[The licensed animation Hagane no Rekinjutsushi (Fullmetal Alchemist) belongs solely to Arakawa Hiromu, Bones, Square Enix, FUNimation (for dubbing purposes and American distribution), Animax, and many others who contributed to its creation and airing. Any references to Shin Seiki Evangelion (Neon Genesis Evangelion) created by Hideaki Anno, Yoshiyuki Sadamoto, and GAINAX SHOP, along with the Doujinshi Submission series and other dialogue taken in for research belong to their creators and contributors as well. I hold no recognition to this project but the sequence of events and some other things that are too complicated to call completely mine. Please take this story with a grain of salt.]
THANATOS—If I can't be yours—
Summary: Roy's love/lust with Fullmetal has caused devastating actions, forcing the two with haunting anxiety and mental exhaustion. But as the twos realities are torn apart, Roy can only be comforted by whom he's hurt most. One-sided Roy/Ed, one-sided Al/Ed
Angst/Tragedy/Psychological
A/N: Thank you so much for deciding to read THANATOS! It really means a lot to me to catch your attention and enjoyment. To my dear readers who are already reading my story, to be honest, my writing skills improved to the point where I hated my old one and I decided to re-write it. So yay I'm not dead! I'm just lazy to a large extent! Its still the same plot, but an entirely different spin off in better writing! I hope you enjoy it! C:
~Flame me, and I'll get the pedophile at my local park to come to your house. I mean it; there is a pedophile at my local park. 8I~
Much love,
~Komusume
There is emptiness at the very core of our souls, a fundamental incompleteness that has haunted all beings since the very first thought. This is what gives rise to the fear in our hearts, what gives rise to fear and insecurity. On a primal level, man has always been aware of the darkness that resides at the core of his mind. We have seeked to escape this void and the fear it causes, and all mans accomplishments are made in the hope of filling it…
~Prelude~
It was back. The same dream that haunted his false sense of security every time he would drift off to sleep and giving him shivers when he awoke. He felt nothing here, yet the self that was aware of the false vision was gorged with grief and irritation. It was pitch black, it always was, and yet he still tried to cover the nightmares edges with fire. And into his failures, there he stood, his dull golden eyes pushing a stigmata into Roys shaking chest. His flesh was the only light, as if the epidermis itself was made from the eternal flames of heaven. Transparent tears rolled down his cheeks, forever falling in the centre of darkness that surrounded the two in his vision.
He could feel himself hyperventilating on the outside, for the words that always came from the blondes mouth poured acid on his self judgment and reason. He knew how the dream would end. An embrace, denial, hatred, and the adolescent lying in his own blood by his hands. As gore tainted his clothes, he would hold him close to his chest, feeling the contractions of his breathing as they slowly came to a stop. Dozens and dozens of times, he would kill him with alchemy, trying to destroy the one presence he feared most. And in the confidents of his inner self, his tortures repeated again.
"What the hell did I do to you!? What did I do wrong?!"
Silence.
"Answer me damn it! Why aren't you saying anything!?"
"…You didn't…"
"Then why do you keep hurting me!?"
His last words. They were always his last words.
THANATOS—WEAVING A STORY: ORAL STAGE—
"Sir?"
Roy jolted back to reality, searching for any trace of gold or crimson liquid on his body. His hands shook from access adrenaline, reaching from the Netherlands of his hallucination to his actual existence. Dismay kept his mouth from moving, scattered traces of black print on his desk the only reminder of where he lay. He wiped his cheek with his fist, dark smudges of ink from the new documents coated onto his skin.
The same…dream…
"Sir, I can't keep him on the phone forever."
"What? Ah, sorry Lieutenant. What was I—"
"You were about to give your consent of whether or not laboratory 3 should continue research on the Hydrogen weaponry for the North."
"That again? Damn it, those power hungry bastards are always making more work for me!"
"You have my greatest sympathy, sir."
"Shouldn't Archer be taking care of this?"
"Lieutenant Colonel Frank Archer and Major Armstrong are down south near Dublith right now. No response."
"Typical…"
Digging into his pocket, he sighed, retrieving his silver watch to set on the table. The sunlight adorned it, creating small gleams on the indentions and patterns. All his bonds, memories, and bloodshed to get him as far as he was were all poured into its design, showing he was an official dog of the military and the higher-ups had him on a chain. It had become the symbolic image of his past, but also the anchor of guilt in the many wars he had to take lives in. He tampered the chain, a faint scent of iron penetrating his senses.
It's almost like…
"On one condition you say?"
