Hey all, it is I! I come bearing gifts, in the form of a new FanFiction! This chapter will be mainly hurt, and the comfort will come soon. Little bit of angst, but not enough for a tag yet. Please read responsibly, and a comment is always appreciated!
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, otherwise it would never end! Nor do I own Three Days Grace or any of their songs, including Pain.
Pain, without love,
Pain, can't get enough,
Pain, I like it rough,
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
"Ichigo! Dinner is ready!" a familiar voice calls. However, the recipient of said call doesn't hear it. His music is too loud, with both headphones in. "Ichigo? Are you up there?" it calls again. After a few moments, a knock on the door is audible, but not to the orange haired 18 year old, sitting on his bed and listening to Three Day's Grace.
Why does American music fit with how I feel so well? I feel pain, and I lost love. At this point, pain is all that's keeping me aware, the only thing I truly feel, so I can't get enough. I've turned to fighting even more, to help with all the anger inside, so I'm usually pretty rough. But, hey, it's better than nothing.
As the door opens, Ichigo snaps his head up, taking his headphones out and turning his MP3 off. "Sorry, Yuzu, I didn't hear you," he offers in his usual lifeless monotone.
"It's okay. Dinner's ready," she says quickly but firmly, as if letting him know that he had better not suggest not eating again.
Ichigo takes the hint and stands up, brushing the hair from his eyes. He has changed since the end of the Winter War. However, with all new changes came previous ones, and he now looks like he did coming out of the Dangai Precipice World. His long, orange hair hangs in his eyes and falls down his back. He has regained the superior height, and his constant fighting has helped him to regain his muscles. However, he is still powerless. He had wanted to take the strange man up on his offer, but he figured that he'd just get hurt again if he had his powers. So, he continued on with his miserable existence, and was now a senior in High School. His grades were better than ever, thanks to him spending all his time not fighting, sleeping, or, on rare occasion, eating, on studying. He still had no idea what he planned to do after school. Probably go to Med School and take up his father's clinic.
Downstairs, he eats in silence. His father tries conversing with Karin and Yuzu, as usual, and failed, as usual. At one point, he throws Ichigo a punch, hoping his son would return the favor as he would have once upon a time. However, all Ichigo does is get up and walk to his room without so much as a glance.
"That wasn't very nice, Dad," Yuzu chides, as usual. Karin just glares straight ahead, trying to keep the tears from overflowing. Her big brother, Ichigo Kurosaki, toughest fucker she'd ever met, was no more. All of his soul, his essence, his will to live, was gone. She couldn't even sense him in a room anymore. All that was left of the person she had looked up to the most was the empty shell of a man who had lost almost everything. She had noticed how his friends had stopped coming over, and how he hadn't left home on a mysterious journey since. All that he had left was his family, and with Isshin being the way he is, Ichigo had been driven away from even them, even if unintentionally. Karin and Yuzu had tried getting him to cheer up, to toughen up, and to even let loose and tell them what was wrong. Karin would've done anything to get her brother back, but it had all failed. He just sat in his room in his free time, studying and listening to his music.
She knew he hadn't totally given up, because he still got into fights. He still tried coping with whatever had happened in the same way he had always done, which meant he still had feeling. If he didn't fight then she was going to start fighting him herself. She knew she could get him to spar with her if she pressed the right buttons. Unlike most people, she could read Ichigo like a book. She knew what he was thinking when he was thinking it. The only thing she didn't know was why he was hurting. He hadn't acted like this since their mother had died, and even then he hadn't resorted to fighting constantly and refusing to eat dinner occasionally. What happened? Who did this to you?
Isshin, meanwhile, had been expecting this reaction. He knew that Ichigo was depressed, and he knew why. He wasn't sure who it was, but he had been in love with someone, and now they were gone. The look in his eyes reminded him of his own after Masaki had died. He knew what his son was going through, even the part of having no powers. That's why he never chastised him for getting into fights. If he didn't then he would truly be worried. That wasn't to say he wasn't now, but he knew that if anyone could deal with this pain, Ichigo could.
