Notes at end of story
She shut the door softly as she turned to Patsy who sat reading on her bed. Patsy looked up into the brunette's face and noticed the hurt upon it immediately.
"Deels?" Patsy stood and went to her girlfriend, engulfing her in an embrace, "What is it?"
"I am so exhausted, Patsy." Delia allowed herself to relax in Patsy's arms, practically depending on the woman to stay upright.
Delia needn't elaborate - she knew exactly what Delia meant and it broke her heart. "I know sweetheart. I know." Patsy pressed kisses into Delia's shoulder as she spoke. "Come here." Patsy said as she pulled Delia towards her bed. The two sat with Delia leaning into Patsy, and Patsy's arms engulfing her. "I'm so sorry", Patsy said softly.
"It isn't fair. I'm so angry - and you know how I hate anger - but I can't help but feel angry." Delia began, "I was walking today, while on break, and I saw a man and a woman completely immersed in one another. The world didn't exist to them. Their adoration and affection for each other was apparent to every person who even glanced in their direction - they only broke their kisses for air," Delia had begun to ramble but couldn't stop the words, "No one even paid them any attention. It didn't matter to any of them, but I couldn't look away. I felt so sick with jealousy I thought I might explode. I wanted to scream at them - at anyone. I wanted to ask them how it felt. I will never know what it is to love without fear. We will never feel safe. It's not fair, Patsy. I love you, oh my God, Patsy. I love you. It was nothing to them. Maybe they don't even love each other - but I know I love you and I can never sit in the middle of a busy park and kiss you. I feel that I can barely look at you in public because I am scared someone will notice how I look at you. I'm scared to look at you because I can't look away. The world didn't exist to them - but we can never forget the world. Even now you're listening for someone in the hall. I am terrified that someone can hear me. And all we're doing is talking. They kissed in the most public place in Poplar without fear - it was a passionate kiss and I realized I've kissed you that way only once. I want to kiss you that way every day and I want everyone to notice and not care. But I can't. And it isn't fair."
Without either realizing it, Patsy had begun crying and Delia turned, shocked at herself and at Patsy. Guilt flooded her. What had she said? She couldn't remember everything.
"Pats…" Delia panicked. Hurting Patsy was not her intent. Ever. She attempted to soothe the beautiful woman next to her but Patsy's tears only intensified and soon the crying had turned to weeping.
"Patsy, please." Delia urged, "Cariad, its okay. Please. I'm sorry."
"No. Delia." Patsy was hiccuping from having cried so hard. "I want to give you everything. But you don't want everything - you simply want to love me and I can't even give you that. I'm as angry as you. But it hardly matters does it?"
"Look at me." The now red eyes turned to look at Delia. "Patience Mount. No one can take the love I have for you. Nor will I ever forget how you love me. Never."
Patsy stood abruptly without responding and strode to the door. Delia's stomach sank with fear as Patsy's hand reached for the door knob thinking that she was leaving the room. Instead, Patsy turned the lock and came back to Delia. She straddled the confused woman and whispered, "I don't want to be afraid anymore." as she began kissing every exposed inch of skin on Delia/
"Cariad," Delia hummed with pleasure, "you don't have to."
"I want to. I don't care - I don't want to be afraid anymore."
NOTES: This came to me rather suddenly and was written very quickly so please excuse the lack of substantial plot and lack of any real conclusion. Hope you enjoy! xx
