I have been working on this story for several months. I wanted to finish it before AOU came out and I came in right under the wire. No matter what happens in the MCU, I will always believe in Romanogers. Somewhere out there in the Marvel universe the soldier and the spy fall in love and they have a baby!

This story takes place after TWS and in this story Natasha knows who Peggy is. I didn't find it believable that Natasha (Knower of all things S.H.I.E.L.D) would not know who she was in TWS.

Also, in this story Natasha and Pepper have a good relationship.

I did not use a Beta so please forgive any spelling errors or grammar mistakes.

Fanfiction is a way for us to control the strings. If some of this story seems unbelievable or out of character, remember is it just for fun. In some cases this ship has consumed many aspects of life and controls just about everything. MARVEL has ruined my life! :)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters and no infringement was intended.

I hope you all enjoy it!


Chapter 1

Steve loosened his tie as he took a heavy seat on the end of his hotel room bed. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair and gently picked up the piece of paper that was lying next to him.

"In Loving Memory," Steve read the words across the top. He held the paper and stared at it for a long time. As far as funerals go, it was a lovely one. There were so many people there who had wonderful things to say. Of course they were all wonderful things; Peggy had been a wonderful person.

Steve knew he was never going to have a normal life. He had accepted that when Dr. Erskine had selected him for Project: Rebirth. He had sacrificed his own life to save everyone. It had all changed in almost the blink of an eye for him. He woke up and everything was different and he wasn't prepared for that. He still sometimes felt like he wasn't supposed to be in the modern world. Today was hard, and he felt as if he had been robbed of being a part of her life.

It had taken him several months to even think about calling or visiting Peggy when he found out she was still alive. He was scared of what he might find. He didn't want to spoil his memory of her, the Peggy he knew. He finally got the courage to go and visit her. Every time he went to see her it filled him with love and heartache at the same time. He was still in love with her. Steve had imagined that he and Peggy would live a happy life together and have children, but Peggy did all those things with someone else. Steve was happy for her that she had lived a full life, but it was a life she was supposed to have lived with him.

He had been looking for Bucky when he had gotten the call. He had dropped everything to make it back for the funeral. Now that it was all over, he felt like a hollow shell. He didn't want to face the feelings of loss because he knew it was a rather large dam that would come crashing down. He wasn't prepared to confront those feelings yet.

A knock on the door startled him. He rose and made his way to the door and looked through the tiny hole to see who was on the other side. His body relaxed when he saw her vibrant red hair. He pulled the door open and their eyes met.

"Hey, Steve," She said softly as she took in his expression.

"Natasha," He pulled her close to him and hugged her tightly. The door closed behind them as Natasha dropped her bag. The hug had caught her off guard but she wrapped her arms around Steve.

"I came as soon as I heard." She whispered. "I am so sorry."

He held her tightly, she smelled like a combination of shampoo and leather. Her tiny frame felt warm against him and he wanted to just stay there. Natasha let him hug her for as long as he needed. After a few moments Steve slowly released her but he held his gaze.

"Steve," Natasha placed a hand on the side of his face. "Talk to me." She was worried for him. She knew he had lost someone very close to him and she knew he would be upset but she didn't know how he was dealing with the lose. He just continued to look into her eyes.

"Can we not talk about it right now?" He asked quietly.

"If that's what you want." She replied and Steve took her hand from his face and held it tightly. He hadn't realized how much he had missed her and the warmth of her touch. It was just a simple thing, but it was already helping him. He had not voiced his feelings for Natasha to anyone. He wasn't sure she felt the same for him and he didn't want to risk the friendship that had blossomed in the wake of the Winter Soldier. She had tried over and over to set him up, help him have a relationship with someone, but he always felt guilty for any feelings he had for any woman that wasn't Peggy. It was always easier to just play like he wasn't interested in having a relationship than to explain his real feelings about it. He felt guilty for having feelings for Natasha. Now that Peggy was gone he didn't know how to move forward.

Natasha was watching him and Steve could feel his cheeks flushing red as he realized he was still holding her hand. He dropped it shyly and moved back. He pulled his suit jacket off and hung it up in the closet. Natasha quietly took a seat on the edge of the bed as it was the only place to sit in the small hotel room. Steve removed his tie and unbuttoned the top of his dress shirt.

Steve leaned against the small dresser, leaving an obvious distance between himself and Natasha. She was waiting for him to speak first. "What have you been up to?" Steve asked crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'd rather not talk about that." She raised an eyebrow and smirked at him. "You have any leads on Bucky?"