Then again, I had my children to keep me going. Maybe he needs someone. Maybe he needs me. The thought had crossed his mind. However, every time he tried getting close to his son, he was pushed away. Guess I shouldn't have punched him so much.
He just wishes that there was something that he could do. And his feelings are shared by another.
Yuzu wishes she knew what was wrong with her big brother. He was never the same after winter break, and he had isolated himself. She wishes that she could soothe him like their mom used to do whenever he was hurt. She wished that she could just make the pain go away. She knows that now, more than ever, her biggest protector needs protecting, and it pains her that she can't do it. After all he's done for her, the least she could do is help him in his time of need, but she can't, because he won't let her, or anyone else for that matter, inside. Instead, he keeps it in so that he can protect them from his own pain.
Even when he is the one who is suffering, he is keeping it all together to protect everyone else.
Up in his room, Ichigo is listening to his music once more.
You're sick of feeling numb,
You're not the only one,
I'll take you by the hand,
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
That's why I get in fights. The numbness is worse than the pain. I wanted to show her everything there was to show, but I never got the chance.
As sits there, studying and listening to music, he tries to fill his mind with information to get it off the thoughts of why he's hurting. Eventually, he tries sleeping, and once again fails until 3 in the morning. At 6, he wakes up as best as he can, gets dressed, and leaves for school.
…..
Orihime walks into the classroom and looks at the love of her life. She feels the pain that she is familiar with when she sees him. He's always so depressed, so pained, so lonely. Doesn't he know that I'm always here?
Of course he does. She had made that much clear in their sophomore year, when she had confessed her love to him. Obviously, she had been declined, and it had broken her heart. But even though she got over the pain, it was only because she could tell that his was greater.
Uryuu looks over to see the now normal tortured face of Ichigo Kurosaki, he may try to hide it, but in his eyes is all of the pain that he's been feeling. Uryuu had just assumed that it's because he lost his powers until he had heard some of Ichigo's music one day. Then, he knew what had happened. He wasn't quite sure when, or why, or even who, but someone had either died or left him. Someone he had loved very much. Uryuu is willing to bet on the former, as much as it sickens him. Even if Ichigo doesn't know it, Uryuu does, as well as one other person.
Chad watches his friend with his one clear eye. He had never seen Ichigo this bad before, never seen him in this much pain. Even the time when Aizen almost cut him in half was easier to watch than this day-to-day existence that he calls a life. He doesn't know what's wrong, only that it must be important. He must feel as though he let someone down again.
This life is filled with hurt,
When happiness doesn't work,
Trust me, and take my hand,
When the lights go out you'll understand,
We couldn't just live together in happiness. No one would just leave her alone. Not the Soul Society, not the "Dark Ones". No, they were all too greedy, and they took her from me! And I let them! I was too late to save her! Those stupid Blanks, those stupid memories… Even after all of it, she didn't feel any hate. She only felt happiness that I was alive to share her last moments with her. I almost didn't think she understood that she would be gone forever. So, when the "lights went out" for her, she probably understood that it was permanent. I just didn't have the guts to tell her.
"IIIIIIIICHIIIIIIIIIIIGOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Hey Keigo."
"Hey! So, you wanna go see a movie after school? Mizuiru and Chad are going, aren't ya?" Keigo turns to the two others that usually accompanied him.
"Yeah, and it's supposed to be the best movie of the year," Mizuiru informs him, texting away at his phone as usual.
"Mm," comes the usual response from Chad, which, of course, was accompanied by Ichigo's usual response.
"Sorry, I'm busy."
"Awwww, what could you possibly have to do that's more important than your friends!?" the over dramatic Keigo whined.
"Studying."
"But you're ALWAYS studying!"
"So?"
"So, you need to take some time off!"
"Nah."
"What do you mean, 'nah'!?"
"I mean I'm not going."
"But Ichigo-"
"Leave him alone, you idiot!" Tatsuki yells, landing her fist on Keigo's head.
"What was that for!?" Keigo whined again, but was promptly ignored.
