.

"Dean? What are you doing here?"

"I was in the area and I thought I'd drop in for a beer," Dean replies casually.

Sam's eyebrow furrows in concentration wondering how to answer. He smiles in the end and decides to play it casual. No sudden moves or twitches to show Dean he is nervous.

"Sure man," Sam says while opening the fridge and reaching in for two beers.

His stomach plummets when he spots a baby bottle sitting in the first shelf. He pauses for a second and then ignores it, reaching below for the two beers. He turns around and hands one to Dean, watching as Dean easily pops the cap off his. Since Sam does not buy twist off bottle caps, this one you need a bottle opener to open it, but Dean uses his silver ring as he has done on previous occasions in the past.

Sam is still holding his beer unopened, feeling a bit awkward as he realizes he never drank in front of Dean before. He was never old enough. Christ, he left when he was eighteen to go to Stanford, so of course. And then not even when he went to some frat parties.

Believe it or not, Sam hates breaking the law and he knows he was underage to drink. Not to mention his upbringing unconsciously would not let him take that first drink at nineteen, when he was passed a beer or an Alcoholic beverage. But then at twenty he met Jess and she taught him how to unwind and not be so uptight or too serious. So he experienced his first drink.

Sam is still fiddling with the beer bottle when he hears Dean clear his throat. Sam looks at him and Dean has his hand out to him. Sam has a look of confusion on his face before understanding Dean is asking for the beer bottle from him.

"Oh," Sam quickly passes the bottle to Dean. Dean uncaps the bottle for him and passes it back to Sam.

Sam for one split second almost fumbles with the bottle and drops it. Thankfully he catches it at the last minute with his left, but unfortunately ends up spilling some beer over the spout onto his hand.

"Damn it!" Sam huffs out, as he tries to clean it up with his sleeve shirt at the same time Dean reaches for the towel on the counter.

"Here." Dean reaches over to remove the bottle and wipe Sam's hands.

Sam realizes what Dean is about to do and quickly steps back. "I got it," he says indignantly.

But before Sam can grab the towel for himself, he ends up slipping on the spilled beer on the floor and lands flat on his ass. In the process the bottle once again slips from his hand and breaks to the left of him.

"Sam, don't move," Dean tells him and he leans down to help Sam.

"No, Dean, I got it," Sam attempts to get up and slips back down, slamming his left hand down on the broken pieces of glass on the floor. Sam jerks his hand up and hisses in pain.

"Sammy, I said don't move," Dean's tone takes on an edge

Sam drops his head down and holds his hand close to his chest, shoulder sagging in defeat and nods his head. He sits there as he hears Dean move around the kitchen, collecting paper towels, broom and dustpan. His brother makes quick work of the mess and broken glass on the floor. Once Dean makes sure there are no other broken pieces of glass on the floor, he stands behind Sam and puts one hand on his shoulder.

Sam tenses at first. Then he sees Dean lowering himself down to his right next to him, into a crouch, and places his arm around Sam's waist.

"Okay now we are going to stand up. Hold onto me," Dean instructs Sam.

Sam keeps his left hand still close to his chest but grabs on to Dean with his right and pushes up with his legs as Dean hauls him up. Before he can push away from Dean, Dean wraps his arm around Sam's waist and starts walking him to the bathroom in his bedroom.

Of course Dean would know where his bathroom is. He probably already knows the whole layout of Sam's apartment. Maybe the whole apartment building too.

Sam sits on the toilet seat and Dean stands in front of him.

"Let me see," he reaches for Sam's hand.

Sam holds his hand closer. "Dean, I got it. I can take care of it myself," he says looking down at his sneakers.

"Sam, now," Dean's tone is firm.

Sam relents and slowly pulls his hand away from his chest where he can already feel a wet spot on his shirt. Dean takes a hold of his hand gently and helps Sam open up his fingers which are curled closed at the moment.

There is a pool of blood in the cusp of his hand and now starting to drip over the side. Dean leans his hand over the sink and the blood drips out of Sam's hand into the sink.

Dean looks closely at his hand and sighs. "Okay. You got a couple of pieces of glass embedded in your hand," Dean tells Sam. "Where's your first aid?" he asks. Sam points to the top drawer of the sink counter. When Dean opens it up and looks inside, he looks at Sam like he's kidding. "You're joking right?"