Steve frowned, "I had one flimsy trail that was practically a wild goose chase. Sam offered to keep looking while I came back for the…" His voice caught in his throat, "...the funeral." Steve cleared his throat and continued. "We decided to just come back together. I need some stronger leads before I leave again. I need some time to clear my head."

Natasha nodded, "That makes sense." She studied him, he looked tired. He looked lost, and almost disheveled. That was probably what bothered her the most. She hated to see him like this. Maybe if she could take his mind off things he could relax long enough to collect himself. She slowly rose off the edge of the bed and walked towards him. She gently pulled his arms free so they hung at his sides. She slowly began unbuttoning the buttons of his shirt, his muscles tense beneath.

"Natasha," Steve felt his face flush. "What are you doing?"

"I know you have a lot on your mind," She stood on her tip toes and held her face close to his, "Maybe I can help clear it for a bit." She tried to kiss him, but Steve stopped her. He pulled her hands away from him and shook her off and crossed the room. "Steve," Natasha immediately apologized. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry."

Steve just stood in silence. Natasha studied him. She felt anger and shame rising in her as she could see a look of pity across his face. "What?" She snapped.

"You don't have to do... that." Steve looked at her.

"Do what?" She asked.

"Look," Steve held up his hands. "Can we just forget it happened and move on?"

Natasha felt her jaw set in a hard line. "You want to give me a lecture on how I use my sexuality? Is that it? You don't approve?"

Steve shook his head, "Natasha. No, I just…"

"No!" She cut him off. "I'm sorry. I don't want to have that conversation Rogers." She made her way to the door.

Steve caught her by the arm and spun her around. "Natasha. Please listen to me."

She tried to pull her arm free, but knew he was too strong. "If you don't let go of my arm I will have to hurt you." She glared at him with hard eyes.

"Please, listen to me." His eyes were bright blue and piercing. "Please?" He added softly.

"Just spit it out Rogers!" She snapped back at him.

He took a deep breath and began to speak. "I don't want you to feel like you have to do.." He hesitated, "...to do those things... I don't want you to do those things to make me forget the heartache. I respect you." He paused, "I would want that to happen between us because we have feelings for each other and want to express them." Steve could see Natasha's expression softening. She did not resist when he gently placed a hand on her face and pulled her closer to him. Her eyes watched him as he hesitantly leaned down and gently kissed her lips.

Natasha was an expert in kissing. She had been kissed by more men than she cared to count, but none of them felt the way this kiss felt. It was soft, not invasive or demanding. This was not the same kind of kiss they had shared on the escalators. Steve was tender and confident. She closed her eyes and allowed herself this one perfect kiss. She moved closer to Steve and placed her hands on his firm back.

Natasha could not deny that she had feelings for Steve. They had experienced some intense situations when S.H.I.E.L.D fell and they had become closer. She had not ever allowed herself to entertain the idea of being romantically involved with Steve because she thought he deserved better. She honestly cared for Steve and had wanted to help him, but she had made a mistake in offering sex. She should have known that Steve would not have gone for that. She almost hated herself for immediately going to that and felt guilty as a friend that she didn't know him well enough to know what would help him. Her head was spinning from the thought that Steve wanted her to be more than 'just a friend' as he had so plainly put it during the drive up to New Jersey several weeks before.

Steve broke off the kiss and backed away from her. He ran both his hands through his hair and closed his eyes. "I can't believe I just did that…" He crossed his arms over his chest again. "I'm sorry, my head it so fuzzy right now." He backed farther away and hit the wall.

Natasha stood there in silence for a moment, and then made her way towards Steve. "Steve," She placed a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

His head snapped up and his eyes looked into hers. "I, uh…" She could tell he was conflicted but he ended up just saying. "I'm gonna take a walk." He pulled himself away and made his way across the room.

"Steve," Natasha tried to grab his arm as he went past her, but he dodged her.

"I just need to clear my head," He called over his shoulder, and the door shut behind him.

She was alone. They had barely been with one another for 5 minutes and Steve had and left. She took in the silence and decided to crawl onto the bed. She was so tired. She didn't want to deal with anything right then. Steve obviously needed some time to himself and she would let him have it. She stretched out and closed her eyes. It had been two days since she had slept and she had only intended to close her eyes for a few minutes, but she slipped into sleep easily.


She woke gently, not knowing how much time had passed. She oriented herself and remembered where she was. She scanned the room and pulled herself from the bed and made her way to the bathroom. She placed her ear to the door and knocked gently. "Steve, you in there?"

There was no answer, she slowly opened the door. The room was empty. Natasha pulled her phone from jacket pocket and sent Steve a text.