"So, Ichigo, what's up?" Tatsuki asked her oldest friend. Contrary to what most people liked to believe, Tatsuki was capable of emotion, and she felt bad about seeing Ichigo so weak and hurt. Just after he had started to smile again, started living life again, something had happened to make him close up again.
"Nothing," Ichigo replied emotionlessly, as had become the norm for him.
"C'mon Ichigo, I know that something's bothering you! Just tell me already!" Tatsuki said in her usual slightly annoyed and indignant tone.
"It's nothing; just… don't worry about it."
"Hmmph. Whatever," she huffed, folding her arms across her chest and turning to the side. In actual fact, she had a thing for Ichigo. And it wasn't that small, either. It wasn't as obvious as Orihime's infatuation with the Ichigo "image", but it was more than just a crush. Of course, she never planned on acting on these emotions, nor did she pine over them; she just accepted that she wasn't the one for Ichigo and left it at that.
But that doesn't mean she doesn't worry about him. She is still his friend, and she wants to help him through whatever it is that he is facing. For the most part, she can somewhat tell what was going on. In all her life, she had only seen Ichigo Kurosaki put up walls like this once. And last time, it took a miracle involving him gaining otherworldly powers to get him to open up, and she doubts that it would work twice.
…..
Ichigo can hear the cheering and roaring of the crowds, see the lights shining from under the crack of the door, smell the smoke of cigarettes, and feel the intensity of the room. He is decently well known in this fighting ring; he rarely ever lost a fight. People who bet on him usually got lots of money, and so he was well known and respected. Some may even say feared.
Of course, they would not be wrong in being fearful. Every time he fights, a smirk spreads across his face. The smirk slowly turns into a grin, and then a smile; one that sends shivers down even the toughest and most battle-worn men. It extends so far that it seems that at times his head may split, and his tongue even seems to gain an extra inch or so when he licks the blood from his lips when necessary.
Anger and agony,
Are better than misery,
Trust me and take my hand,
When the lights go up, you'll understand
Time to get angry. That's what he thinks to himself as he takes the earphones out of his ears, preparing himself for the fight. He sets his MP3 down and walks through the door, the sudden burst of light and sound plus a new wave of smells barely making him flinch. He pays no attention to the announcer or the crowds; his focus is solely on his opponent.
The man is about 7 feet tall, and must be at least 400 pounds of pure muscle. Normally, someone in Ichigo's position would have run away so fast they would be approaching a technique Ichigo hadn't seen in years. However, Ichigo knows what this type of guys' weakness is: speed, or a lack thereof.
As he steps into the ring lackadaisically, he hears the bell ding, signaling the start of the fight. The giant attacks him, but Ichigo sees the punch from a mile away. He easily side steps, then dodges another punch, and then a third. Left hook, duck, right jab, sidestep, uppercut, back pedal. After a couple seconds of toying around with the mountain of a man, Ichigo decides to turn to offense. He jumps above the man's fist as another jab makes its way towards Ichigo's gut, and he takes one quick step off of the man's elbow and sends a quick and painful kick into his face, effectively toppling his adversary. Smirk in place, he backs up, waiting for the man to get back up, except he doesn't; he starts screaming. Ichigo wonders why, not arrogant enough to believe that he was the reason for this sudden outburst of fear.
Wait… what the hell is that? He thinks as he looks at the outline of a strange figure appears over the body. Then, the color quickly drains from his face as a familiar screech pierces through the noise of the room. The outline colors and he can clearly see the monster that is feeding on the man's soul. No, it can't be! What the hell is a hollow doing here!?
His answer does not come to him immediately, and in its place comes the slice of a sword and the spray of blood and his body. And flash of raven black and snow white accompanies it, and the flash becomes a person; a very short person wielding a pure white blade, with black hair that reaches down past her shoulders on a black robe that sways slightly with the release of energy coming from the dying beast.
"Rukia?" he murmurs, more to himself than the figure. However, he does gain the new arrival's attention, and he gets a good look at its confused face, confirming her identity. There, standing before him, is a girl that he hasn't seen in four long years. And the only thing that he can do before she runs away as fast as she can is reach his hand out, grabbing her wrist and pulling himself along in the Flash Step.
