Author's Note: This is just something I came up with when I was really bored - as most of these fanfics seem to be. I of course do not own the rights to any of this, particularly those to that song from the Julie Andrews movie. The Joker's dessert-inspired nickname for Jonathan refers to one of my previous fanfics, "Peppermint Cupcake," in which the Clown Prince of Crime comes up with the epithet later on in the evening of Jonathan's birthday, before they have sex. Enjoy!
"The hills are aliiiiive, with the sound of music!" Joker sang, horribly off-key as he hummed the remaining musical bars because he didn't know the rest of the words to the song, the tails of his purple trench coat fluttering out behind him like butterfly wings.
He found Jonathan already in the conference room, his back to the doorway as he studied the contents of an open manila folder that was laid out on the table. Joker tiptoed up behind Jonathan, quiet as a mouse - well, quiet as a mouse with an irrational and ever-present fit of the giggles - and threw his arms around him. He pecked Jonathan on the cheek and growled in his deepest, most seductive voice in the doctor's ear:
"Why so serious, Cupcake?"
Still examining the document, Jonathan snorted. "Back to that, I see."
But he smiled, and blushed.
Joker glanced down at the medical file: it was his own. Most of the pages were blank.
"Y'know, you could fill a book with all the secrets you've got on me," Joker said, nuzzling Jonathan's cheek.
The physician smirked lovingly up at him. "That's precisely the problem: I know too much." His grin became devilish. "And not just about your criminal records, either."
"Ah, nighty-nighttime activities," Joker said wistfully. "And daytime ones too," he added, twitching his dark brows invitingly.
Jonathan giggled.
"Speaking of which. . ." Joker trailed off, instead grabbing Jonathan by the hand and skipping out the door - forcing Crane to skip to so he wouldn't be dragged along on the floor behind him.
"Joker, where are we going?" Still skipping.
"I dunno." The clown somehow managed to shrug efficiently in midair. "You tell me."
After a moment Jonathan thought to ask, "What are you doing?"
"Being myself - me and I ran off somewhere and hid." He giggled - still skipping.
Jonathan sighed. "Joker, this is becoming ridiculous."
"They did run off! I saw them!" Joker insisted.
"Not you!" Jonathan nearly screamed in exasperation. "The SKIPPING!"
"Oh." Joker stopped abruptly, and Jonathan nearly ran into him.
"Is that, uh, better?"
"Very much so, thank you." Jonathan sighed wearily in relief and adjusted his glasses into their proper place on his nose. "I must admit, I do not much care for skipping."
"You may not like that, Sam-I-Am," Joker said, giggling as he pressed Jonathan up against a wall, "but I know you do like this." He brushed their hips together, causing Jonathan's breath to momentarily lodge itself in his throat.
"You have no idea," Jonathan gasped.
"Oh, don't I?" Joker replied, somewhat ominously. Then his eyes lit up.
"Say, my little, uh, Cupcake-turned-Sam-I-Am" - he leaned in close so that their noses touched - "wanna play?"
Jonathan smiled, bringing their lips together in reply.
And play they did.
END