"I'll obey all your orders, sir. But as long as I serve here I'd like to receive all the information on the Philosophers Stone. And whenever I finish all my other duties, you have to permit me to search it."
"People will question your motives. You realize what will happen if the state learns about your human transmutation. Al will be shipped off to some lab as a precious sample."
"…"
"Well, I can keep that in my back pocket to make sure you behave…"
A faint smile crept across his face, ebbed away from the images of pain and rejection his simulation had caused. It had frightened him, but somewhere in his mentality, the thought of Eds warm body pressed against his riddled him with pleasure. His quaint breaths, the cold metal rubbing against his skin, the scent of oil and flesh flowing around him, the taste of his body fluids, all seemed like a cruel temptation of something he could never have. In his recollections, where he and Edward were the only two people in the world, it filled him with delight and horror. And yet deep down, it was all Roy ached for. The ecstasy of becoming one with him, and that very fact was what disgusted him the most.
"Fullmetal, I…"
"You're thinking about him, aren't you?"
His daydream crashed down, bright amber eyes ridden with anger and sadness burning into his head. He knew it wasn't fair; she was stern but beautiful, and was ready to fallow his orders out of love and respect. But here he was, lusting after some child by some unforgiving force he wasn't even aware of. Being an escapist wasn't his nature, but all he wanted to do was lose himself in his fantasies. He didn't want to see his own guilt and shame staring back at him anymore.
"I…uh, sorry. Tell him I'll call him back and we'll take it from there." His words were groggy, showing how fatigued Roy really was behind his façade of confidence. "And besides, he has all the capability in the world to do it his damn self…" He subordinate sighed, cupping the phone to her ear to play the role of babysitter.
"I'm sorry; the Colonel has to call you back later."
"This isn't an invitation to a slumber party, 1st Lieutenant! This is an important situation!"
"My apologies, sir…"
"But all he has to do is sign a damn paper! Put him on the phone! Now!"
She placed the phone on the receiver, turning to her superior with a disappointed gleam in her eye. It wasn't Ed's fault, she knew it wasn't, but it didn't change the fact of how angry she was towards him. Fallowing Roy gave her an identity, a purpose, and it frightened her to realize how it was slipping away by some pedophiliac tendencies. It had been like this ever since the murder of Maes Hughes. They had fallen out of love with each other, and what used to be wholesome conversation had turned into awkward and bitter silence. His mind and obsession were unfixable, as much as she wished it was. She stepped toward the door, giving the knob a shaky clutch before throwing it across the threshold. Roy lifted his brow, tiny stings of remorse hitting beneath his chest.
"Something wrong, Lieutenant?"
"…With all due respect sir, it seems Fullmetal is becoming a bigger and bigger problem for you."
"What?"
"You can't keep depending on him for sanity and well-being! He's not your lover and he never will be!" Why can't you understand that?!"
Roy leaned against the fabric of his chair, letting the images from his dream flood his psyche once more. He sighed, giving a stern glance at the back of at the back of the blondes head.
"I know that already. But, Ed is—"
She slammed the door, dashing through the hallway before tear-hazed vision put her to a stop. Her fists were clenched, sickened by the desire of wrapping her hands around his throat and ending her heart-ache forever. She would never wish death on anyone, let alone killing them herself because of envy, but the complexities Roy and Ed were giving her put her on the brink of insanity. Her wants and desires all seemed irrational in a left-brained sense, but her emotions were telling her it was completely logical to make the child disappear. Regardless of him leaving, she knew Roy would go after him, pushing her to the side for the sake of his sick desires. Riza leaned against the hall, burying her face in her soft hands.
Soon you'll lose your identity, as I have. Soon you'll lose Edward and your self worth…
Roy sat in his chair quietly, moving his pen back and forth on his documents to create the illusion of hard work. Visions of liquid amber filled his mind; the thoughts of him calling his name and beautiful smile making his lower abdomen pulsate. Guilt washed over him, laying his head on his desk as his eyelids grew heavy again.
"I'm sorry Riza…there's just…nothing between us anymore…"
Next Time~ THANATOS—Borderline Case—
"The alchemist makes detestable actions in the time of despair, and regarding the feelings and commands of others is sometimes undoable. Even when taking advantage of one's innocence, he still stood strong. But the actions he was about to make were considered unforgivable to the eyes of man…"
FFFFFFF I didn't really like how some of this chapter came out, but it's all good I guess. Damn it why can't my pocket watch I ordered smell like iron damn it? D: Oh well, it ticks…
~Thank you for reading!! 3
