Author's Notes: This story was never meant to exist, but due to a very talented author on FF, I was stricken with a sense of...dread after reading an updated chapter and needed to write it out to feel better. I'm talking about...damn there depressed. Talk about transference of energy. I wrote this in about 2 hours, wanting it to be short. If you've seen my one-shots, they're never short. I'm an addict to plot and purpose, so this is my first short, short one-shot.
Oh, and if you notice. No sex.
You know...cause sex means length. And it just wouldn't work in this case for the fic.
Don't own Characters
xXx
Afterlife
I packed boxes.
No one knew.
I moved them out of state.
No one noticed.
My life in Forks, Washington was done.
With a mom six feet under, a father hospitalized in Seattle and the love of my life getting married, there was no reason for me to exist here anymore.
I could have been the Best Man, but it was an invitation I declined. I could have been in the car with my parents, but it was an invitation I declined.
I could stay alive here, go on, but it was an invitation I declined.
On the chilly cloudy morning, I attend the wedding half a mile from that cliff. The same cliff he watched me and the boys dive from years ago when we were young and stupid. The same cliff that injured my knee and broke my arm. He refused to let me anywhere near it, yet here we were, closer to it than we had been in four years.
It was like he knew and was inviting me to take the jump.
The trees blew, their leaves rustling so loud, most of the wedding guests spoke in booming voices. I had been alive here long enough to notice that those were the tell tale signs of a strong storm.
We sat in the cream colored chairs. I was meant to sit in the front, as close to the groom's side as possible. He said he wanted that, but I chose to sit in the back along with the distant relatives and outer circle of friends. There was a string quartet, no doubtly some of his close colleagues from work. The bride's side wasn't as heavily occupied. I could make out the uniform of the town's sheriff- her father and some familiar faces of her friends. I couldn't remember their names. It was hard to anyway. My brain had gone hazy the day he looked at her as if she was his everything.
We had been close as children, so seeing her back in town a handful of years later as a permenant resident was thrilling, but I had already made my peace about who I was then and who I wanted. The thrill to see an old friend had soured after he laid eyes on her when she stepped into the school halls. It was as if he couldn't tear his eyes away.
He hadn't.
And here we were 2 years later. Still young, still with a future ahead. But he had made it clear. She was his future.
Just as my mom had been my dad's.
Swallowing the pain and swirling thoughts, I bit my tongue. I'll be here for him, but after today, it wasn't going to be my duty, it would be hers. He'd have to forget about his friend from La Push. That boy he met at the age of 14 when his family moved to Forks. The same family, whom 50 or so years ago had a claim to the town and was well respected by the citizens but not the tribe I came from. Bad blood had run deep. Yet somehow, a friendship was made, against my father's will and I was close friends with the Cullen Boy as the kids on the rez liked to call him. But he'd have to forget that as well. And so would I.
I could imagine what he'd say if he could read my mind.
"Jacob, you're a fucking drama queen." It was almost a trademark quote. What can I say? I always liked my entrances to be a bang, and my exits to be a boom. A ghost of a smile has crept across my face and I take it in with as much effort as I can, because I know it would pass.
I see him then, standing at the alter, the breeze swaying the trees at an odd angle. There's the train of partners walking up. I see the best man, thick and towering in size, lean over to the groom to whisper something in his ear. The groom blushes before letting out a chuckle. His older brother always had a talent of getting a laugh out of him no matter the circumstances. It was better for him to stand behind, have the honor of being what the groom needed.
I'm dramatic, but in no way did I want him to gain a bride and lose a Best Man in the same day.
The music picks up and I see her glide down the aisle. Her bride gown isn't traditional, but I know that had much to do with his sister. She the wedding arrangements under her finger. Everyone needed to be in a certain position, wearing a certain costume, sitting where she wanted. It was hard enough squeezing out of her grip. She wanted to dress me according to the groom. But upon hearing that I turned down the offer for Best Man, I got the critiquing eye. From then on, I knew that my ties with his family were completely through. For 4 years we were close friends and I was accepted into the family. They could read me almost as easily as he could, but with him knee deep in wedding plans, the careful eye was left up to each family member. After the passing of mom, merely weeks before the scheduled wedding, it seemed that they were everwhere, asking how I was doing, calling me when I disappeared for a day. He even took some time off to speak to me.
But I didn't speak.
It was hard. I had lost the best woman in my life and now I was preparing for my funeral - his wedding date - because I was about to lose the best man as well.
Best Man.
The irony.
I look up just in time to see his younger sister, short in stature, but more intimidating than his massive brother. Her eyes are on me and I could just read the terror.
It's like she knows...
The bride is met with the groom and I hear the thundering voice of the man to wed them. His words bleed together, a mumble of a language I'm sure I'd never understand again; love.
I can only make out a few words, those being their names.
"Edward Cullen and Bella Swan." Soon to be Edward and Bella Cullen.
I snort at the idea of Edward and Jacob Cullen. Or perhaps, as I wanted it a few years ago, Edward and Jacob Black. I always thought it had a nice ring to it. Tears sting my eyes and I don't know if its because I'm sickenly amused or dying inside.
