Hey guys! This is my first fanfic ever. I hope you like it, but if you find any typos, please tell me. My autocorrect is in portuguese!

Disclaimer:I do not own any of the characters of NCIS: LA. But I wish I did!

Chapter 1 - Broken

Kensi could see by the way his eyes glazed over, that he was not the same man she knew. That was not the same Marty Deeks that always cracked jokes to defuse the tension, who could always come up with a witty response to everything and the one she could share some good-hearted banter with. No, that was merely a shadow of the strong, kind man Deeks was and Kensi had a scary feeling that life was repeating itself. She, too, watched Jack slip away, and Deeks was slipping through her fingers like right now. Kensi could sense it.

Turning around, with tears in her own eyes, she heard him call her name.

"Kens?"

Kensi turned to face him, glad to hear him say something else. Part of her even wished he would talk about the kiss, just so she could see that he was still there, that the Deeks standing in front of her wasn't just an emotionless clone.

"I just want you to know that the place I went to in my head, to stop the pain, was you. I just kept thinking about your smile, your laugh... everything. Just thought you should know... for whatever it's worth."

Kensi couldn't breath, for a moment. Deeks had just poured his heart out, just like he had before, on that hill top. And once again, she found herself freezing. Kensi had absolutely no idea of what she should say. Maybe Deeks was right: her communication skills did suck. Was it her time with Jack, and the aftermath of it, that made her incapable of talking about her feelings? Was it because of her father's death?

Contemplating the two, Kensi made a decision. She was tired of being broken, of being alone. So she decided to just say what she meant.

"It's worth a lot."

Screw carefulness. Screw being afraid to follow your heart. She took three steps forward, stopping short from his personal space.

"It's worth more than you could ever imagine."

Standing on the tip of her toes, to match his height, Kensi braced herself to repeat Deeks' action. But, to her surprise, he took a step back and she was able to see the vulnerable look on the detective's face.

"I'm sorry, Kens, but I really need to take a break from everything. And yes, from everyone too."

In that moment, they weren't 'Bad-Ass Blye' or 'The Jungle Cat' anymore. They were just two broken people, and they both could see it.

Deeks looked into his partner's eyes for one more second. He took notice of the tears in her eyes, threatening to spill over, and knew that he was partially causing them, but not even that made him second-guess himself. Deeks wasn't lying when he said that he needed to take a break. He had to, especially from Kensi. Not that he was willing to admit it, but when Kensi left him after he kissed her, it hurt more than the drill piercing into his gum and teeth. So Deeks maneuvered around the tearful agent, whispered another apology and walked out of the mission, leaving Kensi alone with her broken heart in the bullpen.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

Kensi got into her SRX and slammed the door shut. Gripping the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white, she lightly banged her head against it. 'Stupid, stupid, stupid!', silently yelled Kensi. She should have known that was not the right time to make her move. Hell, she had known it wasn't, but still, that little part of her brain that wanted to prove to herself that she wasn't broken chose to speak loudly.

Pulling out of the parking lot, she drove almost mechanically, not paying attention to the road. Kensi pulled over and got out of the car, still in a zombie-like manner. She couldn't think of anything else besides Deeks. The way his eyes glazed with tears, the vulnerability in his voice when Deeks said he needed a break, the way his lips felt against hers, not so long ago...

After kicking the door shut, Kensi made her way to her bedroom, kicking of her boots in the process, and threw herself onto the bed. The moment her stomach hit the mattress, Kensi broke down. She always praised herself for not being the typical girl, who cried when her nail polish chipped. But now, as hot tears ran down Kensi's cheeks, she somehow couldn't find herself, the Kensi who never cried and who could kick anybody's ass. Kensi just felt lost.


And that's it, first chapter! Please review and tell me if you want me to continue. Bye!

Laura