"WHERE ARE YOU?"

She waited and watched the screen until a message appeared.

"WENT TO GRAB SOME FOOD. I WILL BE BACK SOON."

She pulled her jacket and boots off and grabbed her bag from by the door. She made her way back to the bathroom. She wanted to take a shower and wash off the grime of traveling. She smiled when she studied the counters in the bathroom. Steve was ever the soldier, everything was neat and orderly. She turned the shower on and stripped off her clothes and dropped them to the floor. She stepped under the stream of hot water. The water pressure was weak but the heat felt good on her muscles.

Natasha finished her shower and turned the stream of water off. There was a gentle knock on the door as she wrapped a towel around her.

She cracked the door open and saw Steve's face flush, "...uh…," he stammered as he saw her standing there in a towel.

"Yes?" She smirked.

"I got some food," his eyes averted away to the floor, "if you're hungry."

"I'll be right out." She smiled to herself as she closed the door behind her. She dried herself off and pulled on some yoga pants and tee shirt. She towel dried her hair and allowed the damp curls to hang loosely around her face. She hung up the towel to dry and made her way out of the bathroom. Steve was seated on the side of the bed with the open take out containers in the middle of the bed.

He looked up at her and a smile flashed across his face, "You hungry?"

"Yes," She sat on the other side of the bed and crossed her legs, "I am starved. Thank you." Steve handed her a white take out box and she opened it to find a burger and fries. "Oh this smells so good."

"I figured this was safe. Who doesn't like burgers and fries?" He smiled, seeming to be in better spirits.

"Are you feeling any better?" Natasha asked as she took a bite of fry and studied his face. "You kind of ran off on me."

He nodded gently as he finished chewing his bite of food. "Yeah, I'm sorry." He wiped his mouth, "Like I said, I just needed to clear my head."

"Is it cleared?" Natasha asked.

"Enough," Steve replied. "I'm sorry for before. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

Natasha smiled gently back at him, "It seems you've had a little practice since our last kiss." She smirked back at him.

He blushed and his eyes became very focused on his food. They sat and ate in silence for a while. Steve finished his third burger and began clearing away his empty food containers. "You can really pack it away, huh?" Natasha teased as she closed her own empty box.

"Oh," Steve seemed embarrassed, "It's the serum. I have to eat a lot to..."

"I'm only teasing," Natasha interrupted him. "I've read your file. I know all about your high metabolism." Her words were meant to reassure him but they seemed to embarrass him more. "What?" She asked.

"It seems you know a lot more about me than I know about you." Steve replied as he dumped the trash in the can by the dresser. He made his way back to her, "You finished?"

She nodded and handed the empty container to him. "Thanks." He moved back to the trash can and threw it away. He leaned against the dresser, not sure if he should return to sit on the bed.

Natasha sighed and said, "You know I won't bite you if you come near me."

Steve seemed to be thinking things through in his head before he made his way back to the bed and took a seat and leaned against the headboard. They sat in silence before Natasha began, "Steve, I have somethings to say and I want you to hear me out before you respond ok?"

Steve gulped, "Ok."

Natasha watched her hands as she collected her thoughts, "I want you to understand why I am the way that I am. I was trained to use seduction so I could kill people.."

"I didn't mean for you to think I was judging you before, that was more about me than you.." Steve interrupted her.

"I asked you to let me finish." Natasha's eyes flashed a stern look.

Steve shrunk back, "Sorry. Go ahead." He waited for her to continue.

"I don't have a healthy understanding of love and intimacy." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "I was trained at a young age to use it as a weapon. I know that there is a difference between sex, love, and intimacy, not because I have ever experienced it myself but I can see it in other people's relationships." She paused, "I was married once. Did you know that?"

Steve was surprised, "No, I didn't."

"It wasn't love by any means," She explained, "Not that I really believe in love anyway, but it was arranged. I was never under the impression that he loved me and I knew I didn't love him, but it was the closest thing to a normal relationship I had ever had."

Natasha was quiet for a long time so Steve prompted her, "What happened?"

"He was killed." She answered quietly. "Anyway," She moved on quickly, "I didn't know what caring for another person really was until Barton found me and brought me into S.H.I.E.L.D."

"Oh," Steve raised his eyebrows, "So, you two?"

"No," She replied flatly. "I tried to sleep with him several times because that is what I thought I was supposed to do when someone showed the slightest interest in me, but he wasn't interested in me in that way." She cut her eyes towards Steve, "I care about Barton a great deal and he is very important to me, but we have never slept with each other."