The vows are exchanged.
And the rings.
And the family names are omitted and taken.
As they join, both sides of the audience join as well - one big, whole happy family.
A dead mother and a father in a coma. That's as whole and happy as my family can get.
I miss the kiss, but the ringing music and sobs and praises fill the air, just as the wind blows stronger against the trees. I entertain the thought of perhaps not making it.
I could only be so lucky.
Everyone disperses, gathering to their feet. There is the extravagent tent a few yards over, lavender in color with same colored hanging laterns and seating tables with names painted on paper to indicate where everyone sat. Passing it earlier, I made out that I indeed was seated at the table with him and his family. Or our family as he once stated before.
I guess it was supposed to be the case now more than ever. But it was quite the opposite.
The voices die down, but the music is still loud and deafening. I came as requested, not it is my time to leave. I stand on my feet and glide through the aisle. I see the blur of color before Alice is standing in front of me.
"What is going on with you, Jacob Black?" She looks so angry and terrified at the same time, I can barely make out which lines on her face are reserved for each emotion,
"You haven't answered any of my calls for days. Hell, I didn't think you were coming and now you're here, but sitting in the back?" A few months ago, I would have considered us close, not as close as I was to her brother, but she was there when I needed her. And sometimes, when we were alone, I could see it, the look of sympathy and understanding as if she knew what I was going through. As if she knew I was in love with her brother.
What could I say to her now? I had stepped away for this exact reason. I didn't want to see the anger or pain when she found out just where I was going. I didn't want the look in any of their eyes. Not in his dad's, who was so compassionate, or his mother's, who was so warm. The love his family had had for me and still have with each other was too much to bear, especially now that his family was currently Bella Swan as well. She was legally binded, secured with a metal rod to them, wheras I was fastened to them with string. A tie that can be broken with a simple pull.
A simple step away.
I do just that, severing my tie with him and with Alice. And as if she feels it, she steps back, eyes wide.
"Jacob?" She asks.
But I already turn, walking towards the cliff. A ten minute walk to my funeral.
The sounds of the guests, the music, all of it die down. I keep my strides slow and deliberate, prolonging my life if only for a few minutes. My life flashes before my eyes. Lost moments on my mother's lap as she read bedtime stories, flashes of her ebony hair when she cooked dinner or bent over to peck my father's cheek. Edward's bronze hair shimmering in the sun as we baked in the summer's heat at First Beach. His laugh, rising and falling, a comic book face down on his lap, feeling his arm around my shoulder as we sat perched on the roof of his massive house, his hands in mine the day my father broke the news to me that my mom had cancer, the glow in his jade eyes when he confessed at the dinner table that he and Bella were engaged. I kept that last visual of him - that look of blissful happiness. He looked so beautiful even then. I was able to stomach it at that time, but with the days following my mother's funeral, it was like bits of my soul were being chipped away.
My toes touch the edge of the cliff and sure enough, just as I suspect, a storm is coming. The waves are angry, thrashing and slamming against the jagged rocks. I entertain the thought again. I may not make it.
I untie the shoes on my feet, noting that they were purchased by Esme, Edward's mother, the day before my mother's funeral. She had wanted me to look my best.
I undo my tie.
I tug off my socks.
And I stand there, taking in the sprays of water, the foaming mouth of the beast that will swallow me whole, leading me to an afterlife.
"Jake?" And the voice startles me. I turn, catching jade eyes, no longer blissful and happy, but cautious and scared, "What are you doing?"
As I stare, I feel my hair, long and free, whip around my shoulders and neck, like a dead cell noose. He had once joked, calling me Pocahantas, tucking my hair behind my ear, before tugging the ends. He takes my silence as some sort of answer.
"Alice sent me to look for you. She seemed upset," He sounds like a little child, "Are you okay? She stressed that you may..." And he gulps, "Please, Jake, can you step away from there?" I watch his eyes travel down to my feet. He notices my shoes and socks tucked neatly out of my way, before his eyes travels up to meet mine. He is dressed more casually, yet he is still wearing slacks and a dress shirt. It was in Alice's plans to have a nice wedding party right after the ceremony, with no time spent driving to a rented area. The party must have started. It makes me wonder just how long I've been standing out here.
"Jake?" And his voice shakes this time. I know it has to do with his fear of me hurting myself again. The cliff had definitely done its damage the first time. But he had to understand, that now, it was serving a better purpose.
"It's alright." My voice is strong and steady, unlike the maelstorm of my mind.
"I won't feel better until you step away," He holds out a hand, "Please." I consider taking it. I try to imagine a day after this moment, but I can't fathom an image. My time here is truly done. I look away to the ocean and wonder just where I'll wander to.
"Jake, I know it's been hard. I know it hurts, but I'm here." He pleads for my attention, and now I know; for changing my mind. He could read me so easily, "You have me. You have your family here. " And by 'your' he meant his. But that's what they were now. Only his.
"We're not family." is my response and I can see how it haunts him.
