THE NEVERLAND INFILTRATION

Summary:

Why is Petter Pan plotting to abduct...our Heero?

warnings: parody, humor, chibis, Merien, silliness (some death).

pairings: 2x1,1x2,3x4,4x3, peterpan x ? (for now)!

Disclaimer:

um... I don't own GW...or Peter Pan... I don't make any money from this... it's fun to pretend though lalalalala!

Chapter 1: Breach of Security

It was 1:57AM, and although she was exhausted and her tutu was proving to be a slight hinderance, she kept her focus. The small green fairy was bunkered down inside an empty pizza box and remained poised to army-crawl to safety at any moment (should the opportunity arise). What had started out as a routine errand had proved to be anything BUT the usual routine.

/How quickly the hunter became the hunted/ she mused at the embarassing perdicament she found herself in.

Her thoughts raced with plans to turn the tables and make this boy sorry he'd messed with her.

/...oh It's fucking ON!

Her pointy little ears perked up when she heard a soft click. She crouched and peered out of the box.

There was the boy, having flattened himself along the wall, he was silently inching into the room. She glared angrily at him. He froze as if he felt her eyes boring into him, but he appeared to be regarding the bookshelf near the window suspiciously.

/Foolish Mortal/.

She watched the boy, as he continued to secure the perimeter of the room. When he reached said bookshelf, the boy silently dropped into a crouch, out of the fairy's line of vision. Out of the corner of her small, flashing golden eye she caught sight of a shadow shifting, and she fell into her defensive stance (which included instinctively arching her back to make her wings look more impressive for battle).

An unnatural silence filled the room. Tinker-bell waited inside the greasy pizza box, but nothing else moved. The shadow must not have been Peter's. Tinker-bell suddenly felt very alone and very scared.

/This game isn't much fun/.

She climbed out of the box, careful not to make a sound. Now from her place on the table she could survey the room, including the floor.

/Ha! And you were worried. Clearly he went back to bed./ She tried to comfort herself, /Boys will be boys/.

The fairy glared dejectedly at the edge of the table and let out a sigh. Well, she started to let out a sigh when there was a click and instantly a sharp pain surging through her right shoulder. Clutching her wounded shoulder she whipped her head in the direction of the enemy fire to lock eyes with a very pissed looking boy who he was smirking at her from under some intense bed head. Panicking, Tinker-bell dove off the table.

/What the FUCK! It's official, this game SUCKS/

She flew haphazardly into the next room with more clicks echoing in her ears, but she realize with horror that that crackling noise was her right wing ripping.

-

Crouched in the dark, Duo Maxwell was using the side of the bed as a makeshift trench, having been launched into consciousness by a gunshot in the next room. He was on his knees, checking the chamber of his 9-mm from his bed side table, when a ball of green light shot into the room and lit everything like some kind of rabid, room sized, pinball game. It was darting around, shuddering violently, and spitting glitter in all directions.The light was closely followed by a smouldering Heero Yuy who stood in the door way firing at will, apparently trying to...uh... kill the light. Duo dove under the bed, as the light came plummeting toward him, but he didn't scramble away fast enough to escape being assaulted with glitter.

"Heero! What the fuck IS YOUR PROBLEM?" Duo screamed, but he was ignored. Heero leapt onto the bed and continued to train his gun on the winged insurgent. With the improved angle, Heero squeezed off a few more shots before the light sent herself crashing under the bed. Heero jumped off the bed, landing in a crouch, peering under in the bed, clutching his gun firmly with both hands, but he frowned when he realized he was aiming at a glittery Duo sprawled under the bed.

"Duo?"

"HEY! WELCOME BACK! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? What the FUCK JUST BIT ME?" There was no consoling Duo as he pulled himself out from under the bed. Heero climbed back up onto the bed and jerked his head, indicating that Duo should join him. The furious ball of light was blazing green as it crashed around underneath the bed. Duo needed no further encouragement to let Heero protect him, so he obediently climbed into bed next to Heero. Heero rushed to reload, "It's a radioactive-bat-insurgent."

Duo's mouth fell open and he arched a suspicious eyebrow, "Heero, baby.."

"What? You see it too! Don't you? I've been waiting." Heero gave Duo his angriest death-glare-TM.

"QUATRE! HEERO IS BROKEN!" Duo shouted.

"DUO! Stop yelling. I'm right here. Do I even wanna know why you're covered in...glitter?"