The muscles in Steve's back seemed to relax a bit and Natasha smiled to herself. "It has taken me years to come as far as I have, but I still make mistakes. I don't have friends, at least I didn't...Now I have a few I like to think of as friends, and I was offering sex with you as a way to help you clear your head. I know now that it was a mistake and I'm sorry. I still have a long way to go." Steve raised his hand, but Natasha gave him a look to tell him not to interrupt her again and he remained silent. "As much as it would make me happy to be with you, not just sex, but to have a healthy relationship with you, I am certain that I couldn't keep my end of the relationship. Even though I care about you a great deal, you deserve better than me."

Steve quietly took Natasha's hand in his and shifted to sit up closer to her. "Natasha," he began. "You can't say that about yourself."

"You don't really know me." She snapped at him, "The things that have been done to me...The things I was forced to do...The things I've done." She felt a surge of emotions rise up in her chest. "You wouldn't say that if you knew...Steve," her voice now void of emotion, "I would prefer you not know that part of me. You will never be able to have the type of relationship you want or deserve with me. I am damaged goods and I know that, but I don't want you to think me uncaring. I am giving you my honest opinion, which I would hope you would understand."

Steve let his shoulders fall as he knew there was no more discussing it. Steve knew to stop pushing. "Ok," He sighed, "If that's what you want. I would still like to be friends?"

"That I can do," Natasha replied. She moved to pull the sheets down and slip under the covers. "Now, if you don't mind I am exhausted and it's late." Steve went stiff and just stared at her. "Oh, please!" She said over her shoulder. "I am not going down to the lobby to get another room. We can share a bed. No big deal." She snuggled into the pillow and closed her eyes. "Turn the light out will ya?" The lights went out and she heard Steve mumble something under his breath but she was too tired to care what it was a fell asleep quickly.

Steve sat on the bed until he heard Natasha's breathing even out and knew she was asleep. He lifted himself off the bed and went to the bathroom and got ready for bed. He made his way back to the bed and stood for a moment debating on whether he should sleep on the floor or share the bed with Natasha. He decided the floor was where he would be comfortable and pulled a pillow from the bed and a spare blanket from the closet and made himself a place to sleep. He stared at the ceiling for a while before he felt his eyes droop.

He opened his eyes and found himself in the graveyard. He had been standing there for what seemed liked forever, his hands and face were cold from the biting wind but he couldn't leave Peggy there all alone. He crouched down and placed the flowers that were in his hands on her headstone. When he caught sight of his hands he dropped the flowers. His hands did not look like his own. They were withered and soft. He caught sight of his face in the reflection of the headstone and fell back on the ground. He was old, his face was sagging and pale, his hair was grey and thin.

"Steve," Peggy's voice called to him and he looked frantically around the graveyard.

"Peggy!" Steve shouted, "Where are you?"

He looked around in earnest but could not find her. "I am waiting for you Steve."

"Peggy!" Steve shouted again. "I can't find you!" Steve spun around when he felt a firm hand on his shoulder and came face to face with the Winter Soldier.

"Bucky," Steve tried to speak to him but he felt cold metal fingers grasp tightly around his throat. Steve pulled up his weak hands to try and pry off Bucky's grip, but it was no use. He couldn't breath and he couldn't stop him. Bucky's face swam in and out of Steve's field of view.

"You deserve this." Bucky's voice was hollow.

Steve watched helplessly as the world around him transformed into that speeding train in the snowy mountains. Steve could feel the cold wind tugging him out as Bucky pushed him hard against the chest.

Steve felt a cry escape his throat as he plummeted from the train above.

Steve gasped for breath as he jerked awake. The room was dark around him and he was still on the floor with his legs caught in the blanket. His heart was pounding and he could feel sweat dripping off his face. He felt a soft hand on his chest and shoulder.

"Steve," Natasha's soft voice pulled him out of the fog. He turned towards her voice. "It's ok. You're safe." She was crouched next to him on the floor; Steve couldn't focus on her face. Everything felt fuzzy. Steve felt his stomach turn over and his mouth began to water. He pulled himself up quickly and ran towards the bathroom. He barely made it to the toilet before his stomach began to empty itself. Any food he had enjoyed earlier was forcing its way up his throat. Once his stomach was empty he slid down on the cold floor and tried to catch his breath.

Natasha appeared at his side with a small glass of water. "Can you sit up?" She asked softly. Steve nodded and she helped prop him against the wall, his bare legs extended and his arms loose at his sides. "Here," she placed the glass in his hand, "drink this." Steve obeyed and the cool water soothed his burning throat. He jumped a little as she placed a cool rag on his forehead. She ran the cloth down the sides of his face and placed it on the back of his neck.

