AUTHORS NOTE: I do not own any of the names from anime Azumanga Daioh and the novel The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, nor do I also own the rights to either the anime or book. I'll be awaiting your e-mails.

THE AZUMANGA GUIDE TO THE GALAXY

PROLOGUE

THE LEGEND OF THE MAC N' CHEESE CRYSTAL

On a distant planet, somewhere in the Ford Focus Galaxy, lived a race of beings known as the Kevorkians. The Kevorkians, whose planet was named Manson, had an unusual habit of starting civil wars with each other. In about one hundred years, the Kevorkians had a total of 149 civil wars, beginning with issues ranging from disagreements on taxes to "stolen" parking spaces. One of the worst wars happened because one stores sugar prices were lower than an other store. By the time the store with the low prices agreed to raise its prices, over three billion people were killed.

By the time the Sugar Price War ended, their leader was trying to find a way to preserve the Kevorkian history, before everyone was killed. A few decades passed and no one in the leader's assembly thought of anything useful. To make a long story short, someone suggested that they should encrypt their history on a crystal, and hide it. This was done, and, because it was getting close to lunch, they named it the Mac N' Cheese Crystal. When the Crystal was hidden, everyone then had a celebration, where they ate hamburgers.

There was this joke that the entire Kevorkian race would be taken out by a misspelled resume or a losing lottery ticket, but no one suspected everyone would die of tainted hamburgers. Within a year, 75% of the population was killed by a flu-like form of Ebola, the rest died in an assault against the meat company.

Despite that, word got out about the Mac N' Cheese Crystal. Unfortunately, because no one knew where the planet Manson was, this story became a legend.

Even if someone happened to find the planet, the Kevorkians developed a very complex lock system. In order to unlock the vault the Crystal is housed in, you must include the hand prints of two aliens from the area of Betelgeuse, one of which has a minimum of three hands, one male human from an island, ten female humans, one in which had an relationship with the human male, and the rest from a different island, one with a low IQ, one who is 11 years old, one who swims, one who likes cute things, one who's a fan of the one who likes cute things, one who needs where vision improvers, one who teaches health, one who can't shut up, and one who can't tell the difference between a stop sign and a hole in the ground. The Kevorkians thought, because of their political views, humans won't travel past their own moon.

Despite these precautions, there was once a point in time where most of the requirements were available on Earth at the same time. Unfortunately, that was on a Thursday. But, thanks to the magic of time travel, it is now, once again possible.