Blah blah blah don't own the story or characters you know the drill.
I haven't written any creative writing before and my experience with fanfiction was one half completed chapter.
I would like genuine criticism. If you don't like something just tell me, I'll try to improve upon it. I know that, for example the dialogue is weak, so I'd like tips on how to make it more acceptable. Thank you in advance!
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It was over. After years of hard work, dedication, and sacrifice this is how it would end. Of course, it was not the foolhardy risks he took that did him in, but a simple, relatively routine, look-out mission. He grimaced at the irony, finding solace in the humor in his final moments. He supposed it was better this way, less to regret about his decision to take any and all danger that came his way, to seek trouble even when there was little to be found. After all, who could blame him for his end here? No one, not even the most cautious auror in his department, would have thought twice about this assignment before carrying it out. Yet it was here, cold and alone in some isolated fortress in Ukraine that he would die.
Groaning, he tried again to pull himself off the blood-stained tile, thinking that he could perhaps delay his inevitable demise, but the weakness in his limbs betrayed him halfway up and he collapsed back to the marble floor. His wand, his final hope, was only inches from his fingertips, but it seemed miles away. He tried to curse, but instead of the word, only blood flowed from his mouth.
He could feel the life ebbing away from him. The room around him began to dim, his breathing started to slow, and his limbs grew cold. The chill began to seep into his torso, cutting off all sensation. The pain had dissolved, giving way to a far more horrifying sensation: nothingness. He stared up at the gilded ceiling of the castle, waiting for Death, but the flash of green light he was expecting did not come. Harry wondered what they were waiting for. Perhaps they were trying to torture him, or maybe give him time to pray. He pondered but decided no, these people seemed neither unnecessarily cruel nor overly merciful.
"Why did you come here?" a raspy voice demanded, breaking his silence. Oh, of course. They wanted an interrogation, even after injuring him so severely. Did these idiots not know that you can't speak with a broken jaw and a few pints of blood missing? That dying impeded the process of questioning?
A clear alto voice agreed with Harry "He's dying, he can't speak. You'll have to…no I'll just do it. Curio!"
There was a flash of white light, and Harry began to feel healthier, or at least not like he was dying. Blood magically flushed through his body replacing all of the copious amounts he had lost. His bones began to melt and knit themselves, creating an uncomfortable sensation, but one he would gladly endure if it meant he could move. The gashes on his body that would have taken weeks to heal if he had somehow managed to survive now healed in seconds. Whoever it was who had cast the spell was a powerful healer, better than any he had ever seen, even at Saint Mungo's. In less than a minute he had gone from the verge of death to feeling perfectly healthy. His training kicking in, he suppressed the euphoria of his miraculous healing and took stock of the situation. His heart sunk as he realized the reality of his situation was still quite grim. Against three highly skilled foes, any of whom might have been a match for him in a duel, and one truly terrifying opponent, he realized he was little better off.
He also was aware that this would be his only chance to escape, so he scooped up his wand, jumped to his feet, and stunned the largest of the four figures around him. He turned and aimed his wand at a second of his ambushers but before the spell launched, he froze. It was the woman who had healed him with her wand pointed at him. He could see her now. She wore a white cloak but her face was obscured by a hood.
"I should have seen that coming," she said, sounding disgusted with herself. She lazily flicked her wand at her fallen comrade, casting the counter spell, "Enervate"
The huge man who had fallen picked himself up. "Wow" he said, sounding surprised, "I guess he got me. Good thing we have you." He grinned at the hooded women.
"Yes," she agreed smiling slightly "whatever would you do without me? Now," she turned toward the still-frozen Harry and asked more kindly then the hoarse voiced man "What were you doing here?"
Without the ability to move, escape was out as an option. It was now only a question of whether he would tell them the truth or try to lie. It was obvious from the fact that they were even bothering to interrogate him that there was more here then the ministry had ever suspected.
"We don't want to kill you" said the women softly, sincerely "but if you lie to us, we will"
Even though, or perhaps because, she didn't say it outright, something about the way she spoke made Harry absolutely certain that she knew exactly what he was thinking. She seemed kinder than the first man who had spoken to him, but also somehow vastly more intimidating. He decided a lie wouldn't be worth it. "It was just an exploration mission, really. Low risk, almost a vacation"
"Why would they send any auror on such a mission, much less one as prominent as you? You don't believe that I believe that the ministry would waste their precious Harry Potter's time like that, do you?" asked the women skeptically.
Harry rolled his eyes, "Like I said, it was almost like a vacation. They were about to send me on a dangerous assignment in Russia, so they sent me to here while I waited for everything to be prepared."
The white cloaked women turned expectantly to a scraggly man with long, oily hair and an unkempt beard. "He tells the truth" he hissed. It was the same man who had first questioned him earlier, "But we still must kill him"
"And why would that be?" the women's voice was ice cold. She evidently opposed murder.