They sat in silence for a few minutes until Natasha quietly asked. "You ok?"

Steve closed his eyes and replied, "No, I'm not."

"You want to talk about it?" She pulled the cloth off his neck and made her way to the sink and soaked it in cold water. She wrung out the excess water and sat back on the floor next to him. Steve caught her arm as she reached up to place the rag on his face again.

"Steve?" Natasha let him pull her hand to his chest and he held it tightly.

Steve tried to speak but only a sob escaped. He had not cried when he got the call, he had not cried at the funeral. He had not cried when he stood for hours at Peggy's grave earlier that day. All the unshed tears were now freely flowing down his face and he couldn't control them. His shoulders shook as he cried, and he cried for a long time.

Natasha just let him cry and held him close. After a while he slowly began to breathe easier but his eyes were red and his face was slightly swollen. Steve took a deep breath and wiped his face with his other hand. He cleared his throat and spoke softly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to break down on you."

"Steve," Natasha's voice was full of concern, "You just lost someone you care about and that is nothing to be sorry for."

A pained expression flashed across his face and Natasha lifted his face under his chin, "Steve, please tell me. Whatever it is, just say it."

He licked his lip and took a deep breath. "It's not just losing Peggy...it's everything. Bucky is out there somewhere, I can't find him. My friend is out there, confused and I can't help him. Now Peggy is gone, this piece of me from my old life and I couldn't be with her, she lived this wonderful life with some other person. I didn't get to be with her...and now she's gone...and I still love her…" His voice broke again, "I still love her and I feel guilty for having any feelings for anyone else…She is barely in the ground and I can't stop myself….I can't stop thinking about you." He felt more tears roll down his cheek.

Natasha was speechless. She had no idea that Steve was dealing with all that. "Steve," She began, "You feel guilty because you have feelings for me?"

Steve slowly nodded and then rested his head on his knees. Natasha didn't know what to say. She was not equipped to help him deal with those thoughts. She knew that Steve was a caring man and her heart ached at the thought of Steve losing the chance to be happy and then also feeling like he was betraying Peggy by having feelings for someone else. She wasn't sure she would know how to deal with those emotions and thoughts herself, let alone know how to help him. Natasha would just open a bottle and drink her troubles away, but she had read his file and knew that alcohol would not help Steve.

"I honestly don't know how to help you deal with that," She began, "but, you might at least feel a little better if you take a shower and get some sleep." Steve nodded. "Ok," She stood up and held her hand out to help him up. "Let's get you cleaned up."

She clumsily pulled Steve to his feet and turned the shower on and looked back at Steve. His hands were hanging limply at his sides and he was staring at nothing. She moved to stand in front of him and placed her hands on the side of his face. "Steve, it will be alright." She kissed his cheek and left the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

Steve stripped off his clothes, they were soaked with sweat. He dropped them to the floor and climbed in the shower. He stood and leaned against the wall and allowed the stream of hot water to flow over his head. He closed his eyes and tried to shake off the queasy feeling in his stomach. He hated nightmares. They made him feel out of control.

He lost track of time until he felt the water run ice cold. He turned it off and grabbed a towel. He dried off and wrapped the towel around his waist. He glanced at his pile of wet clothes and shrugged. He either had to put them back on or go out in front of Natasha in a towel. He sighed as he picked embarrassment over putting his wet clothes back on.

He slowly opened the bathroom door and squinted as his eyes adjusted quickly to the light. Natasha had turned the bedside lamp on and was perched on the bed. She glanced up as Steve came out of the bathroom.

"I'm just gonna... grab some...clothes," He gulped as he made his way to the closet.

"No need to be shy Steve," Natasha called. Steve blushed as he pulled out some fresh clothes. "I've seen you practically naked before."

Steve dropped his clothes as he spun around and cried "What?"

"You were asleep a long time after they pulled you out of the ice." She smirked.

Steve clutched his towel a little tighter as he scooped down to pick up his clothes. He could feel his face burning red, "Can't a guy get any privacy?" He stormed into the bathroom and closed the door behind him rather forcefully.

He got dressed and took a deep breath before he went back out. He exited the bathroom and made his way to the pile of blanket and pillows that were on the floor.

"Steve," Natasha began, "come up here with me." Steve stared at her in the soft glow of the lamp. "I'm sorry for what I said before. I was just teasing." She tried to lighten his mood. "Just come up here with me."