"Dean, four years of no hunting! There was no need to keep half the stuff we kept in our bags. Especially for normal scrapes, cuts, bruises and burns."

"Stay. Don't' move," Dean warns and walks out of the bathroom, probably to go to the car and get the first aid kit he carries.

Sam groans and puts his head down on his arm that at the moment is lying across the sink counter.

Why? Why does he get all butterfingers around Dean?

Geeze it's like he converts back to that clumsy awkward child he once was. He has been living on his own for four years! The first year he had to shake that whole shy, scared little boy image he had built over eighteen years of living and growing up with Dean. There was no big brother to hide behind when being introduced to strangers, no one to make sure he ate, went to bed and woke him up to have plenty of time to have breakfast and get going to school on time.

It had been hard that whole first year. It was so ingrained in him that when he finished his last class for the day and walked out the building, he kept forgetting there was no Dean waiting for him outside. When he walked into his dorm, he missed Dean's voice greeting him and asking about his day. Nights were the worst. 'Cause he always had a routine set with Dean; in bed by 9pm and that was after he turned thirteen. Before it was 8:30pm.

Thank god he did not have to share a dorm with a roommate. His scores and full scholarship earnt him his own dorm. Otherwise he probably would have been thought of as weird when he would turn the light off at 9pm.

Yup. That whole freshman year he had to shake off a lot of habits and re-learn what normal eighteen and nineteen year olds do. There are still some things he could not let go; even Jess does not know some of his most embarrassing habits. Except the biting of his left thumb when he is stressed. She thinks it is adorable. Thank god he no longer sucks his thumb like he did his first year here. It would happen when he'd fall asleep and was stressing about a test or project due to many thoughts in his head. When he awoke the next morning after a fitful sleep, he would find the offending digit in his mouth, sometimes with drool pooling in the corner of his mouth.

He blames this bad habit on Dean. Crap, he was freaking trusting everything his brother did was right and best for Sam. God. No wonder some of the kids thought he was weird in third grade. Whenever he saw Dean he would just run up to him and jump in his arms. Not his fault he was small for his age so he was able to get away with this until fifth grade.

Flashback:

He was ten and still small for his age; Dean was fourteen; tall for his age and already developing that strong broad shoulders and chest. That would be the day Sam would get a dose of reality of his behavior.

Dean had shown up during recess. Sam as always excited to see his big brother ran to him and jumped up. Dean caught him and swung him around, tucking him in his chest. Sam was more than happy to lay his head on Dean's shoulder. He didn't mean to do the next move; it was just instinct as he rested his head, his hand automatically rising up and in went his thumb.

Sam would not know what happened after as he and Dean left the schoolyard; Dean had shown-up to his school to pick him up early. But when he got back the next day, it would be the worst day of his young life as he found out how he was with Dean was not the average norm with other siblings.

Ten year olds do not get hugs or cuddles from their older sibling. Or suck their thumb, as he would later figure out.

Sam sighs at the memory and kind of gets a lump in his throat remembering that was the first change in his life and different relationship with Dean.

He kind of regrets and misses that his ignorant bliss was taken away. He already knew monsters existed by then and was learning to hunt and research with his father and brother. But Dean and John had managed to keep his naiveté and innocence still intact. They trained him and taught him about certain monsters and how to do research. But in reality not really allowing him to go on dangerous hunts with them until he was fourteen. And only because he threw a fit.

Back to that awful day in 5th grade. He walked up to Steve and Ross during recess, his two best friends - or so he thought. They seemed to ignore him in class during the morning when he tried talking to them.

"Hey guys" he called up to them.

Steve and Ross were at the top of the Jungle Gym as Sam grabbed the lower bar to haul himself up.

"Go away, Sam," Steve called down to him.

Sam looked-up startled at Steve's voice.

And then Ross joined in. "Yeah, go away we don't play with babies."

Sam looked hurt and confused. He did not understand what he did wrong? The tone that Steve's voice took on when he said "baby", sounded like it was supposed to inflict pain or humiliation; and that confused Sam even more because he was Dean's baby. That was what his big brother told him every night before bed time. Was that wrong?

Before he could say or ask anything, he felt someone's hand on his shoulder and was spun around. Alex and his friends were surrounding him and Sam was pushed up against the bars.