"We are." He takes a simple step forward. When I don't move, he tries again. He reaches out a hand, grazing his finger along my knuckles, "The love I feel for you makes you my family." he holds my hand in a reassuring grip. The same grip he had when I stayed in the hospital for a few days due to my broken arm, the same grip he had when I couldn't stand straight, thinking of the possibility of losing my mother. It was his comfort, his support. It was all I would get from him, no matter how much he claimed to love me. I wasn't his world as I was my mother's and with her gone, I had no one to dull the ache.
My eyes meets his and I see everything I've lost. A home, a family, a future, "I love you." It was never my intention to say this, but I never planned for him to be here either. He needed to hear this from me. I didn't want him to think otherwise. I loved him, because he was everything to me, but he'll take it as the brotherly love he feels for me.
"I love you," He breaths out in what looks like relief, "More than you'll ever understand." His fingers tug on my hair, stroking up until the feathery touch is on the nape of my neck. True to his words, those jade eyes hold love. It's enough to make me reconsider again.
But I can't.
I turn away again, "You have your family and you have her." My tone isn't bitter, only understanding. I feel his fingers freeze against my skin.
"And you have me and your family." He says, understanding this doom. I have not changed my mind. His hand moves again, cupping my cheek, "Jake, please come with me. We'll talk, I'll stay with you however long you need me." But not forever.
And yes, I was selfish even then. My father lay in the hospital, possibly on his way out as well. But I couldn't wait here and find out. And Bella, as loved by Edward, could tarnish his heart and leave him empty. The probability was low, but possible, yet I couldn't wait here and find out. Because the likelihood of everything being remotely as they were could damn near never happen. And whose to say that if it were to, I'd be sane enough to understand after all the waiting I've done. It is selfish, it is pathetic and it was over-dramatic as Edward would state a few years from now, long after I'm gone.
But it really is the only way out.
My hand covers his and I want to weave our fingers together, tell him I've loved him since the day I met him. Perhaps even kiss his soft, pink lips as I had imagined day in and day out. But I pull his hand away from my cheek. I don't like what I see, fear and uncertainty. This is not how I want our last moment to be. This isn't the boom exit I wanted.
I lean in pressing my lips to his, inhaling his essence, his everything for those seconds. I feel the pressure of his hand in my hair, his body relaxing against mine as our lips move together in a dance. My delusion melts so well with reality. This is how I wanted to remember him, even if part of it was my imagination. I pull away, noticing his fluttering eyes and flushed cheeks.
"I'm sorry." I whisper. I hope he'd forgive me for the kiss.
"Jacob." He whispers my name and I yearn for that longing so much, I hear it.
I mouth, "I love you." and without another moment wasted, I jump.
The roar of the wind leaves my ear deaf to any other response he may have had. The peaceful fly ends just as my body hits freezing water. I tumble about, hitting shards of rocks, losing my breath for a moment before my head breaks the surface. Against the rush of waves, I swim parallel to the shore, making so to keep clear from anyone's sight who may observe from the top. Just as I plan, I find the cave nestled right around the bend from the cliff. The swim over is tough and tedious, but I make it, climbing in the tight hole. I shiver against the forceful winds and watch as the sun hides behind the ocean. I'm not sure if its my imagination or the wind carrying his voice. The pleading and screaming of the love of my life. My heart aches in my chest, but I know that through given time, his family and wife will be there and I'll be but a blurred face in his memory. He still had them.
Night settles in and my body's violent shakes are now slight tremors. I'm surprised by the small orbs of light, bouncing against the trees in the distance. Being careful, I slip into the rough waters, keeping my body close to the jutting rocks leading to land. I turn to look up at the massive rock that leads back to the cliff. My life was once there.
Soft grains of wet sand slip between my toes as I march the short distance to my bike hidden between the forest trees. I look over my shoulder to catch another orb of light on the water. From what I could make out, a small boat, rocking against the waves. Voices carry over to me, but I can't hear what they say. the orb of light flashes along the water frantically. I bite back a wave of guilt, knowing those orbs of light are for me. And may as well be me. Flashes of my ghost along the water, because no matter what, I have moved on to my afterlife. After Edward Cullen, after Sarah and Bill Black, after La Push.
My shirt, heavy on my torso is stripped off, just as I make it to the clearing where my bike awaits. I climb on, thinking of the empty space they'll find when coming upon my small apartment on the edge of the town. I'd saved them the same trouble I had, cleaning out my mother's things, packing away the life that she left behind.
My boxes were now safely in the empty space of a new apartment, out of the state. I start the engine, kicking off into the wide path leading to the main road out of La Push.
I've never meant for him to catch me there. I never intended that to be our goodbye. I just wanted to be here and then be gone. Taste the rough wind against my cheek again, grasp why I never went back and let go of that tie to him. I wanted that cliff to be the beginning and end of Jacob Black as I knew him. And although, I hadn't planned on it, wasn't it perfect that the end of Jacob Black be exactly as it were when his life began - with Edward Cullen?
xXx
AN: If there is any confusion, let me know. I'm curious as to how readers will take this, since its different from anything else I've written. If it isn't a load of crap, I'll actually consider writing a few more one-shots like this. But hopefully not as depressing. Tell me what you think!