Steve face softened as he decided to take her up on the offer. He laid down and put one arm behind his head. Natasha curled up on her side and stared at him. "You want to talk about it?"

"About what?" Steve asked as he stared at the ceiling.

"Don't play with me." Natasha replied. "You know what I mean."

Steve sighed, "No, I don't really want to talk about it." Steve's eyes hardened. "Do you have nightmares?" He almost snapped the question off his tongue.

Natasha rolled over and stared at the same spot on the ceiling that Steve was staring at. "Every night." She replied quietly.

Steve's glance turned to watch her. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't pry." Steve apologized.

"No," She turned back towards him, "we all have our demons."

They were silent for a few moments before Steve began speaking quietly. "It was about Peggy. Not that it's surprising."

"You feel better now?" Natasha eyed him.

"Yeah," Steve replied, "A little."

He turned to face her and placed his head on him arm. They were facing each other and just stared quietly. Natasha cleared her throat and looked down at her hands, "Mine have been about children lately."

Steve studied her, "What do you mean?"

Natasha brought her gaze up to meet his, "I can't have children. The Red Room. They took that from me too." She expected to see a look of pity in his eyes, but she only saw his brow crease. She couldn't discern the look on his face.

"Is that something that you want?" Steve asked.

She was caught off guard by the question. She thought for a moment, and then replied, "I didn't use to...but now there is a part of me that wants that." She paused. "After what happened to S.H.I.E.L.D. I no longer have any place to go where no one knows who I really am. Not until I secure some new identities. How could I keep a child safe in the middle of all that? But I look at Peggy. She started S.H.I.E.L.D and also raised a child. I don't even know where those feelings are coming from. It has never been something I wanted. I'm not sure I am cut out for motherhood anyway, but there is a part of me that wants it so badly that it hurts sometimes. I just crush it down like everything else." She could feel a warm tear welling in her eye. She had not expected to show this side of herself to Steve but she couldn't stop it now.

Steve propped himself up on his arm and extended his other hand and gently took Natasha's chin in his hand to pull her face of towards him. "I think the greatest thing a woman can be denied is the opportunity to be a mother if she wants to be. I am sorry that we live in a reality where we can't have normal lives. That we can't have normal relationships and families. I hope that someday you get to have everything you want." Steve wiped the tear from her cheek with his thumb. "You say that you and I can't have a normal romantic relationship. I agree with you, but I think that you and I could have a romantic relationship that will work for the reality we live in. We have…" He paused, "...we have shared life experience." He smiled softly at her.

She felt a smile creep across her lips. Steve leaned down and Natasha left him press a soft kiss to her lips. Natasha felt a warmth creep across her body and butterflies in her stomach. She allowed her thoughts to wander. She didn't want her mind to be made up completely on her physical reaction. Steve was magnificent. He looked like he had been sculpted from stone, but he was also a beautiful person. He was probably the best man Natasha had ever known if she really thought about it. She was not denying that she was physically attracted to him, because she was. She didn't want to hurt Steve. That was important to her. She didn't want to put her needs and wants above his. She tried to clear her head. She leaned closer to Steve and opened her lips allowing their kiss to deepen. Her hand came up to his neck as his moved down to her hip. Steve let out a quiet moan as Natasha parted his lips with her tongue and pressed her body firmly against his.

Steve suddenly became very aware of the fact that Natasha was only wearing a thin tee shirt and he could feel her breasts pressed firmly against his chest. Steve broke the kiss off as Natasha's hand trailed down his back giving him goose bumps.

"Nat," He gasped quietly. "Stop."

She cocked one eyebrow at him. "What? You said that you would only want that to happen between us if we had feelings for each other and we wanted to express them."

Steve's own eyebrows shot up, "Well...I...uh..." he stammered.

Natasha pushed him on his back and leaned over him, "Now, let me express my feelings." She leaned down and kissed him again, her body fitting onto his like a glove.

"Natasha," his eyes almost pleaded with her.

"What is it?" Natasha eyed him, her hair spilling over her shoulders. Had he changed his mind?

She allowed Steve to roll them back over so they were lying on their sides facing each other. "I know I am from another time, and that things are different now." Steve blushed, "I am not ready to do this tonight. I know you are, but I'm not." He seemed embarrassed.

Natasha nodded, and then realized something. "Steve, have you never done this before?"

He shook his head slightly, "No." She could see his ears turn bright red.

"There's nothing wrong with that." She replied.

"I hope you're not disappointed." Steve studied her face.

"I'm not." She smiled back at him.

"Good," Steve leaned over her and moved in for another kiss.