"Don't you know babies are not allowed on the jungle gym," Alex jeered at him (Alex had always been nice to him too.)

"You should be playing in the kindergarteners' yard," David added.

Steve jumped down from the jungle gym and joined in, "Better yet he should be with the pre-schoolers'."

They all started laughing.

Sam felt his eyes start to fill with tears, but he was not gonna cry in front of them.

Alex noticed them though. "Hey guys, he's tearing up!" he said meanly.

"What's the matter? You gonna cry?" Steve teased "Baby gonna cry now?"

Sam bit his lower lip to stop it from trembling and looked down at the ground. Then it happened. The first tear slipped down his cheek and then the taunting began.

"Cry Baby Winchester! Cry Baby Winchester!"

Sam dropped to the ground and put his head on his knees to hide the cascading tears coming down fast.

Then he heard it. A low growl and then Dean was there next to him, arms around Sam and pulling him in. Sam threw his arms around Dean and buried himself in Dean's chest, sobbing. He then felt Dean's arm slip under his legs and he was lifted up from the ground. He clung tighter to Dean, his tears never stopping. He could hear Dean saying something to the kids around them, but couldn't hear him from his crying loudly into Dean. He peeked a little and saw them backing away and scrambling.

Sam reburied his head again. He could feel Dean walking and the next thing he knew, they were back in the motel and he heard Dean drop their school bags to the floor.

Then Dean was moving again and Sam could hear Dean open the door to the bathroom and then the running water from a faucet. He was still clinging to Dean, but only shuddering and hiccupping now. Then he felt Dean sit down and set Sam in his lap.

"Okay Sammy," Dean said as he gently pulled Sam away from his chest. Sam can see a big wet spot on Dean's T-shirt from where his face was.

Dean lifted up Sam's face and started cleaning his face. After cleaning his face, Dean reached over and turned on the water for the tub, waited for it to fill and then proceeded to remove Sam's clothes and lift him into the tub. Sam was completely plaint through it all. He needed Dean's comfort and warmth after what happened today, which he still didn't understand.

After his bath, Dean dressed him in his blue pajamas and tucked him in and read a story to him. He fell asleep to Dean's low soothing voice. And when he awoke again he was in the back seat of the Impala bundled up in blankets.

'So that's why Dean shown up early to pick me up', Sam realized. Dad must have called him and told Dean to go get Sam and pack everything up. It was dark outside from what he could see. He looked over to the front of the car and could see his dad and Dean.

Dean turned around as though he could sense him. He smiled at Sam. "Go back to sleep Sammy, it's late."

Sam sighed and burrowed into the thick blankets and started sucking on the pacifier that was in his mouth to help lull him to sleep. He was safe, he was in the Impala, with his father and brother and leaving, not having to worry about facing Steve and Ross again …

Present:

Sam groans at the memory. It is still vivid since it was such a turning point in his life. But he would remain clueless for one more year until sixth grade. But he did learn his lesson when he ended up at another school after that day. When Dean showed up to pick him up after school, Sam still ran to him but held back in jumping in his arms. Dean looked a bit confused, but accepted his little brother's hand when Sam held out his hand to walk together.

Flashback:

It would be when he met Ben two years later, in Arizona Middle School. Ben was cool and he had a big brother like Sam did. And Sam saw them get along great, but he noticed things too. Ben and Steph never hugged or held hands while walking. Also after Dean met Ben and considered him safe enough to let him go to his house to do a project together - Dean had detention that week and he needed Sam to be somewhere safe - Sam noticed how Ben and Steph interacted. Although they did greet each other when Ben got home, they parted ways and each went to do their own thing.

"Doesn't your brother make sure you do your homework first before you do anything?" Sam asked.

Ben peered at him like he was nuts. "No, dude. I'm responsible for that, not Steph. Besides he has his own homework and projects to take care of," Ben replied.

"Oh," Sam answered. "What about your after school snack? Aren't you hungry?"

"Duh," Ben replied again. "That's why we're going to the kitchen." They walk into a large kitchen. Sam felt a bit lost and confused as he watched Ben walk up to the double door silver fridge and open it. "What do you feel like? We got cereal and hot pockets. Frozen pizza. Or we can make sandwiches?" He looked over at Sam.

Sam was twisting the hem of his shirt looking down.