"He is a liability" the man said maliciously. "We can't afford liabilities this early on in our plans. If the ministry finds out we're here they could—"
"I am well aware what that would do to our plans" she yelled, quickly losing control. The woman was the quite clearly the leader, but also apparently had a fiery temper. "But we can't afford to kill innocents. We can just put a memory charm on him and that will be it"
"Calm down" the large man pleaded, "You anger too quickly, my friends"
The other man ignored him and scoffed "Powerful as you are, my lady, memory charms weaken with time, and can even be removed entirely if one knows what they are doing"
"Why would anyone bother to check if his memory has been modified? He said they thought this was just a routine checkup on a castle, and they'll get exactly the boring answer they are expecting. No one will suspect a thing,"
"What is wrong with you?" the man demanded "You're plan is to just hope the enemy is incompetent and careless? Why should we take unnecessary risks?"
She was livid now, "What do you mean what's wrong with me? What's wrong with you?! Do you know the uproar it would cause if the public found out that the great Harry Potter disappeared on an everyday mission? They already know the castle he was going to! The full weight of the ministry will be upon us and it will be your bloodthirsty fault!"
"Fine" the man snarled, "fine, do things your way"
"Yes," she breathed, "Yes we will,"
They chained Harry, hands behind his back, ankles shackled, and led him outside. He took in the details just in case someone did break the curse on him; he wanted to know as much about his assailants and their plans as possible. There were four of them, two males, one female, and one who hadn't spoken. The huge one seemed good natured enough, as did the female although she had a bit of a temper. The other male seemed like a complete slime-ball, and was apparently careless to boot, as he freely let Harry see his face. He wondered about the fourth one. She seemed to be female judging by her stature and body structure, but he couldn't be sure. She wore the same white cloak as the other three, and was the shortest be far. Like the big man and the other woman she didn't take chances, keeping her hood up and her face hidden.
They marched seemingly endlessly over countless muddy hills. It was a cloudy, unseasonably cold night, and a light drizzle fell on the five of them. "Don't worry," said the women soothingly "You may be miserable now, but you won't remember a thing about it"
"Yeah," grumbled the big man "But we will. Why are we marching all the way out here again?"
"C'mon" she laughed "It builds character. Anyways I think we're just about there"
They stopped in at the bases of two massive hills, almost small mountains. "I think this is good enough. "
"You sure?" asked the oily man "Perhaps we should travel another two miles?"
"Oh quit your whining or I'll make it three miles for you, on your own. Are you all ok with the spot?"
A quick murmur of affirmation was uttered by all three of the others, who were clearly relieved to have ended their seemingly unnecessary trek. "Seriously, you guys all know why I went to all this trouble right? If the ministry does suspect something's wrong this'll muddle his memory! He'll focus all on the wrong things, like the obnoxious march!" she looked shocked that this didn't make them happy they had spent over an hour in the cold walking.
She grasped her wand, and shook her head, which Harry noted for possible future reference that it was a pale wood, although he wasn't exactly sure what kind.
"Look away," she warned, and the other three turned their heads. "OBLIVIATE!"
Harry's eyes slid in and out of focus several times, and then felt surprisingly happy. It was like a blissful dream, everything was cloudy and the rest of the world seemed far away. He was completely relaxed when he heard a voice "You found nothing here." He had never heard anything quite as lovely as that voice. It was like a chorus of angels all wrapped into one lovely soloist, "You will return to the ministry, and report that the castle was exactly as expected, and then go on to your next job."
"Yes," he couldn't help but agree to whatever the voice wanted "I'll go do that now," and he apparated, away, off to the ministry.
After he left, the women stared at the space where he had been just a second ago. A single tear trickled slowly down her cheek, soon accompanied by another, then another, then the floodgates burst, and she began to sob. As the strain of the emotion forced her knees to give way, she fell to the ground where she continued to wail. She writhed in the mud, splattering her already drench white cloak.
"Are you ok?" The big man asked, highly concerned. Their leader was known to be temperamental, but it still was disconcerting to see her so upset.
"I knew we shouldn't have let her seen him. She let her feelings for him get in the way of our task!" the oily haired man was furious.
"Shush," said the woman who had remained silent throughout the whole proceeding. Every word she spoke oozed with anger, her tone creaming danger, "Say a word to upset her more than she already is and I will make you pay in blood"
"Easy, Rose" the big man put himself between the two of them, drawing his wand just in case of trouble.
"Back off D'Atoni, this creep is going to get what's coming to him"
"I-it's ok Rose," the leader said. "I'll be all right."
"Lily…he was your father, you're not going to be 'all right'," said her friend.
Lily Potter, youngest of Harry Potter's children, and at a mere sixteen already the leader of the revolutionary group La Fleur Blanche, stood. "I have to be, Rose. For all of us"
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Well that's it for now! Hope you enjoyed, and if you didn't tell me why please! My feelings aren't hurt easily tear into it if you want!