"I thought you wanted to take things slow?" Natasha asked.

"Kissing is slow." Steve smiled and leaned in a kissed her firmly again.


Steve slowly awoke, his eyes adjusting to the morning light. He reached his arm across the bed but found it empty. They had kissed and caressed each other until the wee hours of the morning. They had talked more about the fears that creep up on them in the night and held each other close. He had listened to Natasha fall asleep against his chest. He hadn't even realized he fell asleep until his eyes fluttered open the next morning. He could hear the water running in the bathroom. He pulled himself out of bed and made his way across the room and knocked on the door.

"Come in!" Natasha's voice carried over the running water. Steve cracked the door but only stuck his head in. "Good morning." She called from behind the flimsy shower curtain.

"Good morning," He replied.

"Care to join me?" Steve could hear the smirk in her voice.

"Another time." He replied. "You want to go get some breakfast?"

"That sounds great." She called, "I'll be out in a minute."

Natasha exited the bathroom half an hour later dressed in her usual black jeans and tank top. She dropped her bag on the bed and began to pull on her boots. She eyed Steve who was fully dressed and pulling his things together. "You get any sleep last night?" She asked.

"A little." He zipped his bag closed and dropped it on the bed beside her. She allowed Steve to lean down and place a kiss on top of her head. He turned towards the bathroom but she grabbed his arm and stood, pulling him towards her.

"Hey," She squeezed his hand in hers. She stood on her toes and kissed him gently.

"What was that for?" He asked.

"No reason," She smiled back at him. "Now," She swatted his backside, "get a move on. I'm starved!" Steve gave her a mischievous grin and headed into the bathroom. She grabbed her bag and made her way to the door and pulled it open and almost ran into Sharon Carter.

"Natasha," Sharon was holding a box in her arms and almost dropped it in surprise.

"Sharon," Natasha's hands shot out and steadied the box in her arms. "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

"That's ok," She smiled warmly.

"How are you?" Natasha gave her a warm look back.

"I'm doing ok." Sharon sighed.

"I was sorry to hear about Peggy." Natasha smiled softly.

"She was ready to go." They eyed one another for a moment then Sharon cleared her throat. "I was looking for Steve."

"Oh," Natasha moved to let her in, "Of course. Come inside."

Sharon moved past her to enter the room and Natasha followed and made her way to the bathroom. She knocked on the door softly, "Steve, there's someone here to see you."

Steve opened the door and slightly stiffened when his eyes fell on Sharon. It wasn't something anyone would notice, but Natasha saw it. "Hi," he said softly.

"Hi," She smiled back.

"Sorry," Steve began, "I didn't get to speak to you at the funeral yesterday."

"Please," Sharon shrugged her shoulders. "You don't have to apologize."

Natasha eyed them and suddenly wanted to get out of the room. She cleared her throat, "Steve I'll meet you outside." He grabbed her hand when she moved passed him. The night before that kind of tenderness would have sent a warmth across her chest, but in the morning light she felt overexposed. She removed her hand from his grasp and gave him a quick smile, "Take your time." She moved away from him, "Bye Sharon."

"Bye." Sharon nodded her head and Natasha felt a surge of emotion rise in her chest. She couldn't identify it so she just swallowed it and left them alone.

Steve motioned Sharon towards the bed, "Have a seat." He stood near the door.

"I have something for you." She took a seat and placed the box on the end of the bed. She couldn't help but let her eyes travel over the rumpled sheets in the bed, but she quickly moved back to look at Steve. "My Aunt asked me to give you this before she died."

Steve's eyes fell on the box on the bed. It was weathered and worn. A week after Steve had been released from the hospital Peggy had taken a bad turn and Steve had visited her again and was surprised when he ran into Sharon there. They decided to finally go get that cup of coffee and she spent an hour explaining herself. She had expressed that she took the assignment from Senator Pierce because she had grown up her whole life with stories of Captain America and she wanted to do her part to protect him. It had been a surprise when he found out that Sharon was Peggy's niece and at first it had made him even angrier with her that she had lied about who she was when they meet. Now that Peggy was gone he didn't know how to feel about the woman sitting before him. He wanted to offer his condolences because she had lost someone close to her, someone close to him. They shared that connection, but she had lied to him. His eyes moved from the box back to meet her gaze.

"Thank you," He didn't know what else to say.

"Steve," Sharon almost pleaded with him. "I'm sorry for what happened before, but I hope that you find some comfort and peace with the contents of this box. She wanted to you have this and I hope that you open it and look through it when you are ready." She stood, "I'm sorry things between us are strained but I will leave you with this in hopes that one day you can forgive me and we can at least have a friendship of some sort."