"Dude you okay?" Ben has walked over to him.

Sam wouldn't look up as he spoke. "I'm not allowed near any appliance that can hurt me," Sam mumbled feeling his face flame in embarrassment.

Ben studied Sam, his head cocked to one side. "Hey, um, have you ever made your own lunch or snacks?" Ben finally asked.

"Dean always has them ready for me," Sam replied softly.

"Oh well, wow. He must be a pretty cool brother to have time to make your food while still taking care of his own things," Ben smiled.

Sam finally looked up. "Yeah, he is," Sam beamed at Ben.

Ben chuckled at Sam's answer. "Well how about we work together making sandwiches for you, me, and we'll take one to Steph."

"Um, okay?" Sam agrees unsure.

"Hey, don't worry, I'll hand you the stuff. All you have to do is line them up on the counter. Sound good?" Sam nodded his head. Ben smiled again at Sam and he walked back to the fridge.

This time Sam followed. He stood behind Ben, and Ben handed him the deli meats; ham, turkey, baloney, and roast beef. Then cheeses; American, Cheddar and Swiss. Next the lettuce, tomatoes, onions and avocados. Last condiments; mayo, mustard and ketchup.

Sam looked at everything and looked back at Ben. "You put all this in your sandwiches?"

"Nah, just what I like. Um, like mayo and mustard, plus lettuce and tomatoes and of course, ham and turkey."

"What's the extra stuff for?"

"Well I wasn't sure what you like in your sandwich. But Steph, yeah he puts all of this in his," Ben smirks. "Okay. How about you spread the bread with the condiments and I build them?"

"Um sure," Sam replied uncertainly.

Ben looked at Sam. "You do know how to spread Mayo on bread right?" Sam's face fell and Ben felt guilty, remembering how Sam already said Dean makes their food for them. "Hey, no worries, I'll show you."

Ben grabbed a butter knife and grabbed some mayo on the knife and spread evenly on one side of the bread. He grabbed the mustard and squirted some on the other slice of bread and used the same knife to spread it.

He smiled at Sam. "See, that's it. Now your turn."

Sam hesitated a moment and grabbed the butter knife. He should tell Ben he's not allowed to use knives unless Dean's there, but Ben so far has been so cool about everything he doesn't want to keep piling more stuff on his new friend. Sam grabbed the mayo jar and does exactly like Ben did and spreads the mayo on his bread on both sides, then grabs the mustard and held it carefully upside down and squirts. Then he spread the mustard too.

He smiled really big at Ben, feeling something inside of him. 'I did it,' Sam thought, feeling actually amazing that he did something himself. "Now I'll do Steph's' bread too. You said he likes all three condiments on his, right?"

"Yup." Ben smiled and he felt for some strange reason pretty proud of his friend. He guessed it was because the way Sam was smiling like it was the biggest deal in the whole world doing something as simple as spreading mayo on bread. So he decided to show Sam how to build a whole sandwich right there and then.

When they were finished, there was a mess but Sam was grinning and more than happy to help clean up too.

Together they went upstairs to Steph's room and surprised him with his sandwich. Steph let them play a couple of video games and then Ben reminded Sam they need to work on some of the homework assigned to them.

Sam was thrilled and full of energy when Dean came by to pick him up and shared everything he did with Ben, especially making his own sandwich. He remembered Dean smiling as Sam babbled on while they walked down the street. Then he yawned. It was 6:00pm evening and knew Dean would have dinner waiting for him and then bath time and then bed time.

"Tired, baby?" Dean asked him.

Sam looked up at Dean and blinked owlishly at him and nodded. "Mm-hmm," Sam replied.

Dean chuckled and reached down and picked him up. Sam was more than happy to be picked up and held close to Dean. He wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and his legs around Dean's waist and rested his head on his shoulder.

They were four blocks down the street when Sam thought he heard someone calling to him. But he was just too tired to lift his head up. Dean stopped and Sam felt him turn around. What was Dean waiting for? Then he heard it, it was Ben's voice. It was closer now. And then Sam heard the tires of a bike braking right in front of Dean.

Dean felt Sam stiffen and started to rub his back to get him to relax, but Sam couldn't relax, not with Ben standing right there, watching them.

"Uh, I'm sorry to bother you guys, but Sam forgot this," Ben sounded like he was embarrassed.