Sure enough Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei had all appeared in the doorway, obviously awakened by Heero's most recent round. Trowa stood with his hands stuffed in his pockets as he leaned over to look under the bed. The blazing ball of light shot out from under the bed and into the curtains, like a desperate sprint for the window, which of course was locked.

Wufei growled, "Clearly whatever it is, shooting it isn't very effective". He pushed past the other boys into the room. Drawing his Katana, Wufei approached the quivering curtains. Immediately Heero began to discuss strategy with his Chinese reinforcements.

Quatre gave Duo a concerned look, "...He said it was a radioactive bat?"

Duo nodded furiously, "And he bit me!"

"Heero bit you?"

"No the bat!"

"Maybe," Trowa interrupted, "it's a fairy."

"Oh! Do you think so, Trowa?" Quatre lit up.

Trowa shrugged.

"There's no such thing as fairies." Heero announced.

"Right, a radioactive back is a much more realistic conclusion" Quatre gave Heero a concerned look.

"I'm sorry Quatre, remind me. which one of us is the perfect soldier?"

"That's just an epithet! We're all excellent soldiers!"

Trowa coughed just then, but it sounded suspiciously like: "$100 on Heero".

"Trowa!" Quatre scolded.

Duo ran his fingers thru his hair while he said, "s'okay, I'll take Quatre."

"Duo! Do you even have $100?" Quatre scolded the American now.

"...uh... Quat... does the term "Zero System" ring any bells?" Duo asked.

"WHAT? Heero! We shouldn't be fighting at all." Quatre was starting to sound like he might cry and he wanted to bring a quick conclusion to this conversation.

Heero was also interested in closing this debate. "It doesn't matter what is is. Nothing that comes in this house leaves alive except gundam pilots. I don't believe in fairies. I believe in bats."

CRACK it sounded like the curtains had blown a fuse, and Wufei took a step back assuming a defensive stance, as the room went black. Before Heero had even finished speaking, the curtains gave one final, violent shake and a 4-inch person in a green tutu dropped to the floor and lay in a crumpled heap of glitter.

"I fold."

"Trowa! No! You can't fold!" Duo hissed.

Quatre flipped on the lights, "Oh GOD! Heero you killed it!"

"I did?" Heero lowered his weapon and peered over the side of the bed at the fairy.

Duo leaned over the side of the bed to get a better look,"He did?"

"Yes!" Quatre pushed past Wufei to kneel beside the mythic creature, "Every time someone says "I don't believe in fairies" a fairy dies!"

"Wait!" Wufei turned to Quatre,"IT'S STILL MOVIN- oh... no. never-mind. That finished her off."

"What!" Quatre returned his attention to the fairy.

"Ah. Mission complete then," Heero climbed off the bed and tucked his gun away into his shorts.

"Holy SHIT you're a good shot!" Duo announced, "He fucking blew one of her fucking wings off!"

The small fairy corpse erupted in green flame for a moment, before disapearing from the room completely.

Trowa turned to Duo, "I'll only accept cash."

"What? You folded!"

"No. You wouldn't let me fold."

"Well, this can't count because Quatre wasnt trying to kill the fairy."

...at this point Quatre and Wufei followed Heero out of the room to let Duo and Trowa settle the debt...

Trowa stood his ground, addressing Duo in hushed voice,"No. Yuy's the perfect soldier. The unspoken mission was to maitain the security of this building. Heero secured the house and quelled the insurgency while Quatre slept."

"It was a 4" person in a tutu...Heero thought it was a flying rodent! How is that an insurgency?"

"It was a huge mobile suit that turned into a bird, how is THAT an insurgency?"

"SHHHHHHHH!Are you fucking crazy? You cant just take a dig at Wing like that! Not with Heero around!"

"He knows how lame Wing is. He tried to blow it up himself."

"SHhh! Do you have a DEATH WISH or something?"

"yes."

"Look, double or nothing, sound good?"

Trowa arched an eyebrow, "Are you good for it?"

"Of course! Shake?"

Trowa smirked and shook Duo's hand.

As the boys wandered out of the room, Trowa noticed out of the corner of his eye a dark shadow move across the window.

"Duo?"

"'sup, Tro?"

"Did you see something?"

"um..."

"Just now, outside."

"No.."

Duo and Trowa paused to look out the window..

END CHAPTER ONE...

...what was Tink doing in the g-boys safe-house anyway?

...will Pan come to avenge his significant rodent- er fairy?

...will the pilots be able to resist the boyish charms of youth incarnate?

TUNE IN NEXT TIME AND FIND OUT!

Love, Jane.

A/N: Feel like letting me know what you think? Then please review!

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!