Steve felt guilt in the pit of his stomach, the better part of him knew he should forgive her and show some sort of comfort and he allowed it to spread through his chest. "Sharon," He stopped her as she reached the door. "Thank you for this."

"You're welcome." She grabbed the door and pulled it open.

"Be safe," he called out.

She turned over her shoulder, "You too." She smiled and then she was gone.

Steve's eyes fell back on the box on the bed. He moved closer to it, until he was standing directly over it. He felt frozen like he couldn't move to even open it. He knew he was being silly. It was just a box, but he feared the unknown. He forced his hand to reach out and open the box. He felt a surge of heartache when saw the box contained files, letters, diaries, and a framed photo. The photo was of before he had been given the super soldier serum. He instantly recognized Peggy's beautiful script on the outside of each of the letters. He picked one off the top and pulled it closer and he caught a whiff of Peggy's perfume and he felt memories and emotions rising to the surface. He put the letter back and quickly placed the top back on the box. He couldn't control himself as the tears began to fall again.


Natasha watched in the rear-view mirror as Sharon left the hotel lobby and got into her car and drove away. Natasha waited until Steve emerged almost 30 minutes later. She caught sight of his slumped shoulders and clouded expression as he loaded his bag onto his parked bike a few spaces from her. She pulled herself from the car and approached him.

"Hey," She slowly brought her hand to rest on the small of his back.

"It is ok to touch you now?" His words were quiet, but almost biting.

"What?" Her words soft.

"I just wanted to know if it was now ok to touch you." He turned to face her. "Before, with Sharon, it apparently wasn't ok to touch you. I reached for you and you pulled away."

"Steve," She looked into his face, "I…" But she couldn't find any words. She wasn't even sure why she had pulled her hand away from him. In the moment she hadn't thought about why Steve had grabbed her hand in the first place. He had obviously felt uncomfortable, she had noticed him stiffen; but, she had felt exposed and wanted to remove herself from the situation and she hadn't thought about what Steve needed. She had been selfish. It was such a small thing, but she had only thought of herself. She didn't know why it mattered to her if Sharon saw that familiarity between them. "I'm sorry." She pulled her arm away from him and placed them across her chest.

Any excitement she had felt the night before about having a relationship with Steve was now being replaced with doubt and regret. She knew she was broken and had told him that from the start. She had warned him that she couldn't hold up her end of the deal and she had not even made it a full 24 hours. Any shame or guilt she felt was replaced with anger and resentment. She couldn't be with him. She had decided right then that she needed to put an end to any fantasy she had about being with him. She raised her gaze to meet his. His eyes were not their normal piercing blue, but were dark and cloudy. She didn't want to hurt him and decided that this was not the time to discuss that with him so she forced her emotions down and became the Black Widow and used her skills to say whatever she needed to say. "Steve," Her voice was soft and sultry, "You're right. I shouldn't have left you before. I'm sorry. What can I do to help you now?"

Steve's stance shifted and he watched her. "Nothing," He softened and his shoulders slumped, "I'm sorry. I am letting my emotions cloud my judgement right now." He leaned in and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry." He kissed the top of her head. "My emotions are raw, but I shouldn't have made a big deal about it. I'm sorry." Natasha allowed him to hug her and even forced her arms to come up to his back and hold him tightly, but she did not to feel the warmth. "Let's go get you something to eat."

"Actually," She pulled herself from his grasp. "I've got to go."

"Natasha?" He looked at her.

"I got a message, I'm needed elsewhere. I can't give details." She leaned in to kiss his cheek. "Rain check."

"Ok," He followed her to her car and shut the door for her and leaned in through the window. "Be safe." He kissed her gently.

Her chest tightened as she tried to keep the warmth from reaching her heart. "Always." She started the engine and Steve pulled away from the car and watched her drive away.

Natasha waited until she was far from sight to allow any tears to shed. She knew she was broken. She had told him she was broken. How was she supposed to ever care for another person when she didn't even know how to care for herself? She would take a bullet for Steve without even blinking but she had no idea how to care for his emotions and to make sure she didn't allow her own twisted emotions and problems to harm him. Her training kicked in and she did not allow herself to feel anything romantic for Steve. She would have to have an unpleasant conversation with him later, but she would have plenty of time to figure out how to let him down gently before they saw each other again. Steve would grieve for Peggy and start back on his path in search of Bucky. Natasha allowed the windows down and pressed the gas pedal to the floor and pushed the engine to its limits and left the perfect night with Steve behind her.