Sam felt Dean reach out for something with one arm (the one rubbing his back) while his other arm still rested under Sam's butt, holding him up. "Thank you," he heard Dean say.

"Yeah, no prob. Sorry again." Then Sam heard Ben peddle off.

He felt himself relax after Ben left. "You okay, Sammy?" He heard Dean ask. Sam just nodded his head and went back to sleep.

Next day at school he was afraid to see Ben. Remembering fifth grade all over again with Steve and Ross, wondering if Ben was going to make fun of him because Dean was carrying him. When he saw Ben in third period, Ben just smiled at him and waved him over. Sam's heart was pounding as he walked over to Ben. But Ben seemed all right with him, just started to talk about their class project.

Ben and Arizona Middle school would be the best time and experience for Sam. But now that he thinks about it, it was probably the worst for Dean after Sam learnt stuff from Ben when Ben had asked him about his and Dean's relationship. Sam had asked what he wanted to know.

Ben had looked at Sam and was thinking how to answer and he finally said, "Call me crazy, but I think Dean is a little over protective of you. More than the average older brother."

Sam had gotten a bit upset arguing Dean just looks out for him making sure Sam was ok.

"Hey, I understand. I don't mean to make you upset. I just wanted you to know, uh, I don't know if you notice but, uh, most eleven year olds don't get carried by their older sibs. Heck my mom and dad don't pick me anymore. Just saying in case you didn't know." Sam was upset and he looked away. Ben felt bad for his friend trying to understand, so he tried again, "Look, it's none of my business, but why are you and Dean like, I don't know, more like parent and child?"

Sam bit his lip and replied, "Because Dean raised me since I was a baby."

Ben looked confused. "Wait what? That doesn't make sense. You and Dean are only four years apart? He'd have been just a babe himself, well a toddler, right?"

"I know," Sam replied.

"So then where were your parents?" Ben asked. Sam's eyes glazed over. 'Oh shit,' Ben thought. "You don't have to answer," Ben tells Sam quickly.

"No, its okay. It's just really hard to talk about it." Sam took a deep breath. "My mom died when I was just a baby and Dean was four."

"Aw jeez, dude, that sucks I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pried," Ben felt bad.

"No, that's okay, really," Sam answered. "Dean's been looking out for me ever since then."

"That's great. But, uh, what about your dad?" Sam looked away quickly. 'Damn,' Ben thought, 'I really have to stop putting my foot in my mouth'.

"He works really hard to keep Dean and me fed and clothed. And his job requires him to travel a lot. That's why it's always been Dean's job to take care of me."

"Wow. Your brother is like some kind of hero, huh?" Ben asked.

That made Sam smile big. "You have no idea," Sam said. If only he could tell Ben how Dean and his dad save people's lives on a daily basis.

Ben just replied, "Look, you know what? It's none of my business. If you're comfortable with your relationship with your brother, then who am I to say different, right?"

Sam studied Ben and said, "It's not the first time that someone found it weird how I act with Dean."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Last year in Oregon I had these two friends. I never really thought about how I love to be hugged and picked up by Dean. It's just always been normal for me." Sam went on to tell Ben what happened.

"Well those are jerks. Those aren't really friends," Ben told Sam.

Sam paused before he spoke, "No, I don't think they meant to be jerks. Just like you they didn't know how to react when they saw me and Dean." Before Ben could say anything else Sam jumped in again, knowing what he wanted to say and ask his friend, before he lost his nerve. "Look, it's like you said five minutes ago. You don't get carried by your big brother or parents. And in fact I'm guessing our whole grade doesn't either?" Sam asked.

Ben looked at his friend and tried to be honest with him. "Look, what do they know? Or me for that matter."

"But it matters, right? It's not normal, right?" Sam asked again.

"No, its not. But you shouldn't doubt your brother's love for you," Ben told Sam.

"I don't," Sam told Ben. "I just want to know what things are normal for my age."

"Oh jeez. I think you should be asking your brother," Ben told Sam.

Sam bit his lower lip and he turned his pleading eyes to Ben.

'Oh shit,' Ben thought, 'this kid is already three inches shorter than me, now with that look, he looks like a kicked puppy.'

"Please, Ben, I don't have anyone to ask. I know Dean loves me but I know he'll just tell me not to worry about it and move on."

"Uhhhh," Ben sighed and sagged his shoulders. "Okay, Sam. You can ask me anything."

They would stay in the area for two months and that was enough for Sam to understand certain things and also start rebelling for some independence. That two months with Ben and his brother Steph would be the stepping stone for Sam and by the time Thurman High school rolled around that would be the climatic point for Sam when he would start arguments for the first time with his Dad and then later Dean too. He didn't cross Dean too many times, because it was difficult knowing how much Dean had done everything for him and given up.

Present:

Sam lifts his head from his arm as he hears Dean walk back into the bathroom. Med kit in hand, Dean places it on the sink next to Sam's hand. His hand is still oozing blood and dripping in the sink.

Dean lifts Sam's hand and turns on the faucet again and lets the water run over, until it stops bleeding somewhat. He takes out the medical tweezers from the kit and proceeds to pull out the small pieces of glass from Sam's hand. Sam winces in pain and then hisses out when Dean has to go a little deeper.

"Sorry, Sammy,' Dean gently says. "I can put some topical anesthesia on it, so you don't feel the pain?" Dean suggests.

"No, it's okay, I'm fine," Sam replies. And then it happens, his breath hitches a bit and he looks away quickly from Dean, blinking his eyes fast. Because great now they're slightly glazed a bit.

"Sammy," Dean calls him.

"Hmm?" Sam turns around and faces Dean still blinking and gosh damn it; now his lower lip is trembling a bit.

What is going on with him?

Okay so maybe he missed this bit of attention from Dean these past four years. But that does not mean he has to fall apart at the first sight of Dean.

Dean watches him and carefully, gently reaches out to him, passes his fingers through his hanging bangs.

Inwardly, Sam flinches, but outwardly he relaxes and by relaxing he lets the first tear drop fall.

"S'alright, Sammy, it'll only hurt for a minute. Small sting and then I'll bandage it up. Then you can rest a bit."

Sam just nods his head, not trusting himself to speak. Dean reaches into the kit, pulling out a small spray bottle and sprays Sam's hand with it. Sam begins to feel it, the numbness covering the outer layer of his hand. Oh topical anesthesia, Sam thinks appreciatively.

Dean goes back to pulling out all the small glass pieces out of his hand once more. When he finished, he again washes Sam's hand, then applies some ointment on there. Then Dean grabs a gauze and surgical tape and bandages Sam's hand.

"There. All finished," Dean tells Sam.

Sam shakes his head and mumbles, "Thanks" and then gets up quickly. Too quickly, cause he almost lost his balance again. But stops himself and grabs onto the door, but not before Dean's arm already slips around his waist.

"Hey, easy there, Tiger."

"M'sorry," Sam hangs his head.

"For what?" Dean asks, confusion in his voice.

Sam glances at Dean and bites his lower lip and answers. "I'm being all clumsy and you're having to put up with it and take care of everything." Again, Sam thinks in his mind.

"Hey, that's my job. Looking after my pain in the ass little brother," Dean smiles.

He guides Sam to his bedroom. Sam notices Dean has drawn the curtains and has folded down the blankets.

"Dean, it's 3:30 in the afternoon. Why do you have the curtains drawn?'

"So you can take a nap," Dean replies easily.

"Uh, I don't need a nap, Dean."

"Yes, you do," Dean replies guiding Sam towards the bed.

Okay that does it for Sam. This is his home and Dean does not have a right to dictate him in his own home.

Sam pulls away from Dean at the last minute, trying to catch Dean off guard. But of course Dean was prepared for this little rebellion of Sam's. After all these years Dean can still read Sammy's body language and knew Sam was five minutes from throwing a tantrum.

He allows Sam to slip from his grip at his waist, but holds on to his bicep. Which he knows will infuriate his brother, but also tire him out cause he knows a tired Sam is a cranky Sam and this is for his own good.

"DEAN!" Sam yells (and here it comes, Dean thinks) as Sam maneuvers himself from Dean's grasp, but realizes Dean is still holding his arm. He pulls and twists, but could not for the life of him shake Dean off. He finally stomps his foot. "Dean, let go!" he huffs.

"Sammy, calm down," Dean's tone is calm but firm and this infuriates Sam.

"It's Sam! And NO, Dean, you don't get to tell me what to do anymore!" He starts pulling and leaning away from Dean, his feet dragging and slipping on the floor as he tries to wrench his arm away.

If anyone was to see this image from an outside point of view, Sam would look like a petulant child throwing a fit not getting his way.

Sam finally screams in frustration as he pulls harder. Why, Why, Why, why! Does Dean always manage to reduce him to this! No not this time I am a twenty-two year old senior in Stanford. I scored a one-seventy-two on my LSAT, he tells himself mentally. He huffs and realizes there are tears brimming in his eyes.

And that's the breaking point and Sam gives in to the anger, frustration and tiredness he feels and has been feeling welling up inside his chest (maybe for the past several months now?), gives into the turmoil of emotions rolling over him like a wave.

"NO, Dean! NO NAP! I"M NOT Tired! You can't do this, LET GO, Let go" Tears are now streaming down Sam's face as he twists and turns and actually tries to kick Dean. This frustrates Sam more as he reaches with his other arm to try and wipe them away!

"That is enough, SAM!" Dean's voice is loud and authoritative.

Sam freezes and looks at Dean and he has that 'Do not argue with me little boy' gaze. Sam drops his face and the fight goes out of him.

"Please, Dean, I'm not really tired," Sam whispers as he feels the tears still cascading down his face. "And Jess will be home soon."

"No, Sam. If you had bothered to play your messages as soon as you got home, you would know Jess is working a late shift today at the library."

"Jess is working late?" Sam bites his lower lip.

"Yeah, Sammy, so come on." Dean is standing next to Sam and wraps his arm around Sam's waist again, and before Sam can do or say anything else Dean pulls him in close and then lifts.

Sam is about to protest. But then Dean rubs his back and shushes him and Sam slumps against Dean's broad chest. His inner self actually delighting in the contact, comfort and care he feels at being taken care of again by Dean. He feels Dean walk towards his bed and then lower himself down on the bed, being careful not to jostle Sam in his arms.

He then lowers Sam on his pillow and Sam blinks tiredly back up at Dean who chuckles

"Not tired, huh?" He slips out from under Sam's legs and goes to untie Sam's sneakers, pulling them off and then reaches up to Sam's jeans and undoes Sam's jeans and proceeds to pull them off. He grabs a blue clean rag from the nightstand and wipes Sammy's face from all the tears and then has him blow his nose.

Throughout the whole process Sam is pliant, allowing Dean to undress him and cover him up with the quilt on the bed. He snuffles into his pillow and blanket and sees Dean reach over to the dresser next to Sam. As Sam closes his eyes, he feels something being pushed at his lips. He opens his eyes slightly to see what it is and then his eyes go wide and he looks up at Dean, wordlessly shaking his head 'no'.

"S'alright, baby. No one will know. Besides I know you miss it. Why else would you keep it safe at the bottom of your drawer? I know you still use it when Jess is not home and you've had a stressful day."

Sam whimpers as he feels the rubber part of the yellow pacifier against his lips. He's trying to break that habit and Dean is not helping. But if Dean had his way he'd still be with him and possibly John too.

"Please, Dean, I'll take my nap. I don't need that," Sam whispers.

"Sammy, open up now."

Sam sees Dean's face set, and he slowly parts his lips and Dean slips in the pacifier. And damn it should not feel this good. All his tension melts away and his mind coos inside himself, happy that Dean is here to take care of him and he can sleep knowing Dean won't let anything bad happen to him.

He blinks sleepily at Dean and Dean's face is all warm and full of love for him.

"Go to sleep, Sammy," Dean says as he runs his fingers through Sam's hair, massaging his scalp.

Sam shouldn't smile. But he does so around his pacifier and closes his eyes and falls asleep immediately.

As Dean keeps running his hand through Sammy's hair, his face changes and he gets this set determined look on his face. He knew it! Sam is still pretending to be something he's not and whether he like it or not Sammy is coming home with him.

He's been keeping an eye on his kid these past two years and seen the worn down and stress was wreaking havoc on Sammy's health and wellbeing.

Not to mention what he learned from John recently and that made it even more imperative that he takes Sam now to keep him safe. Dean will have to slowly bait his time and play his part well as he slowly but surely wrestles control back from Sammy.

Beside Sam's just a baby. Always has been, always will be. He does not know what he wants, he only thinks he does.